Would you have expected your DH to help out in this situation?

[DisneyLovingMama]

My friend just left my house -- she is fit to be tied. She was supposed to get pictures taken of her three kids for Easter today. After church, she got them all bathed and dressed. Her Dh didn't really help out, and never does. He just complained the kids were making so much noise. She ran out of the house, not realizing she left her wallet at home (she had taken money out to give to her DH, because he had no cash on him).

She called her DH and asked him to come please come to the mall with her wallet. He refused, saying he had other plans (to work on "his" room in their basement). She asked him to please help out, as it was only a 20 minute drive to the mall, but she would miss her appointment if she drove home and had to go back. He still refused, then blamed her for making him feel like a non-DIS approved word.

So, she left the mall (after checking with the picture place to make sure they couldn't take a check with her work id) and came here. I had to lend her a few dollars for gas, so she could actually get home. Her low fuel alert went off about 5 miles from here. Home is still 15 miles away from here.

Part of me thinks its her fault for being such a space cadet (no fuel, forgotten wallet), but I know if she had called ME and I had no real plans today, I would have gone to the mall and let her borrow money for pictures. I kind of think her husband should have helped out.

What do you think?

 

[kayeandjim00]

Her DH sounds like a jerk honestly. Pretty self involved I'd guess. My DH would have been in the car on his way to help me in a second but he's a winner. Nothing is more important to him than his family and I'd never expect a response like your friend got.

 

[Sleepy]

I think she is a single parent who lives with a ghost.

 

[ducklite]

It sounds like her husband is a royal jerk. My question is "Why do women have children with men like this?" I mean why would you want to contribute that type of gene to the pool?

One of my favorite movie lines of all time applies here. "Men, you can't live with them, you can't shoot them."

Anne

 

[Brianne]

Definitely a jerk. I can't imagine my DH behaving like that. It's a good thing she's got a good friend in you because I think there'll come a time when she'll really need one.

 

[RitaZ.]

Yes, I would have expected my DH to help me and he would have done so.

I'm sure it won't be pretty when she gets home.

 

[Sleepy]

My question is "Why do women have children with men like this?"

I never understood why they would want to have more than one. Obviously people like this (jerk) do not get better the more kids you have and caring for more than one is not easier when you are doing it alone. Some people feel that as long as they are bringing home the most money, they don't have to help with caring for the kids and cleaning the house.

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

Definitely a jerk. I can't imagine my DH behaving like that. It's a good thing she's got a good friend in you because I think there'll come a time when she'll really need one.

Having just gotten out of a similarly bad situation, I try. But, my vision is also cloudy, which is why I asked you guys. I wouldn't have expect much more from my ex.

I told her and the kids to stay for dinner, but she didn't take me up on it. I wouldn't have wanted to go home to him.

 

[sweet angel]

I'm not sure "Jerk" covers it. I agree with the poster that said she's a single parent living with a ghost.

 

[liamsaunt]

On the face of it, that really sounds ridiculous. "His" room would still be there when he gets back from bringing her the wallet.

OTOH, maybe he was using a "tough love" technique to try and help her to be more organized? Maybe she is always scatterbrained and he is sick of it? My DH is a bit scatterbrained. He would often forget important items when leaving the house in the morning. This would sometimes make us miss our train and make us late to work, which was incredibly frustrating for me. I found a solution by asking him each day before we leave the house; do you have your wallet, cell phone, keys, t pass, etc. I also set out a specific place for him to keep those items so he can just "grab and go." Maybe this DH is just frustrated like I was, and was trying to help your friend see that she has to be more organized?

I must say though, if I called my DH and asked him to bring me something I forgot, I know he would do it in a heartbeat, as I would for him, which makes me wonder if this guy is just a jerk? :

 

[Alicnwondrln]

that is pretty sad the ghost comment is true
she needs to have a talk with her DH asap

 

[momm2four]

Sounds like someone who only thinks about what his spouse can do for him, not what he can do to make his spouse happy.

Makes me grateful for my DH.

Lori P.

 

[disneymom3]

KIND OF???? You kind of think he should have helped out?? Oh my, of course he should have. He's an inconsiderate, selfish jerk. Everybody makes mistakes and she simply forgot something.

There are a lot of unDIS friendly words I could think of for this guy.

 

[momrek06]

It definitely would have been my DH that would have left his wallet, had no gas in his car, and lost his keys ....(I will not go on)...BUT that being said..........

To my DH our kids "walk on water" (in his opinion) ....and if this was important to me, then DH would have been there in a "heart beat"!!!

I feel so bad when I read stories like this on the DIS Board...I so realize how lucky I really am!!!!

 

[JVL1018]

I would never be married to someone like that, for real. He rarely helps with the kids and can't be bothered to help out by bringing her wallet? Not someone I'd be interested in sharing my life with.

My husband left work and came and filled my car with gas when I ran out one day.
Note: when your car says you have enough gas for 38 miles, you may really only have gas for about 3 miles.

 

[MeanLaureen]

Oh yeah.. a jerk. Sounds like my ex. His worse move was when I was sick and at a hemotologists office and they thought I would need to have a blood trasfusion because of some factor or something missing from my blood (I dunno... didn't need it after all was said and done) - anyway, the nurse went out and asked my then husband now ex if he would let her take blood to type him to see if he could be a donor. He told her point blank that he would not donate blood to me because he doesn't like needles.

I actually mostly felt sorry for that nurse having to come in the room and tell me that. You could tell she felt so bad.

 

[DisneyLovingMama]

OTOH, maybe he was using a "tough love" technique to try and help her to be more organized? Maybe she is always scatterbrained and he is sick of it? My DH is a bit scatterbrained. He would often forget important items when leaving the house in the morning. This would sometimes make us miss our train and make us late to work, which was incredibly frustrating for me. I found a solution by asking him each day before we leave the house; do you have your wallet, cell phone, keys, t pass, etc. I also set out a specific place for him to keep those items so he can just "grab and go." Maybe this DH is just frustrated like I was, and was trying to help your friend see that she has to be more organized?

I suggested this to her as well, but according to her, she never bothers him when she is scatterbrained. She's never asked him to bring her things or give her money or anything. I usually get those requests from her. And, I'm just not comfortable with a husband showing that type of tough love. I like your approach a lot better - asking and helping to organize. Not just refusing to help out. Plus, she had three kids under 5 in Easter clothes at the mall!!! In that situation, I think scatterbrainedness is understandable.

 

[Sleepy]

OTOH, maybe he was using a "tough love" technique to try and help her to be more organized? Maybe she is always scatterbrained and he is sick of it?

Maybe he could have been a participating father and escorted his little ones to the mall with his wife....as a family. Use tough love when the kids are not involved.

 

[JoyG]

And taking 3 kids under five by yourself to a mall for pictures is not an easy job! Bathing them, dressing them, piling them into the car, keeping them quiet in the waiting room and breaking up fights, getting them to smile at the same time...

I've been reduced to tears doing the exact same task!

Joy

 

[Blondy876]

My dh wouldn't have been able to bring me my wallet because he would have been with me. He also would have been helping me get the kids ready to go. Sounds like your friends dh is a huge jerk.