WWYD? Teenage Drinking.

[DawnCt1]

A 19 year old takes her parents car to a party. She has something to drink. The legal alcohol level for an under 21 drinker is ZERO. At ten pm she calls her parents, tells her mother that she has had something to drink, and has a ride home later. The mother said, that she didn't want her car to remain out of town and that she and the girl's father would come to pick it up. Lock the keys in the car. They picked up the car last night, uneventfully. The DD got a ride home later with a sober friend. The father went ballistic. Wants the kids to move out. Wants them off of his insurance, etc. He took that car away from her permanently. (He has actually wanted it, and this seems like an excuse) and told her she could drive the car with 140K miles that is in disrepair. She has to drive out of state (1000 miles) to college in August.

When it comes to the car and driving, I think she did exactly the right thing. She shouldn't have been drinking, but these parents have never forbade their children from drinking; its "I know you are going to drink, etc, don't drink too much." BTW the oldest boy got a DUI 3 weeks ago. He is over 21. What do you think?

 

[Christine]

I think the parents were wrong. I'm pretty sure that when my DD is 19 (and will have been at college for a year) that she will be drinking to some extent. Whether just to try it or maybe it will become more, whatever, I don't know.

I am not morally opposed to 19 year olds drinking BUT, right now, it is a law so I tell my DD that I would prefer she not break the law.

Having said all that, the girl acted VERY responsibly and I would not have reacted in this way. I'm sure if there is a next time, the girl will just lie.

 

[DawnCt1]

I think the parents were wrong. I'm pretty sure that when my DD is 19 (and will have been at college for a year) that she will be drinking to some extent. Whether just to try it or maybe it will become more, whatever, I don't know.

I am not morally opposed to 19 year olds drinking BUT, right now, it is a law so I tell my DD that I would prefer she not break the law.

Having said all that, the girl acted VERY responsibly and I would not have reacted in this way. I'm sure if there is a next time, the girl will just lie.

Actually "the parent" was wrong. The mother agrees with you and I. What is troublesome is that this father has always given his kids a double message about drinking. In fact, its not a double message at all. When his DS was 17, he and the DS split the cost of a twelve pack. Given his nonresponse about drinking in the past, except the recent DUI of his DS, this current response made no sense. I would be more than happy to pick up a car at any time for a child of any age. Heck, I would do it at anytime for anyone, adult or child if it would keep an impaired person off of the road.

 

[momof1princess]

the father was wrong. the DD acted responsibly by not driving and calling her parents AND finding a sober friend to bring her home. not that i advocate teen drinking, but this girl absolutely represents what kids SHOULD do if they find themselves in such a situation. in her parents shoes, i might have grounded her from the car for a week or two for the drinking IF i had made it clear i disapproved (which father in this case didn't), but to take the car away and order her out of the house is 100% wrong.

 

[DawnCt1]

the father was wrong. the DD acted responsibly by not driving and calling her parents AND finding a sober friend to bring her home. not that i advocate teen drinking, but this girl absolutely represents what kids SHOULD do if they find themselves in such a situation. in her parents shoes, i might have grounded her from the car for a week or two for the drinking IF i had made it clear i disapproved (which father in this case didn't), but to take the car away and order her out of the house is 100% wrong.

That is exactly what I said to the mom today. I prefaced it with, teenage drinking has never been an issue for you, as it has been for me, and I think you need to stop giving her permission to drink. I would have said, you can only take this car to work and back for a week. If you want to hang out with your friends, call them for a ride. Both of these parents say, "I know you will drink but....." I have been at their home when they have picked up beers and nothing is ever said. I would be worried to death if this were my DD, that the next time she won't call home and would attempt to drive or would get in a car with someone else who shouldn't be driving either. DH and I have always said that we do not approve of underage drinking, but if you ever need a ride, no matter what time, no matter where you are, we will come without hesitation and talk about it in the morning.

 

[agnes!]

If the DD is a friend of yours, maybe let her know that she can call *you* for a ride.

And it's ok for the DS but not for the DD?....mixed message.

agnes!

 

[DawnCt1]

If the DD is a friend of yours, maybe let her know that she can call *you* for a ride.

And it's ok for the DS but not for the DD?....mixed message.

agnes!

Its really been okay for both of them to drink, until she asked her mom and dad to pick up the car. Her mom would have picked up the car, no problem, except she needed her DH to get her to the car. I told her that her DH is 100% wrong but if her DD was 21, he would be 110% wrong.

 

[Tink888]

I think the girl acted responsibly in the situation. Maybe the Dad is having a delayed "over-reaction" in response to the DS getting a DUI earlier. Not right, but it happens sometimes.

 

[OceanAnnie]

It sounds like the father is punishing the DD for being responsible. Next time, she might not call for a ride, but take a risk driving. I don't think they want that either.

 

[DawnCt1]

It sounds like the father is punishing the DD for being responsible. Next time, she might not call for a ride, but take a risk driving. I don't think they want that either.

The DS stuck up for his sister and that is exactly what he told his father. Later the DD said, "well next time, I won't call". Not good! I have picked up friends of my DS, even when my DS was home already. They know they can call me any time.

 

[OceanAnnie]

The DS stuck up for his sister and that is exactly what he told his father. Later the DD said, "well next time, I won't call". Not good! I have picked up friends of my DS, even when my DS was home already. They know they can call me any time.

Is this really their father? It appears he was looking for an excuse to throw them out, take the car, and start a riff. Sad. If my DH tried to pull that (which he wouldn't), I would negotiate for something lesser.

The DD not calling would be the worse case scenario. And the DH (not dear) is responsible for that.

 

[mamacatnv]

I have picked up friends of my DS, even when my DS was home already. They know they can call me any time.

Me too, no questions asked, no repercussions. We made that deal with DS when he was in high school and have stuck to it. Same with the friends I'll get them and I will not tell their parents. It is one of the only times I will not rat them out. I lost several friends to drunk drivers/driving when I was a teen and I will do anything and everything in my power to prevent it happening to anyone I know.
I am not dumb, my DS drinks and while he is under age and it is illegal I too did it at his age and I remember that. (doesn't make it right yada yada I know, skip it)
The one thing he does not do is drive. I'm going out with my girlfriends tonight - hubbys are dropping us all off and my son will be picking us all up when he gets off work since he is the designated driver and I have the mini van! We teach by example in my neck of the woods

The father is wrong, the girl made a responsible decision and IMO any further repercussions send the wrong message. I am all for holding kids accountable and in this case other than not drink there was not much more she could have done to be responsible for her own actions.

 

[Rora]

The girl did the right thing, despite her previous bad decision.

Sounds like her Dad is overreacting but I can only hope he's just very concerned about her safety. Hopefully, he'll come around and let her use the safe car for school.

 

[NMAmy]

We have a deal with dd. No repercussions in that situation. We prefer that she doesn't drink but if she does, she can call us and we'll go get her. The dad is absolutely wrong.

 

[clgwli]

The daughter was smart to get a ride home with someone sober.

As for the dad his reaction may or may not be correct. If they did not tolerate any underage drinking then he has every right to punish her.

Unless you know for sure they were okay with her drinking then I can't say the dad was wrong.

 

[Disney Doll]

There's something behind th efather's behavior...you said he likes th ecar the girl was driving or whatever.

Sorry, but if he was an acquaintance of mine and asked my opinion, he'd hear "So it's OK for oyu to drink with your 17 year old sone but when your 19 year old daughter has to much to drink and makes a GOOD decision not to drive, you go ballistic. You're an idiot".

If I was married to this guy, we'd be having some BIG WORDS about this one.

 

[JessicaR]

Her Dad is wrong wrong wrong. Mostly because he has sent mixed conflicting signals to his daughter that obviously thinks she did the right thing!

 

[kidzmom3]

if its the parents car, as you stated in the original post, the father has every right to do anything he wants with it. If it's her car, that she paid for, then its hers. You might not agree with his decision, but he can do anything he wants with his property.

 

[M5ward]

We always told our kids to call us regardless of where they were or how late it was; there would be no punishment or repercussions. There WOULD, however, be severe punishment if they had drinks and then drove a car. I have gotten phone calls at 4:00 am from my then 23 or 24 year old son and have gotten out of bed a cheerfully (well, that's an exageration) gone to pick him up. Of course, I got a few calls when they were underage too.
As they got older, I always made sure they had enough money for cab fare in case they were too embarassed to call for a ride in front of their peers. Mostly, they called ...and kept the money...doesn't matter as long as they were safe.
This father sounds "off." His daughter made a responsible decision (even after a couple of drinks), and he made it a federal case. Would he have preferred she got behind the wheel and tried to drive home? Would he have preferred a middle of the night visit from the State Police saying his child had been involved in an accident? I sincerely hope not!

 

[Pigeon]

I think the father was wrong, and the girl did exactly the right thing.

I work at a university and I'd have to say that maybe 3% of the undergrads under 21 never take a drink. I think the drinking age as it exists is schizophrenic, but that's another thread.

I will encourage my kids to obey the law, but if they do have a drink at a party, I'll come get them or their friends, no questions asked.