WWYD? Teenage Drinking.

[sunnyday123]

What did the Mother say when the Father went crazy? I know if my daughter had followed a bad decision with a good one, and he acted like that, he'd be sleeping on the couch. Would he rather her not call and end up dead or in jail? And I cannot stand the double standard boys are different so they have different rules.

 

[MerMom60_94]

This father isn't making sense to me. The girl called home and said she had been drinking. Presumably she was still at the same location as the car. The parents went to that location to pick the car up but didn't pick up the daughter to take her home even though they knew alcohol was being served. If the father was so upset that she was drinking, doesn't it make sense he would have taken her home right there and then? By leaving her there to catch a ride home with a sober friend later, didn't he imply consent to her drinking? I agree there is a mixed message and he is wrong to dole out such harsh punishment. I have to wonder, though, if he is like my husband. My husband is quick to dole out punishments but then once he cools off he doesn't stick by them very well.

 

[RitaZ.]

So, they expected that she would drink and now she is getting severely punished for doing what they expected her to do. Dad better be prepared to do one of two things: eat lots of crow or follow through on his threats.

We don't drink alcohol. Our kids know our stance on underage drinking. I have told my 17 yr. old that if he is ever in any situation where he doesn't feel safe or whatever, then call us and we'll pick him up. We may not approve of what he has done, but we'll work through it.

 

[DawnCt1]

There's something behind th efather's behavior...you said he likes th ecar the girl was driving or whatever.

Sorry, but if he was an acquaintance of mine and asked my opinion, he'd hear "So it's OK for oyu to drink with your 17 year old sone but when your 19 year old daughter has to much to drink and makes a GOOD decision not to drive, you go ballistic. You're an idiot".

If I was married to this guy, we'd be having some BIG WORDS about this one.

His wife called me, outraged over his behavior. I told her that he was an idiot and he needed to stop "fighting with his DD on her level" and grow up. She agreed. She told me that she would need to hang up when he came home, so she did.

 

[DawnCt1]

This father isn't making sense to me. The girl called home and said she had been drinking. Presumably she was still at the same location as the car. The parents went to that location to pick the car up but didn't pick up the daughter to take her home even though they knew alcohol was being served. If the father was so upset that she was drinking, doesn't it make sense he would have taken her home right there and then? By leaving her there to catch a ride home with a sober friend later, didn't he imply consent to her drinking? I agree there is a mixed message and he is wrong to dole out such harsh punishment. I have to wonder, though, if he is like my husband. My husband is quick to dole out punishments but then once he cools off he doesn't stick by them very well.

And THAT is the attitude that they both have about tolerating alcohol in underage drinkers. The mom thought she was doing a great deed a couple of years go when she collected the keys at an after prom party. I told her she was nuts and I would have ended the party at the arrival of one beer. It does no good to collect the keys, you are still allowing the serving of under age guests.

 

[MerMom60_94]

I am wondering if the Mom and Dad are really worlds apart on how to handle teenage drinking but in order to present a united front he has let her take the lead. Now that the son has been arrested for OUI the Dad could be rethinking his stance, Even if that is the case though, this is by no means how he should handle it. He needs to acknowledge "this is how it's been but it is now going to change". He can't just suddenly do a 360 and without warning decide this is punishable.

 

[DawnCt1]

I am wondering if the Mom and Dad are really worlds apart on how to handle teenage drinking but in order to present a united front he has let her take the lead. Now that the son has been arrested for OUI the Dad could be rethinking his stance, Even if that is the case though, this is by no means how he should handle it. He needs to acknowledge "this is how it's been but it is now going to change". He can't just suddenly do a 360 and without warning decide this is punishable.

I really don't think that either of them have changed their stance. My first impression? He didn't want to be "inconvenienced" at night. He wanted an excuse to confiscate the newer, well maintained vehicle.

 

[luv2sew]

Teenage drinking is wrong...parents should not be giving their kids mixed messages. Yes the kid did partly the right thing by calling home and letting her parents in on the situation...but she did the wrong thing by staying at a party where there was drinking in the first place. She should not be kicked out of the house.

The parents definately had the right to take that car home and have the right to take the car away if it is theirs. If the car is hers than she can very well assume responsiblity of the insurance payments and maintenance.

She is going off to college (if she is already dabbling in underage drinking then you know she probably will be doing so in college where she will have the opportunity and more freedom to do so) and should be fully counseled on the consequences of drinking. Depending on what her major is, if she gets a DUI or underage drinking arrest it very well may lead to her not getting a job in the field of her chosing or worse yet, being called into the deans office and being told that she will have to change majors because of the arrest or she is out of school.

She should not at this point have a car at college.....that way at least you know she and others will have less of a chance to be harmed from her drinking and driving.

I have a DD majoring in education and the education majors (and there are some other majors also in this category) at her college are told, point blank, you get an arrest for any underage drinking or DUI you are OUT the next day from your education major and any other major that carries that stipulation (such as law enforcement, etc).

So it's simple...you counsel kids on the right thing to do (regardless of the fact that you may or may not agree with the law as it stands, it is still the law and we/they should be obeying it) and the consequences of not thinking before they act and then you also add to that "I don't bail you out of jail" and I don't pay fines or court costs. We love you, please think before you act, do the right thing, and have a great college experience.

 

[aristocatz]

Honestly, I would have been SO proud of my DD & praised her for acting very maturely in a tricky situation for someone that age! Most 19 year olds experiment with alcohol, that's just life. She is going to be a legal drinker in 2 years-not very far off. I'd rather reinforce her wise behavior now rather than having her make mistakes later on.

I don't think the dad was thinking of the long term outcomes of what happened.

 

[msmayor]

Teenage drinking is wrong...parents should not be giving their kids mixed messages. Yes the kid did partly the right thing by calling home and letting her parents in on the situation...but she did the wrong thing by staying at a party where there was drinking in the first place. She should not be kicked out of the house.

The parents definately had the right to take that car home and have the right to take the car away if it is theirs. If the car is hers than she can very well assume responsiblity of the insurance payments and maintenance.

She is going off to college (if she is already dabbling in underage drinking then you know she probably will be doing so in college where she will have the opportunity and more freedom to do so) and should be fully counseled on the consequences of drinking. Depending on what her major is, if she gets a DUI or underage drinking arrest it very well may lead to her not getting a job in the field of her chosing or worse yet, being called into the deans office and being told that she will have to change majors because of the arrest or she is out of school.

She should not at this point have a car at college.....that way at least you know she and others will have less of a chance to be harmed from her drinking and driving.

I have a DD majoring in education and the education majors (and there are some other majors also in this category) at her college are told, point blank, you get an arrest for any underage drinking or DUI you are OUT the next day from your education major and any other major that carries that stipulation (such as law enforcement, etc).

So it's simple...you counsel kids on the right thing to do (regardless of the fact that you may or may not agree with the law as it stands, it is still the law and we/they should be obeying it) and the consequences of not thinking before they act and then you also add to that "I don't bail you out of jail" and I don't pay fines or court costs. We love you, please think before you act, do the right thing, and have a great college experience.

This is exactly what I was going to say. All you folks who say this girls did the "responsible thing" in calling are only PARTLY right. The truly responsible thing would have been to not take a drink AT ALL.

To obey the law and not drink as an underage teen.

To be respectful of the home/location she was in and NOT put the owners at risk of being arrested/sued by providing alcohol to minors.

My children have always been told that regardless of their actions they can call us if they need help and we will come. They also know that by calling us, they do NOT escape repercussions for their actions, but we will handle them in the right way.

Should she be kicked out for this? No. But I definitely would consider restricting her from any vehicles. I would definitely consider telling her "You want to behave this way? Then buy your own car and get your own insurance policy because we are NOT willing to risk our assets if you make bad choices."

If a kid wants to make adult choices, then they should suffer adult consequences.

 

[DawnCt1]

Honestly, I would have been SO proud of my DD & praised her for acting very maturely in a tricky situation for someone that age! Most 19 year olds experiment with alcohol, that's just life. She is going to be a legal drinker in 2 years-not very far off. I'd rather reinforce her wise behavior now rather than having her make mistakes later on.

I don't think the dad was thinking of the long term outcomes of what happened.

EXACTLY!! And if their DS had done what the daughter did, they wouldn't be racking their brains figuring out how he is going to commute to college in the fall. He lost his license for 4 months for the DUI. Interestingly enough, I was shocked by their response to that. They were justifiably angry, upset, disappointed. The DS is paying all of his legal bills, etc. BUT he got stopped the last week in June. He didn't lose his license until 10 days later. I was amazed that they allowed him to take the car, even to work and to the gym in between! Now the kid is remorseful, embarrassed and probably won't repeat it but still, there should have been a punishment for that since the parents own all of the cars.

 

[Ohiodislover]

If a kid wants to make adult choices, then they should suffer adult consequences.

So a kid makes an adult decision to drink, and then an adult decision to drive, and kills themself , or kills your child when they hit you while driving under the influence.

Pretty tough consequences

the daughter didn't do the right thing by drinking, but did do the right thing by calling. Dad needs to look at the big picture.

 

[luv2sew]

 

[luv2sew]

correction the was to "msmayor" response

But if the parents had given proper guidence from the beginning of maturity (not after there is a problem) then there would have been boundries set early enough for both kids to follow and know what is expected of them and what the consequences would be.

Now since, we can assume from the post, there were no early boundries set or the wrong early boundries set, they have to make it up on the fly and when you have to do that you make mistakes in the judgement and consequences and they end up inflicting more hurt and harm than good.

 

[AlleyKat]

A 19 year old takes her parents car to a party. She has something to drink. The father went ballistic. Wants the kids to move out. Wants them off of his insurance, etc. He took that car away from her permanently. (He has actually wanted it, and this seems like an excuse) and told her she could drive the car with 140K miles that is in disrepair. She has to drive out of state (1000 miles) to college in August.

What do you think?

That this 19 year old is counting down the days until she goes away to college!

Has she already started packing her things into the car?

 

[DawnCt1]

That this 19 year old is counting down the days until she goes away to college!

Has she already started packing her things into the car?

Actually, until this happened, she lead a "pretty comfy life". Her mom tends to live vicariously through her DD so she is a princess. That said, she is a very nice princess. I like her.

 

[mjkacmom]

If a kid wants to make adult choices, then they should suffer adult consequences.

This "kid" is a legal adult. 19 year olds ARE going to drink. I'm glad she was responsible enough NOT to drive. If she were my child, I'd be very happy in this situation, and worry less about her in the future. My parents always told me that if I was in a similar situation, to call them, and there would be no punishment (because they would rather I drink and not drive, than drink and drive). Adults do drink too much sometimes, and the adult thing to do is to not get behind the wheel.

 

[msmayor]

This "kid" is a legal adult. 19 year olds ARE going to drink. I'm glad she was responsible enough NOT to drive. If she were my child, I'd be very happy in this situation, and worry less about her in the future. My parents always told me that if I was in a similar situation, to call them, and there would be no punishment (because they would rather I drink and not drive, than drink and drive). Adults do drink too much sometimes, and the adult thing to do is to not get behind the wheel.

My happiness would only be that she called and asked for the ride.

You may 'know' she's going to drink, but how fair is it to condone such drinking at someone else's home? Is it fair to the other homeowner (who may not be aware that their "legal adult" is serving to underage guests?) who is now at risk for a significant legal problem if something happens to one of those kids during this party? Is it fair to that homeowner to risk being dropped by their homeowner's insurance?

No...its not. And calling home for a ride doesn't excuse the poor choice she made to drink. There should be NO pride in this girl's decision to drink at someone else's home, only in her decision to call for a ride.

 

[Ohiodislover]

And calling home for a ride doesn't excuse the poor choice she made to drink. There should be NO pride in this girl's decision to drink at someone else's home, only in her decision to call for a ride.

I must have missed the posts where people were applauding the drinking

 

[msmayor]

I must have missed the posts where people were applauding the drinking

Its not that they were applauding the drinking. I don't think anyone thought it was a good idea.

But it seemed as though NO one was saying it was a terribly BAD idea. Almost as if folks were saying "Ah well, 19--she's going to do it anyway--not a big deal".

I'm sorry. It IS a big deal when done outside of YOUR home. Putting other people at risk is NEVER excusable. Just because she opted not to get behind the wheel of a car doesn't excuse the fact that by drinking at someone else's home, she put those homeowners at risk.