Would you send the invite?

[cabanafrau]

Why on earth would it bother you that SIL is unsophisticated enough to be impressed by the Cheesecake Factory? Is that really a negative to impugn someone's life choices?

IMO that would be akin to someone looking down on you for your thoughts on "hire education."

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

IMO that would be akin to someone looking down on you for your thoughts on "hire education."

Yeah, that degree certainly seems to be doing the OP a lot of good, doesn't it?

 

[Wishing on a star]

I have not read the whole thead....

1. If MIL is hosting the party, then she should be able to invite her son.
You can't control other peoples behaviors, only your own.
I would simply host the party elsewhere, and then you can choose the guest list in it's entirely.

2. If these people have actually quoted, verbatim, that they do not consider you and your daughter as family... Then, I would have to agree with you... simply set your boundaries and cut as many ties as possible. I would have no problem and have no guilt and no second thoughts.

3. I can very much understand your animosity towards these people. But, I am getting the hunch by skimming a few posts here that you have made this personal and are also issuing a lot of unnecessary personal judgements about them.

OP, you need to look a the big picture.
You need to take a good look at your own attitudes and actions.
No matter how awful these people are to you and your daughter, that does not excuse any tendency to be awful yourself. You are not responsible for other people's attitudes and actions. But, perhaps you can take a look at your own part in the stress and battles.

Learn how to take control of your own situation and responsibility for your own actions. If that means hosting your child's birthday party, and or cutting any close ties with this BIL, so be it.

But, as long as you stoop to their level and continue to 'engage', the situation will not improve.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Wishing on a Star- Thank you. It is very frustrating being around them and it's starting to really annoy me. i think what most people here are are ignoring is that my vents and annoyance ISN'T voiced to them. So while I may sound mean and cruel or biter it's because I've had to hold my tongue for the last 3 years. We shouldn't have to justify family vacations every year or buying a new car. Yet they feel the need to constantly say something.

I know I play/played a part in this situation. I'm not saying that I was right at all. I just strongly feel like if you hate me and don't consider me family (which is a direct quote from BIL's mouth to DH) you wouldn't want to come to my childs party. But like MIL keeps saying "he's family" So either we have to suck up seeing them or cut ties. We're cutting ties.

 

[Magic Mom]

No, 20 when she had her first kid, 22 when she got married. She hasn't left the town she grew up in. She hasn't left a 5 mile radius of that town. The girl thinks Cheesecake Factory is 5 star dining.
I just really don't like them and neither me or DH want them around us or our child. The only reason I'm being this civil is because MIL is laying the guilt but after this party DH and I have decided that we are going to cut ties with them. MIL wants to feel bad for them, that's on her. We have no patience for people who don't want to better themselves and the people that make excuses for them.

None of the bolded makes any difference in the kind of person someone turns out to be. That's clear to everyone.


If you hate them, why not just fork out the cash and have you daughter's party at some other venue. Then you can choose the guest list, and of course the people you invite can make the decision to spend time with you or not.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

. We shouldn't have to justify family vacations every year or buying a new car. Yet they feel the need to constantly say something.

But like MIL keeps saying "he's family" So either we have to suck up seeing them or cut ties. We're cutting ties.

First of all you don't have to justify anything you do as a family to them or anyone else.

Secondly as long as your mil is alive and you live near them all you won't be able to cut them out of your life. They will be at every family party and holiday that involves your in-laws.

All you have to do is simply ignore them and their behaviors. You don't have to be around them, go into another room. You don't have to explain things to them like how you can afford things that they might not be able to do. Apparently he is winning the fights because you and dh allow him and everything he does to get under your skins. Want to annoy him IGNORE him. Say hello when you see him and then ignore everything else. Don't feel the need to fight back with him as hard as it seems because then he has succeeded in pulling you down to his level. Trust me people will recognize that he is acting like an .