Would you tolerate this?

[Minnie_me]

My niece is 14 and has her first "real" boyfriend. My DB and DSIL have been chatting about him via email all weekend.

They showed me pictures of him, from my niece's phone. He's a good student, an athlete, good family, etc.

When I asked if they liked him, they both said that they have not been ALLOWED to meet him yet.

He came to their home to watch a movie with my niece and her best friend, but my brother and SIL had to LEAVE THE HOUSE before he arrived!

My SIL says to me, "Can you imagine? Not being allowed to meet your daughter's first boyfriend?!??!"

Um, NO I CAN'T!

Why are they allowing this?!?!?

My oldest is only 11, so I may not know what I'm talking about, but I think I'd tell her that she is not allowed to have the boy in my home without introducing him to me first!

Thoughts?!?!?

 

[JESW]

Wouldn't fly AT ALL in my house! Who is saying it is not allowed? I am the boss of my kids -not the other way around - and they would NOT be dictating those rules!

Jill

 

[merrily]

My boys, 13 and 16 can't have their girlfriend or any girl friends in the house when no adult is home. I don't really like them to have friends of either gender over when no adult is home.

 

[luvmy3]

Who is not allowing them to meet the boyfriend, their dd?
So when the dd told her parents to leave, they did?
I'm sorry for the confusion, but I just can't imagine any of my children ordering me to leave my house, and me actually doing it

 

[Mom2Nick]

NO I absolutely would not tolerate that. There's something seriously wrong with your brother and SIL. No responsible parent would think it's ok to leave their own home just because a CHILD told them to leave and no respobsible parent would leave their child alone in the house with their "boyfriend" with no adult supervision at all.

 

[Dory's Twin]

Nope, never allow kids of the opposite sex over when I am not home....that makes for a bad situation...hormones and all.

Yes,I have a 15DD and a 17DS...same rules for both.

 

[minnieandmickey]

My niece is 14 and has her first "real" boyfriend. My DB and DSIL have been chatting about him via email all weekend.

They showed me pictures of him, from my niece's phone. He's a good student, an athlete, good family, etc.

When I asked if they liked him, they both said that they have not been ALLOWED to meet him yet.

He came to their home to watch a movie with my niece and her best friend, but my brother and SIL had to LEAVE THE HOUSE before he arrived!

My SIL says to me, "Can you imagine? Not being allowed to meet your daughter's first boyfriend?!??!"

Um, NO I CAN'T!

Why are they allowing this?!?!?

My oldest is only 11, so I may not know what I'm talking about, but I think I'd tell her that she is not allowed to have the boy in my home without introducing him to me first!

Thoughts?!?!?

Neither can I along with being told by my child that I HAD to Leave MY house that I pay the mortgage on. Good children do stupid things, I just hope your sister doesn't find that out the hard way.

 

[Tanuki]

These parents need to grow a backbone really fast.

How in the world does it even occur to the daughter to insult her parents like that? If she is so embarassed by her parents that the boyfriend can't even meet them and feels free to let them know it she doesn't have parents, she has a couple of doormats.

 

[mickeysgal]

He came to their home to watch a movie with my niece and her best friend, but my brother and SIL had to LEAVE THE HOUSE before he arrived!

My SIL says to me, "Can you imagine? Not being allowed to meet your daughter's first boyfriend?!??!"

What? Who said they have the leave the house? The daughter?

Do you really believe this story that you're being told? I think they're pulling your chain because that isn't even close to reasonable/normal behavior from anyone involved - the daughter, the boyfriend, the sister in law, or your brother.

 

[diz8297]

Uh, who's house is it anyway?? Time for them to set the rules before they're grandparents!!

 

[DawnCt1]

It sounds like they are encouraging their DD in this relationsip, when they should be encouraging their DD to have a variety of friends and establish that 14 is way to young to begin dating and having a steady boyfriend. By taking pictures, emailing them, talking about his remarkable athletic abilities, it sounds like your SIL is living vicariously through their DD. When this happens, the DD gets the unspoken message that "anything goes". This has happened in my extended family. The adult in question is overweight with a very cute 18 year old DD. Since she was 13 or so, this adult has indulged her in the clothes she has wanted, ("I am too heavy to enjoy buying clothes for myself"), to expensive hair color and cuts as she got older, to shopping in NYC for prom gowns. She would fuss about the DDs hair not being perfect "in case you see John Doe", etc. For the life of me, I don't know why she was shocked when she discovered that her DD was sexually active at 16.

 

[imabrat]

Who says they have to leave? The boyfriend? The daughter?
I'm not a parent but that would not fly in my house. And if my boyfriend had tried to start that stuff, buh-bye! It's over.
If I insisted on it, well I wouldn't even have thought of it. I know I'd get my butt whooped from here to Mars and back.

 

[kacaju]

you are kiding,right?? My 15 year old dd has a boyfriend..they are ONLY allowed to be here at our house (his Mom works crazy hours) and they both know that whenever they are here they have the company of my 12 and 8 year old dd's the whole time!!

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Crazy...they had to leave THEIR own home and not meet the boy dating THEIR daughter?
Whatever....I wouldn't tolerate the THOUGHT of it for a second...

 

[MickeySP]

So will they leave when she moves him in after their first grandchild?!?!

They are irresponsible and negligent doormats.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

No I would not tolerate it.

Who is telling the parents to leave?

My kids have never told me what to do and when they are teenagers I don't expect things to change.

Your brother and SIL better get with the program.

 

[4nana]

No! Sounds like your niece is calling the shots! Sadly they have a lot to learn.

Our kids knew at an early age, Mom & Dad made the mortgage payment, therefore made the rules.

 

[Laura]

Are you kidding? DH would be there cleaning his shotgun!

 

[Minnie_me]

OP here --- -

Yes it's the dd who is not "allowing" the parents to meet this boy. I was SHOCKED when they told me that he came over, but they "had to leave" before he got there.

This was my response, but they haven't replied:

You're kidding, right?! She won't *let you* meet him? I don't think I'd let him in my house without adult supervision unless I had met the kid (and maybe not even then!)! Why is she trying so hard to keep him from meeting you?? I'd insist upon it.

 

[tink_n_pooh]

When you said they 'had to leave' I was originally thinking they had to leave because they had to go somewhere (work or something like that) but you mean the DD is saying they have to leave? No way.

I can understand DD being embarassed, wanting privacy and all that but I would want to meet the kid and be at least in the house. Let them hang out in the other room but don't leave the house at DD's request