Would you pay this bill?

[zippeedee]

This is so sad. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

One thing that stuck out for me is him already trying to ruin the good name of a 9 year old. Maybe someone else knows for sure, but I think you can get a new social security number for him in cases like this. I thought people have gone to PRISON for using their kids' identities for fraudulent credit purposes?

So sad, so wrong. I wish you much luck in sorting this all out and finding a job soon!

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

Boy, lots of sorry your going through this...

Back to the original post - is it possible for you to change insurance companies and move your vehicle to another agent. I can't believe they won't let you make the change on the policy. All of DH and mine have both our names on the policy - even the ones that have only one of us on the title. I know you have this taken care of in the short term but I'd suggest getting quotes from another agent too.

Best of luck to you...

 

[twinklebug]

I was thinking of trying to get a new SSN for my son, but they only give out new ones in cases of stolen identity (sometimes not even then) and DH will have access to the new number because he'll be filing his own taxes this year... a job I typically do for him. Should be fun to observe.

Back to insurance - I think I might go with a new policy using my AAA discount, I like our agent though -- hmmm, rethinking this as they keep messing up on the policies. I'm selling my car (hope it's gone tomorrow) and I'll have a newer/more reliable one.

 

[twinklebug]

I'm so sorry. This breaks my heart

"The Polar Express" will take you away from all worries when your 9

 

[summerrluvv]

Documented proof that he abandoned his family like this by having a police report that he is missing will go a long way for her in court during the divorce.

Plus, do we know for sure he is actually reading the messages? Has his Mom actually talked to him? Anyone can pick up someone's cell phone or email and read the message if they have access to it.

Right, but I think one should only do that if the person is REALLY missing. A sworn affidavit from a relative, etc. would suffice for proof of abandonment.

 

[JPN4265]

Hi Twinklebug,

First of all, I'm so very sorry this has happened to you. I will also caution you by telling you I am very blunt in my advice...my BGF (best girl friends) call me "the checker" because I'll check them every time they do something dumb and I'm lucky...they also check me.

The least of your problems is the car insurance. Yes, it may feel that it is the most pressing since it is "due" today...but you have much bigger fish to fry! You really need to get your head out of the sand and be the grown up and call him to make sure he isn't dead or missing. If he launches into a diatribe about what a horrible person you are, don't react...just simply hang up. You obviously already know that he is a rat, but at least you'll know he's not a dead or abducted rat (i.e., a rat that needs a missing persons case opened). By the way, if it's any help, I'm sure that 95% of what he says is how he feels about himself...not you!

You also need to open an account that is yours and yours alone to deposit your checks into so that he has NO access to them. Get to your HR office NOW (if your checks are direct deposited at the end of the month like mine are) and ask for a paper check this month or ask for it to be deposited to your new account (which they may or may not be able to do). If you have a safe deposit box with valuables in it...open it up and make sure they are still there. If they are...MOVE THEM! Don't let the rat keep on taking from you.

Call your joint credit card companies. Verify all the balances. If you are the primary card holder on any account, have his name removed (you can do that). If you aren't the primary card holder, then verify all balances and keep a journal of what charges are "yours" from this point forward.

Change the locks on the house. You can take your locks up to the hardware store (like a local tru-value or ace hardware) and they can re-key them, which is a lot cheaper than a new lockset!

Finally, I know you say you are "scared" to talk with a lawyer. I'd say that's silly. You need to talk to one and talk to one NOW. Lawyers are NOT scary people...they don't have 7 heads....they don't look like monsters and they won't eat your children. What a good lawyer will do is PROTECT you. Most family/divorce lawyers understand when a husband leaves and cleans out the accounts there is NO money with which to pay and they'll set up an affordable payment plan for you.

Now, I'm not saying that you're ready to divorce the rat -- it's definitely a process to arrive at that decision. But you DO need to know how to protect yourself, your assets and your kids and also make sure that the rat continues to support the children you share.

Good luck and let me know if I can do anything to help....I'm cheering for you!!!

Karen

Really good advice!

 

[DisneyFunfor3]

Hi Twinklebug....how are you doing today? Just wanted to check in.

Karen

 

[lindakmonty]

wow just read the posts... I'm so sorry you're going through this but I can feel your pain! I went through a very nasty divorce w/my ds's father. we were married 8 years and he became abusive right after ds was born... very long story... but I would say the insurance isn't your biggest worry. I would be calling that lawyer and have them fill out temporary orders so he'll have to pay child support and alimony! You need that to support your children. You deserve that. I know there are attorneys for those that can't afford them but I'm not sure where you'd need to go. Good luck and hang in there!

 

[momrek06]

Hi Twinklebug....how are you doing today? Just wanted to check in.

Karen

Ya, TWINK...another "karen" checking in to see how you are doing!!!!

We are here for you!!! Come talk to any of us!!!

 

[chell]

Twinklebug how are things now? How are your children? How are you holding up?

 

[twinklebug]

Hey guys - thanks for checking on me and the kids. We're OK... I haven't had a chance to talk with a lawyer yet (that's today) as I've either had to cancel for interviews or they've cancelled on me.

DH is playing this like it's a game. Did I mention somewhere that he turned up last Monday, waltzed in here to check his mail. The kids and I all froze in our tracks and ignored him. DS focused on the TV (he was supposed to be doing homework but had just come in from school) DD was at the laptop on the kitchen counter. It was hard. After a bit DD went up to her room and started crying DS held it in until DH left (he thought "dad" was staying.) Before leaving he spoke with DD, but only because I made him. She's been so torn up and has so many questions - to which I don't have the answers. After a good cry she asked him why he left and he said he came downstairs in the morning and stepped in cat yack and that did it. (huh? I don't see how that accounts for all the planning and not speaking with the kids for an entire week) He also said he felt like we didn't care because we didn't watch his surfing video with him (he's been going through a mid-life crisis for awhile now and "surfs" with his new friends in the tiny waves off Newport) he never gave her an appology for a week of pain. He really doesn't think he's done anything wrong.

Anyway - like I said he's playing this like it's a game. He verbally told me he will keep giving us money for rent and some of the bills (I can't count on this knowing him, -- I HAVE to get a FT job!) and so far in one week I have started planning 2 things to do with the kids and both times he's attempted to jump in and take over. Trick-or-treating was one, and tonight with a movie/swim (he just called and I let him know *I* was planning on taking them). All he cares is that the kids see him as a fun dad (and he likes to point out how I don't do anything with the kids). Unfortunatley, what he doesn't know is they're older now and they see him for who he really is (from years of barking at the kids to do what HE wants to do, never sitting at home socializing with them & if he were home it was sitting in front of a video game in his own world getting angry at us for interfering)

I'm so mad he won't talk with me, just keeps acting like everything is normal.

Years back he was diagnosed as borderline ADHD, never took meds, but now I think there's a bigger problem. Can the courts order him to get a psychiatric evaluation? Something is wrong.

Guys - I appreciate all the frends I have here - It helps to talk. I ask that you PLEASE don't quote me. I think I'd like to go back and be able to erase the personal stuff and when quoted I can't. DH knows my screen name here and I just don't want him finding anythingI've said and twisting it around to use against me. Thank you ~ for everything!

 

[Oreo Cookie]

You and your children are in my thoughts and prayers. I really hope that everything works out for you. I wish your husband could see all the damage he is doing, and step back and re-evaluate his priorities.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I am praying for your family. Hang in there, things will get better.