Would you report this family to CPS?

[EthansMom]

I have an adult close to me who was neglected and abused as a child. Numerous friends and family members knew he/she was being neglected and neither called the authorities nor offered to take in the children involved.

I would call CPS.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

I know. Just because my involvement would start with some communication makes it sad.

I never run out and do things blindly. I think if it was a good friend of dd I would at least give her the courtesy of a conversation. You never know what she might say.

So what do you think the kid (or mother) is going to say to her if questioned? More than likely a child would be embarrassed to death by the situation and would defend the parent and say nothing is wrong. The lady would probably tell her to go pound salt.

The OP said the house is stinky, the kids are dirty and the mother's behavior is *off.* I'd be more concerned about the *off* behavior. What more do you need to know?

She's concerned about the situation. If she is so concerned, then she should call CPS.

 

[C.Ann]

The girl has a really nice, normal dad who lives nearby and she spends every other weekend and one night a week with him. I won't presume to say I know which house she'd rather live in, or whether her dad wants custody, I'm just including the info to show there is an alternative.

The OP said the house is stinky, the kids are dirty and the mother's behavior is *off.* I'd be more concerned about the *off* behavior. What more do you need to know?

She's concerned about the situation. If she is so concerned, then she should call CPS.

And don't even give a thought to talking to the "really nice, normal dad who lives nearby that she spends every other weekend and one night a week with.." - first..

I mean he's "only" their dad.. No point in voicing any concerns to him first in regards to his children because - well - he's just a man.. Not sure I understand that kind of logic.. Someone should at least have the courtesy to call the man and give him a heads up that CPS is being called - before they show up at his door as well..

 

[justhat]

And don't even give a thought to talking to the "really nice, normal dad who lives nearby that she spends every other weekend and one night a week with.." - first..

I mean he's "only" their dad.. No point in voicing any concerns to him first in regards to his children because - well - he's just a man.. Not sure I understand that kind of logic.. Someone should at least have the courtesy to call the man and give him a heads up that CPS is being called - before they show up at his door as well..

I disagree with calling the dad because then if and when she does move forward with CPS, they all know it was her and could lash out. If the OP has noticed these things going on, so has the dad but he's obviously not doing anything about it.

 

[SereneOne]

And don't even give a thought to talking to the "really nice, normal dad who lives nearby that she spends every other weekend and one night a week with.." - first..

I mean he's "only" their dad.. No point in voicing any concerns to him first in regards to his children because - well - he's just a man.. Not sure I understand that kind of logic.. Someone should at least have the courtesy to call the man and give him a heads up that CPS is being called - before they show up at his door as well..

Give him a heads up? You mean open a can of worms. I guess one should not call the cops on anyone until they first contact immediate family members. Regardless of the bad press CPS recieves and in many cases richly deserves, a case like this is one of the reasons we have CPS. Contacting the father in this situation will cause more problems than necessary for the OP.

OP, please contact CPS and tell them your concerns and let them handle it.

 

[luvmy3]

I disagree with calling the dad because then if and when she does move forward with CPS, they all know it was her and could lash out. If the OP has noticed these things going on, so has the dad but he's obviously not doing anything about it.

I do think mentioning something to the dad is worthwhile, maybe he truly doesn't know what really going on. If the OP has witnesses abusive and neglectful behavior I think calling CPS is the right thing to do, but if it were me I would talk to dad and share what I witnessesed, just to let him know that I was concerned for the dd, and the mom and calling was the next step. Maybe he has already done something and CPS is involved.

 

[MarkBarbieri]

She's a ... mom...

gigantic mood swings and tirades against people who didn't do exactly as she expected

Isn't that kind of redundant?

 

[Ciao Mickey]

And don't even give a thought to talking to the "really nice, normal dad who lives nearby that she spends every other weekend and one night a week with.." - first..

I mean he's "only" their dad.. No point in voicing any concerns to him first in regards to his children because - well - he's just a man.. Not sure I understand that kind of logic.. Someone should at least have the courtesy to call the man and give him a heads up that CPS is being called - before they show up at his door as well..

Don't you think the dad is aware of the problems? Or should be? He lives nearby, not across the country.

How do the kids get to his home? He must pick them up from time to time. Doesn't he notice the dirty clothing or the smelly house or the nutcase ex-wife? Maybe that is why he left in the first place. I find it hard to believe he's totally in the dark about what goes on in their home.

Maybe he is aware of the situation and chooses to do nothing. Maybe he prefers to keep his head up his butt so he doesn't have to do anything.

What if the OP talks to the dad and nothing changes? Then what? If she decides to call CPS after expressing her concerns to him, they will know who called.

I feel sorry for the kids. The kids should be the main concern. Calling CPS can help them all.

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

I agree!

As a school teacher, I am a mandated reporter and, thus, am required to report information to the appropriate agencies.

I would also make the call. Just because cps does an invest does not mean the kids will be removed. They will invest, post recommondations to the court and mom and make sure she follows through. She may be in need of mental health services to correct what is going on with her. I also would not speak with the kids. That will only slip out latter making your annon. call not so annon anymore. Just think of it this way, it could be anyone from a teacher to a mailman who could have made that call. And if she confronts you tell her you are not quite sure what she is talking about but can help out if she needs. it.

 

[DisneyCruisin]

Foster Care worker here. Your concerns would likely warrant further investigation in my area. Not necessarily foster care, but further investigation for sure.

I say call.

As a previous poster stated, give every detail you can, about what you have seen, heard, smelled, how the child acts, appears (big difference between filthy clothes and not nice clothes) how the parent acts, smell of alcohol etc.
The person on the hotline will determine whether or not there is enough information and/or concern to even generate a CPS report/investigation.

If a report is accepted, CPS will investigate. They will likely interview the family at home, being that there is no immediate concern of serious physical abuse.

It will be their job to interview medical providers, teachers and family. They will involve the father, and determine if he was aware of the condition of the home, and the well being of the child, and whether he is an appropriate resource for the child if necessary.

Making the call does not mean foster care. Let the professionals determine where to go from the point of your call.

 

[disykat]

It could be that the dad is already working with this in a custody battle and NEEDs your help proving the mom is not caring for them properly. It would do more good for you to contact CPS without talking to him, so they can see you were not motivated by him to do so.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I would call. If the mom chooses to live in a filthy, stinky house alone, fine, but with her kids there, not fine. It can be difficult to deal with mentally ill family members, and the dad may be taking the easy rode by simply avoiding dealing with her.

 

[brios86]

My husbands aunt is in a familiar situation. Her house (with her husband) is basically unlivealbe. Her children have been taken away from her 4-5 times already with the most recent time being a couple months ago. The system is flawed. Even if they do take the kids away, they will give the mom chance after chance to change. In my husband's aunt's case, she always changed enough to get her children back and then fell back into the same pattern.

You mention that there is some emotional abuse, but that is hell of a lot harder to make a case out of than physical abuse. Neglect is just as hard. I think you need to be calling CPS EVERY time you see something. You need to make them see that this is a huge problem. Maybe try to speak to a teacher and see if they have similar concerns. Calling once is not going to get the kids taken care of.

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

I would definitely call. I am a mandated reporter as a teacher as well, and if I had a student who came to school every day in dirty clothes, I would call. No student should have to go to school in dirty clothes...maybe the parents just need some resources to help them along.

 

[AlleyKat]

I disagree with calling the dad because then if and when she does move forward with CPS, they all know it was her and could lash out. If the OP has noticed these things going on, so has the dad but he's obviously not doing anything about it.

Bingo!

The crap could hit the fan big time, in this scenario! If "dad" has an inkling the OP called, he could make her life miserable!

 

[LisaZee]

As a social worker who used to work with abused and neglected kids - all I want to throw out there is that CPS is required to investigate all allegations. Once you make that call, you put that family in "the system" - and there is no going back. Every further move that mother makes will be scrutinized and taken in and out of context. Every bruise on the kids is looked at with suspicion, the little girl spills ice cream on her otherwise clean dress and she's unkempt... I'm just saying - this family is about to cross a line that will not be uncrossed for a very long time.

So go with your gut, but be sure what your gut is telling you before you call.

 

[JJZMgailey]

I agree.. A call to CPS should never be made in haste.. There is too much at stake - even for the children.. (Just the embarrassment alone of having CPS come to the school and pull them from class to speak to them.. And yes - it does happen that way often times because they need to talk to the children separate from the mom - before mom is even aware a call has been made..)

There just isn't enough information here to go on.. Speak to the girl; speak to the older siblings; and then speak to the dad.. Based on what little info you have, the rush to call in CPS could be a huge mistake - for all involved..

This is beautiful advise, IMHO.

 

[huckster]

so what have you deceided to do?

 

[luvmy3]

I would definitely call. I am a mandated reporter as a teacher as well, and if I had a student who came to school every day in dirty clothes, I would call. No student should have to go to school in dirty clothes...maybe the parents just need some resources to help them along.

Wow, you would call CPS just because a child comes to school in dirty clothes? Honestly I think that people who call to report things such as this bog down the system and those who have valid complaints slip through. To me dirty clothes alone isn't a sign of abuse and neglect and I hope any teacher would have to have more to go on in order to file a complaint.

As a social worker who used to work with abused and neglected kids - all I want to throw out there is that CPS is required to investigate all allegations. Once you make that call, you put that family in "the system" - and there is no going back. Every further move that mother makes will be scrutinized and taken in and out of context. Every bruise on the kids is looked at with suspicion, the little girl spills ice cream on her otherwise clean dress and she's unkempt... I'm just saying - this family is about to cross a line that will not be uncrossed for a very long time.

So go with your gut, but be sure what your gut is telling you before you call.

This is exactly why the OP or anyone else shouldn't just call on a whim. (I know you aren't OP)

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

As a social worker who used to work with abused and neglected kids - all I want to throw out there is that CPS is required to investigate all allegations. Once you make that call, you put that family in "the system" - and there is no going back. Every further move that mother makes will be scrutinized and taken in and out of context. Every bruise on the kids is looked at with suspicion, the little girl spills ice cream on her otherwise clean dress and she's unkempt... I'm just saying - this family is about to cross a line that will not be uncrossed for a very long time.

So go with your gut, but be sure what your gut is telling you before you call.

Yep, I agree. In all honesty, nothing I've read from the OP crossses the line from a sucky life into abuse.

Some actions are not reversible-those are the ones that I think long and hard about before doing. I also try and ask "what good can come of this?"

For me the big red flag in this scenario is the dad. If he truly was trying to get full custody of them, he could call CPS down upon her head. And yet as far as anyone knows, he hasn't. Let's ask ourselves why? And does it make sense to take the kids away from their home to put them with a dad that's not trying to get full custody?

You say she's doing well in school. If she's yanked out of the home and put into foster care, I think you can kiss that goodbye because odds are she'll be put in a different school and branded a "foster kid".

It sounds like she's in a difficult, unhappy situation. There are many, many people who survive such adversity and go on to prosper away from their parents.

I think she's created a fragile balance for herself where she's coping adequately (good grades), and I think calling CPS could destroy what little good she's created for herself in the mess that is her family life.