Would you let your 7 year old go to WDW without you?

[Party.Of.4-NY>>>FL]

Again, I don't feel she is being taken advantage of, since she could say "No, I don't want to watch the kids." Yes, she is a very good babysitter and does a lot with and for the kids, she is also easy going with last minute changes in plans, which I appreciate a lot but that doesn't mean I should automatically let her take my kid on a vacation that I will take him on in a few years.



I don't know if that would work out so well. Paying for her entire vacation seems a bit much to me. Plus we have very different ideas of how a Disney vacation should be. We only like to go to two parks at most when we are there and spend the majority of our time by the pool. I don't know if she would even like that.

When this thread started I felt sorry for your SIL. She came to you and proposed a wonderful trip for your son. She was probably thinking this would be met with thanks and gratitude. Instead she got a "no".

Now after reading all of your contributions to this thread, I'm beginning to feel sorry for your son. This is not intended to hurt anyone's feelings. You were well within your rights as a parent to say "no" to the trip. But I am shocked at the reasons you've given as well as your overall outlook on people that help you. The $$$ it would cost to treat your SIL to a vacation is PEANUTS compared to the money/time she has saved you.

 

[PracticallyPerfectPoppins]

Hell, I'll go with your awesome SIL. Or at least have her go with me. It sounds like she deserves the trip.

Other than that, I'm speechless.

 

[roseaster]

When this thread started I felt sorry for your SIL. She came to you and proposed a wonderful trip for your son. She was probably thinking this would be met with thanks and gratitude. Instead she got a "no".

Now after reading all of your contributions to this thread, I'm beginning to feel sorry for your son. This is not intended to hurt anyone's feelings. You were well within your rights as a parent to say "no" to the trip. But I am shocked at the reasons you've given as well as your overall outlook on people that help you. The $$$ it would cost to treat your SIL to a vacation is PEANUTS compared to the money/time she has saved you.

$495 a week for full time infants. I'm guessing to add the 7 year old in it would be another $300 or there abouts.

So paying for the sister's trip (which is hypothetical because the more the OP adds the more I believe she is trolling) would cost less than 1 month's full time daycare.

My 6 month old starts full time daycare tomorrow.

 

[momof2gr8kids]

Wow. I wish I had a sister or sister in law or grandparent for that matter that wanted to take my kids to the movies or mcdonalds once a year, never mind spending time with them all the time, or take them on a trip. You do not realize how lucky you and your children are to have family that love them and want to give them experiences in life too.

I love spending time with my kids. But I know that I cannot possibly give them every experience that is out there. I wish they had someone else in their lives other than us that made them feel special and wanted to do things with them. I think it's selfish of you to deny the opportunity to your son and your sister in law, especially considering all that she has given you.

 

[jo-jo]

I agree with treating the SIL to a disney trip. That's a wonderful idea.

But I wanted to add to the "why not take the baby on a trip" camp. When we fly out of phila, I'd say at least 1/3 of the plane is kids and family. We've heard it all and not once did we get upset. I'd be more upset with an adult being a loudmouth (and I've had those) than a baby crying. Once we sat across from a family with a baby about 1 yrs old. Crying, flip flopping all over dad, just very unhappy. Dad and mom were doing their best, but nothing would help. I took off my head scarf and started playing peek a boo. DH started too. . We both were hiding behind the scarf. But baby look at us and stopped crying. After about 10 min, you saw his eyes starting to droop annndddddd he's out. Parents thanked us several times over.

Can't imagine what the flight attendants thought. .... Ummmm Susie, there an old couple in 27 D and E that have lost it completely. Don't give them any drinks........

 

[PracticallyPerfectPoppins]

I agree with treating the SIL to a disney trip. That's a wonderful idea.

But I wanted to add to the "why not take the baby on a trip" camp. When we fly out of phila, I'd say at least 1/3 of the plane is kids and family. We've heard it all and not once did we get upset. I'd be more upset with an adult being a loudmouth (and I've had those) than a baby crying. Once we sat across from a family with a baby about 1 yrs old. Crying, flip flopping all over dad, just very unhappy. Dad and mom were doing their best, but nothing would help. I took off my head scarf and started playing peek a boo. DH started too. . We both were hiding behind the scarf. But baby look at us and stopped crying. After about 10 min, you saw his eyes starting to droop annndddddd he's out. Parents thanked us several times over.

Can't imagine what the flight attendants thought. .... Ummmm Susie, there an old couple in 27 D and E that have lost it completely. Don't give them any drinks........

I love it when people on planes do things like that. It's hard traveling with kids sometimes, having understanding people around you makes it that much easier to deal with things and still keep a smile on your face!

 

[Bethislucy]

Wow. I was on your side with not letting him go because you are the parent until you threw out the line she should have had kids herself. That is about the most heartless thing anyone can say to someone who treats your child so well. I hope your SIL never sees this thread, because she probably thinks you love her and this thread doesn't show anything but how much can I get from her because she owes me because I let her spend time with her nephew. I truly hope you see that your SIL loves your child and apparently you and her brother and you should do something special for her, I mean after all you just want your free child care.

 

[kuhltiffany]

It's such an odd way to think about it…great memories/fun times with children are not a limited thing, so why does he have to wait and have them only with you, OP? He can't have "extras" with a loving family member?

My kids camp/go on trips with my parents (and have since they were little, increasing in length as they got older). They've visited extended family, been to lots of neat places, and my mom always makes a photo album of each. They love taking those books out and sharing them with us, their parents, it gives them a sense of pride and independence, never mind the awesome memories they have from going and spending time with grandparents!

 

[Julylady]

I had posted my experiences with taking assorted nieces and nephews on trips earlier in this thread. I just came back this morning to read the additional pages and am just horrified by the OP's responses as are many others. The comment about "she should have had her own kids" is just heartless. I couldn't have kids for reasons not important here. I am very fortunate that my siblings were willing to share their kids with me. I have a unique and special relationship with all 7 of them that goes beyond just being their aunt.

OP if you are still reading....I hope that you take time to reflect on the things you have said on this thread and the responses you have received. I am very concerned about your relationship with your kids in the future with your desire that they not experience fun times without you. What happens when they go on school trips? What happens when a friend invites him to go along to the zoo? Are you going to let them go to camp?

I seriously hope you reconsider your stance. Your sil is doing something really nice for your family. Odds are she will be your kids lives for the rest of their lives. Your behavior seems selfish and I am thinking you are jealous of the relationship your son has with his aunt.

 

[GingerRage]

I am in utter shock at this situation and am completely heartbroken for the OP's 7 year old. However, I now feel more blessed than ever that in just a few days I will be treating my cousin's 3 and 5 year old to a Disney trip. Yes, all expenses paid for a week at WL, airfare, two MNSSHP, food, souvenirs, BBB, Pirates League, Character Meals and even a complete new wardrobe from swimwear to underwear and everything in between.

I am 34, single, with no children so the statement about the SIL having her own children just makes my heart crumble. If anyone ever said that to me, I don't know what I would do. My life has taken me on the professional path, it was never planned that way but it is the way is. Not a day goes by that I don't wish and hope that one day I will have children of my own and Prince Charming will come by on his great white horse. The old saying goes, "you plan, God laughs". But saying she should have her own children to justify going to a "family" destination is cruel. Isn't she family?

On the upside of the professional path is that I have abundant resources to provide my little family members (and children of close friends) to have some amazing experiences that quite frankly most of my family's families and my friends families would never be able to experience otherwise (and Yes, I do often invite, include and pay for parents at times too, just not always).

Thinking of the SIL....I've been burned before being the generous one and taken stabs at being the convenient option because of said generosity (whether it be money or time). When I've figured that out with some, I will be completely honest....I've cut them off...immediately and thoroughly. It is not a healthy relationship and children learn by what they see and by experience. So before you think SIL "loves them too much" to be at your beck and call, think again. Toxic relationships need immediate intervention for the sake of the betterment of all involved.

This thread has, again, made me so incredibly thankful that my family and friend parents allow me to treat their children to experiences from day trips, domestic, international, multi-day and even work trips.

The parents of the two children I will be pampering next week's response to my invite was accompanied by tears. Tears of thankfulness. Sure, they'd have loved to have gone on their youngest two children's first Disney Trip but they also shared with me that they don't have the financial resources to do it now and they aren't confident in their future abilities to do such a splurge. They remain firm that they offer all of their children with what they NEED in abundance: unconditional love and support, a comfortable home, quality clothing, safe transport, nutritious food, health care, education and a few small treats here and there but would never turn away their children from opportunities because they can't be involved. They a firm in their opinion that oftentimes these outside adventures offered by loving friends and family to their kids offers more than just a trip but the opportunity to learn life lessons, respect authority other than just the parents, foster healthy relationships in addition to cultural and other educational opportunities.

I will never take any of my special "rental kid" days for granted ever again. I'm blessed and not intending to sound conceited but these kids are blessed but not just by me but by self-less parents that want to keep every door open for their children's futures.

And there may not be a "score card" for family help but regular and consistent child care is expensive and it sure sounds like it is being taken advantage of in this situation. Comparing said child care to a single move years ago is a sad and pitiful excuse of the maintenance of the "scorecard". ALL relationships need a balance of give and take. Yes, it is cyclical and sometimes you make take more than you receive and vice versa but in no circumstance should it be taken for granted. It should always be balanced and self-less.

I apologize for the length of this post but it has been bugging me since early this AM and I could sleep without adding my thoughts in order to settle my stomach and nerves.

 

[Allison]

I now feel more blessed than ever that in just a few days I will be treating my cousin's 3 and 5 year old to a Disney trip.

That's awesome.

 

[LilyWDW]

Sort of wish I knew the SIL so I could link her this. She should know just what is thought about her and what has been said about this.

I feel so bad for the SIL and blessed that my family doesn't feel the same way about me. I am childfree by choice so the comment about how SIL should have her own kids makes me angry. Glad my family doesn't think less of me because I don't want to have my own kids and would rather spend time with and spoil the heck out of my nephews.

 

[pangyal]

Other than behaving unbelievably spoiled and selfishly, which at this point are the kindest adjectives I can type for the impression OP projects about herself, I would suggest that maybe OP take a long hard look at what the essence is of being a parent. Parenthood is about sacrifice. Parenthood is about putting your child first. Parenthood is about allowing your child to have the last morsel of the yummy treat you all shared, or go ahead when only one from your group can volunteer for a fun activity, or stay home from an event you really wanted to go to because your child needed you for whatever reason.

Parenthood is NOT about denying a special experience from not only your child, but your child's loved ones, because you are too immature, self-absorbed, or both, to be present while your child has any modicum of fun without you, heaven forbid. It makes me incredibly sad to imagine how other events in this child's life must unfold.

 

[Party.Of.4-NY>>>FL]

Other than behaving unbelievably spoiled and selfishly, which at this point are the kindest adjectives I can type for the impression OP projects about herself, I would suggest that maybe OP take a long hard look at what the essence is of being a parent. Parenthood is about sacrifice. Parenthood is about putting your child first. Parenthood is about allowing your child to have the last morsel of the yummy treat you all shared, or go ahead when only one from your group can volunteer for a fun activity, or stay home from an event you really wanted to go to because your child needed you for whatever reason.

Parenthood is NOT about denying a special experience from not only your child, but your child's loved ones, because you are too immature, self-absorbed, or both, to be present while your child has any modicum of fun without you, heaven forbid. It makes me incredibly sad to imagine how other events in this child's life must unfold.

Very well said.

I agree on all points............except the bold......and only when there are warm cinnamon rolls on our breakfast table. Those things are good!!! It's a free-for-all in our house when the smell of cinnamon is in the air.

I know many on this thread feel very strongly about the opinions expressed. My previous posts included. Just trying to lighten it up a bit

 

[TWK]

I think if you has already taken him and he is comfortable with her it is no big deal (if he wants to go). For a first trip no way... But if you already have gone with him I think he might jave fun having a new experience with the aunt.

 

[adisneyaunt]

Wow, I read the OP and then skipped to end...then saw what others said that OP added

GingerRage...eloquent ....and what lucky kids/adults to have YOU in Their lives!
Op: really?

 

[North of Mouse]

I'm just wondering why the OP asked for suggestions in the first place?

OP here. I am not a troll and was genuinely interested in other people's take on the situation and what they would do. I thought that was the kind of the point of these boards. I won't apologize for my feelings about wanting to experience special moments with my kids. I know I do rely on my SIL a lot and trust isn't the issue here. I just don't to miss out on special times with my kids. We will go back to WDW in 3 or 4 years and that will be fine.

I never understood why people ask for opinions when they really don't want them. The OP wanted validation for her decision because there is some part of her, even though she, obviously has no respect or appreciation for her SIL, that realizes that she is being selfish.

I'm also wondering OP, why in the world did you come on the Dis asking a question about something you had no interest in hearing a differing opinion about? You already knew your feelings.

she is also easy going with last minute changes in plans, which I appreciate a lot but that doesn't mean I should automatically let her take my kid on a vacation that I will take him on in a few years.

we have very different ideas of how a Disney vacation should be. We only like to go to two parks at most when we are there and spend the majority of our time by the pool. I don't know if she would even like that.

A few years? That's a long time in the life of a small child. He will be more than ready to make memories with you too. It wouldn't diminish his desire to with you at all - in fact probably enhance it considerably!

Also, you admit that you have no desire to be 'on the go' and that your SIL might enjoy that more - all the more reason to let your ds experience her 'type' of vacation and make memories with him that you have no intention on doing.

I agree with others, sounds like your SIL is getting a bad rap, and totally being taken advantage of. Just because someone is so nice and would never tell you, doesn't mean they don't have hurt feelings.

 

[Dinohood]

What I don't get is the op wants to go when the little one is older 3 or 4 well by then the older son/brother will be 10 or 11 the age where they want to do bigger kid pre teen rides what would she do then, use child swap have one whole day be about the younger child and forget the older one?

 

[kj2mom]

My children went to Disney with their grandparents (I had taken them once a couple of years before), I stayed home and was green with envy the entire time but now years later they still talk about little things from their trip so I know I made the right decision for them. I also let the same grandparents take them to Sesame Place without me. That wasn't as much of a big deal for me, I like going there but not like I enjoy going to Disney. We live in MA so both SP and Disney involved some travel (SP is about 4 hours driving without stopping).

 

[Crystal824]

My first inclination was no. My kids are 6 and 2. My 6 year old has never spent many nights away from myself or my husband except for a few nights at the grandparents. The last one of those, I had to go get her at 11:00 p.m. My 2 year old has never stayed away from us. Given the relationship and the fact he has stayed with SIL before, I would absolutely let him go especially since he has been before. I get the whole my first time at Disney thing, I definitely wouldn't have let my kids go with anyone else the first time. As my daughter gets older should she have the opportunity to go to WDW with school, etc., I would let her go even if I couldn't go.