WWYD....Graduation question

[Luv'sTink]

My Nephew, who lives in the same town as us, sent us a Graduation announcement. We will not be invited to any type of graduation celebration. We are not invited to the b-day parties either. We used to be invited to his little sisters b-day parties, but not his. Then they decided to not acknowledge our sons birthdays and no longer invited us to her b-day parties. I only see this kid at Christmas and sometimes at Thanksgiving.

OK, so the real question...Am I obligated to send a gift or money? Would you?

I hope this doesn't turn ugly. Obviously neither family subscribes to Miss Manners either.. I guess I am feeling like I should.

 

[blissventure]

My Nephew, who lives in the same town as us, sent us a Graduation announcement. We will not be invited to any type of graduation celebration. We are not invited to the b-day parties either. We used to be invited to his little sisters b-day parties, but not his. Then they decided to not acknowledge our sons birthdays and no longer invited us to her b-day parties. I only see this kid at Christmas and sometimes at Thanksgiving.

OK, so the real question...Am I obligated to send a gift or money? Would you?

I hope this doesn't turn ugly. Obviously neither family subscribes to Miss Manners either.. I guess I am feeling like I should.

If you're happy for him you might consider sending him a gift or check. My guess is that the issues are with the adults, and not the graduate.

 

[Kathi OD]

My Nephew, who lives in the same town as us, sent us a Graduation announcement. We will not be invited to any type of graduation celebration. We are not invited to the b-day parties either. We used to be invited to his little sisters b-day parties, but not his. Then they decided to not acknowledge our sons birthdays and no longer invited us to her b-day parties. I only see this kid at Christmas and sometimes at Thanksgiving.

OK, so the real question...Am I obligated to send a gift or money? Would you?

I hope this doesn't turn ugly. Obviously neither family subscribes to Miss Manners either.. I guess I am feeling like I should.

I have a step-niece who graduated from college last weekend. I see her very rarely, not even at holidays each year. Just because the adults don't take the time or energy (me included) to make sure that we're closer as a family group, doesn't mean I don't love her and am proud of her accomplishments. DH and I sent her a card w/ a check enclosed.

I think it depends on 2 things. First, your relationship with your nephew. Are you on good terms with him (not his parents, him)? Second, can you afford to send something? If the answer to both questions is yes, then I think you should send something, even though you're not obligated to.

 

[scrapquitler]

My Nephew, who lives in the same town as us, sent us a Graduation announcement. We will not be invited to any type of graduation celebration. We are not invited to the b-day parties either. We used to be invited to his little sisters b-day parties, but not his. Then they decided to not acknowledge our sons birthdays and no longer invited us to her b-day parties. I only see this kid at Christmas and sometimes at Thanksgiving.

OK, so the real question...Am I obligated to send a gift or money? Would you?

I hope this doesn't turn ugly. Obviously neither family subscribes to Miss Manners either.. I guess I am feeling like I should.

I would send a card. If they don't acknowledge birthdays, you don't normally celebrate together, you weren't invited to this event, and you obviously aren't close, there is no reason to feel that you MUST send a gift.

If you feel like you 'should' for the sake of family harmony, the send a small token gift: $20 gift certificate or check, something small for a dorm room, etc.

 

[Luv'sTink]

If you're happy for him you might consider sending him a gift or check. My guess is that the issues are with the adults, and not the graduate.

*bolding mine*

I don't know what happened and have never asked. I agree, however this graduate goes next door to my sisters house but never stops by and says "Hey" to us, even if we are outside.

Edit...Actually not true, when selling fundraisers he would come by.

Thanks for your replies!

 

[Christine]

First off, you are never obligated to send a gift when you get an announcement. An announcement is just that--an announcement.

That said, I often receive announcements from my cousin's kids and I do send them money even though I haven't seen them for years. While I don't get together routinely with family, I still have fond memories of my times with them when I was a kid and there's no ill will there. So, I send them whatever I can afford at the time.

As other posters have said, I think very little of the stuff going on with your family has to do with your nephew--it is obviously the adults. If you can afford it, send him a little something. High school graduation time is very exciting for the graduates. I know my daughter LOVED getting responses from her announcements--even if it was just a simple card. The money she did get came in handy too for when she started college.

 

[daisyduck123]

I would send a card -- but money? Nope, not a chance.

 

[Art 1]

I would send him a $20 in this case.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Nieces & nephews would get a card with money.

TC

 

[WL Fan]

I would send him a $20 in this case.

Me too.

 

[JoiseyMom]

i would send a card -- but money? Nope, not a chance.

ita!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

*bolding mine*

I don't know what happened and have never asked. I agree, however this graduate goes next door to my sisters house but never stops by and says "Hey" to us, even if we are outside.

Edit...Actually not true, when selling fundraisers he would come by.

Thanks for your replies!

What?! Your nephew sees you outside and does not acknowledge your presence?

Do you say hi or go over there to chat?

Since you obviously are not close with the family just toss it in the trash or send a card. Sounds like you are not a part of the family.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

I would send a card and maybe a giftcard for something for his dorm room.

 

[Scurvy]

You are absolutely not obligated to send a gift. I personally would probably send a card with a nice note written in it. I wouldn't send a gift, mainly because the sending of the announcement strikes me as a blatant gift grab and I never want to reward that sort of thing.

 

[disykat]

Announcements are not a gift grab IMO. No gift is necessary. However, I usually send money to fairly close friends and relatives for a high school graduation. I remember looking forward to getting high school graduation announcements and pictures from my cousins growing up. I sent them to aunts and uncles. Gifts were sent. We never spent birthdays together or sent gifts. There were three gift occasions from extended relatives in our lifetime - our birth, our high school graduation, and our wedding. Those were the three "announcement occasions" as well.

I'm doing the same thing with my neices and nephews that was done for me. I'm happy to be part of those occasions even though we're not part of their daily life. I enjoy getting the announcements.

 

[xCourxCorex]

What?! Your nephew sees you outside and does not acknowledge your presence?

Do you say hi or go over there to chat?

Since you obviously are not close with the family just toss it in the trash or send a card. Sounds like you are not a part of the family.

I'm with you, MysteryMachine.

OP - are you saying your sister lives close by, and graduate in question visits/sees her, but nothing for you?

If that is the case, I *might* send a card saying congrats. He is a young adult, mature enough to have graduated and possibly going on to college soon... he's old enough to make the effort to say hi to family that is THAT close by. Unless of course that behavior has something to do with his parents telling him not to. In which case I stand by my original possible card, if you wanted. Obviously there are some weird issues with his parents/family and I don't really think it's necessary for you to be sending him a gift of any sort.

 

[Scurvy]

Announcements are not a gift grab IMO.

Usually announcements aren't gift grabs. I'm sure they aren't with your nieces and nephews. In this particular case, it looks awfully grabby to me because the graduate doesn't ever make any other attempt to communicate with the OP. She even says he visits the house next door when they are outside and still doesn't speak to them. In light of that, I think it's a gift grab. In an ordinary family where the kids maybe don't see their relatives much it wouldn't seem grabby to me, but when he's right there next to them and still can't be bothered to talk to them, I strongly suspect the announcement was just sent in the hopes that they'll respond by sending a gift. Of course the OP could totally send a gift and there wouldn't be anything wrong with that, but it seems to me like the kid is intentionally shunning her except when there's the possibility of getting a gift, which I find really tacky.

 

[4nana]

You're not obligated to send a thing and I feel if your heart's not in it, don't bother . We have several graduations in June, some are local family we'll attend, and 2 out of state nieces graduating we rarely see. Altho out of state, we are close in spirit, very proud of the fact they have worked very hard, accomplished much, and are going to college. I feel it is 'their' special day, so we were honored to send them cards with money, as the local ones also.

 

[Feralpeg]

My DD recently sent out college graduation announcements to a few family members and friends. She did not expect any gifts. We considered the announcements a way of letting people, who have known DD for a long time, that she accomplished a major milestone in her life. Nothing more.

I think the idea that a gift is required when a person sends out announcements is ridiculous. A gift should never be given out of obligation no matter what the occasion.

DD did receive a couple of gifts from those closest to her, but nothing from the others. That's fine. The announcements were definitely not a "gift grab".

 

[ksjayhawks]

Since you aren't considered part of the family, I would throw the announcement in the trash and forget about it.