Would you "rat" these kids out? ( update in #73 )

[MariettaC]

Definitely tell them. I would.

 

[JerseyJanice]

You spoke to the kids about it yourself, so I'd let it slide this time.

If it happened again, then I would speak to the grandparents.

 

[CookieGVB]

I'd talk to the kid - let him know if he ever refers to your wife again in that manner, that he'll WISH you'd spoken to his grandparents about it.

 

[jama]

Grandparents also might like to know other kids were at their house while they were gone. And since their grandkids are only there in the summer, they may not be aware of the language that is being used this year. I would think they would want to know so they can set ground rules for this summer at their house.

 

[DVC Sadie]

If it was my son talking rudely and swearing I would definitely want to know.

I remember in my neighborhood if I was misbehaving my mother knew about it before I got home and then dealt with me accordingly.

 

[Evil Queen]

What I think is sad, is now everytime OP and his wife want to work in their yard or just enjoy being outside, and the kids are out, they may have to listen to this talk?

That's not right. Being the kids were in the grandparents yard and still talked like this, may not make the G'Parents shine too bright with other neighbors. I would think the grandparents would want to know, so that a certain peace can be maintain in the neighborhood.

I take pride in knowing that, even though not close, in my neighborhood we watch out for each other. Homes, kids, etc. But if someone in my neigborhood makes me feel uncomfortable and do nothing to correct it, I may not be as willing to be a great neighbor back. That's why I think the grandparents should be told. If they weren't home, they probably have no clue. Even though their grandchild did say sorry, they may want to know who their grandkids play with.

My child, along with about 5 other kids were out once. Glass ended up being broken in the street. My son said he didn't do it and a neighbor who witnessed it even backed him up. But he was with them, and didn't remove himself from the situation. Guess what? In my eyes, he was just as guilty. I informed the parents of the child who was witnessed doing it and of course I got the "Not my child" speech. I made my son get a broom and dust pan and sweep in front of my house and the neighbor's house who saw what happened.

I was so glad when that family (with the child who did break the glass) moved. They were the sort of neighbor no one really wanted and had a few falling out's with other neighbors.

 

[vettechick99]

You spoke to the kids about it yourself, so I'd let it slide this time.

If it happened again, then I would speak to the grandparents.

I thought it did happen again? PD asked them to stop, and as they went inside the house, they continued.

Would you ("you" as in anyone of us) have ever acted that way at that age? Heck no because our parents would have tore our butts up. Kids get away with too much stuff nowadays.

PD, I don't care if it's "tattling". The boys were being obnoxious and defiant. Nip that misbehavior in the bud.

 

[LauraR]

I'd definitely tell the grandparents. They are still kids and they need to have limits set. It sounds like the bike riding kid is a bad influence, and the grandparents should be put on alert to that. If the kids are yelling nasty words audible from far away they are basically screaming to be set straight. You'll be doing the right thing for them to let their grandparents know what's going on. If you let it go now, they'll feel like they got away with something, and they'll probably do it again.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I wouldn't, because I'd rather not have my house/car/etc. vandalized.

 

[Jennasis]

Was it the grandson who said the word the second time or the kid on the bike? If it was the grandson, then perhaps it might be worth casually mentioning to the grandparents. If it was the other kid, then I would let it go. The grandson did apologize. It sounds like the problem child is the one with the bike.

FWIW, I don't really think any of what the OP describes is worth following up on. They weren't doing anything harmful or dangerous to themselves or others. They did not direct the comment to you or your wife (I am assuming it was the "See-You-Next-Tuesday" word). Foul language happens from kids and adults alike. Ratting the kids out to result in the kids becoming more obnoxious around you. I would let it go for now (but glare menacingly at them when I see them from my garden from now on...perhaps keeping a bat/ax/chainsaw handy for putting a little fear in them might help j/k)!

But do what you want, Papa Duece. Obviously it annoyed you enough to want to post, so go ahead and tell the grandparents. LEt us know how it turns out!

 

[Papa Deuce]

I was just wondering, for those of you against telling the grandparents, what if I had asked the question ( and you were the grandparents or the parents of these kids ) "Would you want to know"? instead of " Would you "rat" these kids out"?..... what your responses would be. Would they change?

I know that I ABSOLUTELY would want to know if my daughters did or said anything like this.

 

[Evil Queen]

I was just wondering, for those of you against telling the grandparents, what if I had asked the question ( and you were the grandparents or the parents of these kids ) "Would you want to know"? instead of " Would you "rat" these kids out"?..... what your responses would be. Would they change?

I know that I ABSOLUTELY would want to know if my daughters did or said anything like this.

Yes, I would.

Also, as for any backlash from the kids towards my property, at least I would know where to look first.

 

[Jennasis]

Ahhh..PD there's the rub! I have no kids and DH and I are planning to keep it that way, so it's tough for me to ask myself that question.

I'll try though...YES, I'd want to know. Then I'd go and yell at/punish my kid. Then my kid would become angry, sullen, sulky and more rebellious. We are after all talking about teens. Hormone city!

That's why I said I'd leave it alone. I don;t think there is anything you can say or do, or the grandparents/parents can say or do to prevent an adolescent from using bad language when gathered with their friends in the street with no supervision (except maybe to supervise them 24/7). The kids will just continue to do it anyway.

 

[lovetheparks]

Once kids know that you aren't bluffing they tend to toe the line. Since they are still quite young, I would talk to the grandfather. Someone's got to do it!

That is so true. I had a problem with a kid that same age group jumping my (privacy) fence - he even did it one day while I was there telling him not to!

That very day I went to his house every hour on the hour to speak to his mother - never did find her home but the kid came knocking on my door that night to apologize and I have not had a problem with him since.

Call their bluff.

 

[ckay87]

I think this is an easy one for 2 reasons:

1 - You're friendly with the grandparents
2 - The actual perpetrator was not the grandson (is that right?)

So, the next time you "happen to be" having a conversation with the grandparents (make that opportunity happen), just casually mention something like "hey I thought you should know that your grandson's been hanging around with this trashy kid... Let me tell you what happened... You might just want to watch out for that one."

You can avoid being a tattletale but still pass on the info as needed.

YES! I'd want to know, BTW.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I was just wondering, for those of you against telling the grandparents, what if I had asked the question ( and you were the grandparents or the parents of these kids ) "Would you want to know"? instead of " Would you "rat" these kids out"?..... what your responses would be. Would they change?

I asked a question and maybe I missed the answer... Do you know that the grandson of your neighbor is the one that yelled the curse words when going into the house? That influences my answer somewhat.

And as far as your question about "ratting out" vs "wanting to know" I ignored the question that you actually asked and answered the question that I assumed that you were trying to ask. I don't like the meaning behind "ratting out". Right there assumes that you are tattling, and I don't see it as that.

I have talked to my neighbor about things that her sons are doing and she wants me to, partially because she is blind and can't see some things that they are doing. It's something that she's asked me to do and I've had her explain that to her kids. However, I know that she wants to know. There are other neighbors who I wouldn't bother talking to, ie, the people one neighborhood over who have keg parties for their kids. Why bother? I've talked to parents who have "told" on their kids and gotten a pretty frosty reception.

 

[Papa Deuce]

I asked a question and maybe I missed the answer... Do you know that the grandson of your neighbor is the one that yelled the curse words when going into the house? That influences my answer somewhat.

And as far as your question about "ratting out" vs "wanting to know" I ignored the question that you actually asked and answered the question that I assumed that you were trying to ask. I don't like the meaning behind "ratting out". Right there assumes that you are tattling, and I don't see it as that.

I have talked to my neighbor about things that her sons are doing and she wants me to, partially because she is blind and can't see some things that they are doing. It's something that she's asked me to do and I've had her explain that to her kids. However, I know that she wants to know. There are other neighbors who I wouldn't bother talking to, ie, the people one neighborhood over who have keg parties for their kids. Why bother? I've talked to parents who have "told" on their kids and gotten a pretty frosty reception.

With a 100% certainty? No. But there were 2 - 3 boys and 2 -3 girls. The voices I heard going into the house -- there was more than one yelling -- sounded like boys.

BTW, I really have NOT decided what I want to do. In the grand scheme of things, who else besides me and my wife really cares? We were the only ones who heard it as far as I know. It is a shame that kids that don't really live here are the "bad seeds" on our block. And not that what they did was so awful, but we have all great kids on our block as far as I know except for them/

 

[kdibattista]

With a 100% certainty? No. But there were 2 - 3 boys and 2 -3 girls. The voices I heard going into the house -- there was more than one yelling -- sounded like boys.

BTW, I really have NOT decided what I want to do. In the grand scheme of things, who else besides me and my wife really cares? We were the only ones who heard it as far as I know. It is a shame that kids that don't really live here are the "bad seeds" on our block. And not that what they did was so awful, but we have all great kids on our block as far as I know except for them/

Who cares? The next people that have to come in contact with this wiseass. I do hope that you rat them out. It seems like we've become a society that fears doing something out of fear for retribution (not saying that's why you wouldn't but I gather that from some of the other responses as well as some situations I have encountered). Now, will it have an impact... who knows? But at least you would have done something.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

kdibattista, the reason it matters to me is because if he talks to the grandparents he needs to be clear as to what exactly he heard. If he heard the grandson say something, he corrected him, and the grandson didn't say anything else, perhaps that's enough (I'm on the fence on whether it's enough--if nothing else was said, I believe that enough was said and the situation was handled, however, since even more was said, but maybe not by the grandson, I would likely err on the side of talking with the grandparents).

I'm not in favor of running to the parents all the time if a situation can be handled, but at the very least, these friends do not seem like good influences and the grandparents should be aware of that if they don't already know.

One advice that I've always drilled into my kids is that they should surround themselves with people who are doing good things because then they will be much more likely to do good things themselves because the peer pressure will not be at strong to do things that they might not plan on doing. Worked well with my college DD. Seems to be working so far with my 15yo. Too early for my 12yo, but I can see that he'd be the type to be influenced to do stuff (not the ringleader, but a follower perhaps). I can see my 6yo being the organizer of trouble... He'll be the kid other parents tell their kids to stay away from.

 

[kdibattista]

kdibattista, the reason it matters to me is because if he talks to the grandparents he needs to be clear as to what exactly he heard. If he heard the grandson say something, he corrected him, and the grandson didn't say anything else, perhaps that's enough (I'm on the fence on whether it's enough--if nothing else was said, I believe that enough was said and the situation was handled, however, since even more was said, but maybe not by the grandson, I would likely err on the side of talking with the grandparents).

I'm not in favor of running to the parents all the time if a situation can be handled, but at the very least, these friends do not seem like good influences and the grandparents should be aware of that if they don't already know.

One advice that I've always drilled into my kids is that they should surround themselves with people who are doing good things because then they will be much more likely to do good things themselves because the peer pressure will not be at strong to do things that they might not plan on doing. Worked well with my college DD. Seems to be working so far with my 15yo. Too early for my 12yo, but I can see that he'd be the type to be influenced to do stuff (not the ringleader, but a follower perhaps). I can see my 6yo being the organizer of trouble... He'll be the kid other parents tell their kids to stay away from.

T&B - I wasn't referring to your post... I was answering PD. Sorry if that got mixed up