Would you stay with your DH if.....

[skater]

I'm not justify it. Just not sure I would divorce over it.

I agree wtih you happygirl. I took vows and I think I'd stick with him through this. It would take abuse for me to leave my husband. (I know you could argue that this is a type of abuse - I personally don't categorize it this way).

 

[NY Disney fan]

I agree that assuming a bank robber would kill his spouse is making a leap. I don't see how the two are related.

Its a big leap but I think what the point is, is that when people murder their spouse, 9 times out of 10, they have a secret life that the spouse is unaware of.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

One robbery in a moment of desperation may be a "snap". 10 robberies over 6 months is premeditated and calculated. He had plenty of time along the way to think about what he was doing to his family. By endangering himself (he could have been shot) and bringing crime into their lives, he was endangering his family.

Just curious, did he use a gun during any of these robberies?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I agree that assuming a bank robber would kill his spouse is making a leap. I don't see how the two are related.

I would not want to be married to a criminal though. Just not my kind of guy.

Well let's say she finds out that he is robbing the banks. Now what?

She confronts him and he happily breaks down and turns himself in?

How was he robbing the banks? If he was brandishing a gun at the cashier, I don't think it would too much of a stretch to think he would do that to his spouse if he felt threatened.

 

[Planogirl]

Its a big leap but I think what the point is, is that when people murder their spouse, 9 times out of 10, they have a secret life that the spouse is unaware of.

Or they're abusive monsters. Not to say that they can't be both abusive and bank robbers of course.

 

[sbell111]

On the contrary! When you are committing a crime, you DO NOT care about your family nor their future. You are trading their future and their safety for nothing. Crimes cannot be justified, I'm sorry. Ever heard of thou shall not steal?

I didn't justify anyone's crimes. However, that doesn't mean that a person who commits a crime doesn't have a 'reason' to do so.

To make the bright-line statement that all people who commit crimes do not care for their families ignores the fact that many people who commit crimes do so as a way to try to fill their family's needs. These people clearly love and care for their families.

 

[NY Disney fan]

To make the bright-line statement that all people who commit crimes do not care for their families ignores the fact that many people who commit crimes do so as a way to try to fill their family's needs. These people clearly love and care for their families.

Committing crimes in the name of love (or even in the name of God) is a sin, no matter how you slice it.

 

[Acklander]

It one of those things where I don't know what I'd do, unless in the situation. I don't think I'd divorce DH over the bank robbing thing, but could see me divorcing him over the 8 years in prison thing.
That's a long time to be away from someone and people change so much in 8 years that by the time he came out he'd be a totally different person.

I don't see the connection between being a bank robber and killing your spouse. From what little of the story I've gotten from the OP it sounds like this was someone who was so ashamed that he lost his job that he'd rather become a robber than tell his wife that he was out of work.

 

[happygirl]

Committing crimes in the name of love (or even in the name of God) is a sin, no matter how you slice it.

You can forgive the person and move on. If that how you want to say it. Everyone sins does that mean no one is worth being loved

 

[Acklander]

Its a big leap but I think what the point is, is that when people murder their spouse, 9 times out of 10, they have a secret life that the spouse is unaware of.

Don't know where you got THAT statistic from. I've heard of people murdering spouses because of secret lives, but I've also heard of people murdering spouses because they're abusive, or in a jealous rage. I would think the most common reason why 1 spouse murders another is because she left an abusive relationship - you know, the "If I can't have her, no one will" type thing. I read about that much more often than the "secret life" reason.

 

[Darsa]

I guess the first question that springs to mind is this: "If you knew your DH was a bank robber before you got married, would you have married him anyway?" And the reason that comes to me is, if DH was a bank robber before, the wedding wouldn't have happened. THUS, if he BECAME a bank robber, essentially he is a different person than who I married. So... yeah, I'd leave. Who knows what else he'd do? Truly, I don't believe that because someone can rob, they can also kill, but if I didn't think they were a thief initially, how can I know for sure?

JMHO, of course. YMMV.

 

[krcit]

He did not havde a gun but he told the tellers that he did have one. I really think it was only a matter of time before someone got hurt, either himself or an innocent bystander.

I'm glad that I posted this because I really had no idea that people would stay with someone who was robbing banks. I understand honoring your vows but he isn't honoring them and he is breaking the law and the 10 commandments. Instead of going to his wife, his partner, the mother of his 2 young children and telling her that he had lost his job, he stole money. He traumatized all those poor tellers that were terrified.


As for making the leap to him murdering his spouse. I didn't think of that but who knows? She never in a million years thought that he would rob a bank either.

 

[Acklander]

I'm glad that I posted this because I really had no idea that people would stay with someone who was robbing banks. I understand honoring your vows but he isn't honoring them and he is breaking the law and the 10 commandments. Instead of going to his wife, his partner, the mother of his 2 young children and telling her that he had lost his job, he stole money. He traumatized all those poor tellers that were terrified.

It has nothing to do with honoring vows. I don't remember "to love, honor, and never rob a bank" as one of my wedding vows. I have no problem with people who choose to stay with a person who committed a crime - their life, their decision. Like I said, I probably wouldn't leave because of the actual crime, but because of the long prison sentence. so guess I'd be the one not honoring the vows.

 

[sbell111]

Committing crimes in the name of love (or even in the name of God) is a sin, no matter how you slice it.

This isn't really the place for this theological discussion.

It one of those things where I don't know what I'd do, unless in the situation. I don't think I'd divorce DH over the bank robbing thing, but could see me divorcing him over the 8 years in prison thing. ...

It should be noted that an eight year sentence really means four years or less in prison, but I get your point.

I guess the first question that springs to mind is this: "If you knew your DH was a bank robber before you got married, would you have married him anyway?" And the reason that comes to me is, if DH was a bank robber before, the wedding wouldn't have happened. THUS, if he BECAME a bank robber, essentially he is a different person than who I married. So... yeah, I'd leave. Who knows what else he'd do? Truly, I don't believe that because someone can rob, they can also kill, but if I didn't think they were a thief initially, how can I know for sure?

JMHO, of course. YMMV.

If a guy marries a girl who is fit and trim, should he get a divorce if she gains weight because she is 'essentially a different person than he married'?

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

It one of those things where I don't know what I'd do, unless in the situation. I don't think I'd divorce DH over the bank robbing thing, but could see me divorcing him over the 8 years in prison thing.
That's a long time to be away from someone and people change so much in 8 years that by the time he came out he'd be a totally different person.

I don't see the connection between being a bank robber and killing your spouse. From what little of the story I've gotten from the OP it sounds like this was someone who was so ashamed that he lost his job that he'd rather become a robber than tell his wife that he was out of work.

This post makes so much sense. It's nice to say I would do X or Y but until you're in that situation you don't know.

 

[Darsa]

If a guy marries a girl who is fit and trim, should he get a divorce if she gains weight because she is 'essentially a different person than he married'?

LOL, are you calling me fat???

I really think that weight gain is a little different than bank robbing. I think that's as much, or more of, a stretch as saying a robber is also a killer. JMHO, as usual.

 

[dislaney]

I don't think I could stay with my husband if he was into robbing banks.

 

[disykat]

I don't know that I'd stay, but I don't see it as an automatic "deal breaker" - although it would break my heart.

I consider my husband my family the way my children are my family. If my child robbed a bank it would also break my heart, but I would still love them. I would try to find some way to stay in a relationship with them.

There's no way I'd marry a bank robber, but once I'm married to them I've made a commitment to love them through thick and thin. We are joined forever. I will do my best to honor that commitment.

Obviously at some point things might get so broken that it's not possible to do remain married, but I'm not going to plan ahead all the things that might cause that. IMO, that would be similar to trying to think of things that would cause me to no longer have a relationship with my child, or my parents, or my siblings.

 

[wdwfan16]

I agree that assuming a bank robber would kill his spouse is making a leap. I don't see how the two are related.

I would not want to be married to a criminal though. Just not my kind of guy.

I agree that is a leap.

It would really depend on what he was like before and why I thought he did it.

To me this is not cut and dry.

 

[krcit]

It has nothing to do with honoring vows. I don't remember "to love, honor, and never rob a bank" as one of my wedding vows. I have no problem with people who choose to stay with a person who committed a crime - their life, their decision. Like I said, I probably wouldn't leave because of the actual crime, but because of the long prison sentence. so guess I'd be the one not honoring the vows.

A few other posters commented on honoring their vows. I would be outta there in a heartbeat. I don't judge others..not my marriage, not my business. I just find the differing opinions very interesting b/c when my MIL and I were having the discussion, I honestly couldn't imagine anyone saying that they would stay.

Just to clarify. He plead and took a deal for 9 years so he will do 9 years. He will be out in 2012. Also, he did not steal to feed his family. They lived a very nice life with a nice house and luxury cars. While he was robbing banks they had several weekends away. I have seen interviews with him and he strikes me as a jerk. Not sorry he did it, sorry he got caught imho.