WWYD, Parenting question

[deedeecee]

Originally posted by disneyjunkie
i would want to know why my son didn't hit the other kid back.

The first act of contact was an accident, the second act was not.

It may put in the bad mommy club, but i always told my son if someone hits you to hit them back. However, he would have never hit someone for accidentally bumping into him.

Originally posted by Magic Mom
maybe the other kid didn't realize the first push was an accident and his mom taught him the same thing.

That was my thought too.
If my child accidentally knocks another child down, I would expect my child to offer an apology/acknowledgement (ask if he's OK). I would not intervene at that moment unless I thought the situation was going to escalate.

 

[Momvic5]

I would probably walk over to the children to make sure the situation did not escalate. I think I would also make my child apologize for running carelessly. Honestly, I dislike when children run wild through my home or other places so I would be focused on my child's behavior of running carelessly. I would probably leave it at that - my child learned that when you run carelessly, you might find yourself on your behind. The other kid's mom can deal with her child's behavior.

 

[JennyDarling]

The other child's age and size would determine my response. Two kids about the same size and I would most likely blow it off as kids stuff (assuming there's no blood, of course!).

A 12yo pushing my 35lb 5yo? The mama bear in me is gonna come out!

 

[shortbun]

Casually and calmly, I'd check on both children to see if they were ok, tell them to brush themselves off and go have fun. Age 5, there's no way to go back to the beginning and sort it all out-just move them forward with a gentle warning to watch where their bodies were.

 

[sparklynails23]

Don't run??? They were in an indoor play area not a museum. It's a given that kids will run, scream, and yes bump one another while there.

It's not a soccer field. If there's not room to run inside without bumping into other kids, you don't allow running.

Let's pretend it's adults. If some guy is running on the jogging trail and runs right into you, what do you do? I probably wouldn't push him down, but I'd say, "Hey Buddy, watch it." A five year old doesn't have the reserve to repond verbally. All he knows is that "running" kid bumped into him and made him lose his balloon.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Sorry, but I don't see anything wrong with kids running around in a play area that allows running. Telling them not to run, would be like telling them they can't scream, yell, laugh...while playing in the park.

 

[Mandychelle79]

First I would be shocked if my kid didnt get up and push the kid back.....

But I would see if my child was ok, make them apologize for bumping into someone ( I apologize when i bump into people most of the time), and then say its not nice to push people.

 

[horseshowmom]

I'm glad you pointed that out. I look at it the same way.

I would not make my child apologize to someone after being purposely knocked down.

I agree. While I would have otherwise, the purposely done pushing overrides my good manners gene.

ETA: I would talk to my child about being more careful while playing and reinforce that what the other child did was completely unacceptable.

 

[VAfamily1998]

If my child is 5 and the child he bumped into and pushed him is 2 or 3ish: I'd probably go up, make sure they are both ok, and say something to my child, in front of the younger child, if he's still hanging around "Hey sweetie, I think this little boy didn't realize it was an accident when you ran into him. We need to be careful because there are smaller kids here, and we don't want anyone to get hurt. Can you please tell him that you're sorry, and you'll be more careful next time?"

If my child is 5 and the child he bumped into looks roughly the same age: I'd mostly likely stay back and see if they both kind of "brush it off" and go their own ways after that. I'd intervene if it seemed the situation was about to escalate.


if my child is 5 and the child he bumped into appears to be much older "I'd do something similar to what I said in the first circumstance (telling him to be careful because their were other kids) but I'd also tell the older child that it was an accident and if he has a problem with other kids, he should find a grown up in charge and tell them, not retaliate physcially.

 

[Scurvy]

Personally, I agree with those who says they can only control their own child. If the kids hadn't gone their own ways immediately (and if my child didn't apologize on his own) I would have checked to see if both kids were okay and then I would have had my child apologize. If the other child did not also apologize, I would have explained afterward to my child that the other one should have apologized to him as well. I would not have tried to discipline the other child, nor would I have talked to his mother. If the balloon could not be retrieved I would have replaced it.

Don't run??? They were in an indoor play area not a museum. It's a given that kids will run, scream, and yes bump one another while there.

In the other thread (which is still ongoing on the family board), the OP did not initially explain what sort of play area it was. The ones I (and some other posters on that thread) have been familiar with actually don't allow running, and there are clearly posted rules to that effect. In the case of the other thread, it turns out running was allowed and was part of the game the kids were playing. However, kids still need to learn to be aware of their surroundings and to be careful not to bump into others. There's no reason bumping into people should be a given just because running is permitted.

Maybe the other kid didn't realize the first push was an accident and his mom taught him the same thing.

My thoughts exactly. If child who was bumped thought the other child intially bumped into him and his mother had taught him that retaliation was appropriate, then his actions would have been completely justified and understandable - at least according to some people. Personally I think any parent who teaches their child that physical retaliation is acceptable is doing the child a grave disservice.

 

[disneyjunkie]

I know this thread isn't about bullies. However, I believe a lot of the bully issues would come to an end if more were taught to defend themselves. Bullies tend to avoid those who will stand up to them.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I'd probably do absolutely nothing. Kids of school age need to know how to defend themselves, and to stand up for themselves. Mom isn't at school when someone bothers her precious child, he either learns to take care of himself, or he becomes the kid who tattles.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

I would make sure my child is okay but past that I wouldn't get involved. No making my child apologize, no talking to the other kid, I would just let that part go.

 

[Momvic5]

I know this thread isn't about bullies. However, I believe a lot of the bully issues would come to an end if more were taught to defend themselves. Bullies tend to avoid those who will stand up to them.

To me, this situation is not about defending yourself. It is more about taking responsibility for your own actions or helping your child take responsibilityfor his/her actions in the situation. My kid caused the situation by running about carelessly. Regardless of whether running was permitted or not, the running was done carelessly. If he/she was watching where he/she was going, the other child would not have lost his/her balloon and pushed my child. Of course, the other kid should take responsibility for pushing, but I can not control the other kid or what his/her mom chooses to do about it. I can only help my child see his/her part in the situation and move on.

 

[Kat77]

First I would be shocked if my kid didnt get up and push the kid back.....

But I would see if my child was ok, make them apologize for bumping into someone ( I apologize when i bump into people most of the time), and then say its not nice to push people.

That was my thought too. If they did not push back, they must not have been too bothered by it. If the other child lost their balloon I would help them retrieve it or get them another one but that is all.
Even when something is an accident I expect my children to apologize but not after being pushed down. By 5, I suspect most children would apologize without prompting as long as they are not assaulted before they can do so.

Wanted to add, I would call my child over and tell them to watch where they are going! They should not be bashing into people at the playground.

 

[Kat77]

Double posted!

 

[Mandychelle79]

That was my thought too. If they did not push back, they must not have been too bothered by it. If the other child lost their balloon I would help them retrieve it or get them another one but that is all.
Even when something is an accident I expect my children to apologize but not after being pushed down. By 5, I suspect most children would apologize without prompting as long as they are not assaulted before they can do so.

With a 7 yr old daughter and a 5 yr old son there is plenty of pushing, shoving, hitting going on in this house. If I catch them they do get in trouble, if its a tattle scenario I usually ask what they did to deserve it. If one is picking on the other, but not enough to warant a time out they usually get the warning of, If your brother/sister decides to fight back, Im going to let it happen and they will not be in trouble for it.

 

[PrincessBelle39]

I said other because although I would check to see if my child was ok, I wouldn't make them apologise and I also wouldn't say something to the other child. I don't feel its my place to do this.

 

[disneyjunkie]

I had no idea this thread was based on another thread. My posts were based on what was posted here.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I had no idea this thread was based on another thread. My posts were based on what was posted here.

Well, it was in the first line of the thread.

I was just wondering in general what people would do. It was interesting the different responses. This thread is interesting too.