WWYD - Playground Altercation

[jensen]

Just a different perspective here and I am honestly not trying to cause issues...

I agree she is being unreasonable about the coat. Does she feel the altercation itself was handled properly? I understand your child is a child and made a bad choice. The thing is, it seems your son would have had to push him pretty hard or be pretty physical to rip his coat and that would anger me as a mom if it wasn't being addressed. I just wonder if maybe she's making a big deal out of the jacket because she's angry about the incident itself.

It's not the route I would take, but I do have a child who has been hurt and the "boys will be boys" attitude is kind of infuriating. I am just wondering if all the other stuff has been addressed (punishment, apologies for trying to hurt him). If it has.. carry on. If it hasn't.. maybe that will calm her down a little?

Thanks for pointing this out... Maybe... when I met with the Principal, he actually told me not to be too hard on my son over this thing.

My son apologized to the other boy and served detention in school for the incident. He's grounded at home. And she knew it was his money that I was offering to her.

 

[RachaelA]

Thanks for pointing this out... Maybe... when I met with the Principal, he actually told me not to be too hard on my son over this thing.

My son apologized to the other boy and served detention in school for the incident. He's grounded at home. And she knew it was his money that I was offering to her.

What kind of person would take a 12 year old's money over something like this? OMG! Its a freaking zipper. What a terrible woman.

 

[jensen]

While I agree that offering to replace the zipper is fair, (if it can be fixed and will at least decently match) if the mom or child wants to wear an expensive jacket to school, that is their choice. Since when is it ok to anyone to tear up anything, no matter how much it costs. It is her business what her kid wears to school. Expensive or not, it has no bearing on the other kid being a brat.

It's OK to call it being a brat. His actions were unacceptable. Which is why he's being punished.

The question here is whether his actions require a whole new coat or a simple repair. I think your response indicates that my offer of a new zipper is sufficient.

I understand that if the body of the jacket had been torn, we'd be buying a whole new jacket. Because simply sewing it up would have left a noticeable scar. I got lucky that it was just the zipper.

 

[Leajess99]

I would do it just to end the drama and move on with life. Life is too short to bicker over every little thing. One day when you're old and gray looking back on life this will be a very small and insignificant thing and it won't really matter who was wrong or right.

I'm sorry but I'm old enough and tome $110 is not small or insignificant. I have an almost 20 year old, 14 year old, and almost 10 year old and have seen a lot in my years as a parent. I am thankfull I have never met someone like the OP is dealing with. I learned long ago not to even bother with most parents on stuff dealing with clothing. Even when my middle one's hoodie was stolen from class I just let it go but again it did not cost more than $20.

Some people cannot afford to just hand out $110 like it is no big deal. I won't reward a thief.

 

[Leajess99]

Yep, if a child gets tagged and pushed another kid down hard because he is mad that he got tagged, the name fits.

I have no problem with paying to get the jacket fixed and I don't hink she should have to pay for a new one, but if my kid pushed another kid down and damaged the jacket, I would be pretty ticked off at my kid for doing it and most likely take it out of their allowance. I teach my kids to respect the property of others. An accident is a completely different story. Or maybe I am just misunderstanding something

Actually, you don't know what happened and neither does anyone other than the boys involved and the witnesses. I have watched kids play tag and one get upset because he/she was being picked on as they were the slower runner. Kids have emotions and they are not always easily controlled.

 

[MomToOne]

No, it was never a situation where I thought the jacket needed to be replaced. I never saw the jacket. But, the principal assured me that only the zipper was damaged and replacing the zipper was sufficient. He agreed that this parent is asking for too much here.

You missed my point. My point was that if you thought just replacing the zipper was enough, you should have never have asked whether or not the other family could afford to replace the jacket. That's none of your business, quite frankly. That comment had no place in the conversation AT ALL and could be very easily taken to mean "I really think the jacket should be replaced but I don't take responsibility for my son's actions and think you should pay to replace it". The fact that you brought it up was inappropriate and I'm not surprised it angered the other mother.

 

[MrsDoubtfire]

I sent DS11 to school with a brand new school uniform one day last year (5th grade, he was 10), and some classmate got bright blue magic marker on the polo shirt. He wore the shirt exactly once and as far as I was concerned, it was ruined - not washable marker, more like a Sharpie. Now it was no NF jacket, but those school polos cost $25 bucks a pop, so needless to say, I was pissed. What I did not do was call the kids mother and demand she pay for a new shirt (even though I may have wanted to). I basically told my DS to avoid sitting near this kid during art if possible, and ask him kindly to be careful with the art supplies.

OP, WWYD in this scenario? I would have sent the mom a check for $25 and be done with it. If she proceeded to trash-talk me - who cares? She sounds like a pill anyhow. As far as I'm concerned, she would have been pocketing the $25 and sending the jacket to NF for a zipper warranty replacement. If the brand new jacket became torn from the fall/push, then the situation would be different. I still would not pay the full price of a replacement since both boys were playing around when the accident occurred. At that point, I would pay for half unless the incident was witnessed by a neutral-party adult who saw my child as being 100% at fault. Then I would pay for a new jacket AFTER the mom provided a receipt to me.

A neighbor boy was playing in the yard with my son this past summer. The boy (he is 12), threw a ball and broke one of our basement windows. He then runs home. My son comes in crying like he just lost his best friend - I mean bawling uncontrollably. He proceeds to tell me what happened and how he (my son, not the kid who ran back home) will pay for the damage with his savings. After calming him down, I told him how it would not be necessary to pay for the damage, as accidents happen. I did not contact my neighbors to ask them for half of the window, or even all of the cost. DH laughed about it since he broke many a window in his younger days playing ball. Such is life.
We try not to sweat the small stuff

 

[kellyg403]

OP, I am with everyone else. No way would I pay for anything other than a zipper. Who cares where she bought it, why she wants a new jacket and her assesment of your parenting skills. As for the trash talking, in my experience, the people she is trash talking to who are believing what she says without knowing you, you don't want to be friends with anyway.

The parent in question has a lot of growing up to do if she expects anytime her child is playing and something gets torn she will get something new. Even in high school my sons have come home with torn clothes/jackets. HS boys seem to goof off way more than MS boys.

I would be angry too honestly. I can assure you my boys have tons of things get ripped and torn and they probably have returned the favor. I have 3 sons the oldest is 28 and the youngest 16. Never once have I been asked to pay for anything and never have I asked anyone too. Its just bizarre to me that we have gotten to the point where 'someone' has to pay for anything that happens, accident or not.

Kelly

 

[sunshinehighway]

OP, I am with everyone else. No way would I pay for anything other than a zipper. Who cares where she bought it, why she wants a new jacket and her assesment of your parenting skills. As for the trash talking, in my experience, the people she is trash talking to who are believing what she says without knowing you, you don't want to be friends with anyway.

The parent in question has a lot of growing up to do if she expects anytime her child is playing and something gets torn she will get something new. Even in high school my sons have come home with torn clothes/jackets. HS boys seem to goof off way more than MS boys.

I would be angry too honestly. I can assure you my boys have tons of things get ripped and torn and they probably have returned the favor. I have 3 sons the oldest is 28 and the youngest 16. Never once have I been asked to pay for anything and never have I asked anyone too. Its just bizarre to me that we have gotten to the point where 'someone' has to pay for anything that happens, accident or not.

Kelly

There so many people that have to be right or want someone to pay regardless of how small the problem is or what happened. I have a relative like this. She always has to get what she thinks she is owed (whether she is or not). It doesn't matter how small the issue is. She just turns everything into more than it is and complains until she gets what she wants. She usually get it too because its easier for companies and people to just give in. That just reinforces her behavior. It makes her think she's right even when she's totally wrong.

 

[lucifie]

I don't know how much it would take to repair the zipper, but I think offering $30 is very generous. I think an apology from your son and an offer to replace the zipper is fair. Unless your son intentionally ripped the zipper, even replacing the zipper is more than enough, IMO. My first thought when I read the initial post is don't send your kids to school in expensive clothes if you're not prepared for them to get ripped, stained, etc.

 

[robinb]

You missed my point. My point was that if you thought just replacing the zipper was enough, you should have never have asked whether or not the other family could afford to replace the jacket. That's none of your business, quite frankly.

You're right, most people would be outwardly angry if someone insinuated that that couldn't really afford something. However, I am willing to give the OP a pass on it because I think her heart was in the right place even though her attempt to be nice and sensitive to the other parent's situation obviously backfired on her. Hindsight is always 20/20.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Okay, so, after reading everything, I have come to a determination:
The jacket is either a knock-off/counterfeit, or it ws purchased at an outlet - and now the Other Mother is trying to get a genuine North Face jacket for her son... with someone else paying for it.

 

[jensen]

You missed my point. My point was that if you thought just replacing the zipper was enough, you should have never have asked whether or not the other family could afford to replace the jacket. That's none of your business, quite frankly. That comment had no place in the conversation AT ALL and could be very easily taken to mean "I really think the jacket should be replaced but I don't take responsibility for my son's actions and think you should pay to replace it". The fact that you brought it up was inappropriate and I'm not surprised it angered the other mother.

Absolutely, I should have used different words.

 

[hsmamato2]

I
Good grief
What ever happen to the days when children played and clothing got torn and ripped?

I agree,really? I would let kids PLAY and work things out, unless I saw a clear case of a gang of bullies attacking a child.... kids play, stuff gets broken,life goes on. I wouldn't let my kid play with yours anymore if this had happened with our group of kids playing together. (not b/c of your kid, but b/c of how you respond to it)This sounds like kids were playing rough,like kids do sometimes,and something got ripped. Happens all the time with the kids who play in my yard. Anyone who sends their kid to my house in 'vanity' clothes rather than clothes the kid can be comfortable in, learns quickly not to do it again. Most kids go home from our place muddy at the very least(hello new shoes lol) sometimes with a scraped knee(hello bandaid collection) and if something gets torn while playing I let the parents (friends of mine) know that kids play,and I encourage playing. Lots of active playing. I would NEVER ask another parent to fund my kids clothing collection,and I wouldn't expect to be blamed for when the kids rip their clothes in a game of tag.

 

[hsmamato2]

The parent in question has a lot of growing up to do if she expects anytime her child is playing and something gets torn she will get something new. Even in high school my sons have come home with torn clothes/jackets. HS boys seem to goof off way more than MS boys.

I would be angry too honestly. I can assure you my boys have tons of things get ripped and torn and they probably have returned the favor. I have 3 sons the oldest is 28 and the youngest 16. Never once have I been asked to pay for anything and never have I asked anyone too. Its just bizarre to me that we have gotten to the point where 'someone' has to pay for anything that happens, accident or not.

Kelly

yes,this. Bullying and beating up, adults should get involved. Kids playing rough,grabbing clothes running around, stay out of it! the only games where kids don't ruin clothes are video games where they're staring blankfaced at a screen from a chair for hours on end...I'll take the damage to clothes anyday in place of that......

 

[Leajess99]

There so many people that have to be right or want someone to pay regardless of how small the problem is or what happened. I have a relative like this. She always has to get what she thinks she is owed (whether she is or not). It doesn't matter how small the issue is. She just turns everything into more than it is and complains until she gets what she wants. She usually get it too because its easier for companies and people to just give in. That just reinforces her behavior. It makes her think she's right even when she's totally wrong.

I know someon like this. It is never her kids' fault and is always someone elses. I swear ever company is putting her on their "just give in to her" list. it is quite sad and the kids learn the same behavior.

 

[jensen]

The silver lining in all of this. I've been so upset over this situation, that I've been literally nauseous and unable to eat anything. I got on the scale this morning and I dropped those five pounds I picked up over the summer.

 

[englishteacha]

I think offering to repair the zipper is very gracious. Things get damaged at school. And as for a zipper repair, the zipper on my winter coat was replaced by a seamstress in 2002 and is still going strong!

 

[pixiewings71]

PixieWings 71, I don't know the answer to that, about the warranty. I wasn't buying a jacket, so I don't know if they did something to the tag, or marked the liner somehow to indicate it was an outlet purchase.

I remember them warning me about the lack of a warranty when I bought the backpack there, but I really didn't care since it was only $30

Thank You, I was just curious. I assumed it would be the tag being marked or something similar. I don't have a TNF outlet near me so I can't check for myself. Did they mark your backpack somehow?

I'm pretty sure TNF outlet purchases are marked so they know if from an outlet. They color in the O on the tag with a black marker. If that jacket isn't marked, TNF will repair it as they told you.
Also, there are only a few TNF outlet stores so if you don't live near one it probably wasn't an outlet purchase.

Personally, I'd offer to repair the zipper if its an outlet purchase or pay the cost to send it to TNF to get it fixed. Let her rant to everyone about it. She sounds ridiculous and petty.

If you decide to replace the jacket, get the one with the broken zipper. You'd be buying the broken one from her and she can use the money to buy a new one. She shouldn't keep the broken one and take the money.

Thank You

What kind of person would take a 12 year old's money over something like this? OMG! Its a freaking zipper. What a terrible woman.

The silver lining in all of this. I've been so upset over this situation, that I've been literally nauseous and unable to eat anything. I got on the scale this morning and I dropped those five pounds I picked up over the summer.

Nice way to look at the bright side.

 

[Sandi]

The silver lining in all of this. I've been so upset over this situation, that I've been literally nauseous and unable to eat anything. I got on the scale this morning and I dropped those five pounds I picked up over the summer.

I just finished the whole thread and I think it's great that you found this silver lining! You have handled this as well as anyone could. Offering to replace the zipper was more than generous.

I can't count the number of rips, tears, breakages that my DD (now 18) has been involved in over the years. I've even replaced zippers in her coats, mine, and DH's. I can't imagine asking someone to pay for any of that after a playgroung activity.

If that coat really is NF, they will replace the zipper, but the shipping costs something, so your $30 will more than cover that. We just got DD's Jantzen backpack fixed and returned from the company after she broke a zipper and one of the caribiners ripped off.