WWYD?? Trip problem already! yuch!

[pyrxtc]

well, after reading all the scary "bringing relatives along" posts, I knew I would never do it again and just hoped this trip would be manageable.

Well we have 46 days til we leave and I can see the bad things happening already. My MIL invited herself and other family members along on our vacation.

Yesterday my DH had a big talk with his DD about her attitude (age 11) and found out that his mother has been saying bad thing about me to DD. DD also said that his MIL said other family members don't like me either. I know MIL is lying on this one. we never had any problems with other family members and only positive things before MIL moved back local.

I have a feeling that she is telling other family members bad things about us. We went to a family wedding recently (MIL refused to attend) and the family was unuasually cold to me. when we were leaving, DH's aunt came out and gave us a speech about how we were always welcome and were family and we were loved. Didn't think much of it (except a little odd) until yesterday.
DD is suposed to spend all of next week with MIL and the girls are all supposed to be sleeping in MIL's room. DH doesn't want DD to have any more contact with his mother but wants to keep peace until after vacation. I think that's a big mistake but I don't know another alternative. Any idea's?

She has always driven me crazy. Talked bad about DD's mother constantly in front of her. She tells me how bad DH's Aunt is doing as a new mother. She lives with Aunt and critisizes(sp?) everything she does from how she dresses the baby to how she makes his formula, cereal, and where she feeds him. I always defend Aunt and MIL is wrong in half of what she says. (She isists that cereal should be in formula bottle and that when just cereal, it should be very wtery. Baby is 10 months old. He should have thicker foods by now but she says no way. Aunt is doing what Dr. said to do.)

Ugh!!! We can't aford another room for the girls either and our room is too small. I wish something came up and she just didn't go.

 

[pixiedust23]

I think I would try to keep things civil. You also dont want your MIL giong around after the vacation saying you were only nice to her so she would house your DD's! Is there anyway you can cancel the vacation or is it too late for that?

 

[Chuck S]

You have my sympathy. Maybe you could "lose" your MIL at the parks . "Gosh, Grandma, we thought you were right behind us, we looked and you were gone, I'm sooooo sorry." You could also book a few dining venues that you know she'll hate to discourage her from dining with you. Get up WAY too early for her, and go to the parks.

 

[Hodder]

If your DH supports you have you thought about both of you sitting with her and talking to her about her behaviour? Maybe she will see the light if she gets offended and decides not to go then problem solved.

Don't let your first trip be ruined.

 

[snowbunny]

I think I would try to keep things civil. You also dont want your MIL giong around after the vacation saying you were only nice to her so she would house your DD's! Is there anyway you can cancel the vacation or is it too late for that?

I agree but it also sounds like she's going to say nasty things behind your back no matter what, so why ruin your vacation? I'd either cancel and rebook or uninvite those who invited themselves. There's an old saying/cliche -- no one can take advantage of you unless you let them.

Good luck

 

[mickeymom55]

Is there anyone in your DH's family whom you could approach about this situation? It sounds like there are several members of the family who are aware of what your MIL is saying about you. Your MIL is out of line saying things about you to your DD. It puts DD in a very tough position. Perhaps you could speak to your MIL about the fact that your DD is upset and is hurt by the things she says about you and DH. As far as the vacation is concerned, if you don't get things out in the open before the vacation, it will be with you the whole time and you will be walking on egg shells trying to avoid confrontation. Considering that MIL has "invited" other family members on your vacation, perhaps you could suggest that you visit the parks as separate groups (your family as one and your MIL's invited guests as the other). If you are spending that much money on your vacation, you should expect to have a stress free and magical time. Best of luck with your situation.

 

[zurgswife]

Change hotels and don't tell MIL where you are staying...

 

[milmore104]

Okay this is coming from a woman who has "DOOR MAT" tattooed across her forehead. I let everyone walk all over me 24/7. I am always changing my plans becuase I have some relatives kids dropped off for me to watch or I need to take someone somewhere. Mind you no one ever calls and asks first they just show up. I tuck my tail between my legs and say "yeh, OK". Well when it comes to my sanctuary my vacation is where this woman draws the line. I would just tell your DH to talk w/ his mother and nicely explain to her that it will just be you guys going on your vacation. I had to do it. I wasn't about to change all my plans and rebook everything for her. And I wasn't going to let her INVADE my family vacation!!!! keep your chin up. You don't want her ruining your trip!

 

[Disney Spaz]

Take it from someone who has lived through one of these trips with former in'laws and extended family, scrimp, save, and cut what ever corners you have to and get a room without her and seperate the trip from her and the rest of the family she invited. Have DH tell her so that it is not coming from you. If DH does not put his foot down now it will only get worse trust me. There is nothing worse then trying to sneak away on vactions and having the kids keep secrets about stuff so MIL doesn't know about it and ruins things. I know it is hard but you have to find a way to ake this trip for you and your immediate family.

 

[letterdavidman]

well, after reading all the scary "bringing relatives along" posts, I knew I would never do it again and just hoped this trip would be manageable.

Well we have 46 days til we leave and I can see the bad things happening already. My MIL invited herself and other family members along on our vacation.

Yesterday my DH had a big talk with his DD about her attitude (age 11) and found out that his mother has been saying bad thing about me to DD. DD also said that his MIL said other family members don't like me either. I know MIL is lying on this one. we never had any problems with other family members and only positive things before MIL moved back local.

I have a feeling that she is telling other family members bad things about us. We went to a family wedding recently (MIL refused to attend) and the family was unuasually cold to me. when we were leaving, DH's aunt came out and gave us a speech about how we were always welcome and were family and we were loved. Didn't think much of it (except a little odd) until yesterday.
DD is suposed to spend all of next week with MIL and the girls are all supposed to be sleeping in MIL's room. DH doesn't want DD to have any more contact with his mother but wants to keep peace until after vacation. I think that's a big mistake but I don't know another alternative. Any idea's?

She has always driven me crazy. Talked bad about DD's mother constantly in front of her. She tells me how bad DH's Aunt is doing as a new mother. She lives with Aunt and critisizes(sp?) everything she does from how she dresses the baby to how she makes his formula, cereal, and where she feeds him. I always defend Aunt and MIL is wrong in half of what she says. (She isists that cereal should be in formula bottle and that when just cereal, it should be very wtery. Baby is 10 months old. He should have thicker foods by now but she says no way. Aunt is doing what Dr. said to do.)

Ugh!!! We can't aford another room for the girls either and our room is too small. I wish something came up and she just didn't go.

Her name wouldn't happen to be Livia Soprano, would it?

 

[Tjaleks]

You said you are 46 days out. Where did you book your vacation? Does the 45 day window help you? Cuz if it does I say change your ressie and drop ALL unwanted guest!!! Do it now before it is too late. If you are already feeling this way how are you going to feel on vacation? Your vacation. Your rules.

 

[fiveacesmmb]

I would simply tell my MIL she's not going. I wish I had a MIL that we could invite with on our vacation....but one of use would end up in the funny farm!!! I cannot see spending all my hard earned money on a vacation to have a MIL ruin it. It just doesn't make any sense at all. This woman will ruin your trip....you can bet on it. She's not going to magically turn into this wonderful person. Like Maya Angelou says...."When someone shows you who they are.....believe them!!!!!"

 

[seashoreCM]

Sometimes bringing more relatives can help protect the family from parade cutters.

>>> can't afford another room
Who is paying for the room the girls and MIL are staying in? Did MIL invite herself or did DH invite her?

>>> having a ... [someone else] running it [your vacation]...
Nothing keeps you from listening but not obeying.

Disney hints:
http://members.aol.com/ajaynejr/disney.htm

Suggested line to open a conversation at a family gathering, preferably not one on one with the "cold" person: "Why do I feel that you seem to be avoiding me?" Press until the conversation actually opens and the "cold" person either admits or denies being "cold", spilling at least a few beans.

 

[Minnie824]

I would be very unhappy if anyone invited themselves along on my family trip. I'm a little confused, are they staying in your room, or do they have their own rooms? Are they traveling down with you? If no, to either of those, make your plans, do what you like, make dinner reservations for your family, without the tag-alongs, and enjoy your vacation. Good luck.

 

[pyrxtc]

Sometimes bringing more relatives can help protect the family from parade cutters.

>>> can't afford another room
Who is paying for the room the girls and MIL are staying in? Did MIL invite herself or did DH invite her? MIL invited herself and we all rented points and have paid airfare, non-refundable

>>> having a ... [someone else] running it [your vacation]...
Nothing keeps you from listening but not obeying. DH has finally agreed with me that we will do what we want and she can join or not. All our ADR's are for our family only. We care not doing anything around her and she is not taking off with just DD and we are accepting presents only for DD (whuich she tends to do).



Suggested line to open a conversation at a family gathering, preferably not one on one with the "cold" person: "Why do I feel that you seem to be avoiding me?" Press until the conversation actually opens and the "cold" person either admits or denies being "cold", spilling at least a few beans.

From what I understand, MIL has been like this her whole life and hates 99% of her family and is mad that DH keeps spending time with them. MIL paid for her room but it is in my name so I can check in. She wasn't so bad when we booked the vacation and I figured it would be tolerable. it has gotten much worse now that I stick up for aunt and her mothering skills.

Problem with talking with "cold" family member is we don't see her much and her English is okay but not good enough for a phone conversation.

 

[adisneymama]

HI, I'm not sure where you are staying, but you can change your resort. Did MIL pay for her own room or did you pay for it? If she invited herself and the other family members and is paying for her own room, then I would change resorts and not tell her. I have a MIL much like yours and there is no way that I would vacation with her. If you have paid for her room, then I would confront her (have your dh do it) and let her know that you aren't going to put up with this behavior anymore and that if she wants to go to WDW then she will have to pay for her own room and book herself. Either way, I would do what you have to to keep the kids away from her. If she is treating DD that way, she isn't going to stop just because she is at Disney. I would also tell her that since she invited other family members that she can do things with them. Have an itinerary for your family but don't tell her what it is. Maybe meet up for lunch or something and then leave them again. If worse comes to worse, I think I would cancel the trip for now and rebook it even if just for the next week and not tell MIL! We have had to make sure not to tell anyone of our plans until we are actually leaving. Sometimes we don't even tell them then. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

 

[pixiedust23]

We care not doing anything around her and she is not taking off with just DD and we are accepting presents only for DD (whuich she tends to do).

Ok this one might need to be translated. I assume it was written in the language of anger lol.

 

[liveforthemagic]

I feel your pain. Several years ago when the kids were very young, our first beach vacation turned into a "group" vacation with MIL, FIL, BIL, his wife and little boy. Can't even remember how it got turned into that, but never again. I won't even go into SIL's behavior...and she still owes me money because she "forgot" to bring any credit cards or her ATM card. Please.

Anyway, about 4 months before our Disney vacation, my BIL calls and says he has a huge tax refund and we should all go to Disney together. Please again. My DH very tactfully said that we never get to go on vacation just the four of us (cause every holiday we are in PA visiting DH's family--not a vacation if you know what I mean) and that we just wanted to do this one ourselves. SIL promptly told her kids that Aunt Lisa did not want to go on vacation with them and the next time we saw them I couldn't decide if they were afraid of me or just hated me. Whatever.

We had the BEST time on vacation and we're gonna do it again! The whole time we were there, me and DH kept saying to each other how great it was to be alone with our kids. You are spending too much money to have your vacation ruined.

I agree with the other posters that MIL has issues and they need to be resolved separately and without involving or manipulating the children, but you can nip this vacation thing in the bud.

Good luck!

 

[aubriee]

I'm taking my son and D-I-L to WDW next month (Sept 17-24th). From the beginning I've said I wanted seperate rooms and at least partially seperated intineries. My D-I-L got her feelings hurt and said she doesn't understand why I don't want to hang out with them. She wants to use the trip as a good 'bonding experience' for us. I had to tell her, it wasn't that I wanted to avoid them, but that I was afraid if we were together 24/7 we would get on each other nerves. We get along great and have never had a harsh word, but even loving her as I do, I DON 'T WANT TO BE AROUND HER 24/7 for eight days.

Proximity that close is going to lead to friction no matter how well a M-I-L and D-I-L get along. I can not imagine going down there and spending a week with them if we didn't respect each other and at least get along. As much as I love her she does have her little quirks that annoy me (just like I know I have quirks that probably annoy her). I would never put my son in the position of having to take sides with us. Why does your M-I-L even want to go in that situation? I'm afraid you may be in for a miserable vacation. Just my .02.

 

[Lynn4Mel]

PYRXTC,
Oh I am soooooo glad I am not the only one!!! But the tables are turned a tad. It is my mother who is just like your MIL. She does/ and has done the exact same thing with my DD12. It's very trying. I told Brianna point blank not to listen to her and have actually stood up to my mother and put her in her place. It is very sad that one would have to go to such extremes with a parent or inlaw. I agree with fiveacesmmb, simply tell her that this vacation is just for you and your family in your household. When I booked this upcoming trip, my mother tried to invite herself along. DD12 actually was the one who beat me to telling her "NO!".

Good luck with your problem... I hope it all works out for the best