WWYD? Teenage Drinking.

[mjkacmom]

Its not that they were applauding the drinking. I don't think anyone thought it was a good idea.

But it seemed as though NO one was saying it was a terribly BAD idea. Almost as if folks were saying "Ah well, 19--she's going to do it anyway--not a big deal".

I'm sorry. It IS a big deal when done outside of YOUR home. Putting other people at risk is NEVER excusable.

The only way she is putting them at risk is to be driving, which she chose not to do. I think punishing her will make her more likely to NOT call the next time.

 

[MerMom60_94]

The only way she is putting them at risk is to be driving, which she chose not to do. I think punishing her will make her more likely to NOT call the next time.

Actually, she put the homeowners at legal risk. Every now and again you read in the media about adults who allow under age drinking and get in trouble with the law. The focus on this thread has been about the consequences of drinking and driving, but underage drinking also puts these kids at higher risk for other dangers, as well (i.e.: alcohol poisoning, date rape, etc). To those who are saying the people who have responded on this thread are advocating underage drinking, I don't know that I agree that they are but they are being realists. Underage drinking happens. People here are responding to how it was handled in one this particular case (where the parents were giving a wink and a nod), not in general.

 

[Lanshark]

The daughter acted in a responsible manner by not driving but the father going balistic will probably make her think twice next time about calling her parents. She made a bad decision by deciding to drink but she made a good decision when she decided not to drive.



I've got a rule with my kids: If you EVER need a ride home, for any reason, call and I will pick you up. No questions, no lectures. I'd rather them call me if they get in an bad situation then not call because they are afraid of the fallout.

 

[OceanAnnie]

My happiness would only be that she called and asked for the ride.

You may 'know' she's going to drink, but how fair is it to condone such drinking at someone else's home? Is it fair to the other homeowner (who may not be aware that their "legal adult" is serving to underage guests?) who is now at risk for a significant legal problem if something happens to one of those kids during this party? Is it fair to that homeowner to risk being dropped by their homeowner's insurance?

No...its not. And calling home for a ride doesn't excuse the poor choice she made to drink. There should be NO pride in this girl's decision to drink at someone else's home, only in her decision to call for a ride.

"Who may not be aware...", is the operative phrase. A responsible adult hosting a party should know the age of the people they are serving. If they don't, they are putting themselves at risk. JMO.

 

[msmayor]

"Who may not be aware...", is the operative phrase. A responsible adult hosting a party should know the age of the people they are serving. If they don't, they are putting themselves at risk. JMO.

But often, parents are not even being responsible enough to know that their kids are having friends over and drinking. While we don't know the specifics in this case, the homeowner is ALWAYS responsible for what happens on their property whether they know about it at the time or not.

And to a previous poster I DO agree that the father's ballistic reaction doesn't help the situation. I do, however, feel that the significant driving restrictions placed on her are not out of line (kicking her out of the house IS an overreaction, though) considering the poor choice she made to drink illegally.

 

[OceanAnnie]

But often, parents are not even being responsible enough to know that their kids are having friends over and drinking. While we don't know the specifics in this case, the homeowner is ALWAYS responsible for what happens on their property whether they know about it at the time or not.

And to a previous poster I DO agree that the father's ballistic reaction doesn't help the situation. I do, however, feel that the significant driving restrictions placed on her are not out of line (kicking her out of the house IS an overreaction, though) considering the poor choice she made to drink illegally.

That's another ball of wax, though isn't it? We don't know if the host parents were aware of the situation or not. Maybe they were. There are some that would rather their kids drink at home than out and about (not that I condone it). Lots of possibilities.

In this case, I think the DD did a responsible thing. The father was way out of line.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I think the father is being way too harsh. The daughter was very responsible, as far as getting a ride home and not driving drunk.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

A 19 year old takes her parents car to a party. She has something to drink. The legal alcohol level for an under 21 drinker is ZERO. At ten pm she calls her parents, tells her mother that she has had something to drink, and has a ride home later. The mother said, that she didn't want her car to remain out of town and that she and the girl's father would come to pick it up. Lock the keys in the car. They picked up the car last night, uneventfully. The DD got a ride home later with a sober friend. The father went ballistic. Wants the kids to move out. Wants them off of his insurance, etc. He took that car away from her permanently. (He has actually wanted it, and this seems like an excuse) and told her she could drive the car with 140K miles that is in disrepair. She has to drive out of state (1000 miles) to college in August.

When it comes to the car and driving, I think she did exactly the right thing. She shouldn't have been drinking, but these parents have never forbade their children from drinking; its "I know you are going to drink, etc, don't drink too much." BTW the oldest boy got a DUI 3 weeks ago. He is over 21. What do you think?

I think the father is taking out his son's DUI on her. He gets a DUI and he is STILL driving their cars?
That is the part I find disturbing in this story. Unless he has his own car and insurance but it doesn't sound that way.

I can tell you if my kid got a DUI, they are not driving any of my cars, period.

As far as the teens, the dd was responsible, and depending on the kid I would act appropriately. I have a 18yodd and kids are drinking out there.

Heck, I just got back from camping and was floating the river. Guess how much partying I saw? And lots of interesting imagery to boot.

Like my dd's colleged stressed, if you are going to drink, manage your drinking and call for a ride, they have a free pick up 24/7, free of charge at her school.

 

[shortbun]

I hope my kid never drinks. That said, if he does I would pick him up anywhere and anytime he called me. I am always sober. I've told him that if he needs to call I will not hassle him, I'll just come and get him. I figure the kid who calls is pretty smart. This Dad is dumb he'll pay for it later. Always bites ya in the rear end somehow.

 

[DawnCt1]

I think the father is taking out his son's DUI on her. He gets a DUI and he is STILL driving their cars?
That is the part I find disturbing in this story. Unless he has his own car and insurance but it doesn't sound that way.

I can tell you if my kid got a DUI, they are not driving any of my cars, period.

As far as the teens, the dd was responsible, and depending on the kid I would act appropriately. I have a 18yodd and kids are drinking out there.

Heck, I just got back from camping and was floating the river. Guess how much partying I saw? And lots of interesting imagery to boot.

Like my dd's colleged stressed, if you are going to drink, manage your drinking and call for a ride, they have a free pick up 24/7, free of charge at her school.

Driving their car until the state officially suspended the license. It isn't on the date of the arrest. It comes about two or three weeks later. Go figure. Anyway, he would have a bicycle. That would be it. I can't imagine letting someone who got a DUI drive without a LONG hiatus, and it would be double the state penalty.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Driving their car until the state officially suspended the license. It isn't on the date of the arrest. It comes about two or three weeks later. Go figure. Anyway, he would have a bicycle. That would be it. I can't imagine letting someone who got a DUI drive without a LONG hiatus, and it would be double the state penalty.

Yep. Although, we would probably say you need to buy your own car and insurance.

Drunk driving is just not taken seriously in the courts.

My sister's BIL is still waiting to go to jail from his 5th DUI where he almost killed 3 people in a head-on collision.

 

[NHdisneylover]

And to a previous poster I DO agree that the father's ballistic reaction doesn't help the situation. I do, however, feel that the significant driving restrictions placed on her are not out of line (kicking her out of the house IS an overreaction, though) considering the poor choice she made to drink illegally.

If I am readinmg the OP correctly--she is not being restricted from driving--meerly being told she has to drive an older (and less reliable---and presumably with fewer safety features) vehicle. While I think taking away driving privilages from a 19 year old, who did the exact right thing as far as driving is concerned in this case is wrong, I can at least understand some parents deciding to take away driving in an underage drinking case--but not deciding just to take away driving the "nice car." IF one wanted to punish the girl for dirnking (and this was consitent with previous rules in her house about drinking which in this case it sounds like it is not) then ground her (so she cannot be out at a party), have her research the ill effects of drinking, etc--but taking away the car when she made the RIGHT decision about it seems very counterproductive.

I hope my kid never drinks. That said, if he does I would pick him up anywhere and anytime he called me. I am always sober. I've told him that if he needs to call I will not hassle him, I'll just come and get him. I figure the kid who calls is pretty smart. This Dad is dumb he'll pay for it later. Always bites ya in the rear end somehow.

The terrible thing is his DD, or worse innocent bystanders might be the ones to pay later

I think the dad is totally off base and his wife has every right to be furious with him.

 

[Free4Life11]

She is 19...a legal adult. I think she's damn lucky to be still getting a car PERIOD if you ask me!

 

[DawnCt1]

She is 19...a legal adult. I think she's damn lucky to be still getting a car PERIOD if you ask me!

She is lucky to be getting a car, but when you have parents that have allowed alcohol consumption with a "wink and a nod", this over reaction will not encourage her to call home when she needs a ride again. You have to consider what behavior you want to encourage and what behavior you want to extinguish.

 

[clgwli]

She is lucky to be getting a car, but when you have parents that have allowed alcohol consumption with a "wink and a nod", this over reaction will not encourage her to call home when she needs a ride again. You have to consider what behavior you want to encourage and what behavior you want to extinguish.

Have you thought he is trying to encourage no drinking after the son's DUI? I don't consider it an over reaction if he is punishing her for the drinking in the first place. They should have done that all along.

 

[sbell111]

The daughter did the responsible thing in calling and getting a ride home, but she certainly wasn't being responsible when she was drinking. I'm sorry, but it is not OK for underaged kids to be drinking and the parents have to take some action when they are made aware of it.

I would definitely not allow her to drive one of my vehicles. Since she is an adult, that would likely be the only real punishment that I could mete out.

 

[DawnCt1]

Have you thought he is trying to encourage no drinking after the son's DUI? I don't consider it an over reaction if he is punishing her for the drinking in the first place. They should have done that all along.

I would have punished her all along. They know that she has been drinking since she was 15! and the DS was about the same age. At 15 they both were grounded. At 17, they turned a blind eye. I talked to the mom today and everything is 'resolved'. Dad must have backed down, or something. I told her that she was in a tough position with her kids because she has always accepted their alcohol use. I told her that I would not have allowed DS to drive a car in between the DUI incident and the actual license suspension. Her response? It was just for work and the gym. My response? Let him use a bicycle. Her other concern is that her DD is gaining weight. (she is not fat, just not thin anymore). When I mentioned that alcohol doesn't "help" she told me that her DD does not drink beer and has cut down on drinking. What is there left to say?

 

[sugahjunior]

A 19 year old takes her parents car to a party. She has something to drink. The legal alcohol level for an under 21 drinker is ZERO. At ten pm she calls her parents, tells her mother that she has had something to drink, and has a ride home later. The mother said, that she didn't want her car to remain out of town and that she and the girl's father would come to pick it up. Lock the keys in the car. They picked up the car last night, uneventfully. The DD got a ride home later with a sober friend. The father went ballistic. Wants the kids to move out. Wants them off of his insurance, etc. He took that car away from her permanently. (He has actually wanted it, and this seems like an excuse) and told her she could drive the car with 140K miles that is in disrepair. She has to drive out of state (1000 miles) to college in August.

When it comes to the car and driving, I think she did exactly the right thing. She shouldn't have been drinking, but these parents have never forbade their children from drinking; its "I know you are going to drink, etc, don't drink too much." BTW the oldest boy got a DUI 3 weeks ago. He is over 21. What do you think?

As long as there was no indication of abuse, and from the facts as you presented them there is none, I'd think it was absolutely not my place to judge how a parent disciplines their child. And, if I were the girl's parents, I would want the person who was judging my methods of discipline to keep their nose out of my business. Moreover, I certainly would not want them feeding their opinions to their children who presumably will feed them to my child and then cause strife in my household because "Dad, Mrs. X thinks you're being wayyyyyyyyyy toooooo hard on me." Now, if there is abuse going on, absolutely a different situation. But otherwise, I'd simply go about my own business and not make anything out of it, let alone a mountain.

 

[MrsPete]

I disagree with the people who said the girl was being responsible. She got herself into a bad situation by drinking (which whether you agree or disagree IS against the law for a 19 year old), and she didn't think ahead about how she was going to get home . . . so she had to call to be bailed out. Yes, she DID avoid drinking and driving, BUT before that she knowingly got herself into a bad spot. It would've been much more responsible to avoid the situation.

Having said that, I completely agree that the dad is out of line. He seemed to take a lighthearted stance on underage drinking, even condoned it, which is the same as encouraging it . . . then suddenly without warning changed his tune. He did treat the girl unfairly. He led her to believe that their family follows a certain set of rules . . . and then he suddenly hit her with a new set of rules.

Now, I can imagine that perhaps something has happened lately to make him think he'd been wrong in the past. Perhaps a friend's child was in an accident caused by drinking, or perhaps he read some things that scared him and made him think differently about the subject. BUT if that's so, he should've said something to the girl. He could've said, "You know, I've come to realize ______, and I see things differently now. I expect you to behave in this way." But I see no indication that he has experienced any change of heart recently, so this is just speculation.

 

[MrsPete]

We always told our kids to call us regardless of where they were or how late it was; there would be no punishment or repercussions.

I've also told my kids that they can always call me. I'll either come get them (or if I'm not right there nearby, I'll arrange some safe way for them to get home), but I would never make a blanket statement that no punishment or reprecussions would be involved. I'd always see them safely home, but depending upon what had happened, punishment might be necessary the next day.

No, I don't think this makes a child more likely to drink and drive. They know very good and well just how dangerous drinking and driving can be, and -- being very attached to living, they aren't going to put themselves into danger.