WWYD: Nephew "lost" borrowed video games

[disneysnowflake]

My nephew is 18. He graduated this past June.

Last Saturday he came over and asked to borrow my 17 yo's Guitar Hero game and guitar controller and his brand new Madden 08 game. He promised to bring the game back last Sunday (Aug 26).

The games weren't returned. Nephew's cell phone just rings and rings. He doesn't call. He's not online. I called my sister to ask about getting the games and accessory back. She told me since he's 18 she wants nothing to do with this. She says nephew has been cited for disorderly conduct recently and didn't go to work at all last week.

My son went over to their house yesterday after school looking for his items, but no one would answer the door. Nephew called last night and left a message on our machine saying he lost the items. He'll have to find them. How can you lose a big red fake guitar and 2 new video games in their boxes?

I'm not even sure what else to do.

Any advice?

 

[Camicar]

I'd give him a shortline deadline to find them or he has to pay for them. (Not that it sounds like you'll ever see the money.)
And I'd certainly never loan him a thing ever again.

 

[Beth76]

I would call your sister again. That's absolutely ridiculous that he's claiming he lost them. You can even mention small claims court.

 

[daisax]

My knee jerk reaction is that he has a drug problem and sold them for money or lost them in a bet -- whatever it is, he's got bigger problems than what he took from your son (not that I condone it).

Your sister may already have been putting up with thefts around the house, and now that "outsiders" (even family members) are involved and coming to knock on the door is realizing just how out of control he is. I'd support her if I could, ask what the heck is going on and can you help.

Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill and he's just an inconsiderate jerk who will eventually do the right thing and return what he owes, but I've seen this pattern in several other people and it's tragic.

At 17 your son is old enough to live with the consequences of making a bad loan, and I'd leave THAT between the cousins, while maybe asking your son for some compassion if it turns out to be a drug issue.

 

[tekmom]

Sounds like he sold them. I can't imagine he lost them, unless gave them to someone to settle a debt. Good luck and shame on your nephew.

 

[agnes!]

Your DN sounds like a jerk. You & your family have to decide how far you are going to take this. He owes your son $$$ for the games. If he doesn't cough it up, then maybe you should consider taking him to small claims court (sounds like your DSis wouldn't be too upset about this?)

NEVER lend him anything again.

Do you know any of his friends? Does your son know where he hangs out? Could you have someone else call him, maybe say he won a contest and arrange to meet him at a mall/public place. I can't get any farther than that though...if you confront him, the situation might turn ugly. (Actually, it already IS ugly...the situation could turn ugliER!)

I *bet* he just wants to keep the games and thinks you all will will let him walk all over you. He thinks he can STEAL from family.

Or he sold them for drug/booze money.

agnes!

 

[Disney Doll]

Take him off your list of people you will loan things to.
Take him to small claims court for the money.

Or do nothing because it sounds like your sister has bigger fish to fry with this kid than this incident.

Really it depends on how much of a rift you want to create in your family.

 

[Stacerita]

Your nephew sounds like a jerk. There is no way you can "lose" the guitar like that. DBF brings his over all the time. Heck, we have even taken it camping, and never once did we lose it. There is no way you can lose it while playing with it. I agree with previous posters who said he may have sold it or traded it for something. Or he may have loaned it out to another person and hasn't gotten it returned yet. I would keep asking for it and force him to "find" it. And remind myself never to let him borrow anything again.

 

[littleteapot]

Sorry my first thought is theft. I'm so sorry for you and your sister. I wouldn't bring it up to her again, just a twist of a knife he put there KWIM.

I would never lend him anything again and I wouldn't let him have access to my home without supervision.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

small claims court - oh boy that will make for a fun Thanksgiving!


I'd buy my kid replacement items and forbid him from ever loaning anything to nephew ever again for the rest of his life. And then I'd call my sister's answering machine and say "oh and by the way, I just spent $XXX replacing these items. Just thought you'd like to know."


I can be more than a little passive aggressive when it comes to my family.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yep, I would probably replace the items as well.

Then not allow the kid back in my house until he pays me back.
Call sister and tell him he is not welcome here until he makes amends.

Basically he is thief and who knows what he will steal next...your jewelry, money from your purse, etc.....

This is your wake up call.

 

[Mermaid02]

First of all- check the nearest Pawn Shop! I'm serious.

Second- take him off your Christmas list. Your son is not getting his things back- and it's a real shame. I would try to help ds replace his things as best as I could.

 

[disneysnowflake]

Thanks for the advice.

Unfortunately, after speaking with my parents about this, it seems my nephew is in some sort of trouble. They didn't say what though, but they were very concerned. They were hinting toward substance abuse though.

I will replace the items. My son has a lot of fun with both games.

I sure hope my nephew gets his act together.

 

[WeirdEyes]

I've been through this with a family member. He sold the items for drugs. He's clean now. We gave him the choice of jail or rehab because he stole from us also. Good luck!

 

[marshallandcartersmo]

What a sad situation. My first thought is your nephew is just rude and wants to continue playing the cool new games and will bring them back when he's sick of them. After reading the other posts I tend to agree that he probably sold them. However, since we don't know much about your nephew, only you know if that would be something he'd do.......or maybe he is just rude and inconsiderate and is still happily playing them in his room.

I wouldn't punish your DS by not replacing them. I'm sure it was kinda hard not to trust his things with family. But I sure as heck wouldn't run out and replace them tomorrow. Do you live in the same town?? I would be driving over there myself when you're sure they are home and looking in his room. Privacy??? Sorry, he lost that card when he didn't return our stuff. This is your sisters child, right?? Surely she can be a little more understanding and at least let you in the house to look yourself.

 

[Cool-Beans]

Kiss it goodbye and consider it a lesson learned in lending things out: Don't ever lend anything you couldn't lose.

Besides, Guitar Hero III will be out soon enough.

 

[jonna30]

Not only would I not let him near my home & "stuff" again, but...I would do my very best to not let him near my kids until he PROVES himself worthy. His substance and/or legal problems can cause havoc for your son. Guilt by association or worse, just being in the same vehicle as someone with drugs will buy you jail time.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

Take him off your list of people you will loan things to.
Take him to small claims court for the money.

Or do nothing because it sounds like your sister has bigger fish to fry with this kid than this incident.

Really it depends on how much of a rift you want to create in your family.

I agree. As for me, I'd totally sue him. Tough love, baby. I don't think it does anyone any good to coddle thieves, even if they are young family members. But then again, everyone in both our families knows we would, and they are not inclined to cross us for that reason! (Also, none of them have drug problems and they are all basically decent people, so that helps.)

 

[Nana Annie]

If your DN is in some sort of trouble, this may be a blessing in disguise.

Ask your sister if you can help. This sounds harsh, but you may want to press charges for theft. But talk to a lawyer first and see how bad the consequences would be.

We had some friends that were going through the same problem. Their son stole something low price from another close to the family. The two families worked together and pressed charges against the kid. Because it was a small amount, he got probation and court ordered rehab.

It scared the kid enough to start making changes in his life. And because it was all done between family members, they could all work together with the prosecutor to get the terms they wanted.

May not work everywhere, and don't even know if this is the trouble your DN is in, but it may be a situation where you can actually turn something bad into something that might help DN.

 

[daisyduck123]

Unfortunately, after speaking with my parents about this, it seems my nephew is in some sort of trouble. They didn't say what though, but they were very concerned. They were hinting toward substance abuse though.

It's too bad someone didn't let you know about your nephew earlier!
What's up with that??
You probably wouldn't have had him hanging out with your DS (I know I wouldn't).

I'm sorry that happened to your DS.