WWYD? Kids, babysitters & friends

[ruadisneyfan2]

I have a dilemma.
I work FT and have 2 boys, 12 & 9. They usually attend day camp in summer, 8-9 weeks and we take a week vacay; either travelling or just staying home to relax.
After so many years of this, we have all grown weary of lathering up for sunblock at 6:30 am for camp and them spending every minute of their summer doing structured activities for 9 hrs/day in 95 deg heat, so we decided to have someone come to our house to babysit.
We found 2 very responsible high school girls from our kids' karate school and each will babysit 3 weeks this summer then 3 weeks camp. (Girls come alone, taking turns, not together.)
Just finishing our first week now and we're all loving it. Easy mornings for me, and some downtime for them. Great.
We belong to a swim club and I bought around 15-20 guest passes so the babysitters can bring the kids (she doesn't drive yet but it's within bike-riding distance.) My boys are both excellent swimmers and there are 3 lifeguards so I don't worry so much.
A 9 y.o boy who lives down the street and plays with ds9 has been to the pool with us a few times and even was tested by the LG so he can swim in the deep end. (They get an ankle band to wear once passed.)
The dilemma is that my kids want him to come to the pool with them and the babysitter. Dh and I both feel it's not a good idea. Babysitter doesn't mind and says she's taken 5 kids to pools when babysitting in the past so 3 kids to watch is so easy.
We feel it's a lot of liability for a teen. Dh & I don't mind bringing the friend when we can watch them. There is also tennis courts and playground so it's not just a matter of watching the pool itself.

This all went down while I was at work, couldn't reach dh on his cell at first, but he called me back and we agreed it's not a great idea.
I don't have the neighbor's ph # with me to check what the boy's mom thinks or the babysitter's mom's #, though she's @ work now too.

Are we over reacting?

 

[jbcheerchick93]

my mom wouldnt have let a babysitter take charge of a friend too. while the boys that i babysit are allowed to have friends over and that does not bother me, if you as a parent arent comforable with it then you shouldnt pretend that you are and allow this. if the other parent is comfortable wiht this then maybe you two can talk about it and come to an agreement about it

 

[happygirl]

No, I wouldn't let him go with them

 

[vettechick99]

Sounds to me like she is babysitting that other kid if she does that and should be compensated to do so. If his mom wants to chip in.... ?

 

[lg3]

I would say no in general. We've only made special exceptions for a sitter to take a friend in unusual circumstances or special event. I understand the 9 yr old wanting to come, but if he did he would need his own supervision IMHO.

 

[okeydokey]

The babysitter is responsible for your kids, not the other kid. If the Mom wants to pay the babysitter also and hire her to be responsible a couple days a week then that's different.

 

[shortbun]

You were right. If the Mom wants her son at the pool, she should take him OR you could make arrangements for her to pay your sitter something BUT I think the responsibility of your children is enough.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Thanks, I feel better. Dh picked them all up at the pool and told them all "no friends at the pool."
I do feel bad for the boy though. His parents are really struggling financially, his mom was out of work for a long time (mortgage company) and they bought their home at the peak of housing prices, probably now under water. Their cable is shut off and no way would they be able to join the pool. The mom works from home and my boys are the only other boys close to his age. The kid doesn't have anything really to do all summer. At least my kids can play with each other; he just has an older sister around 4-5 yrs. older than him.

 

[TaraPA]

I would also say no to bringing friends to the pool. Why don't you offer 2 guest passes to the friend & the mom to also go to the pool on the same day your kids are there with the sitter? That way they can all play, and all be supervised. And if they're having financial trouble, giving them the paid-for guest passes is a nice gesture. If you feel awkward just tell them you got them for free, or bought too many to use yourself, etc.

I would be open to having this friend over at your house while the sitter is there, IF the sitter agrees, and maybe pay her a few dollars more that day. My boys are 9 & 12, and I know sometimes it's actually easier for me when they have friends over, they stay occupied & I get more accomplished on my own!

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[mickeyboat]

I would also say no. My FIL babysits my DDs quite often at our home, and the kids often want to invite friends over while he is there. We tell them they need to wait until Mom or Dad are home because we are not comfortable having him be responsible for other peoples' kids.

Denae

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

I may be off but why can't the boys Mom just bring him to the pool without you being involved nd pay for the day? Are you giving him passes as your guest? If so then you could be responsible for him and I wouldn't do that. But, if this boy is just another kid at the pool where his Mom drops him off and picks him up isn't responsibility for him between his Mom & your sitter? My only concern for my own kids would be whether or not the sitter would be too distracted to watch my own kids properly, but at that age the boys are pretty self sufficient so that probably wouldn't play into it. Am I missing something?

If it's a members only thing I would do what TaraPA suggests, assuming its not too much money.

The guest passes aren't actual tickets to give away. We pay $5 pp/day just in case my parents, friends, etc. want to join us. They are basically index cards kept on file at the front sign in desk. We bought around 15 extras for the babysitters. Any unused can be applied to the next year.
The friend's family doesn't belong to the pool and the mom works @ home so she's not really free to go with him or play with him much. They rarely travel except for some camping/quad riding trips. I kind of feel bad that when my boys aren't around, the kid doesn't have anyone around to play with. Then it's not my responsibility to entertain him all summer. He could seek out friends from school but mine are just a few houses away.
I don't have anything against the friend or his family. In fact, last summer when ds9 was so sick of camp, she offered to take him with their family to spend a day at the beach. (Ocean City) She also took beautiful photos of my boys one spring when all the flowers were in bloom and (our side street is just loaded with huge rhododendrons & azaleas on both sides) and framed them for me for Mother's Day. They're nice people.
I worry more about the liability if something happened. Where does the responsibility lie? The babysitter is a minor, etc. Accidents happen though unlikely, it's a lot on a 16 y.o.

Unrelated, my brother & SIL live in a condo in N. Jersey. The condo has a pool and a 13 y.o. drowned there. My SIL was there at the time and noticed him face down. There was a LG but not on an elevated stand. Just sitting at a nearby table, not exactly good vantage point. She and others tried CPR, calling 911, paramedics gave CPR, etc. and the boy died. She was so freaked out of course though her own daugher is grown, very nervous about kids and water.
Also just this week a mom and her 2 kids were swimming in N. Wildwood (NJ beach town) and the strong undertow pulled them out to sea. The mom and 1 child died, 1 child survived. So incredibly sad. The news said even Micheal Phelps could only swim so long before tiring with this strong current.

Not trying to be morbid, but just saying s*** happens. I don't want to be responsible for a girl watching someone else's kid.
I've taken this friend to the pool and so has dh but we watch like hawks knowing our responsibility/duty. kwim? I don't want to put too much on a young girl. I know she's a good kid but I'm relying more on my kids knowledge of pool safety and swimming. We even watch the LGs sometimes and feel they're too chatty with other LGs. I don't know, maybe we're too serious but I need to sleep at night.
My kids, their friend, and our babysitter all think we're nuts but I feel better now.
Gotta love the Dis.

I will explain to his mom that we don't mind bringing him as our guest but would rather do so when we can be there. I'm sure she'll understand and who knows if he even told her the whole story of who was taking them.

 

[momof1princess]

i would also say no, as this is not fair to the babysitter. she's not being paid to watch an extra child. in my teens, this happened to me ONCE, and it was a total and utter nightmare. i was paid to watch one child and ambushed with three! and one of the spare two wasn't toilet trained and ended up peeing and pooping his pants! the parents didn't even apologize for the trouble i went to and surely didn't offer to pay me for watching their two kids...oh, and the sitting was set up through my church! i will never forget that if i live to be a hundred and i would NEVER do that to anyone else. i would contact the other boy's mom and let her know what's going on and tell her if she wants her kid to come along, she can pay the sitter's rate.