Would you let your 9 year old ride the New York subway alone?

[MUFFYCAT]

NYC is a great city and I love coming to work then working in the suburbs.
But I would no way let a 9 year old ride the subway alone.

 

[Pin Wizard]

That's too bad you think that way. You're missing out on a lot.

NYC will always, in my mind, be the greatest city ever.

Maybe I've just been in bad areas. LOL! But we did visit Times Square, the theatre district for shows, Rockafeller Center, etc. For the most part they were okay.

 

[mickeyboat]

I am probably less protective than most moms on this board, but I would not allow my child to ride a subway alone at age 9.

Denae

 

[ilisao]

You name it! I remember walking to the Garden for a concert and seeing some really strange and frightening things on the streets and hanging out the windows, on fire escapes. I just tried to hurry through there as quickly as we could. And stranger yet was that this behavior didn't matter to most people walking on the street. They didn't even acknowledge that they knew it was going on. I remember spending entire days there with my sister and her husband when I was younger. Not a place I'd take my kids.

And yet, all those New Yorkers with kids managing just fine.

Frankly, someone hanging out a window or on a fire escape is pretty innocuous to me. And strange behavior? Heck, that can happen anywhere. And as long as they aren't bothering anyone, oh well.

You should give NY a try again. After all, by your own words, it's been 20 years.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

You name it! I remember walking to the Garden for a concert and seeing some really strange and frightening things on the streets and hanging out the windows, on fire escapes. I just tried to hurry through there as quickly as we could. And stranger yet was that this behavior didn't matter to most people walking on the street. They didn't even acknowledge that they knew it was going on. I remember spending entire days there with my sister and her husband when I was younger. Not a place I'd take my kids.

It may be scary at first because you're not use to it. But they're all doing their own business and for the most part not bothering anyone.
That's why people walk by like it's nothing.

It's a diverse city with many types of people. Which is better to experience because we aren't always going to be working, shopping, etc with people of one kind.

 

[dcgrumpy]

I'm not sure how accurate it is but according to all of the stats I find online NYC isn't even in the top 20 as far as dangerous US cities go http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0921299.html

Orlando on OTOH is ranked #11

 

[NYBlue1]

The area around the Garden has cleaned up a lot in 20 years, time square is a total tourist attraction now, safe there pretty much 24/7. I still would not put a 9 yr old on the subway alone but the city itself is much more safe than a lot of other cities in this country.

 

[mamamary]

I was born and raised in NY. For all of high school I took the subway (Brooklyn). This was starting at age 14. Can't imagine a 9 year old taking the subway.

 

[Pin Wizard]

The area around the Garden has cleaned up a lot in 20 years, time square is a total tourist attraction now, safe there pretty much 24/7.

That's good to hear. What about Central Park? Back then it was a place you just didn't go.

 

[dcgrumpy]

That's good to hear. What about Central Park? Back then it was a place you just didn't go.

How many years ago are you talking about? I'm sorry but I don't ever recall a time where people didn't go to Central Park.Thousands of people go to Central Park every day.I wouldn't walk around alone at night in the park. But I wouldn't walk around in any secluded area at night in any city.

 

[emma'smom]

I did not compare riding the subway at 9 and using the potty alone. I don't know where you got that fr

It is interesting...I think I would be more likely to let a 9 year old (if I felt he or she were appropriately mature, confident, and experienced at riding subways in the past, and knowledgeable of specific subway route) ride the subway than go into a bathroom alone.

In the subway, there are plenty of people around and it is a public place. Most folks are just going about their daily routines. However, I think this is something that we have to remember, NY'ers may mind their own business most of the time, but they won't hesitate to come to one another's assistance of their is a percieved problem. If a child (or anyone) was upset or being given a hard time, I have a lot of confidence that my (former) fellow New Yorker's would say something.

In a bathroom, they are out of sight and there may not be as many people, making it an easier situation to target a child.

I also think we should remember that school-age children ride the subways/bus system all the time (even if it isn't sanctioned by School System distributed metrocards) for non-school purposes--sometimes unsupervised by an adult. Many children are the key translator (of language and culture) for their parents who may not speak English.

Would I put my 9-year old on an unfamiliar train going to an unfamiliar place? No-way!

However, I do think a knowledgeable 4th grader would be capable of swiping their card, standing on a platform, boarding a train, sitting or standing for 4 or 5 stops, and getting off at the same station that they get off at every day without an issue.

 

[Mkrop]

Protecting your child is all about trade-offs.

purely a good thing - there are very real downsides to being overprotective and parents should be aware of those before they wear the label of "overprotective parent" like a badge of honor.

And there are many downsides to pushing your child to be independent too soon and many parents wear there "underprotective parent" like a badge of honor too.

I dont think either extreme is helpful to our kids.

Yup. As I've said from the start, this situation is a bit extreme for most people, but I believe that for kids who grow up in the city, 9 years old may not be too much of a stretch for an individual kid who is particularly mature.

I grew up in suburban South Jersey, but my parents both grew up in cities (my Dad in Philadelphia, my Mom in Camden, NJ). As a child, I went to a Catholic elementary school that was across town from us - about 5 miles away. Nearly all of my childhood friends were from the area right around the school - so from about the age of 9 or 10, I was allowed to ride my bike across town to play with them. I had to cross a major highway (Rt. 70 in Cherry Hill for anyone familiar with the area) and several large secondary roads, but I had been taught how to do it safely and was responsible.

By the age of 14 or 15, I was allowed to take the PATCO train into Philadelphia with friends to go do things. We went to a 4th of July concert on Ben Franklin parkway - nearly a million people there - with just 3 of us and no adults. We would often take the PATCO train, and change to the broad street subway to go to Phillies games.

We were suburban kids, but were raised by urban parents who were not afraid of the city.

This was the childhood I had and I am VERY familar with the areas you are talking about except I was in the Philly suburbs except for a brief time we lived in a suburb of NYC.

You even said you took PATCO at 14. That is a big difference then 9. I have been to Mummers parades etc at about that same age solo where we took the train in.

I think a lot depends on the individual child. And I dont see the need to say by age X they should be doing ABC. There is something to transitioning our children gradually into adulthood. We dont need to expect them to make adult decisions, like what should I do if I get off at the wrong stop etc, at 9.

Heck I was a nervous wreck when my 60 year old mother, who has NO sense of direction, only learned to drive when she was 46 bc my dad died and will only drive to certain places, had to take the bus and then the EL into Philly to do Federal Jury Duty. She did it, did not like one minute of it, and this is from the woman who took public transportation all over Camden as a kid and to Philly when she was in her 20s. And before my dad died got on every suburban bus around with 3 kids in tow. The only thing her and I were grateful for was that she was traveling during rush hour so it certainly seemed safer with all the commuters than if it was off times, like this child did in NYC.

Many kids in HS do it in Philly to get to and from school, that is one thing, you are traveling in groups, you are traveling during peak times. They are older.

I would not send my 9 year old onto a NYC subway by themselves bc they are too young and I certainly would not send them on a Sunday.

 

[frndshpcptn]

That's good to hear. What about Central Park? Back then it was a place you just didn't go.

Are you talking about the Dinkins years? Those weren't our best, I agree.

I hang out in Central Park all summer - I love to curl up under a tree and read a good book there! One of the most expensive places to throw a NYC wedding is a venue in Central Park. The ice rink is a huge attraction during the winter and an artist installed a much-talked about exhibit there called "The Gates" about 2 years ago. HBO just released a documentary ont he exhibit - which showcases quite a bit of the park - you should check it out!

NYC is a great place for kids - several of my friends have children and are raising them here. There are parks, restaurants, theater, children's gyms, great schools, diversity...everything you need on one island!

Come try it out again - I think you'd be surprised at how nice it is here.

 

[ilisao]

That's good to hear. What about Central Park? Back then it was a place you just didn't go.

In another post I mentioned living in NY for a summer when I was 16. That was 23 years ago. And my friends and I used to go to Central Park to just spend time hanging out. And never did we feel unsafe.

 

[tedhowe]

And there are many downsides to pushing your child to be independent too soon and many parents wear there "underprotective parent" like a badge of honor too.

I dont think either extreme is helpful to our kids.

I agree with this 100%. I feel I have a tendency (that I recognize) to fall on the underprotective parent side.

I'm not wearing it (consciously) as a badge of honor. I'm trying to find out where the real balance should be between protecting the kids and letting them grow up.

Neither extreme is helpful, but I think when you really look at the balance of risks, the societal norm is significantly shifted to the "overprotective" side of the ledger.

I'm trying to be just "protective" not too far "over-" not too far "under-".

What really gets me are the people who say "I'm overprotective and I know it." If you know you are overprotective, then why is that okay with you?

As to the issue of "pushing" kids to be independent too soon, I don't think that really enters into this discussion. The author of the article stated that the 9 year old had been asking to ride the subway alone for a while - there was not "you have to ride home alone" going on here. She prepared the child well - equipped with money and information and instructions on what to do if something went wrong.

I don't intend to push my kids out into the world - with the exception of turning off the TV/video game/computer at home and pushing them out the door to go play in our yard/neighborhood.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Neither extreme is helpful, but I think when you really look at the balance of risks, the societal norm is significantly shifted to the "overprotective" side of the ledger.

I don't intend to push my kids out into the world - with the exception of turning off the TV/video game/computer at home and pushing them out the door to go play in our yard/neighborhood.

ITA It is a delecate balancing act we find ourselve in with all kinds of variables (not te least of which is any given child's specific persoanlity).

 

[allison443]

I grew up in a borough of NYC and from about age 12 we took public transportation to games, stores, etc. with our friends. In high school we took public transportation everywhere-school, sports practices, etc. (apparently my kids are sick of hearing about how my parents didn't drive us places, we had to take public transportation in blizzards, etc. )

To me 9 is too young, (I would worry about unexpected occurrences like a track closure or something!) and I would wait till about 12, but if the author felt her child was ready, that's fine. The part I will point out is where she gave him a couple of quarters in case he got lost, so he could call her. Good luck with finding a working payphone! She says she didn't give him a cell phone because she didn't want the phone to get lost. If my kid couldn't be trusted to hang onto a cell phone, are they really ready to travel on the subway alone?

 

[allison443]

Come try it out again - I think you'd be surprised at how nice it is here.

I agree, if you haven't visited in years, I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

If my kid couldn't be trusted to hang onto a cell phone, are they really ready to travel on the subway alone?

My thought too!

 

[NHdisneylover]

The part I will point out is where she gave him a couple of quarters in case he got lost, so he could call her. Good luck with finding a working payphone! She says she didn't give him a cell phone because she didn't want the phone to get lost. If my kid couldn't be trusted to hang onto a cell phone, are they really ready to travel on the subway alone?

A very good point.