WWYD - 2 cabins or one?

[nlflores]

I say share a cabin, no question. It'll be fun for you and your two children to share this awesome adventure together.
At 20 he's still a kid, too, imo. Let him be a kid this last family vacation

Sorry, I strongly disagree. At 20 he is definitely NOT a kid. At 20 I was about to complete my undergraduate degree, I worked full time, and owned my own home (I was also engaged to be married). He is a grown man and if he wants to take a DCL cruise, he should be paying for it himself. Take your daughter on a well deserved cruise and enjoy your mommy and daughter memories together.

 

[iivye]

From the behavior you described my first choice would be to leave him home or better yet have him stay with grandma/grandpa if at all possible. Second choice would be to add him to your current room. Don't let go of that veranda!

 

[ckelly14]

Sorry, I strongly disagree. At 20 he is definitely NOT a kid. At 20 I was about to complete my undergraduate degree, I worked full time, and owned my own home (I was also engaged to be married). He is a grown man and if he wants to take a DCL cruise, he should be paying for it himself. Take your daughter on a well deserved cruise and enjoy your mommy and daughter memories together.

+1

 

[amberwc]

If he hasn't moved his belongings back in, can't he stay where ever he's been for a week? Mommy/Daughter time is precious, don't give it up. Have your trip!

 

[Quellman]

Seems like some people are awfully judgemental on what the son should or should not be doing. It could be he left at 18 under fairly bad circumstances and has returned to rebuild relationships. Or perhaps just been estranged. Maybe the son has some sort of impairment (physical or developmental) or maybe even the daughter.

My advice for the OP, cherish the time you have with your daughter by ensuring a few things that the two of you do together. If possible just keep your single room. Paying for a second room, and the single cruiser up charge isn't in many peoples budget. Use the extra money you saved from the additional room to make great new family memories.

 

[FigmentSpark]

He might be happier in an inside on his own, but welcome in your room. That way, he's not ostracized, but he's used to having his own space. That said, don't give up your verandah. This is your vacation and he's lucky you're including him. Can you afford (maybe with money from him) to just get him an inside on his own?

I have to ask, though it's none of my business, is there a chance his previous behaviour is that he's jealous of his sister? Maybe he wanted his relationship with you to be like the one you have with her? Just because there's so much time between the two, doesn't mean he sees her any differently than a closer sibling pair. Although, your daughter probably would look up to him, if he would let her.

 

[chamberlain]

Whatever you decide I hope you have a wonderful, relaxing vacation. Let us know what you decide and how it works out for you.

 

[Lisa F]

of course part of the problem is his entitled attitude when he is paying for nothing as he has no job but if I yell the entire cruise to cut it out, it ruins the vacation.

leave him home. I don't know what his deal is but your 5 year old should not have her mommy/daughter cruise ruined by that... nor should you have your vacation ruined by it either.

 

[Anchors Away 2016]

I don't know enough about your specific situation to offer an opinion, but I would encourage you to think about your choice from one other perspective. Which would be easier to handle if he ends up cancelling? It sounds like he is still in flux. Even though your trip is pretty close, things can change. I'm not saying he will cancel, I'm just saying that the option that handles that situation better could be a good tiebreaker.

 

[NJMomto2]

Thanks for the input. Right now he is booked into my room.

Pretty much all speculation is correct: he is jealous, he does have ADHD and potentially a mood disorder but won't see a psych long enough to diagnose, etc. He has no money to contribute. He has never worked a day in his life. Not that I have not tried to encourage it. He left at 18 because he felt he should not have to go to college or get a job and did not want to follow my rules. My daughter does look up to him and gets upset saying he does not love her because he does not speak to her much. All the drama aside, we will try to enjoy the trip. I would like to get him his own room but I am afraid he might back out. I can afford it, not comfortably, but I could swing it if I would be miserable otherwise. So the odd thing is due to the IGT booking, there is no single supplement right now. His total fare is cheaper in his own inside stateroom. But my daughter drops from $1800 to $700 once he adds to my room. So net only $1000 more vs $2000.

In other news, I committed to paying for a haircut and interview outfit but he must get a job to pay for everything else he wants in life now.

I hate sounding so negative and I truly hope for a great family vacation but I appreciate the various points of view so I know there is no right or wrong answer. Just different ideas for creative solutions!

 

[chamberlain]

Maybe being on a disney cruise will be just what the 3 of you need to relax and reconnect. If he's fine with being by himself then you and your daughter can do all of the activities you want to do with her. Then if she wants to go to the club maybe there is something you and your son can do for some one on one time. Of course hopefully there is some time in there for you to sit on the verandah and enjoy the scenery!

 

[dragynally]

Thanks for the input. Right now he is booked into my room.

Pretty much all speculation is correct: he is jealous, he does have ADHD and potentially a mood disorder but won't see a psych long enough to diagnose, etc. He has no money to contribute. He has never worked a day in his life. Not that I have not tried to encourage it. He left at 18 because he felt he should not have to go to college or get a job and did not want to follow my rules. My daughter does look up to him and gets upset saying he does not love her because he does not speak to her much. All the drama aside, we will try to enjoy the trip. I would like to get him his own room but I am afraid he might back out. I can afford it, not comfortably, but I could swing it if I would be miserable otherwise. So the odd thing is due to the IGT booking, there is no single supplement right now. His total fare is cheaper in his own inside stateroom. But my daughter drops from $1800 to $700 once he adds to my room. So net only $1000 more vs $2000.

In other news, I committed to paying for a haircut and interview outfit but he must get a job to pay for everything else he wants in life now.

I hate sounding so negative and I truly hope for a great family vacation but I appreciate the various points of view so I know there is no right or wrong answer. Just different ideas for creative solutions!

::hugs:: yep totally reminds me of my little brother. I wish you all the luck and a fabulous vacation.

 

[Lisa F]

Thanks for the input. Right now he is booked into my room.

Pretty much all speculation is correct: he is jealous, he does have ADHD and potentially a mood disorder but won't see a psych long enough to diagnose, etc. He has no money to contribute. He has never worked a day in his life. Not that I have not tried to encourage it. He left at 18 because he felt he should not have to go to college or get a job and did not want to follow my rules. My daughter does look up to him and gets upset saying he does not love her because he does not speak to her much. All the drama aside, we will try to enjoy the trip. I would like to get him his own room but I am afraid he might back out. I can afford it, not comfortably, but I could swing it if I would be miserable otherwise. So the odd thing is due to the IGT booking, there is no single supplement right now. His total fare is cheaper in his own inside stateroom. But my daughter drops from $1800 to $700 once he adds to my room. So net only $1000 more vs $2000.

In other news, I committed to paying for a haircut and interview outfit but he must get a job to pay for everything else he wants in life now.

I hate sounding so negative and I truly hope for a great family vacation but I appreciate the various points of view so I know there is no right or wrong answer. Just different ideas for creative solutions!

has anyone ever tried getting an extra room at the port? Is that even possible? I know you can upgrade at the port, could you split him off your reservation and get him his own room at the port?

Good luck, it is a tough situation. Ultimately I would do whatever it is that will make the best vacation for you and your daughter, including leaving him home. Hell for $500 maybe you can have someone keep an eye on him for a week. If he is going to be ungrateful and nasty to your daughter (she is 5. he is 20. he is old enough to know better, not some hormonal teen) and make you miserable being there then I'd seriously look into alternatives for leaving him home. Tell him that you will take him on a cruise and go halfsies with him on it if he holds down a job for a year. My son has ADHD and autism and all of the specialists say a reward system works way better than punishment so that's what we do. I never thought I'd be a mom who "bribed" her kid but it works and I can take away his entire world and it will not influence his behavior one bit... but working for something he wants does. Good luck and hope your vacation is great. sounds like you need it.