Wwyd?

[Harlie]

So here we are getting ready to book our trip, when all of a sudden my MIL is showing interest in going. We have been planning to go Sept 2010 since Aug, and she knew this and now she is interested and all the work I did prior will go down the drain! I told dh that I really don't want her to come I just want it to be us but mil thought it was unfair to our neice whose mom and stepdad would rather go to hawaii and leave her behind then ever take her somewhere fun. We had already taken her to disneyland but really just wanted our family On this trip.

Mil said she would pay for herself and part of the neice to go and she would contribute the same amount to our kids costs as she did our neice. Which is nice but it creates problems.

Pros to mil going:
-Dh an I can get some one on one time
-we can save on some cost with her contributing (but it also adds to costs see cons)
-kids can have fun with gramma in wdw too

Cons to mil going:
-we were going to drive from our city to minneapolis and fly from there if mil and neice come the van will be squashed it won't be enough room for a 12 hour drive this won't work so we would have to fly out of our home town which triples our flight costs
-my plans I made to stay at POR and fell in love with that resort would go out the window we would have to move to a value instead
-mil interfers with our parenting and causes a lot od poop to hit the fan and stresses me out which stresses dh out and being really close together for more then an evening often gets ugly

I don't wanna be the big bad person here but this was supposed to be our family trip not the big drama mess my mil and sil often cause!

Don't get me wrong they are great people and I adore my neice but I can only handle them in small quantities(my neice is great all the time though)

What would you do. Dh and I are not wanting to say no but don't want to say yes either.

 

[Camno's Mama]

Just. Say. No.

Disclaimer...if you say yes...do everything the way that you planned. She and your niece are fully capable of finding their way down there, flying from their own city or driving themselves.They can even follow you! They can stay at POR of POFQ, or even their own hotel and meet up with you. Having your own room separate from your family might be helpful as far as the interfering goes anyway.

As far as babysitting at night goes, well...my in laws came with us once and that never happened. Went with my family as well...same story. Just never fit it in, and the kids were overwhelmed and just really wanted us at the end of the day.(And the adults weren't offering).

It is really fun for the kids to have the grandparents along, but you have to set boundaries.

Good luck!

 

[deerhart]

If you don't want her to go then she doesn't go. I have vacationed with my parents before and even though we get along very well, love them to death, it can still be problematic. See it's their vacation too and they are so used to parenting ME that they decide what is going to happen and WE get no say (again they are used to doing this and never really though to ask us what we wanted, but then again they were paying for almost all of it so I wasn't about to complain too much).

A compromise would be to offer to take your niece with you (if you can stay at POR). Otherwise, stick to your guns and say that your not changing your plans, but that if MIL and niece want to go down at the same time, then you guys can work out seeing them down there at some time.

Also, with MIL saying she was going to pay part of the neice's trip, who was supposed to pay the other part?

Heck, the last two times we have been down at Disney, my MIL has gone down to visit her sister closer to Miami and each year they say they will drive up to meet us for dinner and each year my DH puts her off

 

[mommalissa]

Do what is best for your family. If that means leaving the MIL at home then leave her. We went with the in-laws in November and I came back saying I would never vacation with them again. Disney is an expensive trip to have someone ruin it for you. We are planning on going again in three years and I am already working out what I am going to say to my mil when she asks to go.

 

[LMulligan]

If it were me, I would first have a heart-to-heart talk with my husband and explain the pro's and con's as you have outlined here. Then I would have him call his mother and explain that while it is a nice idea, it just isn't doable at this time.

Another potential con is that you may very well be providing child-care for your niece depending on the energy level of your mother in law. Also, think about the ages of the kids involved -- are they going to be interested in visiting the same attractions?

Good luck in whatever you choose

 

[Perditamarie]

It is absolutely ok for you to want to plan and take a trip for just your family. Make sure this is perfectly clear to MIL tho -- DH can't be wishy washy when he tells her! MIL & DNiece should be tagging along w/the folks going to Hawaii anyway.

From what you describe, I think if your MIL goes, your trip will cost twice as much -- one for the trip w/MIL and one for the do-over trip.

 

[Harlie]

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[Harlie]

Ahh good news she changed her mind! Not sure why but our family trip is just the 5 of us again!

I don't need mil coming on this trip to be a reason for booking another lol! DH loves disney as much as I do lol! We are hoping a good sprinkling of pixie dust will give us a new reason to come with making our family of 5 a family of 6!

 

[WillowBelle]

What a yucky spot you are in. I don't envy you (or your DH) one bit. I agree with what someone else said. You stay at POR or POFQ, like originally planned - if your MIL is willing to pay her own way, tell her the "deal" she'll be getting staying at a value . If she wants to fly, let'er. Maybe realizing exactly how much the cost is will put her off?

Maybe, and I don't know if you do, quit discussing the trip with her. Maybe if she's not hearing of all the fun you are planning, she'll quit thinking about it?

Good luck,
let us know what you decide!

 

[Alice's Mommy]

I was going to post and tell you to tell your MIL to stay home or to make her own plans but I didn't have to! I am SO glad that your MIL changed her mind! I have vacationed three times with my family and my mom and it's not fun...and I get along with her! It's that case of too many cooks in the kitchen...everyone wants to run the vacation and it turns into a big fat mess! Glad that this won't happen to you!

 

[Kies99]

Pros to mil going:

Cons to mil going:
-we were going to drive from our city to minneapolis and fly from there if mil and neice come the van will be squashed it won't be enough room for a 12 hour drive this won't work so we would have to fly out of our home town which triples our flight costs

Wait, you are driving 12 hours JUST TO GET TO THE AIRPORT????

I'm Curious, where do you live?

 

[WillowBelle]

Wait, you are driving 12 hours JUST TO GET TO THE AIRPORT????

I'm Curious, where do you live?

I think what she was saying was that the drive is 12 hours and if her MIL had come they would have had to fly because there wouldn't be enough room in the van for everyone and all their stuff.

 

[Mathfailure]

Really I am too burdened with bad memories of extend families coming with us to give any impartial advice; however, one way to handle this is to have your Mother in Law and niece make their own travel arrangements. Without your help or vehicle.

"We have already made our arrangement but we can meet up at Disney"

If you keep your arrangements separate, they book the flights for them, they book the rooms for them, it will keep one REAL BIG area of frustration separate.

We did not do this and regret it.

I also have a short tolerance for my inlaws, pretty much all of them, and needed to tour the parks separate a lot too. "Lets meet up for dinner tonight at------------" Worked better for us.

Truly my best advice is to be straight that this is your immediate families vacation, and not invite them along.

Did you invite them or did they invite themselves?

No amount of "help" money wise would make it worth it to me, especially if the travel arrangements actually increase the cost. Then you are losing all ways.

 

[Harlie]

We live the same city we are driving 12 hours to get to the airport. We live in Regina Saskatchewan and to fly from here it costs 400-500 per person to fly to orlando. On top of that the flight home is a pita flight leaves at 4am 6 hour stop over in toronto to only fly over our home town to calgary for anoth 3 hour stopover then to finally fly in at about 11pm. With 3 young kids this would really suck. To fly out of winnipeg (5 hour drive) the flight isn't any better and the price isn't any cheaper, to fly out of calgary or edmonton (8 hour drive) flights can be better but no a lot cheaper. To drive to minneapolis ( we have driven there before its a great fast drive) we drive We hours and the flights cost a third the price, the big bonus is we can take carry on luggage which is good because currently when flying to the US from Canada there is a ban on carry on luggage due to that event that happened on dec 25th.

12 hours is nothing we drive 14 hours for a long weekend visit to friends in the mountains.

 

[bookgirl]

Just saw the update. Yea!