Would you stay with your DH if.....

[locolala]

Most likely, I would leave my husband if I found out he was a felon. I don't think it's healthy for a child to grow up with a felon as a parental role model, plus.. I'd likely lose my security clearance if I didn't leave.

 

[bumbershoot]

Um let's see he is robbing banks. The fact you can't make that leap is short sighted.

Not all bank robbers use guns at all.

...many people who commit crimes do so as a way to try to fill their family's needs. These people clearly love and care for their families.

See, I don't agree. If you truly love your family, you stay within the law to help them. you figure it out, while not becoming a criminal. You don't become a criminal.

And no, I don't think Robin Hood was a big hero, I'm on Lord Cutler Beckett's side (the side of law and order even if he was coocoo) in the POTC movies, and so on and so forth. You stay away from breaking the law, if you TRULY love your family, because to become a criminal brings fear, pain, and probable destruction to the family.

I'd be divorcing more over the web of lies than anything else.

Agreed.



OK, so! My sister in law (hubby's sister, NOT my brother's fabulous awesome terrific wife) was married to a bank robber! She went into it with eyes wide open; she was a counselor at the halfway house he was released to when he got out of jail.

Active heroin user, convicted felon. Woo! What a catch! And she had two children with him...unprotected "relations" at least twice for those kids, so so safe.

He can never get a job, other than maybe construction or fast food, again. Didn't matter what she might have had planned for her life, she is the lifelong breadwinner, because he CANNOT provide much of anything for the family (even when not using heroin). He cannot get a job. It's nearly impossible. And he's not a big strong guy, so even if he could find a construction job, he can't, b/c he can't hack the work.

So he was an at home dad (and actually did quite a lovely job...DH's nieces didn't get "weird", and weird they got for anyone who read a post of mine from two summers ago, until after SIL divorced him (and won custody BACK from him, which shows what an "interesting" parent she was for a time) and started being the primary caregiver to the girls...before that happened they were kind, polite, patient, sweet...now they are very different) and she had to work her behind off.

Jail exposes people to diseases, more addictions than they might have started off with...doing things that might land you in jail is NOT loving your family. It's bringing the family down, possibly bringing disease to the home, addictions and all that go along with it...it's not love, I don't care what the person THINKS their motivation is. Just a few minutes more of thought will show the person that they are not doing right by their family.

 

[Sparx]

Not all bank robbers use guns at all.




See, I don't agree. If you truly love your family, you stay within the law to help them. you figure it out, while not becoming a criminal. You don't become a criminal.

And no, I don't think Robin Hood was a big hero, I'm on Lord Cutler Beckett's side (the side of law and order even if he was coocoo) in the POTC movies, and so on and so forth. You stay away from breaking the law, if you TRULY love your family, because to become a criminal brings fear, pain, and probable destruction to the family.




Agreed.



OK, so! My sister in law (hubby's sister, NOT my brother's fabulous awesome terrific wife) was married to a bank robber! She went into it with eyes wide open; she was a counselor at the halfway house he was released to when he got out of jail.

Active heroin user, convicted felon. Woo! What a catch! And she had two children with him...unprotected "relations" at least twice for those kids, so so safe.

He can never get a job, other than maybe construction or fast food, again. Didn't matter what she might have had planned for her life, she is the lifelong breadwinner, because he CANNOT provide much of anything for the family (even when not using heroin). He cannot get a job. It's nearly impossible. And he's not a big strong guy, so even if he could find a construction job, he can't, b/c he can't hack the work.

So he was an at home dad (and actually did quite a lovely job...DH's nieces didn't get "weird", and weird they got for anyone who read a post of mine from two summers ago, until after SIL divorced him (and won custody BACK from him, which shows what an "interesting" parent she was for a time) and started being the primary caregiver to the girls...before that happened they were kind, polite, patient, sweet...now they are very different) and she had to work her behind off.

Jail exposes people to diseases, more addictions than they might have started off with...doing things that might land you in jail is NOT loving your family. It's bringing the family down, possibly bringing disease to the home, addictions and all that go along with it...it's not love, I don't care what the person THINKS their motivation is. Just a few minutes more of thought will show the person that they are not doing right by their family.

Was she a social worker, or just a worker at the halfway house? One of the ethical guidelines set forth by the NASW is to not have a relationship with clients. If she was a social worker, she could stripped of her title/license for this.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I would think the most common reason why 1 spouse murders another is because she left an abusive relationship - you know, the "If I can't have her, no one will" type thing. I read about that much more often than the "secret life" reason.

As I said before, when a spouse leads a double life, they could end up murdering their spouse: (example)
http://www.radaronline.com/exclusiv...cers-dead-wife-recently-learned-he-was-having

 

[Liberty Belle]

When someone is a criminal THEY DON'T REALLY LOVE YOU. They put you in harm's way. They don't care about your future. They are only out for themselves. There is no reason to stay married to them. God gives us clues, we have to listen to them.

Hmm...I don't agree. I think it's much more complicated than that.

Would I divorce my husband if I found out he robbed banks? I'm not sure. Right now I'd say probably not, but my husband WOULDN'T do something like that, so it's hard to imagine what would drive him to do it.

 

[Acklander]

As I said before, when a spouse leads a double life, they could end up murdering their spouse: (example)
http://www.radaronline.com/exclusiv...cers-dead-wife-recently-learned-he-was-having

Well, sure I can see where that has happened. It's the 9 out of 10 murdered spouses are because of a secret life that I have a hard time with.

 

[MarilIncredible]

I honestly don't know. If they were non-violent robberies, that would be a consideration. I think I would probably feel a bit badly, that maybe my pride at being accustomed to a certain lifestyle nudged him into robbery, or perhaps there was something about my personality that made him terrified of telling me the truth about his Wall St. career ending.

I can definitely say there would be counseling involved, regardless of the outcome of the marriage.

 

[Disney Doll]

I have a fairly clear sense of right and wrong.
Committing crimes is wrong.

If someone is able to commit a crime, then what else would they be able to do? It starts with bank robbery without a gun. But what would it progress to? And what element of society would you be exposing your family to?

That would be my issue, in addition to being really, really, really ticked off at him deceiving me and living what is, in essence, a double life.

And that crap about "loving his family and wanting to provide"??? A load of crap...big stinky smelly crap. You love your family and want to provide, then you sit down with your wife and kids, tell them about your job loss, discuss what needs to be done in order to stay afloat (trim the non-essentials, and we all have A LOT of non-essentials in our lives), and then you go out and look for a job or 2 or 3 or however many uit takes to honestly support your family. This was greed and laziness, pure and simple. It's easier to go steal other peoples' money than it is to work for your own.

My parents' neighbor got arrested for drug trafficking. Yes, this guy lived in a cute little neighborhood next door to my 80 year old parents! he was a perfectly pleasant guy. He owned a local business. Has 2 kids. Never a loud, nasty or violent person...just that whole drug kingpin/trafficking thing.

So now, he's in jail, his wife is raising their 2 kids alone and lives on pins and needles that some of the guys he sold up the river are going to come to her house and hurt or kill her or their kids and frankly, my parents live next door so I am not too thrilled because I don't want some drug-crazed lunatic hell bent on revenge picking the wrong house!

So, would I stay with a criminal? No.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

have you seen the movie fun with dick and jane? sounds like this exactly.

 

[Inigo]

When someone is a criminal THEY DON'T REALLY LOVE YOU. They put you in harm's way. They don't care about your future. They are only out for themselves. There is no reason to stay married to them. God gives us clues, we have to listen to them.

I agree with this. To me, criminal behavior is a deal breaker. I felt that way long ago. I wouldn't date men with criminal behavior or history. Other deal breakers for me would be drug use (which is actually criminal behavior, so I'm duplicating myself) or tobacco use. Abuse is another deal breaker.

 

[PatsGirl]

Depends how much money he stockpiled away in a Swiss bank for me and the kids to to live off while he was doing time JK, kinda sorta...

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

As a banker, I don't know what I'd do because I would take it very personally. When I worked in a branch, I always worried about getting robbed. I don't know that I would be able to stay with someone who inflicted my nightmare on someone else.

As several others mentioned, the lying would get to me as well.

However... bank robberies don't usually go the way of John Dillinger or the opening scene in The Dark Knight. Making the leap from bank robber to murderer is a pretty large jump.

 

[Sadie Chez]

Depends how much money he stockpiled away in a Swiss bank for me and the kids to to live off while he was doing time JK, kinda sorta...

That's funny cause from hanging out in the budget boards my first thought was I hope he had all their bills and credit cards paid off and some money in savings before he got hauled off to jail.

But I wonder when she divorced him did she give up all the material possesions he bought her with that stolen money, or did she keep those and just get rid of the thief?

 

[Inigo]

That's funny cause from hanging out in the budget boards my first thought was I hope he had all their bills and credit cards paid off and some money in savings before he got hauled off to jail.

But I wonder when she divorced him did she give up all the material possesions he bought her with that stolen money, or did she keep those and just get rid of the thief?

I think the Dateline Episode on this the other night said something about the need to pay a lot of money, so she basically started over with very little once she divorced him.

 

[Buckeye Princess]

Hmmmm. I do find Thomas Crown to be incredibly sexy. Something about the dashing gentlemanly thief is hot. Especially if he wisks me off to his private island retreat and has all new clothes waiting.