WWYD? Teenage Drinking.

[fey_spirit]

I think this is naive - speaking as someone who remembers my teens all too clearly - there is no way I would have called if I thought I was going to get busted for it...

Especially at that age, at that age you're absolutely sure you're bullet proof and death is something that happens to other people.

I've also told my kids that they can always call me. I'll either come get them (or if I'm not right there nearby, I'll arrange some safe way for them to get home), but I would never make a blanket statement that no punishment or reprecussions would be involved. I'd always see them safely home, but depending upon what had happened, punishment might be necessary the next day.

No, I don't think this makes a child more likely to drink and drive. They know very good and well just how dangerous drinking and driving can be, and -- being very attached to living, they aren't going to put themselves into danger.

 

[bananda]

i dont agree with underage drinking at all. that said, the drinking age here is 18. im 18 now and sometimes buy a drink when i go out to dinner with my friends.
i think the daughter acted quite responsibly by organising a lift and informing her parent, but she shouldn't have had a drink if she was planning to drive.

 

[DawnCt1]

As long as there was no indication of abuse, and from the facts as you presented them there is none, I'd think it was absolutely not my place to judge how a parent disciplines their child. And, if I were the girl's parents, I would want the person who was judging my methods of discipline to keep their nose out of my business. Moreover, I certainly would not want them feeding their opinions to their children who presumably will feed them to my child and then cause strife in my household because "Dad, Mrs. X thinks you're being wayyyyyyyyyy toooooo hard on me." Now, if there is abuse going on, absolutely a different situation. But otherwise, I'd simply go about my own business and not make anything out of it, let alone a mountain.

If that were the case, the mother wouldn't have called me with a vent about her husband.

 

[MrsPete]

I think this is naive - speaking as someone who remembers my teens all too clearly - there is no way I would have called if I thought I was going to get busted for it...

Especially at that age, at that age you're absolutely sure you're bullet proof and death is something that happens to other people.

You're welcome to think that, but obviously I disagree.

If they've done nothing wrong and they call, no problem. For example, if their ride is drinking and they need to get home, that's fine -- they haven't done anything wrong. But if they've been drinking and get themselves into a bad situation, which is illegal, I'm going to help them get home safely, but I'm not going to sweep it under the rug and wait for it to happen again. That's what the mom in this situation has done, and look at how it's turned out for her family. And, of course, we're talking hypothetically. Our actual reactions would vary widely depending upon whether the child who needs a ride home is 16 or 20, whether she's a mile from home at a friend's house or at the beach four hours away, whether she had one drink or a dozen, and whether other mitigating circumstances are involved.

My point is that I wouldn't promise "no consequences" ahead of time. Different situations call for different measures, and someone who's promised that no punishment will ever be involved is likely to end up going back on that promise.

 

[NHdisneylover]

My point is that I wouldn't promise "no consequences" ahead of time. Different situations call for different measures, and someone who's promised that no punishment will ever be involved is likely to end up going back on that promise.

I tend to agree. I have not promised no punishment if my kids ever call me to pick them up, etc. I HAVE drilled into the poor little things (they are 10 and 12 now) every time we pass a car wreck that they must CALL for a ride if they ever drink and need to get home (or if their ride drinks). It is to the point that we pass a wreck and I open my mouth and they stop me to give me the spiel I always stress that the WORST consequence of driving drunk (or high or too tired even) is that you could kill someone else. It is not okay to be that selfish and risk killing someone else. The next worse thing is killing yourself (and you might well do both). If you get really lucky and make it home in one piece the consequences from DH and I for driving impaired would be ten times higher thatn any consequences there MIGHT be for whatever they called about (and that we might not have any problem with why they called). Yet, I have never said there would be absolutely no consequences for doing somehting they are not allowed to do. Making the smart move to call does not earse less wise decisions earlier in the night.
DH and I have also made sure that the kids see us decide who is driving before we order drinks at dinner, and they have seen that we have had friends spend the night several times when they drank too much at cast parties, we have given friends rides home and found rides for others and they have seen that. They ahve also known that the teens in our theatre group were told multiple times that if they ever did something stupid and neede a ride home to call me anytime and I would get them safely home. So, the kids know I mean it nad htey know it is hugely important to me.