you can't pick your family

[luv2nascar]

we always go out for Easter dinner so no one ends up stuck cooking
every year we try to pay for our dinner but FIL refuses to take the money
I lie maybe once or twice he has actually taken the money
everyone else who goes pays for themselves
except inlaws always paid for themselves, their children and their families
up until this year that was only 6 people plus the 2 of them
FIL announced he did not care for the food we had last year we have gone to this place past 8 years
He picked a new place made a reservation
fast forward to this week
he made of a point of telling DH it is going to cost $30 a person and he has to send a check ahead of time so he needs the money
I'm stuck paying almost $100 for lunch on Easter for me, DH, & 7 yr old DD
I'd rather not go but I know DH will want to spend time with his family
I'd like to find somewhere a little cheaper as an alternative?
but I don't think inlaws will like that
BIL, SIL, & 2 kids aren't going eating with her family
they would never pay that much
Should I pay the $100 I don't really have, try to find somewhere cheaper, just not go, or what
I will be the bad DIL no matter what I do
I sit here cutting my coupons, stocking up on sales at the grocery store and I will waste $100 on brunch
ughhhh

 

[CathyCanada]

That's a tough one. Since your FIL has footed the bill most of the time, maybe just suck it up and go this year, but next year make your own plans?
For $30, I hope it is one heck of a lunch, is there no cheaper rate for the kids?
CC

 

[Boo'sMom]

I would think if he is insisting on the cash up front because he can't afford it this year, he'd certainly understand if you backed out for the same reason. Maybe invite him over for dessert or something....

 

[CamColt]

Oh I feel for you! I was on "the list" this Christmas because I wouldnt spend 3 hours in a car with my wired children on the biggest day of the year for them(which ended up being a blizzard anyway), to see MIL, when I could just as easily see her by driving for 15 minutes the following day. We wont even get into how a couple months before Christmas she ripped into me saying she WILL NOT be spending the holidays with her family and she vowed that last year and does not go back on her word.
But anyway, if you really cant afford it, I think you should take a stand and tell them that. Be honest and sincere of course, but stand up for whats best for you and your family. I like Boos Mom's idea of inviting them over for dessert. At least you are showing you are making an effort.
Good luck! I know how tough it is.

 

[one_cat]

That's a tough one. However he should have known - or at least had a clue - that asking for money up front like that would cause hard feelings. It's actually very rude to make reservations then ask for the money without any input. Besides the hard feelings that he caused by bad-talking the restaurant you guys have been going to for 8 years. It really comes down to: Do what is best for your family. If you decide to back out don't let them guilt YOU over it.

Maybe it's time to have a "family" easter.

 

[Sal]

How does your DH feel about it? If you two are in agreement, I would let him speak to his dad about it. That would keep you from being the bad guy.

If DH wants to go, I would probably chalk the $100 up to "keeping the family peace". I can not imagine anyplace charging a $30 adult fee to a 7 year old. I have also never heard of paying in advance at a restaurant. Is this common?

Good luck, families can be so much fun!

 

[Melrosgirl]

ahhh, family!

 

[luv2nascar]

I did check their website
the brunch for adults is $29.95
and 1/2 price under 10 yrs old
but these prices do not include tax & 15% gratutity
so that's $75 plus 6% tax $4.50
and $79.50 x 15% = approx $92
yuck
I still don't feel any better about going
I've been to a wedding their and the food is great but it's only brunch.

I know I'll probably end up going and spending money I don't have to keep the peace and won't be thought any more of for doing it by inlaws.
DH had a real zinger of a week with his family so we have not discussed not going yet. He had a fight with his brother. His father also asked him when he was going to get around to the things that need to be done in our house.
It's a brand new house just moved in this past summer.
He has a couple of minor issue to attend to like tightening the door knobs that have loosened up and fixing a toilet paper holder in our 1/2 bath.

But really we have not had one kind word from these people since we told them we were moving. They did not want us to move and have made their feeling well known. And basically we have been in the dog house since we decided to move.

 

[jamsmom]

Pay the money and remember there will be a day a long, long, long time from now that you may not be able to spend together.

 

[cmbelle]

Geez, it sounds like there are a lot of hard feelings, and you are caught in the middle. Personally, I just never go to my husband's family events. At first he was upset, but after being together for 16 years, I don't have to get along with his family, and he accepted it. I don't mean to be cold-hearted, but all we did was fight on the way home after visiting his family, so I just didn't think it was worth it.