Would you have a problem with this fundraiser?

[kdibattista]

As many of you know DH and I are in the process of adopting a baby girl. The total cost will be around $30,000. We are saving money by working extra shifts, cutting back, etc. We will probably also refinance or take a HELOC.

Well, my mom approached me with the idea of holding a fundraising beef n beer or something like that to help us raise some of the money. I originally said no and I know my DH would have said no but now I'm having second thoughts. DH has organized countless golf outings, benefits and other fundraisers that has raised thousands of dollars for friend's who have gone through difficult times (friend's daughter has incurable neuroligical condition, another friend's son has leukemia, etc).

I guess the question I'm asking is would you have a problem if you were invited to a fundraiser to help with adoption costs? I'm trying to get honest reactions before I approach DH with this.

 

[mtemm]

I thought about this question in terms of it happening to friends of ours. In other words, if one of our good friends was hoping to adopt and had a fundraiser, would we go? Absolutely...I wouldn't hesitate. Not so sure if it was more of an aquaintence...but for a good friend or family member, I wouldn't even question it.

I am very unfamiliar with adoption and I think the one question I would have would be what would happen to the money should the adoption fall thru? Or is that even a possibility when it comes to the point you are at?

eta, I don't view this situation the same as raising money for someone who is very ill. we have gone to fundraisers for things like this and don't hesitate for those in our wider circle, as opposed to closest friends.

 

[stinkerbelle]

I guess the question I'm asking is would you have a problem if you were invited to a fundraiser to help with adoption costs? I'm trying to get honest reactions before I approach DH with this.

Please dont' take this the wrong way...but in my mind "If you can't afford the adoption...how can you afford the kid*?"

KWIM?
*ie - the costs associated with a child...food/medical/education/ect...

JMO.

 

[liamsaunt]

Hmmm....I think I would feel a little weird about an invitation like that. The other types of fundraisers you mentioned are to help people that are confronting something they can't do anything about (illness)--you are choosing to adopt, and incur the related expenses. I am sure lots of people are going to be very happy for you, and help you out with baby gifts and donations, etc. on their own.

Congratulations on your new child!

 

[mtemm]

Please dont' take this the wrong way...but in my mind "If you can't afford the adoption...how can you afford the kid*?"

KWIM?
*ie - the costs associated with a child...food/medical/education/ect...

JMO.

I know when I had my kids, I didn't have to lay out $30k in addition to the costs of feeding/clothing/educating them. Big difference. If we hadn't had our children, I don't think we could have afforded to adopt. I know little about adoption, but the numbers I see here scare me!

 

[Rex Rules]

I think it is a great idea, but I can see how people might have the attitude listed in an above post.
If it were one of our good friends I would encourage them to go for it. The important thing isn't what other people might think of you, but how happy you will be to have a child. If people are offended by it, they can stay home. No one would be forced to attend or donate.

 

[cepmom]

I don't think I would want to do that. Having a benefit for someone that has an incurable illness is different. When people are in that situation (illness) money can make a difference in whether that person will be able to receive the type of care that will help them live and beat their illness. Not the same.

 

[disykat]

Although I understand the need and know that there would be people willing to attend, I still think it's tacky. I might attend if a close friend of mine did this in order to show my support, but I'd still think it was strange.

 

[sue1013]

No I wouldn't attend a fundraiser for adoption costs anymore than I would attend one for college costs. Not trying to be mean but why would you think someone else should donate for your choice. If someone has an illness that is not their choice then I will help in a minute.

 

[Sandy V.]

While I can see the benefit and appeal to something like this, if it were me, as the adoptive parents, I would NOT want to be seen as an organizer of the event.

I'm having a hard time putting this into words, but I guess - to be blunt - I think it would be in poor taste to be the organizer of a fundraiser for your own benefit.

If you had a family friend or more distant family member willing to help you out on this, I think that would be the better way to go.

Best of luck with the adoption; I hope it all works out for you.

 

[C.Ann]

Unfortunately, I don't think it would be such a good idea - and I can see where some people might have a big problem with it..

 

[clarabelle]

I don't think it is a good idea.

I think that you may be risking putting yourself up for criticism. If your family and friends choose to give you money I think that is great -but I don't think people should be solicited for it.
Maybe when someone offers to do a shower for you -you could put out the word that you need cash or other practical items.
Good luck with your adoption

 

[mickeyboat]

I have mixed feelings. In a way I would have the same thoughts as Stinkerbelle. I don't think I would attend an event like this for someone I didn't know well. But I would be happy to help out a good friend.

Is there something you could sell to make extra money where the buyer would feel like they were actually getting something of value, instead of considering what they gave as a donation? Maybe sell Avon or something?

Good Luck!

Denae

 

[AnaheimGirl]

Hi Kim

I'm an adoptive mom, and I wouldn't have a problem being invited to a fundraiser like this at all. I think most people realize that adoption is very costly, and how badly many couples want to become parents.

For us, our adoption was much less costly, and the tax credit brought it down even further, so we didn't have trouble paying for it, but we understand that not everyone wants to do it the way we did, and each couple needs to go the route they are drawn to. If one of my friends needed help paying for an adoption, I'd be glad to help out.

Hope this helps, and I'm interested to hear what others have to say, as well.

Good luck!!

=====> oops, had to walk away for a few minutes and when I came back and hit preview I see the idea isn't being taken as well as I'd have hoped. But like someone said, if someone doesn't like the idea, they can say no.

I've talked with others who raised money selling things on Ebay, and taking out loans. If you had to buy a new car all of a sudden, you'd take out a loan and pay it off monthly, right? I don't know what your car situation is, but maybe you can keep the old clunker for a while and pay monthly installments on the adoption loan, instead of a car loan. Again, good luck!

 

[cardaway]

Please dont' take this the wrong way...but in my mind "If you can't afford the adoption...how can you afford the kid*?"

KWIM?
*ie - the costs associated with a child...food/medical/education/ect...

JMO.

IMO the idea of the fund raiser is tacky but that question pales in comparison. That big amount doesn't even cover the other expenses involved. Affording the cost has nothing to do with having enough from month to month.

I do think it's wrong to have fund raisers for anything that is a choice. JMHO.

 

[lulugirl]

No I wouldn't attend a fundraiser for adoption costs anymore than I would attend one for college costs. Not trying to be mean but why would you think someone else should donate for your choice. If someone has an illness that is not their choice then I will help in a minute.

I agree. I find the idea very tacky.
I do wish you the best w/ the adoption process.

 

[kdibattista]

Please dont' take this the wrong way...but in my mind "If you can't afford the adoption...how can you afford the kid*?"

KWIM?
*ie - the costs associated with a child...food/medical/education/ect...

JMO.

We are more then capable of providing a home for our child. That was my thought though... that people would think well "if you can't afford the adoption.... blah, blah, blah". But honestly, do you really need to have $30,000k plus in the bank to qualify to raise a child?

Thanks everyone for being honest. I got the answers I needed.

 

[ntburns22]

If it was for close friends or family I would go to show my support. But if someone called me and said a friend of someone I work with is having a steak fry to defer adoptions costs I most likely would not buy a ticket. If was was an illness I would be there. I would think close friends and family would be there but a lot of the people they try to get to come won't. I know this is hard on your family, my aunt and uncle adopted twice and ended up with a second mortgage and $15,000 in CC debt.

 

[4greatboys]

Please dont' take this the wrong way...but in my mind "If you can't afford the adoption...how can you afford the kid*?"

KWIM?
*ie - the costs associated with a child...food/medical/education/ect...

JMO.

The cost associated with adoption are pretty big up front. I have never had to shell out $30,000 a kid when I gave birth. Im sure they can handle the day to day costs but a $30,000 hit up front is a big one to take.

I dont think its a bad idea. I have heard of several other adoptive parents to raising money that way, or having garage sales or whatever to raise some money.

 

[hucifer]

As someone who has had great difficulty having a child, I would support the family in such a fundraiser.