Wwyd?

[AprilShowers]

I'm thinking of calling children services on the neighbor lady. I'm not sure if it's appropriate or not.
I think she's overwhelmed, but she's not very friendly, so I don't feel like I can just go over there and offer help or support.
She screams at her kids all the time.
That's not why I want to call though.
EVERY morning. I hear the baby cry in his crib FOR HOURS!!!! He's up there crying right now. It's 9:05 a.m. and I'm pretty sure her butt is in bed and he's in a wet diaper and is in bed crying. He's been crying since about 7:00.
Not just a wimper either, he's screaming bloody murder!

I think this is neglectful. And it happens most mornings.
Would you call to have this checked out? I can't stand hearing him cry like this!!!!!
I feel so bad for the poor little guy!!! I just think she's a lazy thing and doesn't like to get up so lets him cry.
But then I wonder maybe her bedroom is at the other side of the house and maybe she can't hear him? I don't know. She has 4 kids all under the age of 5 or 6. I know it's hard, but get to bed earlier! For Pete's sake! The baby needs a diaper change and a bottle!
This is tearing my heart out!
They've only lived there for about 6 months, and she doesn't say hello. Her DH has a time or two, but they kind of keep to themselves.
What should I do?

 

[tiggersmom2]

Oh for godsakes! Mind your own business! If you call CPS they likely laugh you out of the office, with good reason.

 

[crazyme5kids]

I think it is wrong to make any assumptions. Do you see her in bed? How do you know what she is doing. Maybe the baby has colic and that is his/her crying time.

Why not go introduce yourself and get to know her before you do anything. Maybe just having someone to talk to a little will ease some of her tension.

 

[cabmom]

While it would tear my heart out as well to hear a baby crying, I would not call CPS. I would go over and introduce myself at an appropriate time and tell her that if she ever needed anything to give me a call. You could mention that you can imagine how overwhelming it can be to have 4 kids under 5 or 6.
I have 4 boys under 10 and I can sympathize with this women!

Marilynn

 

[Southern4sure]

Well, I agree with the above poster BUT if it is bothering you so bad, go the the house. Be friendly and just say you hear the baby crying and it's been awhile and ask if you can do anything to help or if she (mom) needs anything. Make yourself a helpful neighbor not a nosey neighbor.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

A baby crying for two hours EVERY morning is cause for concern. How do the other children look? Well fed? Cared for? Supervised? I'd take those things into consideration. If your gut says call - then call. MYOB is great advice but the kids' welfare comes first.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, I think that the amount of time that baby spends screaming IS a cause for concern.

Have you had any concerns other than the baby crying?

With the other kids, if the situation was that bad, you would see them in an uncared for state all of the time???

I would not rule out the possibility of calling CPS. How many times are kids neglected and abused and harmed, and everyone says... "well I didn't want to call" "it's not my business" yada yada yada.

However, I would take the time to take a closer look and make sure you felt that there were severe problems before I would call.


PS: Sure, I feel sorry for that mother, but pity has no bearing at all when it comes to protecting kids. If she is having such a hard time that the kids are suffering, then calling the authorities could be the only way to get her any help.

 

[SillyMe]

I would knock on the door and ask if the baby is okay, that you heard him screaming and thought maybe he was hurt or sick...and does she need any help. Take it from there. I would not just jump and call CPS without knowing the facts. If it's not what you think, and you cause some mother to lose her child, how could you live with yourself?

 

[mookie]

As a mom to a cranky newborn, I have to say that there might be something that you don't see. Some babies are very colicky, and no matter what you do, they scream and you can't console them. Most babies have a cranky time, and while most of them are in the early evening, maybe this babies cranky time is in the morning?

I know I've had times where I have walked my DS up and down the hallway of our house, having him scream at the top of his lungs. I've often thought about our neighbors walking by and hoping they don't think we're neglecting him...far from it!!

Good luck. I know how hard it can be listening to a baby cry, especially when it's not yours. Maybe reach out to your neighbor, and mention that you've heard the baby cry...just mentioning that you think she might have her hands full and offering to help might allow a stressed out mom to be able to vent a little to an understanding neighbor.

 

[dcgrumpy]

If that's the only thing going on I really doubt CPS will do anything. Some kids cry a lot. My older two never cried, my youngest cries all the time. Every night she screams bloody murder. Even if I go in there and sit on the rocking chair next to her crib she cries because she wants me to pick her up. On the other hand when DH puts her to bed she lies down and goes to right sleep .


Her bedroom window faces the neighbors house, I'm sure he can hear her if his window is open. I can't imagine if CPS showed up at my doorstep because of it.

 

[AprilShowers]

Ok, guys stop jumping down my throat. I'm SORRY! I'm NOT judging this woman. I remember having toddlers. They get up early. I remember them crying early in the morning. But someone NEEDS to check on these kids. It's not normal to leave them crying for so long in the morning.

I'm probably not going to call CPS. But it's not in my nature to just knock on someone's door who I dont' know and say "I've noticed the baby crying and is there something I can do?" She's very standoffish, and won't even say hello when I do.

I think she's overhwlemed, but also her demeaner makes me think she's a little lazy too. (ok so I AM judging her) we all do that a little. Her DH works nights and I can't imagine him being able to sleep in the morning with this little guy screaming like this in the morning. He's not a newborn. He's about 12 months old. He's most likely not colicky anymore.

I won't go to the house, because while I try to be friendly and wave, say hello. She just won't. When they moved in, the kids were so excited. They made candy and took it to her. DH watched out the door while they took it over. He waved to her while they knocked. She was barely friendly. Her DH has been friendly with DH and I, but she has not. I'm not just going to go over there and invite her over for coffee. I guess I could If I was better at accepting rejection, but I'm not.

Now that I've been scolded for being concerned for my neighbors kids, I'll go with my tail between my legs.
Thanks guys........

 

[SillyMe]

I don't think anyone's scolding you. You asked for advice and we all gave our opinions. Don't feel bad for being concerned.

 

[marlasmom]

I'm going to court today for a hearing on two of my guardian ad litem kids. They are most likely going to be taken away from their parents and adopted by a relative. It breaks my heart and intervention on these kids should have been done long before it was. So that's a point for calling child services.

OTOH they caution us against false reports. So that's a con.

I think you have to follow your instincts. It really doesn't matter what a bunch of strangers on a bb think. Go with your heart. And bless you for your concern.

 

[crazyme5kids]

I don't think anyone is scolding you for being concerned, just saying try to find out more info before doing something that could cause problems for a family when it might not be warranted.

 

[ckay87]

Ok, even though I can be a self-professed "crappy parent" , I too think this is a shady situation.

First I wonder how old the baby is. A screaming newborn - up to about 3 months or so - is normal. But I think babies older than that don't go into scream mode quite so easily.

Second - it sounds like the baby is screaming in one room. Like you said, as if he were just left in his crib. It's not like he's screaming and someone is moving him around trying to tend to his needs.

Now, to be perfectly honest, I don't know what I'd do. I'd like to think I'd speak with the woman and offer help first, before calling CPS. I know it's difficult to approach people who don't seem very friendly, but I still think it's the best approach.

 

[bjgrazi]

Thank goodness you're not my neighbor..... my son cried from 3am till about 8am every morning for about 2 months. There was nothing we could do to get him to stop. One morning he just didn't do it anymore.

Babies cry at all times of the day or night for no reason at all sometimes. We were lucky I met a woman through my Dr. who's son cried from 8pm till 6am every night for about 3 months. We've become very good friends because of it. We helped each other keep ourselves together.

 

[WDWfor5]

Oh for godsakes! Mind your own business! If you call CPS they likely laugh you out of the office, with good reason.

How is a response like this not scolding the OP? I think it's great that she cares enough about this baby to be worried. Most people these days don't give a hoot about anything but themselves. And while I don't know if I'd call CPS, I wold certainly think about. Colic or not (and the OP is correct that a 12 mnth would most likely be past it) having a baby scream for hours in the morning is concerning. If she can hear the baby crying, I think the OP could tell if the crying was moving - meaning baby was being carried around and still crying.

To the OP Thank you for worrying about these children. A mother who screams all the time at her children, is rude/cold to neighbors and has a baby who screams constantly sends up more than a few red flags. Follow you're heart - As for Silly Me's warning that you'd feel terrible if CPS took the kids away without cause, just because you called, that's just not going to happen and is a reason why people don't call when they should. CPS or DYFS in NJ, follows up on phone calls and if they find cause then they intervene. If they don't they note it in a file in case they get a furute complaint and they leave.

Good luck with whatever you do

 

[tiggger1]

If it was a newborn maybe, but its not normal for a 1 year old child to cry for hours. Yes my daughter did cry when she was a baby and yes at that age (1 ) she did cry when it was time for bed but I never let her cry for more than 20 minutes. Once we were away and she was crying at about 11 pm. We were at a small motel. I was afraid to bother people so my huband and I drove her around this tiny town in Vermont till she passed out.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

sorry but I think you are judging.

The only "fact" you know is that you hear a baby crying for an extended period of time in the morning. I guess you also have your evaluation of the the lady's temperment in that she is "not friendly." Having been through colicky babies myself, I can tell you I'm as anti-social as anybody when I've been existing on 2 to 3 hours of sleep for months.

You do not KNOW that the baby is lying in a crib every morning with a wet diaper while the Mother sleeps. Unless you happen to have a pair of x-ray glasses and peering into their apartment that is.....

I don't know what to tell you I think the next course of action should be if you aren't willing to go over to the apartment.

 

[tiggersmom2]

How is a response like this not scolding the OP? I think it's great that she cares enough about this baby to be worried. Most people these days don't give a hoot about anything but themselves. And while I don't know if I'd call CPS, I wold certainly think about. Colic or not (and the OP is correct that a 12 mnth would most likely be past it) having a baby scream for hours in the morning is concerning. If she can hear the baby crying, I think the OP could tell if the crying was moving - meaning baby was being carried around and still crying.

To the OP Thank you for worrying about these children. A mother who screams all the time at her children, is rude/cold to neighbors and has a baby who screams constantly sends up more than a few red flags. Follow you're heart - As for Silly Me's warning that you'd feel terrible if CPS took the kids away without cause, just because you called, that's just not going to happen and is a reason why people don't call when they should. CPS or DYFS in NJ, follows up on phone calls and if they find cause then they intervene. If they don't they note it in a file in case they get a furute complaint and they leave.

Good luck with whatever you do

I am so glad you have a crystal ball. There have been many cases of CPS intervening and RUINING family's lives...for no good reason. This woman sounds like a frazzled mother of 4. Who knows, the baby could have GERD or any number of conditions....to make these assumptions about a total stranger is ridiculous. I don't really care if anyone takes my post as "scolding", when someone is on the verge of taking stupid actions IMO, I will speak up.