WWYD? about taking DD"s friend on cruise

[hereyago]

Hello.

DD and I are going on a DCL cruise in October, our 4 Wonder cruise. Now, she wants to take her BFF. We have taken her places before like local amusement park etc.

DD's BFF has had her grandparents take DD several places and driven.
I haven't ask her DM yet. I don't think I would be able to pay the airfare and portion of her cruise. So, how do I ask her DM? TIA

 

[wdwfan16]

I would never approach somebody to join me on a trip and expect them to pay. I only offer if I can pay.

 

[englishteacha]

I was invited to Disney by a friend when I was a kid, but I'd have to pay for my park ticket and airfare, I believe. It wasn't in the budget and I knew when I asked my parents that the answer would be no. Be prepared when talking to her mom that the answer may be no if you are hoping for them to pay her daughter's share.

 

[mouseforcemom]

I understand your daughter wants her friend to go, but if it's out of the budget it's out of the budget. My Grandparents used to take me to WDW and there were plenty of times I would've liked to have my best buds with me. It simply was too expensive.

If there was any way that you all could work out an arrangement where you paid a bit and they paid a bit that would be good. But I wouldn't bet on it, and would brace my kiddo for their response.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Hello.

DD and I are going on a DCL cruise in October, our 4 Wonder cruise. Now, she wants to take her BFF. We have taken her places before like local amusement park etc.

DD's BFF has had her grandparents take DD several places and driven.
I haven't ask her DM yet. I don't think I would be able to pay the airfare and portion of her cruise. So, how do I ask her DM? TIA

I would never invite someone if I could not pay for it.

 

[Skatermom23]

I would never approach somebody to join me on a trip and expect them to pay. I only offer if I can pay.

Right...you also place her parents in the position of being the bad guy when they have to say they can't afford it. I only invite if I can pay.

 

[HannaBelle]

I would never send my kids with a friend and not insist on paying.

We are not talking about the movies and pizza...it is cruise for goodness sakes!

In HS I went with my BFF to Florida for two weeks (they had timeshare in Sarasota) and my family paid for my airfare, activites and a day trip to WDW. We had no problem with it.

 

[NCRedding]

I think you approach the mother and tell her that your daughter would like for her friend to go on the trip with her, and that while you'd love to pay for her, you can't. Tell her what the cost will be and leave it up to her if she's willing to pay.

I think there is a difference is saying "come with us" and "we'd like you to come and this is what it will cost."

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think you approach the mother and tell her that your daughter would like for her friend to go on the trip with her, and that while you'd love to pay for her, you can't. Tell her what the cost will be and leave it up to her if she's willing to pay.

I think there is a difference is saying "come with us" and "we'd like you to come and this is what it will cost."

OK, I suppose you could approach it in private with the DM. That is do not tell the dd you are asking and in addition do not say anything to the friend. So if it is a no there are no hurt feelings.

Then you have all the drama of the paying for it, which if she says yes, then get the money up front.

 

[WDWBarb]

We considered allowing DD to take a friend on our Disney cruise with us a few years back. We knew that we'd be offering to pay her portion and it seemed like a good idea until I really thought about it. First, we would have to downgrade our vacation a bit to accomodate her extra cost. Then I thought about how stressed I would be the entire time, thinking about the responsibility of taking someone else's child out of the country. Wow, that really unnerved me (the more I considered it!). And, lastly, I thought about how much time DD would spend with her friend and we really wanted to spend time with her ourselves.

We ended up having the vacation of a lifetime, and DD told us several times that she was glad that she didn't bring her friend. She enjoyed it "just the way it was."

 

[Bluestars]

I would not invite someone on a trip with me if I wasn't able to pay for their expenses. But if one of my kids was invited on a trip with their friend's family and had to pay, I would not have a problem with it. I just wouldn't do it myself.

Whenever my kids have been invited places with their friends, their parents have always turned down our offer to pay. We have done the same. However, my kids have never been invited on a cruise.

If I was going to request payment, I would at least request they split the additional cost.

 

[Darcy03231]

I took DD's friend with us on a cruise when she was 14. I paid for everything except her spending money. I will say when we invited her, her parents offered to help with the costs. I knew it would be a stretch for them so we told them just to send spending money. If you offer, keep in mind that in addition to the cruise and airfare you will have extra tips, shore excursions and anything else she might want to buy onboard.

 

[Ohiodislover]

I have a good friend who's DD was invited on a cruise for a friend's 16th birthday. They discussed it a year in advance, and my friend paid for the airfare to FL, and the b-day's girl's mother paid for the cruise, and 2 excursions.

I thought that was fair. However they had plenty of time to think it over and plan for it. These girls were brought up together and the moms are very close too. If you have the feeling that friend's mom can't afford it, then you are probably right. I don't think I would ask at that point.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I have taken my nephew and will take him again this summer. Both times, I talked it over with his parents before even mentioning it to DS.

We did ask his parents to pay for his airfare and park tickets. We took care of his room, food and general expenses. They don't have a problem paying for that, and it actually costs them less than paying for a week at summer camp, which is where he'd be if not in Florida with us. Moreover, if we had to pay for everything for him, we wouldn't be able to afford to take him more than once.

My in-laws took us to WDW on gift trips twice. They paid for our airfare and resort room. We took care of everything else--food, park tickets and general travel expenses. They are welcome to do that any time at all.

Having been on both sides of it, I think that even if you have to work out sharing expenses, it's better than the guest not going at all. I would hate to think that I'd never have gone twice with my in-laws because they couldn't afford to pay for the entire trip.

 

[N.Bailey]

I think the posters gave you lots of great advice and you can get around the issue of putting the parents on the spot if you're so inclined.

My only thought is, it seems like it's a mother/daughter bonding opportunity that might be lost if another child were to go along (even though you've had other bonding times and will have more opportunities in the future). I question that it would be as enjoyable for you if you're suddenly the 3rd wheel so to speak. I don't think the girl will ruin your vacation, but I do question that it may prohibit you from getting full enjoyment yourself out of the vacation. If you had a hubby or BF going along, I'd certainly understand you wanting your daughter to take a friend along, but are you sure this is what you want when it's only the 2 of you?

 

[nmmom95]

I would not invite someone if I could not afford to pay for them. That being said, there is NO WAY I would send my child on an expensive vacation with a friend without paying for expenses.

 

[PatsGirl]

Several years in a row DD asked to have a friend join us on various vacations (twice to WDW). I left it up to her to mention it to her friends and to make sure they knew the expenses would be their own and then sat back and waited...every time the parents have called me, expressed their gratefullness for the offer, and have offered to pay all the expenses for their child. I believe I asked for just airfare and park tickets for the WDW trips and we treated for the meals, hotel (obviously, lol), transportation expenses, and a few souveniers/treats. When we've gone camping or on drive vacations I only ask that the child bring their own spending money unless we are doing an expensive excursion of some sort (ie., NYC show).

DD and I took our first mother/daughter only trip last summer and liked it so much we've decided that she no longer needs a playmate. It came in handy when she was younger and wanted to hang out in the pool or the game room but now that she is older she accompanies me to nice restaurants and likes to lounge by the pool and drink frozen kiddie cocktails while I imbibe

 

[DawnCt1]

I think you approach the mother and tell her that your daughter would like for her friend to go on the trip with her, and that while you'd love to pay for her, you can't. Tell her what the cost will be and leave it up to her if she's willing to pay.

I think there is a difference is saying "come with us" and "we'd like you to come and this is what it will cost."

Yup! Exactly!

 

[Pakey]

We've taken friends on several vacations and I would have never felt comfortable asking the parents to pay for part of it.

 

[barkley]

another thing to consider when taking another person's child out of the country is the ramifications medical expense wise. many u.s. insurance policies don't cover illnesses/injuries outside the u.s.-and if you've ever been to a non u.s. hospital you will find that they expect payment at the time of service.

if i were considering doing this i'de look seriously into weather a parent not with a traveling child could purchase trip insurance with the med pay componant.

btw-since you only mentioned the bff's mom (vs. mom and dad), keep in mind that you will have to make sure her mom has the legal sole authority to give you permission to take the child out of the country otherwise you will have to get the appropriate notarized permission from both parents or risk all being turned away by the port authority (we saw this happen when boarding a disney cruise, only it was a mom who apparantly did'nt think it was a big deal not having the child's father's notarized permission).