Would you "rat" these kids out? ( update in #73 )

[DisneyDotty]

(Climbing on soap box...)
I am disheartened to read all the comments about "tattling" and retribution etc.

I guess I always think, "Would I want to know this if it were about my kid?" The answer has always been a resounding YES! I have always told neighbors that they should feel free to comment on my kids' misbehavior--to my kids--and to tell me, too. As others have wisely said, the grandparents may not think the swearing/kids in the house is a big deal--but they deserve the right to make that decision.

I think society's hesitancy to get involved is sad. And it also reveals our attitudes that "nobody can say anything to my precious angel." I have two kids who I think are fairly well-behaved. But I'm fooling myself if I think they are angels. And I need to know when they're doing something wrong so they can learn and so ultimately I can protect them from hurting themselves/others.

So PD--Yes, tell the grandparents. You're an adult--they're adults. You're not "tattling"--you're reporting on what you heard/observed. They can do what they want with that information, but I bet they thank you for it.

(Off my soapbox. Thanks--that felt good.)

 

[marymrg]

I was just wondering, for those of you against telling the grandparents, what if I had asked the question ( and you were the grandparents or the parents of these kids ) "Would you want to know"? instead of " Would you "rat" these kids out"?..... what your responses would be. Would they change?

I know that I ABSOLUTELY would want to know if my daughters did or said anything like this.

If you spoke to them, and it never happened again then no, I wouldn't need to know. If they continued the behavior on another occasion, then yes - I would want to know so that I could try to deal with it on my end as well.

Even though the word was said twice, it was really all part of the same event.

 

[S. C.]

I would tell.

When our kids were early teens we lived in a neighbor hood that most of the close next door neigbors were all friends. We all looked out for each others kids. If any of our kids got out of line we would tell the kid/s in question that they had to tell there parents what they said/did and then we would go to the parents and make sure the kid had told on themselves. The end result was that none of our teens ever got into any trouble with the police, and they all turned out to be pretty good teens. They knew if they did anything they weren't suppose to that the parents would be told.

I'll never forget the time my son came to me and said "mom Pat said i have to tell you that she said i was mouthy with her" Then when he was walking away to go to his room i heard him grumble under his breath "can't get away with nothing around here"

A few hours later my friend came over to make sure that my son had told me he had been disrespectful to her. About a year later she said to me that he had never been disrespectful to her again.

I also wonder if their grandson was suppose to have friends in the house when they were not at home.

 

[Froggyswife]

I am a parent and If my child did this or one of their friends (since you aren't sure which kid it was) I would want to know regardless of which kid did it. I would very much like to know that there were other kids in my home while away. My teen isn't allowed to have company when home alone.

 

[mrsltg]

Without hesitancy, tell the grandparents. First, regardless of who said what, it was on your street with the child/grandchild of your neighbor present. Second, there were boys & girls together in the empty house - alone? Third, that kind of language has no place, especially in mixed company, especially coming from a child.


My grandparents would have ripped my heart out and I would die of shame if I ever pulled a stunt like this. Further, it's not "tattling" when an adult reprimands a child for poor behavior.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

T&B - I wasn't referring to your post... I was answering PD. Sorry if that got mixed up

That's ok, you're allowed to disagree with me, even if your dog does have bunny ears and your DH was wearing that hat! But for the record, I don't think we disagree, anyway.

 

[Teejay32]

I'd be more interested in there being five 11-14 year olds in my house while I was gone.

But I don't have sympathy for kids yelling swears either. I'll look the other way sometimes - a bad word slips out, someone gets knocked in the head, someone talking younger kids into doing stunts but in-your-face punkness doesn't deserve a break.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

(Climbing on soap box...)
I am disheartened to read all the comments about "tattling" and retribution etc.

I guess I always think, "Would I want to know this if it were about my kid?" The answer has always been a resounding YES! I have always told neighbors that they should feel free to comment on my kids' misbehavior--to my kids--and to tell me, too. As others have wisely said, the grandparents may not think the swearing/kids in the house is a big deal--but they deserve the right to make that decision.

I think society's hesitancy to get involved is sad. And it also reveals our attitudes that "nobody can say anything to my precious angel." I have two kids who I think are fairly well-behaved. But I'm fooling myself if I think they are angels. And I need to know when they're doing something wrong so they can learn and so ultimately I can protect them from hurting themselves/others.

So PD--Yes, tell the grandparents. You're an adult--they're adults. You're not "tattling"--you're reporting on what you heard/observed. They can do what they want with that information, but I bet they thank you for it.

(Off my soapbox. Thanks--that felt good.)

 

[lulugirl]

I'd be more interested in there being five 11-14 year olds in my house while I was gone.

But I don't have sympathy for kids yelling swears either. I'll look the other way sometimes - a bad word slips out, someone gets knocked in the head, someone talking younger kids into doing stunts but in-your-face punkness doesn't deserve a break.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

Of course I'd want to know if my boys were saying vile things.

I'm just not the kind of person who calls people up to report on their child. To me, it would feel like I was tattling. It is fine for others. There are people who call, and people who don't. I'm in the Don't column.

And it isn't because I'm scared of the kids, or anything like that. I just don't call people up. I've never called a parent to tell them anything bad about their kid. I've never received a call.

 

[kdibattista]

That's ok, you're allowed to disagree with me, even if your dog does have bunny ears and your DH was wearing that hat! But for the record, I don't think we disagree, anyway.

I don't think we disagree either but I'm not sure. I didn't even read your post when I responded.... I'm so confused!!! .

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I don't think we disagree either but I'm not sure. I didn't even read your post when I responded.... I'm so confused!!! .

Just wait until you get old like me--then you'll really confuse easily!

 

[Papa Deuce]

I thought about it and did tell him. I decided that he would WANT to know. Ya know what he said?......

It takes a Village .

Thats all I have to say and if they do nothing at least you made an attempt.

Except he changed it to neighborhood. He was very thankful that I told him. And beyond the language, there were supposed to be no outside kids in his home when they are not there.

 

[DisneyDotty]

I thought about it and did tell him. I decided that he would WANT to know. Ya know what he said?......





Except he changed it to neighborhood. He was very thankful that I told him. And beyond the language, there were supposed to be no outside kids in his home when they are not there.

Excellent! And a big sigh of **whew**!

 

[VSL]

I was going to say 'tell' - which you have.

But I'm still wondering what kind of word would offend someone (in this day and age) so much - especially if it wasn't directed to the person who is offended (I am a girl).

I can think of some vile words, but none which would offend me if it was just some brat kid shouting it at someone else.

Oh well - I guess I'll never know!

 

[disneymom3]

PD--good job. Glad you told the Gpa and glad he aprreciated the info. Here's hoping the grandson gets a clue that Gpa is not going to put up with garbage like this.

We had the boys who live next door making some very rude gestures at the girls who live up the street. Not something I wanted my little boys at 3 and 4 at the time seeing. (Way worse than the finger.) I talked to their mom about who I didn't know all that well back then. Well apparently they got in major trouble--as was deserved IMO and they turned back into the nice boys they had previously been. And they are extremely polite to me and my kids.

 

[Papa Deuce]

LOL Disneymom3....I just saw your tag, and this is OT.... we have has a smore's maker for 3 years. It was a gift. It is still in the box!

 

[Jennasis]

PD: Good work. So come on...was it the "b" word, or the "see-you-next-tuesday" word? Also, did gramps mention what he was going to do with the kids?

PS...I agree with the others who said I would be WAY more concerned/upset about the kids allowing friends in the house without anyone adult at home. THAT'S worth having a talk with grandpa over for sure!

 

[Kimberle]

I thought about it and did tell him. I decided that he would WANT to know. Ya know what he said?......





Except he changed it to neighborhood. He was very thankful that I told him. And beyond the language, there were supposed to be no outside kids in his home when they are not there.

Good for you! You are the adult, they are the children. Back in my "day" **ahem** (the 70's), we could do ANYTHING! We knew our parents would find out long before they got home.

 

[Papa Deuce]

PD: Good work. So come on...was it the "b" word, or the "see-you-next-tuesday" word? Also, did gramps mention what he was going to do with the kids?

PS...I agree with the others who said I would be WAY more concerned/upset about the kids allowing friends in the house without anyone adult at home. THAT'S worth having a talk with grandpa over for sure!

I have no idea what the see you next Tuesday thing is.... guess I am naive. LOL.

He did not say what he would do. But he truly was glad I told him. As far as the kids in his house? well, I wouldn't want that either, but I certainly would not have told him about that if that was the only problem. That might be accepted in their home. But, in fact, he was at least equally concerned about that.

So, now we see what happens from here. I don't imagine it will be anything I know about or find out about.

I really was twisted on this. And then I saw grandpa getting his mail, and it just "felt like the right thing to do".

Like I said, I would want to know. And he told me, that he assumed that I would want to know when my kids get big enough. And I sure would!

EDIT... LOL, I just figured it out! Yes, the Tuesday thing! I'm so dense!