Wwyd?

[momof2inPA]

Crying for hours every single morning is cause for concern. Since you obviously can't look into the issue on your own and CPS can, I would call. If you don't, you'll just sit there and worry about it. If the mom has a good explanation, I'm sure CPS will be understanding.

 

[Sherri]

I'm thinking of calling children services on the neighbor lady. I'm not sure if it's appropriate or not.
I think she's overwhelmed, but she's not very friendly, so I don't feel like I can just go over there and offer help or support.
She screams at her kids all the time.
That's not why I want to call though.
EVERY morning. I hear the baby cry in his crib FOR HOURS!!!! He's up there crying right now. It's 9:05 a.m. and I'm pretty sure her butt is in bed and he's in a wet diaper and is in bed crying. He's been crying since about 7:00.
Not just a wimper either, he's screaming bloody murder!

I think this is neglectful. And it happens most mornings.
Would you call to have this checked out? I can't stand hearing him cry like this!!!!!
I feel so bad for the poor little guy!!! I just think she's a lazy thing and doesn't like to get up so lets him cry.
But then I wonder maybe her bedroom is at the other side of the house and maybe she can't hear him? I don't know. She has 4 kids all under the age of 5 or 6. I know it's hard, but get to bed earlier! For Pete's sake! The baby needs a diaper change and a bottle!
This is tearing my heart out!
They've only lived there for about 6 months, and she doesn't say hello. Her DH has a time or two, but they kind of keep to themselves.
What should I do?

Instead of reporting her when you don't know the whole situation, bake some cookies knock on the door and introduce yourself. She probably can use a friend at the door more then she could use the authoritys.
Also, I was never one to let my kids cry as babies, but I would never judge someone else not knowing their situation, the baby could have colic or something else. Too many possiblitys to just report her.
I would get to know her.

 

[Wishing on a star]

From what I know, CPS is guilty of ignoring cases, and letting children stay in bad situations. Happens all the time. The media reports the tragedy, and how CPS had been involved and simply ignored or dropped the case. Quite the opposit of what a couple of posters are insinuating. They will not take the kids unless they feel it is warranted.


And, as far as 'getting to know the neighbor'.
Did everyone miss the OP's comments about how this lady is standoffish?

If I think there is a problem, I call the correct authorities.
It is not up to the OP to go in and check on somebody elses kids and make it her personal mission to butt into their lives and 'HELP'.

 

[SillyMe]

From what I know, CPS is guilty of ignoring cases, and letting children stay in bad situations. Happens all the time. The media reports the tragedy, and how CPS had been involved and simply ignored or dropped the case. Quite the opposit of what a couple of posters are insinuating. They will not take the kids unless they feel it is warranted.


And, as far as 'getting to know the neighbor'.
Did everyone miss the OP's comments about how this lady is standoffish?

If I think there is a problem, I call the correct authorities.
It is not up to the OP to go in and check on somebody elses kids and make it her personal mission to butt into their lives and 'HELP'.

Then it's also not up to her to call CPS for reasons that she THINKS are good reasons, when she has no proof.

 

[marlasmom]

I am tending to agree with Wishing On A Star. Maybe it IS nosy, but I am a volunteer for abused and neglected children and there is a point where you have to put personal considerations aside and act for the children. I'm a mother of 3 and grandmother to 5. I have had no personal experience with crying for that amount of time, but if some of you have, it's probably quite normal. OTOH it's cause for concern.

 

[sugarpie]

Sometimes you just have to trust your instincts. We've all had kids that scream for hours & we wonder what the neighbors must think, but sometimes it's more than just a crabby baby. There could be neglect over there. I would go with my gut on this. You feel like something is wrong & you don't know what to do. I would definitely try to go over & be helpful before calling anybody, though.

And even if you did call the authorities it's not like they would come running in to take the children away from the mother. Last winter I was visiting my mother when I looked out the window & saw the neighbors 2 small children, both toddlers, running around in the street, only in diapers. It was maybe 20 degrees outside. I walked the kids back to their house & the door was wide open & I could see their mother laying on the couch, surrounded by empty beer cans. I walked in & I couldn't wake her up. So I called 911. The police came & they said they know of her & it's an ongoing problem. Her children were taken to an aunts house & they were back with their mom the next day.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

From what I know, CPS is guilty of ignoring cases, and letting children stay in bad situations. Happens all the time. The media reports the tragedy, and how CPS had been involved and simply ignored or dropped the case. Quite the opposit of what a couple of posters are insinuating. They will not take the kids unless they feel it is warranted.

And, as far as 'getting to know the neighbor'.
Did everyone miss the OP's comments about how this lady is standoffish?

If I think there is a problem, I call the correct authorities.
It is not up to the OP to go in and check on somebody elses kids and make it her personal mission to butt into their lives and 'HELP'.

now see, given the amount of time you spend ranting at teachers and the school systems for what you see as "interference" into your parenting rights, I'm really surprised to see that opinion from you. I would think that of all the people on this board, you would be the one in favor of keeping the Government out of private lives UNLESS there are FACTS that warrant intervention.

I certainly have no personal experience with Florida CPS, but I do read enough news articles and have heard enough stories - including from my Psychologist sister who spent many years working with various Social Services -- that a phone call to CPS is not a step I would consider taking without serious consideration. A crying baby just would not do it for me because there are MANY emotional and physical conditions which can cause a baby to cry for an extended time period -- neglect is certainly one reason, but it is only one of many.

Personally for me, these are the type of reasons that I would make that phone call.

I witness extensive and frequent bruising.

A child TELLS me they are being abused.

I witness a Mother or Father or Caregiver Abusing a Child verbally or physically.

I personally notice that the children often appear unkept, dirty, malnourished or improperly clothed for the weather.

Upon a visit to the house, I see unsanitary conditions such as piles of rotting food or animal feces which would endanger the health of the kids.

I see drug use or or drug transactions happening.

A crying baby - nope. I might be curious to try and check it out -- but it just would not be a cause for me.

 

[katerkat]

I am tending to agree with Wishing On A Star. Maybe it IS nosy, but I am a volunteer for abused and neglected children and there is a point where you have to put personal considerations aside and act for the children. I'm a mother of 3 and grandmother to 5. I have had no personal experience with crying for that amount of time, but if some of you have, it's probably quite normal. OTOH it's cause for concern.

But the OP doesn't know f there's really a reason for concern or if the baby is just cranky. The best thing to do, first, is to go over with some cookies and toys and introduce herself. That will give her a chance to see if the children really are being neglected.

Russ had some days when he was teething where he just wandered around the family room screaming. Wouldn't let me touch him, didn't want any food or drink, just needed to scream for an hour about how his teeth hurt. Luckily no one lives in the houses next to us.

 

[barkley]

there are multiple medical reasons a baby or child can cry seemingly for hours on end. my dd was a world class sleeper as a baby-but sporadicly she began having episodes wherein she would go from being contented to a screaming, writhing mess. she was not hunger, not wet, not in apparant physical discomfort-dr. checked for any med problems. we later tracked it down to her being a low birth weight child-and her central nervous system was unable to deal with allot of sensory input. so we could have great day but if it was a bit noisier than normal, we had people over an talking alot, she was out and about with us going in and out of different environments-she ended up overloaded and just went off. no amount of comforting did any good-and the doctor advised us to let her 'vent' in a quiet, darkened enviornment (checking in on her occasionaly). this is the same method that is used for children that are born with fetal alcohol or drug syndroms. it realy reached a peak when dd was around a year old because she was mobile and like any child wanted lots of sensory input-she just could'nt handle it and would melt down about the same time every day for a couple of hours.

in the situation thats going on here i have to wonder if the one year old is having a long hard haul of adjusting to the move (we moved when ds was a toddler and it turned his sleep cycle upside down-turned his whole mood upside down)-that compounded with a household that probably HAS to try to stay quiet during their normal waking hours so daddy can sleep-but may have their sleep disturbed when dad arrives home from work-can't be easy. compound that with 3 other siblings under age 5 or 6 that may be causing added noise and commotion-it's allot for a little one to deal with.

the op can call cps if she wishes to, but generaly speaking unless she can cite other issues of neglect that she has PERSONALY OBSERVED (not assumes) the situation does not sound like it would be one that the social service agency i worked for would have flagged as a high priority. they may have done (unbenown to the reporter) a check of the computer system to see if there was an existing or previous referal, but likely it may not have warranted even an initial home visit (in most states cps evaluates the circumstances as presented to them by a caller and makes a determination of weather the situation warrants investigation). there can be so many variables that someone never inside the home/not familiar with the family is'nt aware of-none of which point to abuse or neglect-the child may not be in a crib while it's crying-the op has'nt been in the home, the room she assumes is a bedroom could be a playroom-it may even be the bedroom that the parents share with the baby, no lights on till later part of the morning? maybe it's to facilitate letting the 3 other children sleep. she's not 'friendly'?-maybe she's like me and rather shy, i've lived in a rental for 3 months and while my more outgoing husband has talked to a few of the neighbors, between being inside caring for my children-and i only have 2-and just not being the type to go up to someone and start a conversation-i have'nt spoken to anyone. the woman's personal appearance? don't know about anyone else-but beyond general hygene, my hair, makeup and clothing are my lowest priority if i'm inside the house 'kid wrangling'-my clothes are clean when i put them on in the morning, but you can bet someone will plant a few 'peanut butter kisses' on me within an hour or so (or the less prefered-use mom as an alternative to a tissue)-so i definatly 'dress down'.

if nothing else the op could call their local social service agency and talk to a cps worker, they could find out if it's something the agency would pursue or if she should be on the watch for other issues that may indicate neglect.

 

[KirstenB]

OP, I understand your concern. This situation would concern me too. I have an 8 yr old and an 11 mth old. I understand colic, older dd had it, but it was mostly gone by the time she was 6 mths old. The only time the 11 mth old cries for any length of time now is if she's had a very intense day. We took her to Water Country on Tuesday. She was great all day, but when we got home and put her in her crib, she screamed off and on for 3 hrs. I kept checking on her, but I think she was just overstimulated.

It does seem unusual for a 1 yr old to be crying for hours, and no one going to soothe him/her. I think you'd hear a break in the crying if someone was with the baby, trying to soothe them.

Whoever suggested going over there with some toys, what a great idea! The OP can get a better feel for the situation and take it from there.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I think that bringing over the books is a great idea. While I don't think that playing detective by an amateur in general is a good idea, in this case I think it might not be such a bad idea to be a friendly neighbor. You can ask her how things are going, how she is enjoying the area, ask her if she has any questions. Maybe she'd like information on a local MOMS Club, etc.

As far as reporting to CPS, I think that a person has to think long and hard before doing that. It's nothing to take lightly, but if there really is a problem you also don't want to ignore it. It's a judgement call and not an easy decision. If it comes down to it, it wouldn't hurt to call CPS and discuss it with them, without giving them the name and address. They should be able to give you guidance.

 

[ElizaB39]

Personally for me, these are the type of reasons that I would make that phone call.

I witness extensive and frequent bruising.

A child TELLS me they are being abused.

I witness a Mother or Father or Caregiver Abusing a Child verbally or physically.

I personally notice that the children often appear unkept, dirty, malnourished or improperly clothed for the weather.

Upon a visit to the house, I see unsanitary conditions such as piles of rotting food or animal feces which would endanger the health of the kids.

I see drug use or or drug transactions happening.

A crying baby - nope. I might be curious to try and check it out -- but it just would not be a cause for me.

I think this is good advice Toby's friend. I have an old neighbor that, as part of her job, would remove children from their unsafe homes. #'s 4 & 5 are reasons she has removed children from homes, after reports by others (either neighbors or family).

Good luck, and I think going ever and befriending her is a good move to perhaps "help" with the baby.

 

[hlbtimes2]

I think I would call. I know that goes against the group here. A child might be at risk. I would not be able to live with myself if something happened, and I had not done anything when I had a feeling there was a problem. The mother might be suffering from horrible PPD, and doesnt know where to turn. She may have a drug or alcohol problem and is sleeping it off. Yes, the child could have a medical problem, but because its the same time every morning, I'm guessing the mother is just not ready to start the day. Thats not ok.

Call. More then likely they will just make a note of it, and wait to see if there is any other reason to be concerned. You will have the peace of mind that you tried to help.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

At least here in FLorida child services will not take a baby away without a thorough investigation.

DCFS is the biggest joke. They LOSE kids in the system for goodness sakes. Just going through an investigation can be hell. Could you imagine thinking you could possibly lose your child while the investigation is taking place even if you know you did nothing wrong? The end result may be the child stays, but getting there can be such a nightmare when the whole experience was never needed in the first place.

I'm sorry but the OP sounds like a nosy neighbor. If the only reason why the OP is afraid to go over there is because she will be brushed off, I think that is crap. Who cares, at least you tried to get more info or tried to actually befriend this neighbor. Maybe she is shy and that's why you don't get a "hi". I am shy and I get labeled a ***** all of the time because of it (don't get me wrong sometimes I am, but a lot of times I come off as un-friendly IRL because of my shyness).

And I agree with Toby'sFriend's list of reasons to call.

 

[barkley]

DCFS is the biggest joke. They LOSE kids in the system for goodness sakes. Just going through an investigation can be hell. Could you imagine thinking you could possibly lose your child while the investigation is taking place even if you know you did nothing wrong? The end result may be the child stays, but getting there can be such a nightmare when the whole experience was never needed in the first place.

I'm sorry but the OP sounds like a nosy neighbor. If the only reason why the OP is afraid to go over there is because she will be brushed off, I think that is crap. Who cares, at least you tried to get more info or tried to actually befriend this neighbor. Maybe she is shy and that's why you don't get a "hi". I am shy and I get labeled a ***** all of the time because of it (don't get me wrong sometimes I am, but a lot of times I come off as un-friendly IRL because of my shyness).

And I agree with Toby'sFriend's list of reasons to call.

just to set the record straight, and not to 'take sides' (despite working for social services for over 15 years prior to retirement and having dealt/supervised those with the 'social worker/holier than thou' attitude)-the bulk of dcfs workers are either incredibly committed individuals who are either (1) bright, eager, committed right out of masters programs in social work (it is THE entry level job for msw grads) or (2) long term msw's who have somehow (beyond normal comprehension) managed to handle the emotional and physical toil of dealing with sickening, heart rendering situations and still opt to stay with it vs. transfering to other non critical jobs or (as so many do) opting into private practice once their student loans are paid off.

there are terrible dcfs situations-situations wherein community reports were made, but when put up against state 'child neglect/abuse' standards did not warrant investigation-to horrendous results. there are those workers that 'lose children' due to falsifying case records-but those are the ones that the media jumps on and publicizes, and i suspect they are in the minority-not the ones wherein workers work intensivly (and often on their own time with their own financial/emotional resources) to assist parents in providing children with basic human needs.

despite what 'the public' believes is abuse or neglect-dcfs staff must adhere to state/federal laws regarding what substantiates an investigation-they are permitted very little le-way based on those standards and caseload mandates (imagine carrying over 75 ACTIVE court/pending court child abuse/neglect cases to oversee with each case haveing 1-10 children in different circumstances/different placements while at the same time being on call every day to evaluate incoming calls of 'abuse'-many of which are time consuming discussions over personal lifestyle choices or issues the particular state your work for does not deem child abuse/neglect?).

i'm not saying all dcfs workers are perfect (far from it)-but honestly, just as you would not condem all substitute teachers based on the jon bennet ramsey murder suspect-don't condem all dcfs workers based on those cases you hear about in the media (or by second hand knowledge)-in fact-in likelyhood you won't hear of the good acts because dcfs staff is mandated to preserve confidentiality-so they CANT counterattact bad press with good.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Barkley, you don't live in Florida, you don't know our system here. It got so bad they had to CHANGE THE NAME. Still the same thing goes on, just now it's under a different name.

 

[disykat]

If you have concerns I think you need to trust your gut and report it. You know when it becomes a difference between "gee, I feel sorry for those kids" or "I hope that baby is okay" and a gut feeling that something is wrong.

I had neighbors I had to call on once. You file your complaint and if it considered minor it sits there unless it is matched with other complaints. In my case, our call restarted an investigation because they were already in the system. One minor complaint will probably not even warrant an investigation.

I did not know my neighbors at all and hesitated to make judgements. I was told that often people that are already in the system try to avoid their neighbors for exactly that reason - so they won't be reported.

I had a colicky baby that screamed, toddlers that had tantrums, babies I let "cry it out", etc. My neighbors knew what the issues were. (Not details, but I met their eyes when I saw them and apologized for the noise, etc.) They didn't have to speculate.

When the OP tried to be friendly, if the neighbor had said something like "gee, I hope the baby's cries don't bother you" - I would probably have a different take on this. To me, the fact that there is the constant morning crying, coupled with the neighbor trying to avoid you and the fact that your gut is telling you something might be wrong makes it worth getting it on record.

There is a difference between going out of your way to interfere - and having a strong gut feeling. I'm a big believer in gut feelings.

 

[Disney Doll]

I am sorry, but you sound a little too nosey, I dont mean to hurt your feelings. But how can you tell unless you are watching every second? Is her window(s) uncovered? Maybe she has a fridge and microwave in another part of her house?

When you live in a neighborhood, you notice things. Not that yuo're standing at the window peering out of it every minute, but you notice the day to day lives of the other people in your neighborhood. Those of you who say you don't would be very surprised, if you sat down and thought about it, how much you actually do know about oyur neighbor's habits.

Frankly, if I had a new neighbor who was unfriendly when others were making overtures, had a child who screamed every morning for hours, had 4 children under the age of 5, then I'd be suspecting something too. It's nice to say "get to know her" but if she is off-putting and unwilling to "get to know" you, then what? Do we allow children to be neglected so as to not appear nosey?

 

[noodleknitter]

Calling Childrens' Services is a huge step. Unless I had solid evidence as listed in Tobys Friend's post I would never put a family thru such an ordeal. Nor would I waste the time of an organization that is alread over-sceduled, and underpaid.

And for the poster who said babies are taken without investigation, you must not have worked for the state long, if you believe it. I've seen kids picked up from school because angry relatives/neighbors, etc. called in false reports saying there was immediate danger concerns. Many times it was hours before the parents were even made aware that their kids were safe, even if they had been snatched "legally."

 

[barkley]

Barkley, you don't live in Florida, you don't know our system here. It got so bad they had to CHANGE THE NAME. Still the same thing goes on, just now it's under a different name.

no i don't live in florida, nor would i choose to work in social services there given the dynamics of their public/private agencie's educational requirements, the state's sociology, political environment or legal mandates-or the apparant lack of activiites on the residents part to MANDATE change. i do however have knowledge of federal mandates that apply to all u.s. states and will express my opinion that committed, educated/trained, and supported (by their agency, community, taxpayers and state) dcfs workers by in large are not 'the biggest joke'.

while i cannot forgive florida dcfs for the highly publicized 'lost children'-i have to consider that given the state's population there are likely hundreds if not thousands of unpublicized rescued children. in california (where i reside) there was a highly publicized child abduction/murder several years back wherein social work staff had their public and private lives ruined based (including death threats against them and their children) on community and political accusations of misconduct-the workers took the high and 'legal' road refusing to comment on confidential case content-years of being dragged through the mud, their careers and private lives in ruin-and when the murder was found to have absolutly no relation to any dcfs reports (random child pedophile, serial killer) no mention whatsoever in the media of the now proven innocent professionals whose lives were impacted by misdirected public/political rage . those that do their jobs and 'no comment' cannot defend themselves.