Would you pay this bill?

[Marie17]

File a missing report too. Who knows - did you have a fight? It seems a little quirky.

Have you seen if the credit cards are being used? Put a stop to them by issuing a stolen alert on them. If the card is used they can track him down. Has he shown up for work? Has any friends of his seen him? Did they give you the news that he's flown the coop?

If so you should start by filing a missing report. Police will look into it and if that is how he would like to start the seperation process then so be it.

 

[lovesmurfs]

First of all,

Coming from someone who used to be a bit slow in paying the bills, you can normally get away with 30 days of no pay on the insurance. It's when you get the certified return receipt requested letter (sent around 45 days) that you have to worry about.

.....and never be late with your water bill. They will shut you off without a second glance.

 

[Banshee]

I would definately be checking around to see where he is. I would also file a missing person report.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to say I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

[twinklebug]

File a missing report too. Who knows - did you have a fight? It seems a little quirky.

Have you seen if the credit cards are being used? Put a stop to them by issuing a stolen alert on them. If the card is used they can track him down. Has he shown up for work? Has any friends of his seen him? Did they give you the news that he's flown the coop?

If so you should start by filing a missing report. Police will look into it and if that is how he would like to start the seperation process then so be it.

Thank you all for the support. He did this once to us 6 years back when the kids were little and, coming from a family where we could work any issue out, I did my best to make us whole again. I had told him back then, however, that if he choose to leave us ever again, don't plan on stepping foot back in the house.

I can call the police, but I have his phone number here and I jsut can't bring myself to call him. What would I say? He's the one who's hurt the kids and me so why do I want to call him just to hear him say his usual: this is all my fault (not even "this is half " my fault as he projects his problems) Been there, it hurts too much.

I called his mom today and she was going to give him a call (she doesn't believe I did nothing.) I can't file a missing persons report if we know he's just taken off can I?

BTW-
He does have a history of mental "issues", but nothing so severe that it would be considered dangerous.

 

[momrek06]

Twink: I would do as another poster stated...EMAIL HIM...you said he is checking his email...tell him to get home and pay his car insurance and that you do not have the money to pay yours as well as his...
Remind him that the car he is driving is only in HIS name. Where do you think he is that he is able to check his emails...at a friends house?

If he sends you back any emails SAVE all of them. SAVE everything.

I would also inform the Insurance Co that there may be a delay in sending the payment in.

Good Luck, Twink


ETA: Maybe you could request that he contact the Insurance Agent on his own...give him the Agent's # when you send him the next email. Tell him to stop by the Agent's office and pay the bill himself.

 

[twinklebug]

Twink: I would do as another poster stated...EMAIL HIM...you said he is checking his email...tell him to get home and pay his car insurance and that you do not have the money to pay yours as well as his...
Remind him that the car he is driving is only in HIS name. Where do you think he is that he is able to check his emails...at a friends house?

If he sends you back any emails SAVE all of them. SAVE everything.

I would also inform the Insurance Co that there may be a delay in sending the payment in.

Good Luck, Twink

Weird...

I jsut got off the phone with my agent, who was very understanding saying she's going through something similar, and she gave me the insurance company's number to call ...

I called the insurance company and the billing representative I spoke to said they can't talk to me as the car I drive is in HIS name. It is not -- I have the title here in MY name only. Regardless, they said they cannot talk to me as their system shows only him.

Back to calling the agent.

I SHOULD be making a call to the job recruiter who's been trying ot get in touch with me.

 

[chell]

Did you call the insurance company yet? They may have something that can help you. They might be able to split up your payments or something. My company lets me make monthly payments if needed.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

[DisneyFunfor3]

Hi Twinklebug,

First of all, I'm so very sorry this has happened to you. I will also caution you by telling you I am very blunt in my advice...my BGF (best girl friends) call me "the checker" because I'll check them every time they do something dumb and I'm lucky...they also check me.

The least of your problems is the car insurance. Yes, it may feel that it is the most pressing since it is "due" today...but you have much bigger fish to fry! You really need to get your head out of the sand and be the grown up and call him to make sure he isn't dead or missing. If he launches into a diatribe about what a horrible person you are, don't react...just simply hang up. You obviously already know that he is a rat, but at least you'll know he's not a dead or abducted rat (i.e., a rat that needs a missing persons case opened). By the way, if it's any help, I'm sure that 95% of what he says is how he feels about himself...not you!

You also need to open an account that is yours and yours alone to deposit your checks into so that he has NO access to them. Get to your HR office NOW (if your checks are direct deposited at the end of the month like mine are) and ask for a paper check this month or ask for it to be deposited to your new account (which they may or may not be able to do). If you have a safe deposit box with valuables in it...open it up and make sure they are still there. If they are...MOVE THEM! Don't let the rat keep on taking from you.

Call your joint credit card companies. Verify all the balances. If you are the primary card holder on any account, have his name removed (you can do that). If you aren't the primary card holder, then verify all balances and keep a journal of what charges are "yours" from this point forward.

Change the locks on the house. You can take your locks up to the hardware store (like a local tru-value or ace hardware) and they can re-key them, which is a lot cheaper than a new lockset!

Finally, I know you say you are "scared" to talk with a lawyer. I'd say that's silly. You need to talk to one and talk to one NOW. Lawyers are NOT scary people...they don't have 7 heads....they don't look like monsters and they won't eat your children. What a good lawyer will do is PROTECT you. Most family/divorce lawyers understand when a husband leaves and cleans out the accounts there is NO money with which to pay and they'll set up an affordable payment plan for you.

Now, I'm not saying that you're ready to divorce the rat -- it's definitely a process to arrive at that decision. But you DO need to know how to protect yourself, your assets and your kids and also make sure that the rat continues to support the children you share.

Good luck and let me know if I can do anything to help....I'm cheering for you!!!

Karen

 

[Anewman]

Call insurance ASAP, Drop a driver and drop a car. Let him go out and get his own insurance.

I would have to gather, you cant just drop his insurance without his permission- as your married.

Just because he "flew the coop" doesnt mean you have the right to cancel his insurance, regardless of whose name is on what. Your married, his car is 50% yours, and your car is 50% his (in this state anyway)...

I could imagine how people would be jumping down a man's throat if he left and cancelled the insurance on his wife.

What I would do is call the insurance company and see about SEPERATING the policy into two policies. More than likely they will need his permission to do so, but its better than just not paying his.

Brandy

Disagree, when my job started covering my insurance needs the wife just called and dropped me. I did not need to do a thing.

Yes 50% his and 50% hers. You do not have to split each car down the middle, you can take the total amount of cars and split that down the middle, and the total bills that go along with those cars can also get split down the middle(as in individual bills).

She does have the right to cancel HIS insurance and HE has the right to find his own policy.

 

[Chicago526]

You need to talk to him. I know it must be scary but you need to know what's going through his head. Is he gone for good? Just needs a break? Just went fishing with the guys and forgot to tell you? Okay that last one is unlikely but you get the idea. At least you'll know where you stand. Depending on your state's laws, you can file for divorce based on abandonment, that can give you an edge in court.

If he IS gone for good, your next call should be to the credit card companies to cancel any account that has your name on it, weather he has access to it or not. This way he can't run up any bills in your name. Next you want to call the three credit buearus and put a fraud alert on yourself, this way he cannot start any new lines of credit in your name. Your third call should be to a divorce attorney (call and speak to several, see if you can get referals from friends/family). The lawyer can help you with all sorts of issues, including what to do about the car insurance. Your forth call should be to find counseling for you and your kids (definatly get it for the kids but I think all divorced people should get therapy when possible too).

While you are making all these calls, you should be documenting any assets you have in joint with your husband, anything that is soley in his name, and anything in the kids names (savings accounts, college accounts) incase he tries to empty out joint accounts or hide assests that he has in his sole name. Don't forget about retirement accounts, real estate, valuable collections, anything of value that you can think of. His assests will factor into the divorce settlement and many people try to hid assets to minimize what they have to split with the ex and to reduce child support and allimony payments.

 

[Cindy's Mom]

Hi Twinklebug,

First of all, I'm so very sorry this has happened to you. I will also caution you by telling you I am very blunt in my advice...my BGF (best girl friends) call me "the checker" because I'll check them every time they do something dumb and I'm lucky...they also check me.

The least of your problems is the car insurance. Yes, it may feel that it is the most pressing since it is "due" today...but you have much bigger fish to fry! You really need to get your head out of the sand and be the grown up and call him to make sure he isn't dead or missing. If he launches into a diatribe about what a horrible person you are, don't react...just simply hang up. You obviously already know that he is a rat, but at least you'll know he's not a dead or abducted rat (i.e., a rat that needs a missing persons case opened). By the way, if it's any help, I'm sure that 95% of what he says is how he feels about himself...not you!

You also need to open an account that is yours and yours alone to deposit your checks into so that he has NO access to them. Get to your HR office NOW (if your checks are direct deposited at the end of the month like mine are) and ask for a paper check this month or ask for it to be deposited to your new account (which they may or may not be able to do). If you have a safe deposit box with valuables in it...open it up and make sure they are still there. If they are...MOVE THEM! Don't let the rat keep on taking from you.

Call your joint credit card companies. Verify all the balances. If you are the primary card holder on any account, have his name removed (you can do that). If you aren't the primary card holder, then verify all balances and keep a journal of what charges are "yours" from this point forward.

Change the locks on the house. You can take your locks up to the hardware store (like a local tru-value or ace hardware) and they can re-key them, which is a lot cheaper than a new lockset!

Finally, I know you say you are "scared" to talk with a lawyer. I'd say that's silly. You need to talk to one and talk to one NOW. Lawyers are NOT scary people...they don't have 7 heads....they don't look like monsters and they won't eat your children. What a good lawyer will do is PROTECT you. Most family/divorce lawyers understand when a husband leaves and cleans out the accounts there is NO money with which to pay and they'll set up an affordable payment plan for you.

Now, I'm not saying that you're ready to divorce the rat -- it's definitely a process to arrive at that decision. But you DO need to know how to protect yourself, your assets and your kids and also make sure that the rat continues to support the children you share.

Good luck and let me know if I can do anything to help....I'm cheering for you!!!

Karen

You need to do EVERTHING Disneyfunfor3 says.....also, file the missing persons report. You may need that report somewhere down the line. Paper trails are your friends. create as many as you can to show that you have been trying to locate him...this way its easier to prove abandonment if that is the path your headed toward

 

[Stitchfans]

Call the insurance company ASAP to have his car placed on his own separate policy and make the payment only on yours.

exactly just like others have said. You should be only liable for yourself so get his car off the policy now.

 

[Nancyg56]

Pay the bill. If you are married and he does something a little screwy with the car - you can be liable even if your name is not on the car because any joint accounts or house can be a target. Nothing like losing all your assets too.

That is what I would say. Better to pay the bill and not loose everything in the event that he is in an accident, has not enough coverage, and you wind up accountable because you are married.

 

[Anewman]

You need to talk to him. I know it must be scary but you need to know what's going through his head. Is he gone for good? Just needs a break? Just went fishing with the guys and forgot to tell you? Okay that last one is unlikely but you get the idea. At least you'll know where you stand. Depending on your state's laws, you can file for divorce based on abandonment, that can give you an edge in court.

Sorry, I do not see it this way.

Would anyone want to spend the rest of their life with somebody that is NOT SURE or "needs a break".

She did nothing wrong, he did so IMO she needs to do nothing to try to resolve things with him. Why would Him leaving mean that she "needs" to make the call??? If anyone needs to make the call it is him...

 

[twinklebug]

So much good info and support here (and to think I didn't want to post this)

THANK YOU ALL... I really appreciate the support.

I re-called the agent, who conveyed the meesage to the insurance company. They noted on the joint policy (which is in my DH's name only) that I am making a partial payment and the balance will carry over to next month's bill. I have to get that taken care of ASAP, but meinwhile I need as much of the funds for basics as possible.

I will go down to the police station to ask them what I should do in their eyes. I don't want to call 911 - this is not an emergency, and I don't want a police car parked outside to worry the neighbors & kids.

Calling a friend who's goign through a bad divorce to get the name of her lawyer - she said she's gone through 3 and finally found a good one. I guess tomorrow has to be D-day.

 

[kellyg403]

While my ex husband was "finding" himself I changed our one policy to two and gave them his new address. I also called all the cc co's and did the same. His vehicle was in his name and the van was in both of ours. Since he was "finding" himself in another state, that was the out for the insurance company to change it. They have to provide whatever coverage minimums the state requires. I will tell you though, if you should decide to go ahead and do this be prepared for the backlash. My ex couldn't believe that I would do that to him. But, while he was out there doing whatever he needed to do I NEEDED to take care of my children. That $70 a month I saved was more groceries.

Not sure where you want to head with this but it seems you understand that he left you with little $ and children to attend to. It is a simple matter to fix if you should decided to let him come home.

Protect yourself. Trust me, wherever he is he is getting plenty of advise on how to protect himself.

Kelly

 

[kellyg403]

I called his mom today and she was going to give him a call (she doesn't believe I did nothing.)

So his mom has a number and knows where he is?

Kelly

 

[Chicago526]

Sorry, I do not see it this way.

Would anyone want to spend the rest of their life with somebody that is NOT SURE or "needs a break".

She did nothing wrong, he did so IMO she needs to do nothing to try to resolve things with him. Why would Him leaving mean that she "needs" to make the call??? If anyone needs to make the call it is him...

Should HE call HER? Of course! But she can only wait so long for him to pull his head out of his butt and contact her. Meanwhile she doesn't know if he is dead, missing, having a nervous breakdown or is just being a butt head jerk. I'd say at this point she should just call him and get it over with. Whatever sorry excuse he has, she can take it from there and decide what to do. I'd drop him like a hot potato no matter what his excuse, myself, but this is for her to decide.

 

[Cindy's Mom]

I called his mom today and she was going to give him a call (she doesn't believe I did nothing.)

So his mom has a number and knows where he is?

Kelly

OP has his cell number, but is afraid to call - I guess that's why MIL is getting involved.

OP needs to call her DH