Would you have a problem with this fundraiser?

[missypie]

Are you members of a church? It would be perfect if someone gave the idea to someone in your Sunday School class or other small group to have a spaghetti dinner or something for you.

 

[barkley]

It is not as though you have the option of buying adoption insurance, either. You had a way to deal with the situation you were dealt.

scubamouse I am sorry for your losses. How devestating. Sadly, a disease/disorder only means something if:

1. Someone they know has it

2. There are cute ribbons for it (my colon cancer just didn't cut it...)

3. A celeb endorces it.

4. There is something in it for them.

I've had cancer, I've lost 2 sons to a drunk driver, delivering prematurely (23 weeks) the next day. What I've learned is that helping people do good things is one of the ways of getting from day to day. I leave the judgements to those who have nothing better to do with their time.

neither of my pregnancies were situations i was "dealt"-i chose to become pregnant- just as some infertile and fertile women choose to adopt a child.

in making my choice i considered, evaluated and planned for years for the initial and ongoing financial costs, i believe that in planning for adoption the same principles can be applied.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I think in many cases, probably this one, it is not a choice. Is it a choice that this couple finds out that they have a medical problem that causes infertility????

One of our international adoptions had nothing to do with infertility. They had 3 sons and wanted a daughter.

 

[Rajah]

Just wanted to pop back in to second the motion of something a little more low key - or something sponsored by some other group that would like to help..

As an example - I love books.. If I saw an ad in the newspaper for some huge used book sale - with the proceeds going to a lovely couple who were raising costs to adopt - I would not hesitate for one minute - I'd be there in a heartbeat - and probably spend more than I would under normal circumstances.. But if I were asked to "purchase" a "ticket" to a fund raiser for a couple I didn't know, I have to be honest and say I would not.. For some reason that just comes across different to me..

Incidentally, I'm adopted myself - and I think it's a great thing that you are attempting to do..

Best of luck!

I like C.Ann's choice. I agree -- if I were looking to go buy used books and I knew that the books I was buying would help a family adopt, I'd go and spend more most likely. But just to get a ticket to a dinner -- that does come across differently for some reason.

Good luck!

 

[Hannathy]

I would not contribute. However you have children it is a choice. It will not kill you if you don't. It may not be what you want but to be blount it is true. Many people have illnesses that without money for treatments will die.

Here is where I will be unpopular but what is the hurry ? Save for it. put 3-5,000 in the bank for 6-7 years. Many people including myself take this long to get pregnant. It is a shame it is so expensive but maybe you could think about adopting an older child, I don't know for sure but I think they are more available.

I am sorry for you, I know it is hard to go through and wish you good luck. Hopefully people on this board realize others can and will have different opinions and it is not rude to express them - unless they name call or personally attack the poster.

 

[lemondog]

And I fail to see how infertility is an illness. Like Lisa loves Pooh said, you can't die from infertility.

You can't die from a lot of illnesses, but that doesn't make them any less a legitimate illness, does it?

 

[mickeyfan2]

I think organizing a big baby shower (are you adopting a baby???)

Don't do the shower until after the adoption. My cousin did the shower when they thought they were getting a certain baby at a certain time. Well it did not work out and the baby they got was too big for almost all of the gifts and it was 18 months later, so they were stuck with the stuff.

 

[In a hurry]

neither of my pregnancies were situations i was "dealt"-i chose to become pregnant- just as some infertile and fertile women choose to adopt a child.

in making my choice i considered, evaluated and planned for years for the initial and ongoing financial costs, i believe that in planning for adoption the same principles can be applied.

You were dealt the choice of having or not having. Many people do not find until they are older that they cannot have children of their own.

 

[mickeyfan2]

You can't die from a lot of illnesses, but that doesn't make them any less a legitimate illness, does it?

No it does not. If I told you how much my asthma costs me per month you would be shocked. Is it an illness, yes. Is it life threatening, yes. Do I need help paying for the medications and Drs. to stay alive, no. I sacrafice somewhere else to pay for it. My Dr. even asked me how do I afford it. I just said it is an item in my monthly budget. I have been told I could go on disability with my sever asthma, but I choose not to.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Afraid to post, but am doing so...shouldn't be offensive. My mouth is ready for my size 11 foot.

In speaking with my hubby--he described this as being the gray area. He actually has no problem with what was described in the OP and understood completely the comparisons given (if though they weren't intended as comparisons). He did point out the organizations that assisted with these things and he would have no problem pursuing those avenues.

What we are talking about here is the tackiness level--not the rightness or wrongness of it.

He brought up all sorts of fundraisers--save the whales, political campaigns, et cetera. Why are some fundraisers okay and some are not. What it comes down to is what is considered socially appropriate--what is tacky and what is not.

BTW--hubby sees nothing wrong with this--but it did turn out we were scaling it about the same part of the gray area. It is not something that he himself would personally choose to agree to do (fundraising for an adoption).

And that is what it is--it is the gray area.

I begin to wonder what our society has come to--people now charge admission fees for weddings (when they could have simply gotten married at a courthouse or small church ceremony)--this HAS been posted on the DIS even...I have begun to see "birthday" registries in stores and on-line (wish lists!). Mortgage/honeymoon registries.

Where does one draw the line? Is the first adoption okay, but not any more. Adoption from an impoverished country trumps an adoption on US soil.

Yes it is all different--but in a way it is all the same. We cannot afford to do something on our own--how far can we go to raise the money so that we can afford it.

We're entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But where is the limit on how far we go and who we ask to achieve these things?

 

[diskids2]

No I wouldn't attend a fundraiser for adoption costs anymore than I would attend one for college costs. Not trying to be mean but why would you think someone else should donate for your choice. If someone has an illness that is not their choice then I will help in a minute.

I second this exact feeling. I also want to say that I think it shows that you really want this baby because you are trying to think of everything and you are considerate of other people's feelings as well. Good for you.

 

[hydster]

Wow you can really feel the love tonight! Feels so warm and fuzzy around the Dis today and not just on this thread.

It seems to me from reading this thread that A LOT of people wouldn't support helping to pay to adopt a child but WOULD be willing to support helping pay for said child if said child was here in the US and with the OP as the parent and was diagnosed with a life threatning illness once here. Well some of these children ARE facing a life threatning illness just being where they are. Some of the diseases these small little children face have been eradicated here in the developed world but not in 3rd world countries. Just because the child doesn't have it yet doesn't mean that the kid won't get something in the future.

What if the OP was going to adopt a child with a life threatning illness from this same orphanage she is getting the child from now. If she didn't ask for you to help with the adoption cost but, instead later asked for help with costs for medical care once the child was here and diagnosed some of you would be fine with that but not to get a child out of a country where the potential is VERY real for these children to die.

These are children! They didn't ask to be born where they are and to be in the circumstances they are in. They didn't ask to be abandoned by the ones that were supposed to love them and take care of them unconditionally or for whatever reason they find themselves there. I guess I can't see how one childs life is worth more than another. They are all still children who deserve to be loved and cherished by someone rather than lying in a room with dozens of other children and basically waiting to get old enough to move on, continue this cycle or for some of them waiting to die.

OP I say go for it! If people think it's rude or tacky then so be it but I bet you would be surprised at the # of people who would support if for no other reason than to give an innocent child a chance at life.

UNICEF concludes that more than half the children in the developing world are severely deprived of one or more of the necessities essential to childhood:


640 million children do not have adequate shelter
500 million children have no access to sanitation
400 million children do not have access to safe water
300 million children lack access to information
270 million children have no access to health care services
140 million children have never been to school
90 million children are severely food-deprived

http://www.unicefusa.org/site/c.duL...cations__Media_Center__US_Fund_for_UNICEF.htm

I just don't see how some find saving a child from one of these dangers as being tacky and in poor taste! Maybe it's just me .........but most of these children will either die or will wind up in a similar situation as their parents continuing the cycle. We need MORE People like the OP who are willing to give innocent children a chance for the life they all deserve! These children are not any less important than yours or mine. Just because we share DNA. They are still a human being with needs that in a lot of cases are failing to be met.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I personally think of infertility as more of a "Condition" rather than an illness. It doesn't cause physical pain, it doesn't put your life in danger -- it is a physiological fact about your body, the same way that I'm tall and have thin limp hair.

But really that is just semantics and doesn't really matter. It doesn't bother me to see it called an illness.

I feel uncomfortable with this for a couple of reasons. Let's say I have $100 to donate this week to a cause. I look around and see that my two immediate choices are to help with the medical costs for a kid or friend with cancer, and something such as this. To me, the person in my community with an immediate life threatening need just seems like a better fit for where I like to give money. From the looks of this thread, I think alot of people agree with me.

And $30k is an awful lot to spend for an adoption. I understand why so many people are turning to International Adoption now and I can't say that I wouldn't make a similar choice in their shoes. I've never had to make that decision. But there are so many kids here in the United States that are termed "unadoptable" because of their skin color or medical needs. Do you know that people from Germany and a few other European countries are now coming to the US to "rescue" our children? I find that just as sad as the babies in Russia and China.

Regardless, how you choose to adopt is certainly a decision that you need to make for yourself based on your values what you feel is right.

 

[In a hurry]

hydster, you are awesome! Have a great night!

 

[Crankyshank]

Yes infertility can be considered an illness, but like many other illnesses one doesn't throw a fundraiser for proceeds to assist with treatment of a non life threatening illness. I believe many on the thread are missing that point and are quick to find insult when none was intended.
.
I'd no sooner have an adoption fundraiser than I would throw a fundraiser asking for help for DH's prostate problems or my chronic sinusitis. I would however go to a book sale or attend a bake sale or whatever where the proceeds from the goods purchased went to offset the cost of the adoption.

 

[Beth76]

You can't die from a lot of illnesses, but that doesn't make them any less a legitimate illness, does it?

OK fine. I still don't consider infertility an illness. An injury perhaps, since parts of the body aren't working for whatever reason. But, it's not an illness. An infertile person is not sick unless that person has an illness that causes infertility.

 

[kdibattista]

OP here again...

I think here lies the problem. Many posters are viewing this as a fundraiser for my "infertility" whereas my family views this as a fundraiser to save my daughter from a what otherwise would be a death sentence. I view this as more about my daughter and less about me. I guess most others do not... and that is ok. It's your opinion and that's what I asked for.

I guess I don't understand why a spaghetti dinner would be ok but a beef n beer or golf outing isn't. Why a book sale would not be offensive but a raffle would be. I could go on but I'm tired .

 

[Tiffann4k]

Please dont' take this the wrong way...but in my mind "If you can't afford the adoption...how can you afford the kid*?"

KWIM?
*ie - the costs associated with a child...food/medical/education/ect...

JMO.

You have a very good point but if everyone waited until they could afford to have kids no one would have kids

 

[In a hurry]

I have raised money for many issues that were not fatal. Guess it is just how you view helping others.

How many here would go to a fund-raiser for a politician, but not to help an individual adopt? I'd much rather put my money into grassroot efforts!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

How many here would go to a fund-raiser for a politician, but not to help an individual adopt? I'd much rather put my money into grassroot efforts!

My husband made this exact point to me

(only I don't contribute to political fundraisers )