WWYD?? I don't think I am in the wrong!

[leighe]

I feel so sorry for all the kids caught up in all of this nonsense. I wouldn't care if I needed the money or not - I'd never let my kids be in the middle of something that nasty.

 

[Kimickey]

OP - I have not read all of the above responses and apologize up front if I repeat something that has already been said.

I'm going thru a simular situation. Here is how I've handled my issues with me ex.

I cut all communication with him via telephone and will only communicate with him via email. I started this six months ago and it works! Ex has remarried and considering the fact that I REFUSE to talk to him via telephone he REFUSES to put anything in writing via email (he know's what he was doing and saying to me via telephone, he wouldn't dare put in writing - he knows the courts will slam him).

Harassment and verbal abuse has stopped! Now he's just angry with me -- O I don't CARE! My only concern are DD and DS. To boot I sent him an email explaining his harassment to DD about me will cease immediately or I will have her phone number changed and calls to him will be placed from an unknown number..basically limit his telephone communication to DD as well...harassment stopped! A judge now has all of my emails sent to him proving his foolishness...(Long story I refuse to go into).

2. I do not use my kids as a vehicle to pass or receive information to or from him. If he or I wants to ask a question I told my DD he needs to hang up and call me or I can call him. He didn't like that avenue, and tried to pass along messages. I wouldn't listen and played dumb like I had no clue what was being asked of me thru an 11 year old from her father. I told him point blank...I don't take messages from an 11year old. "He stopped using her as a feeding tube of information".

3. If he started in on DD about "what is mom doing" ect...I told her to simply say "with all do respect dad - you need to ask mommy" and to change the subject. After hearing that several times, he got the picture and stopped asking.


My point is, you don't have to partake in his foolishness. Right now you can take control of the situation. As long as my ex knew I was going to respond to his foolishness, he kept the foolishness going. The moment I stopped responding...so did he! My ex too does not know how to control his emotions, and needs someone to place them properly. Someone has to take control in a peaceful way. Waiting for your ex to do so will NEVER happen. YOU are going to have to take control to have the peace you are seeking in your life! Until then your ex has a playground for foolishness that you keep showing up to play and dragging your DD's along for the fun!

I got tired of the merry-go-round ride and got the hell off! It was making me sick!

I dont mean to sound harsh, but when the light bulb went off for me...this is how I got real with myself!

 

[kellyg403]

I feel so sorry for all the kids caught up in all of this nonsense. I wouldn't care if I needed the money or not - I'd never let my kids be in the middle of something that nasty.

Honestly, its easy to say this. But, when you are not in control of another person it is a lot harder to put in practice. Never is a very strong word if you have not been part of something like the OP.

OP, I sincerely hope you are able to stop the roller coaster and move forward to more positive times. It starts with you!

Kelly

 

[leighe]

Honestly, its easy to say this. But, when you are not in control of another person it is a lot harder to put in practice. Never is a very strong word if you have not been part of something like the OP.

OP, I sincerely hope you are able to stop the roller coaster and move forward to more positive times. It starts with you!

Kelly

Actually I have an ex with a terrible temper and the most hateful tone of voice ever. Our girls have never heard either of us raise our voices to the other. We definitely aren't perfect but we each realize that even though we don't like each other, the girls love us both and they would be terrified to hear us yell at each other.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I feel so sorry for all the kids caught up in all of this nonsense. I wouldn't care if I needed the money or not - I'd never let my kids be in the middle of something that nasty.

Only the OP knows if this is a possibility.

The more I read the more I repeat therapy for the kids & OP.

 

[TCPluto]

You're going to have to choose between money and your daughter's well-being. Yes, it's a bad decision to try to make, but life isn't fair.

Not so much. It's not like that at all, it's not at the discretion of either parent.

The court decides child support and all family time issues.

If there's an issue one way or the other, the correct response is to get back in front of the judge and have the court make the necessary modifications to address the problems, if there truly are any.

It's not the mothers right to make the decision about contact (save for immediate danger, in which case she's have to get it back in front of the court imediately as well).

Both sides will have the opportunity to make their case and the juge will rule.

 

[TCPluto]

I agree his harassment isn't going to stop without legal help.

My point is maybe the courts will uphold his child support and tell him to cease the harassment. If he doesn't cease the harassment he should still have to pay child support without visitation.

Exactly. This is the only way to resolve the matter.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

He asked your child "what is your mom spending my child support on"? None of his business - and this is coming to you from a guy who paid child support to an ex-wife for 16 years. It is none of his business.

It's nice to hear a dad's response like this Thank you.

As for the OP,
your ex is probably jealous that you have moved on with your life and now that you are expecting a baby with your DH it probably bugs him.
His financial issues are just that...*his* and not for you or your kids to have to listen to. You need to set those boundaries with a clear message of what the sanction will be if he does not comply. You did that by telling him to email instead of call which is good. But that will not stop him from harassing the kids.