Your opinions on this divorced mom, please (long, sorry)

[NMAmy]

Yeah, I agree. I can understand divorce. If your wife/husband is so bad, get one. But cheaters are just weak, stupid cowards.

I'm sorry I took your thread OT, auntpolly, but I just couldn't help myself.

To answer your original question, I KNOW how tempting it is to make sure your child knows just what a jerk your ex is. But, I think I'd point out to your friend, that she once thought highly enough of him to have kids with him. And those kids are half him. Running him down only makes her kids feel inferior because they ARE his children.

My ex is a real piece of work but I've tried never to let dd know exactly how I feel about him. He's still her dad. She's come to realize that he's unreliable and not the most moral person you'd hope to find. But he does have some redeeming qualities and I try to point those out to her when she gets upset with him.

 

[Missamoncus]

Bless your heart, I've been right where you are. It really helped me to realize that I was the only one dd felt she could truly count on to be there no matter what she said or did which was why all her anger came out on me. Her dad left and she was hurt and upset and she couldn't say it to HIM because she didn't know WHAT he would do if she made him upset. However, she knew that I would always be there and love her unconditionally which made me the only target she had for her anger.

She will understand one day-- once she gets the anger out. I know it's so hard what with everything else going on but be strong; it will get better.

Hang in there, VA32,
I was the daughter in much the same situation as yours. I was lucky because both my parents really tried to avoid saying negative things about each other. I was a true daddy's girl and really resented my mother initiating the divorce. That meant it had to be her fault, right? Her decision strained an already very strained mother/teenage daughter relationship. It was years later when I got to know both my parents as people and not just my parents that I really saw my father for who he was . It was his actions, not anything my mother told me, that showed me. I was able to go to my Mother with tears in my eyes and apologize for being so hard on her and blaming her for everything. I told my Mom that I saw Dad for who he was now, and though he is a wonderful person and an incredible father, I couldn't have stayed married to him, either. I had to learn that he could be the perfect father and a really awfull husband. The two don't always go hand in hand.

You are doing the right thing .
Melissa

 

[auntpolly]

I'm sorry I took your thread OT, auntpolly, but I just couldn't help myself.

No problem! It's an interesting topic.

 

[mickeyfan2]

This will backfire on her when they are in their early 20s. She may find that they go toward the ex and away from her.