Young middle schooler and grades

[charabby]

Looking for input, advice, etc.

My 11yo dd is in 6th grade and has always gotten all A's in school until this year. Her last report card was all B's, but we chalked it up to adjusting to the increased independence of middle school and adjustment.

This weekend, she brought home a progress report with an A-, a B+, 2 Cs, and a D. Not at all reflective of her ability and other than the C in math, the grades were attributed to late and missing assignments. There were no comments about the math grade, so I am waiting to hear from the math teacher to see what the problem might be from her perspctive.

These grades are based on the first two weeks of the marking period.

Dh told her that if these grades are not up by the next report card (comes out in January), that she will have to quit dance, which she loves - she sobbed so clearly this is her 'currency' as Dr. Phil would say.

Meanwhile, any btdt parents with some advice on how to help her sort things out? The school has given them a planner which I told her I would be checking daily - she'll be grounded when it's not filled out, including not going to dance that particular day, if she happens to have a class. Any other input would be appreciated. Thanks!

 

[Hannathy]

What does she say? I would start with my DD rather than the teacher. At her age she knows why her grades are down. I think talking is in order.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Been there, done that...dd is now in 10th grade.

First order of business is too set up a session with the teachers. The reason is too find out what is going on from their perspective. It will help you with the discipline too..ie, when your dd is "sobbing because the teacher wasn't clear, didn't hear it, blah, blah, blah....yadda, yadda, yadda..."

You will also gain perspective if she is really having trouble with the work. Sometimes it happens.
Also some teachers have a hard time teaching...or have a grudge, or something.
You can get her a tutor if she is falling behind in understanding stuff.
You need to teach her to ask for help and seek help.
VERY KEY!!! Punishment doesn't teach this and this needs to be a part of the punishment.
Good to check assignment book and do what you are doing....
I went one step further and did locker checks. Good eye opener there.

Of course I grounded her from the bus and drove her to school, picked her up and went through her stuff for 1 quarter. Boy, she learned how to study and be organized.
This was discussed prior to the quarter starting so she knew it was coming.

Right now we are having trouble with geometry but that is material learning and not laziness. She has a tutor.

Good Luck! Plan for the future.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

Kind of going out on a limb here, as I'm not a parent, but could she be bored with school? Just asking because for me, school moved much too slowly and as a result, I slacked off a lot. I'd finish my work in about 5 minutes and even doing extra credit didn't help - there just was no challenge in it. My grades did suffer from it.

 

[mickeyboat]

All of my friends with kids that age complain about this exact thing. I think it has a lot to do with their new job of being organized and held responsible for themselves. Try to help her with those goals, and she should pull out of it. Now if you think it is an issue with the material, then a tutor would be a great idea.

Denae

 

[JESW]

I have a ds12 who is in 6th grade. He is also an aspergers kid so our experience will be different.

Not sure how your 6th grade is, but here they start block scheduling. The kids are on *teams* with 3 teachers per team. They no longer have desks but still have lockers. All classes require binders which need to be kept organized with class handouts and notes. Each student has an agenda book where they are to write their assignments. They work on a 6-day schedule and change classes for each subject.

My opinion is that it is a lot - too much even - for most 11 and 12 year olds to handle. This year has sent ds on a downward spiral that we are still trying to figure out. He now has a one-on-one aide and gets pulled out for two classes. He also goes in for more testing on 12/13. All the changes and responsibilities were making him frustrated and created major meltdowns. The beginning of the year I had to pick him up at noon time several days as he couldn't stay in the classrooms due to breakdowns.

My son is an extreme case, but even "typical" children here are having trouble in 6th grade. I don't know your dd, but for some kids all the changes and responisibilities are hard for them to manage on their own. It is good that you are finding out things early so you can work with your dd and the school on ways to improve. Maybe some of the things that came easy to her before are now overwhelming. My ds has so many projects this year! It seems that as soon as he finishes one another one is assigned! Sometimes there are even more than one due at once. I helped him with one this long (HOLIDAY, ahem!) weekend that is due tomorrow.

Kids here no longer have recess in 6th grade. Lots of talk about "dating" and members of the opposite sex. Our 6th graders are in the middle school (4th - 7th) so that is a whole other set of issues. It is not easy for the kids!

I hope that you will be able to help your dd and get her back on track. I fear we will be dealing with ds and his issues for his entire school career.

Jill

 

[golfgal]

I have 2 6th graders who have been straight A students, never forgot to do anything kind of kids and this year we have a few late/missing assignments and DS11 is going to get his first B ever (DD pulled up her one B with an extra credit assignment). Their English teacher is a CHAMP at keeping the parents informed about upcoming assignments etc. but it still happens. I would say that EVERY one of my friends has this same problem with kids entering middle school/jr. high.

We almost held our oldest back this year BECAUSE of this issue-many late, undone, forgot to turn in assignments. This year, 9th grade, has been MUCH, MUCH better for him.

I agree with your stance on this. We have incorporated all of these in dealing with our kids. One thing that has really helped our kids is having a Trapper folder to keep ALL of their classwork from all of their classes. It is one thing to remember to take home instead of 6 or how ever many classes they have.

Planners are great if they use them, the twins do, DS 14 never.

 

[shortbun]

Yeah, you need to be sure of the issues. If there are assignments not done or turned in-why? Are they too hard? Does she still have them? Is someone bullying her? Get really, really clear about everything because these are the most important years she has to get through-the transition years. She is changing from a child to an adult. Hormones, environment, changing classes. She could be totally overwhelmed at school. It might have absolutely nothing to do with dance. Dance MIGHT be her only outlet, her peace of mind. Currency is only important if she is being lazy. If she is having other problems, you need to help her solve them before Dr. Phil takes over your household.

 

[JunieJay]

Been tnere, doing that, so I'm definately subscribing to this thread.

 

[noodleknitter]

Yeah, you need to be sure of the issues. If there are assignments not done or turned in-why? Are they too hard? Does she still have them? Is someone bullying her? Get really, really clear about everything because these are the most important years she has to get through-the transition years. She is changing from a child to an adult. Hormones, environment, changing classes. She could be totally overwhelmed at school. It might have absolutely nothing to do with dance. Dance MIGHT be her only outlet, her peace of mind. Currency is only important if she is being lazy. If she is having other problems, you need to help her solve them before Dr. Phil takes over your household.

Kids have to have something they love. Not just to give adults the power to take it away. I never used/use my kids talents and gifts as leverage. Telephone, TV, etc., no problem with that.

 

[tinatark]

Subscribing, too... my 6th grader is still struggling with the organization... he started out today with a trapper keeper, we'll see how that works.

My 7th grader started out in 6th grade with these single pocket plastic file folders, one for each class - every thing he needs for that class is in there, and he has a "keep in backpack" one for the assignment book and things he is working on. He takes out whichever he needs for the classes he is going to.

This works for him, but it didn't for his younger brother!

 

[DVCLiz]

We had this going on in the fifth grade, and it seems to have resolved itself, so I think some of it is just a maturity issue. Some of it is organization, though.

At DD13's school each student gets an agenda, starting in the 3rd grade. They write each assignment down in the class, then use it to pack their backpacks and bring it home. In 3rd and 4th grade parents had to sign it each night. Now DD would be lost without it, and even my DD18 still uses one for her college work.

We also can go online and see when major tests/assignments are due, but I find that meeting with DD at least each week helps, too. Not a threatening conversation, just a planning meeting of sorts. When do you have a test, when is your Latin project due, etc. We go through each class and write down when big things are coming up. That way she knows I know what's needed.

I don't know that there's a perfect solution. I've also been to school a few times to help her organize her locker.

Another issue is that sometimes kids settle to the level of their natural ability when the work gets harder. Not every straight A elementary school student is going to be able to keep that up in middle or high school. It doesn't excuse lack of effort, but I wouldn't expect it from a student just because she made all As in the 4th grade.

 

[Becky2005]

Well, here are my 2 cents worth...my DD who has always been my good student,

Brought home her progress report of home and she had some F's on there for homework assignments, etc... so her overall grade was a C.

Come time for report cards and she got A's & B's in everything except English in which she got a C (which was NOT one of the classes she had gotten an F in anything. Go figure!).

We didn't really do anything except tell her she had best work harder & her gymnastics was somewhat on the line.

Our school district just built a new school and so kids were split into 2 middle schools, our cat died at the beginning of the year and honestly a couple of the assignments she got F's on where one was "talk to your parents about why Social Studies was important?" -- She asked me, I kind of blew her off with me thinking "why does the teacher want her to ask me this?" I was in the middle of doing other things and apparently we were supposed to talk for 5 minutes and she told them we only talked for 1.

I really think a lot of it is just getting used to the way Middle School works vs. elementary, etc...

Now, I don't worry about it because she's on the cheer team and if she doesn't keep a C average she will get kicked off.

Anyway, I have talked to another mom who has a High Schooler now and she told me that the progress reports tended to be totally different than what the report card ended up being, so she never worried about them too much unless the teacher put an extra concern down, etc...

Just my take on it...now ask me again in a couple years when the ones who struggle with school go to school (although they get extra help, so I'm fully expecting them to fail English since the reading level is low.)

 

[aprilgail2]

Kids have to have something they love. Not just to give adults the power to take it away. I never used/use my kids talents and gifts as leverage. Telephone, TV, etc., no problem with that.

I agree, I would never take away something like that from my daughter. TV, phone, friends over sure but not her dance or karate in my daughters case.

 

[gina2000]

Middle school is a huge transition for kids, especially 6th graders. They have to meet the expectations of 6 different teachers and it's overload for many students.

Start at the beginning. Talk to the teacher and ask what she/he has observed. Assume because she is having problems in more than one class that it's not the teacher, nor the student but the transition.

Next step: make sure that the student is writing all homework assignments down in their planner. If they don't have one, GET ONE. Then ask the teachers to initial the planners next to their subject. You, in turn, must also initial the date and follow through making sure that your child does whatever is in that planner. Although it's not your homework, it is your child and you have a vested interest in getting your child on track. BTW, many schools have homework hotlines. If you do, use it.

Call specific teachers for progress reports on a regular basis. Establish contact with them and work with them to get your child where he/she should be. Most teachers are happy to call a reasonable parent and are happy to speak with a reasonable parent. Let's face it, teaching and parenting have alot in common. You both have the child's welfare at heart. A good teacher wants her class to succeed....it reflects on the teacher. You want your child to succeed. There is common ground here. Use it to make the most out of the relationship.

Make sure your child knows that you are in contact with his/her teachers. Let the child be responsible for his/her work. No excuses. The child sinks or swims once you and the teacher have done what you can to make sure the child hands in work. If the child is having difficulty, arrange for a homework club. Also, a tutor or school friend may be helpful. Alot of parents can't explain the work because most curriculums are fairly specific about the task and what may look right to you may not be what the task is about. If it's math and you can help, help. If you can't, find help. It's one of the most important subjects in school today.

I hope this helps. Kids have a rough time with this transition. Help them with the organizational aspect of it, keep tabs on their progress and show them that you're a team...your child, yourself and the teacher.

 

[auntpolly]

Kids have to have something they love. Not just to give adults the power to take it away. I never used/use my kids talents and gifts as leverage. Telephone, TV, etc., no problem with that.

That might be true but if the extracurricular is getting in the way of school, the extracurricular might have to go.

My DD always understood that school came first - she knew that if her grades dropped she'd have to drop out of her sports until her grades came back up. This never happened, because I believe it was great motivation. And it wasn't a punishement -- it was just, school came first and if everything was going right there she could use extra time for extra things.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I would first try and figure out what is going on with your DD and then figure out how to fix it. That could be different for each class. I would have major concerns about the D and also concerns about the C's, since they could slip even more. I would not be concerned that she's not a straight A student anymore. Straight A's are fine, but there's more to school than perfect grades and that's a lot of pressure on a child (I do have one child who tends to make straight A's, and has since he was little--he's in 8th grade now, but he knows it's not a requirement).

I would not punish her for her grades unless you find out that she's messing around and that's why her grades are suffering. However, I would remove distractions that make it harder for her to put in enough time studying and sleeping. My kids are not allowed to do certain things on "homework days", ie video games are off limits. They don't like the rule, but years ago I found that they "forgot" that they had homework until right before bedtime and/or they rushed through it so they could have time to play video games, so I took away that option. They are allowed to watch tv, but if their grades suffer, they are not allowed tv or are limited (same with computer for pleasure). Also, they are not allowed to stay up late on school nights (most of my kids are older, so they regulate themselves more and more, but the younger the child, the more I regulate them).

I would not take away a physical activity like dance because I view it differently. It's important for children to have something that they excel at and/or really enjoy, especially something where they are physically active. I would take something else away (like tv, computer, etc). I also rarely take away playing outside for the same reason. Sometimes my kids got grounded and weren't allowed to play outside, but that was rare.

BTW, I did go through all of this big time with my now 16yo son. He gave my such a rough time in all of middle school, part of elem school, and part of high school. He is now a junior in high school and his first marking period (without any nagging from me) got a straight A report card. Nothing can make a mom prouder than to have a child who struggles and who then turns it around.

 

[Pooh93]

I don't have any advice, but I feel your pain. Oldest dd is in 5th grade. She's always been an A to B with maybe a C thrown in that we usually can work to bring it up be the end of a semester to a B. This year, I got two progress reports on her that she has D's in reading and math. She is doing horrible on ALL her tests in ALL subjects, except spelling,religion and phonics! When we go through the material/study guides at home, she knows it, can recite it back and with some prodding can take it to the next level. When she goes to take tests, she is scoring between 72 and 77's!!!!! I am about to lose my mind!! I took her to parent teacher conference with me and her home room teacher talked with us and said she thought that dd was rushing through things, so we've been working on it, but she's still not doing well on the tests!! I hold my breath every day wondering what she's going to bring home!! I did have her sit out one basketball game thinking this might shock her into reality. Well, it didn't work. I am getting her tutored in reading right now. She doesn't have problems with the comprehension of the stories, but seems to have comprehension problems of what they are asking on the selection test.

I will keep checking back to this thread to see if anyone has any good ideas for the OP that I might be able to use myself!!!

ETA: I talked with the teacher about pulling her out of the sports and she advised me not to do it. She has been very supportive and feels that dd needs the confidence that the sports is bringing to her.

 

[auntpolly]

I just thought I'd add that I don't think it's time to pull dance from your daughter at this point - just that there is a point I feel that sometimes that's necessary.

I really disagree with all these schools that graduate kids that didn't learn what they should, but they kept playing sports, for example. It's different with every kid and communication with the parents, teachers and your kid is important before it would ever come to that.

I would never take a kid out of the sport to punish them. But I would do it if the grades just weren't coming up and they needed the time for tutoring and study. Sports are so important and they were hugely important to my daughter - but her education came first.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Pooh93...stories like yours are one I have to comment on.

Tutoring, testing, something to help other than punishment is the way to go here. Find a good one because you will need them as a support system for your dd.
Your story is different than a kid not trying.

The more pressure you put on your DD then more she will not do well.
Same with my dd...she needs that neutral party to help her. When a tutor is helping it is all about school.

Good Luck!