Would you stay with your DH if.....

[sbell111]

Plea deals do not necessarily preclude the opportunity for parole.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If a guy marries a girl who is fit and trim, should he get a divorce if she gains weight because she is 'essentially a different person than he married'?

You should have went with the medical disease sbell. Bringing out the weight is just asking for it.

 

[krcit]

I don't know that I'd stay, but I don't see it as an automatic "deal breaker" - although it would break my heart.

I consider my husband my family the way my children are my family. If my child robbed a bank it would also break my heart, but I would still love them. I would try to find some way to stay in a relationship with them.

There's no way I'd marry a bank robber, but once I'm married to them I've made a commitment to love them through thick and thin. We are joined forever. I will do my best to honor that commitment.

Obviously at some point things might get so broken that it's not possible to do remain married, but I'm not going to plan ahead all the things that might cause that. IMO, that would be similar to trying to think of things that would cause me to no longer have a relationship with my child, or my parents, or my siblings.

This post helps me to understand others thinking. Thanks I still feel that I would leave but I 'get' the other point of view now.

 

[DeniseinNS]

I would definalty leave!! I wouldn't want to stay with a criminal that would do something horrible like that. I couldn't imagine telling my kids "daddy is a bank robber and has to go to jail for a long time but thats ok he's still a wonderful person" if he broke the law knowing he could get caught and spend time in jail away from his loved ones then he's not the kind of husband/father that I would want in my house as a role model for my kids.

 

[happygirl]

This post helps me to understand others thinking. Thanks I still feel that I would leave but I 'get' the other point of view now.

 

[krcit]

Pleas deals do not necessarily preclude the opportunity for parole.

Ah, didn't know that. In this case everything I have read says he will do the 9 years though. I think he got off pretty easy!

 

[sbell111]

You should have went with the medical disease sbell. Bringing out the weight is just asking for it.

I should have said that she decided to go to law school.

 

[terri01p]

 

[Sadie Chez]

Okay I don't know about the bank robbery thing, as you say he could have been trying to take care of his family in his mind in some sort of sick convoluted way. But the question arises a bank robbery takes what an hour at the most, so where was he the rest of the time what was he doing for forty hours a week? With who? I'd be divorcing more over the web of lies than anything else. Which leads me to my other point.

You've been married to some for years and they lose their job and are running around town doing all kinds of thing and you don't know? Can this happen? I just feel she had to have some idea of whats going on. She couldn't have been that clueless. The poster who's daughter whos husband had been commiting crimes, had it been for the whole five years, or had the situation just delveloped, did she have some idea something was wrong? I guess my husband is a really bad liar but I know some people are very good at being deceptive. I just think that after some years of marraige you would have some idea of the type of person you married.

So I guess my thing is that if she knew and stayed married to him while he was commiting those crimes then divorced him when he got caught that would be, well creepy of her.

 

[krcit]

Okay I don't know about the bank robbery thing, as you say he could have been trying to take care of his family in his mind in some sort of sick convoluted way. But the question arises a bank robbery takes what an hour at the most, so where was he the rest of the time what was he doing for forty hours a week? With who? I'd be divorcing more over the web of lies than anything else. Which leads me to my other point.

You've been married to some for years and they lose their job and are running around town doing all kinds of thing and you don't know? Can this happen? I just feel she had to have some idea of whats going on. She couldn't have been that clueless. The poster who's daughter whos husband had been commiting crimes, had it been for the whole five years, or had the situation just delveloped, did she have some idea something was wrong? I guess my husband is a really bad liar but I know some people are very good at being deceptive. I just think that after some years of marraige you would have some idea of the type of person you married.

So I guess my thing is that if she knew and stayed married to him while he was commiting those crimes then divorced him when he got caught that would be, well creepy of her.

I actually know a few people who know her and everyone swears she had no idea. She admits to burying her face in the sand in regards to the money issues, she let him take care of all of it. After it all was out a few people said they had seen him in town when he was suppossed to be at work but just kept their mouths shut. When people asked her if she had any idea about the robberies she said why would she? Who would ever imagine that your DH was robbing banks

 

[terri01p]

 

[sbell111]

One thing was if she had something fun she wanted them to do, like a beach trip or mountains etc...he would alway mysteriously have the time off??? But if he had to fix a leak in their bathroom or mow, he would be swamped with work until someone else did it???

What's so strange about that?

 

[Sadie Chez]

I actually know a few people who know her and everyone swears she had no idea. She admits to burying her face in the sand in regards to the money issues, she let him take care of all of it. After it all was out a few people said they had seen him in town when he was suppossed to be at work but just kept their mouths shut. When people asked her if she had any idea about the robberies she said why would she? Who would ever imagine that your DH was robbing banks

I suppose I could see that, I know allot of women who are clueless about their own finances. It just seems so strange to me that he could pull this off without her knowing, I guess with cell phones nowadays she never called the office to talk to him, but what about office parties, or friends from work, that kind of stuff? He musta been a good talker or she was just worn down with 2 little ones, that can happen.

Not to take away from the thread but as for my dd, her dh stole for two years of their marriage, he had a home office and quit his job to go into " business for himself" so to her nothing was ever strange.
After he was locked up we talked about it and she did say there were many red flags throughout their marriage but she always just couldn't put her finger on what exactly it was.

She did have some idea something was going on but not exactly what, and like was said before who would think he was out stealling.

It's an interesting question, it's easier to say you would leave someone who say cheated on you or was abusive. Or maybe even found out was just a bad person, but this is a different situation it would depend on the motavation of the person commiting the crime. But could you imagine if you stayed married to this person and when they were back you would always be wondering what they were up to and if you were going to be painted with the same stick, I work so hard to be honest and I hate anyone lieing to me it would kill me to seen in the same light. I truly feel for both of the women in these situations.

 

[krcit]

Well he was a trader on wall Street which if you've never seen what it is like Total and utter chaos. He also worked for himself so when he lost too much money, he was banned from the floor so it wasn't your typical ;office scenario. She also mentioned in her book that she even met him outside of the stock exchange and they went out to dinner. So he really was determined to keep her in the dark.

I guess it's a lesson to all of us to know what goes on in your familys finances.

 

[kaytieeldr]

On the contrary! When you are committing a crime, you DO NOT care about your family nor their future. You are trading their future and their safety for nothing. Crimes cannot be justified, I'm sorry. Ever heard of thou shall not steal?

On the contrary! When you commit this specific crime under the given conditions, you absolutely DO care about your family AND their future AND how to provide for that future. Is it stupid? Absolutely. But to claim someone who lost their job and is apparently unable to find another legitimate one and so starts robbing banks for the sole purpose of obtaining money to support his family doesn't care about that family is disingenuous.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Committing crimes in the name of love (or even in the name of God) is a sin, no matter how you slice it.

I don't believe in sin. I'd stay married to a man who did this, assuming everything else in our lives was going well.

 

[kaytieeldr]

If a guy marries a girl who is fit and trim, should he get a divorce if she gains weight because she is 'essentially a different person than he married'?

Some do. In fairness, some women divorce their out of shape husbands for the same reason.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

How would you feel about living in a house, wearing clothes, and eating food that was obtained by stealing it from other people?

 

[MAKmom]

If my husband decided to become a bank robber I think it is ok if I decide to be come a divorcee.

Lets face it he has already destroyed his families life.

 

[MAKmom]

I don't believe in sin. I'd stay married to a man who did this, assuming everything else in our lives was going well.

If everything else was going well would he really need to rob banks?

But you are not alone many woman are married to criminals & have no problems with it.