Would you report this family to CPS?

[Mrs.Toad]

And don't even give a thought to talking to the "really nice, normal dad who lives nearby that she spends every other weekend and one night a week with.." - first..

I mean he's "only" their dad.. No point in voicing any concerns to him first in regards to his children because - well - he's just a man.. Not sure I understand that kind of logic.. Someone should at least have the courtesy to call the man and give him a heads up that CPS is being called - before they show up at his door as well..

Of course I've thought of talking with their dad, but I don't want it to get back to their mom that I did. If that happens, I'm sure the mother would cut off the girl's contact with my dd and our family, and that would take away one of the stable influences in her life.

Don't you think the dad is aware of the problems? Or should be? He lives nearby, not across the country.

How do the kids get to his home? He must pick them up from time to time. Doesn't he notice the dirty clothing or the smelly house or the nutcase ex-wife? Maybe that is why he left in the first place. I find it hard to believe he's totally in the dark about what goes on in their home.

Maybe he is aware of the situation and chooses to do nothing. Maybe he prefers to keep his head up his butt so he doesn't have to do anything.

What if the OP talks to the dad and nothing changes? Then what? If she decides to call CPS after expressing her concerns to him, they will know who called.

I feel sorry for the kids. The kids should be the main concern. Calling CPS can help them all.

I don't really think the dad knows the extent to which this is a problem. When I've seen him pick the girl up from the home, he just stops the car outside, sends her a text that he's there, and she comes out with her bag. The mom and dad don't talk to each other unless absolutely necessary, and I don't think he goes into the house at all.

Yes, he's got to be noticing the dirty clothes. He's her lacrosse coach and I know he keeps her uniform and equipment at his house. Even when he picks her up from her mom's house to go to a game or practice, he has her stuff and she changes before and after in the park bathroom. I get the feeling he knows the uniform would be lost or dirty if it was kept at the mom's house, and this is how he's chosen to deal with it.

It could be that the dad is already working with this in a custody battle and NEEDs your help proving the mom is not caring for them properly. It would do more good for you to contact CPS without talking to him, so they can see you were not motivated by him to do so.

This could be the case, based on things the mom has told me.

so what have you deceided to do?

I'm not 100% sure yet, but I am leaning toward making the call. I'm going to think it through and make lots of notes, so I can give them specifics when I do. Thanks for all the advice everyone.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

You say she's doing well in school. If she's yanked out of the home and put into foster care, I think you can kiss that goodbye because odds are she'll be put in a different school and branded a "foster kid".

This is exactly the point that causes me the most hesitation.

 

[NHdisneylover]

OP I am sure this a very difficult decision to make and no matter what you decide you will second guess yourself dozens of times. I wish you the best of luck as you decide and truly hope whatever happens is the best possible outcome for this girl and her brother.

 

[SereneOne]

OP I am sure this a very difficult decision to make and no matter what you decide you will second guess yourself dozens of times. I wish you the best of luck as you decide and truly hope whatever happens is the best possible outcome for this girl and her brother.

It is already in her gut to call or she would not ask.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, I think the OP has very very seriously been deciding whether to pick up that phone.

She has been around this family for a while.

She has seen a lot.
She has been reluctant to be specific and tell-all.... (understandably so)

I think that those who are downplaying (just a kid in dirty clothes) etc... are very wrong not to take the OP's concerns more seriously/respectfully.
I think a woman's instinct deserves a little consideration.

If these children are being neglected and locked out of their home.... that is denying shelter... THAT warrants CPS investigation.
If I had the girl with my DD and I felt that she had been locked out of her home.... THAT would be the time to call.... Instant verification of the allegations.

If the 'wonderful' DAD knows... then he knows and is unwilling to take any action....

If the 'wonderful' DAD does not know, then that is NOT a 'wonderful' dad, is it.

The Dad would need to answer to CPS (NOT the OP) about what he knew, and if had been concerned for his children or not.

It is not the OP's place to 'talk to the dad'.... 'question children'... etc...

Her choices are to call (with as much 'specific' information as possible)
Or, to look the other way.
And, it seems that she is finding that it is getting harder to turn her head.

I don't think anyone on the other side of the computer screen really knows the right choice.

I can say that, NO there will be no big announcement over the loudspeaker at school "CPS is here for little Mary... Attention please... CPS is here for Johnny" . I found those comments about possible embarrassment at school to be non-applicable. Kids come and go from class all day.... for a myriad of reasons... I see this as a total NON issue.

 

[huckster]

Just wondering , what if any moves you made? Have you seen the clild lately , how is she doing? hope all is well for all involed.. keep us posted.
God Bless

 

[quentina]

Yes, I would. When things are reported, people investigate. The goal is not to take kids away from their family (believe me, in PA they go above and beyond to keep them with bio family. I adopted 2 from foster care and am horrified at what my kids went through and what we did for the parents to try to train them to be parents) they do put programs in place to help people. They could help provide cleaning help, training on hygiene etc.

Sometimes, it can really help families who acknowledge a problem. Since this person recogizes that her house is not up to par, I believe she can get some guidance.

Do the children smell? Do they have dirty clothes, unclean hair/teeth etc?

You can also do a guidance counselor however, I don't think that they will report unless the children give him a reason to (discuss home life etc).

Just me personal opinion.

 

[Sandy22]

I've read the whole thread and I would say to make the call. The Dad must know something is going on - and for whatever reason nothing has changed.

Make the call and leave it for the professionals to decide if there is emotional abuse and neglect. The last thing the foster care system needs is more teenagers so CPS will be motivated to help mom make positive changes to keep the kids.

 

[Ride Junkie]

As much as I would hate to do it, I would probably report it to CPS. From the OP, it kinda sounds like the mom is on something (like meth). I wish someone had made that call when I was a kid, for that very reason.

 

[shelly3girls]

I think given the information you have I would contact CPS.

As far as the dad is concerned, is it possible the he has tried to get his kids out of the situation? You would be surprised how difficult it is in some states for one parent to get more or total custody especially if the children protect her.

 

[minkydog]

I can say that, NO there will be no big announcement over the loudspeaker at school "CPS is here for little Mary... Attention please... CPS is here for Johnny" . I found those comments about possible embarrassment at school to be non-applicable. Kids come and go from class all day.... for a myriad of reasons... I see this as a total NON issue.

I agree with this. Nobody will know the child is in foster care unless the child tells them. Teachers & admins will know, of course. But the other kids won't. It really is a non-issue in most schools. Sadly, there are a lot of kids in foster care and group homes.