Would you go to a wedding without your spouse or LONG TERM S.O. ?

[nuttylawprofessor]

Leaving a spouse/partner off of an invitation to a wedding does not compare to leaving off a boyfriend/girlfriend. Leaving a spouse off of such an invitation is a serious breach of etiquette. But the bride and groom do not commit any sort of faux pas by not adding "and guest" to the invitations for all of the unattached adults on the guest list. In fact, "and guest" is a bit of a faux pas as all guests should be addressed by name. If an unmarried adult does not feel comfortable attending an event without a date, there is a simple answer: send your regrets.

 

[arminnie]

I've never considered a wedding a date affair and go more for the ceremony than the reception, so yes, I would go. I only go to weddings if I know the people getting married and want to be there for them. Otherwise I would decline the invitation.

That's the point of a wedding - being there for someone you care about - them entertaining you and a date is secondary.

I've been to countless events solo. I don't know what the big deal is. I recently went to a huge engagement party (on the scale of a wedding reception as they were planning a very, very small private wedding later). I literally knew NO ONE there except the bride-to-be and the parents of the bride. I went because the parents are close friends of mine that I have known for 30 years, and I'd known their daughter since she was born. It was not about me going to have a good time with a date.

It was a wonderful event, and I met some lovely people.

Spouses, fiances, and in today's world live-in partners should be included. I don't like the "and guest" addition - it should be a real name. I really don't like going to a wedding (particularly of people that I know) when I go as someone's "guest". I almost feel like I am intruding as I was not on the guest list.

 

[DisneyWorldOct08]

I really don't see it as OP has to take SO, she wants to.

I know that I really don't want to go to weddings or other events without my DH. We don't get to spend all that much time together and I we have never gone to outings without each other, never really thought about it.


OP - I would decline and I probably wouldn't send a gift if you aren't even friends with them now....

"We don't get to spend all that much time together and I we have never gone to outings without each other, never really thought about it. "

BINGO! I think this is what has been bugging me. SO & I live apart and only have our weekends and maybe one weeknight and our time together is precious to us because there is so little of it, at least until and if we ever move closer together (hard for work purposes) and I think it's that I despise the idea of losing a Saturday of ours for something that, IMO, he should have been invited to since the groom, his family and my family all know him and how long we've been together.

 

[Missy1961]

Yes, I would. No one knows EVERYONE at a wedding except possibly the bride and groom (and even they are going to be meeting people like their future spouse's great aunt Matilda for the first time.) You know your family and the groom's family which is a lot more folks than I've known at some weddings I've attended.

Unfortunately, with costs as high as they are nowadays, sometimes the bride and groom need to cut guests where they can and that means cutting the "and guest" portion of the invitation.

Have they met your BF? Do you and your BF live together or are you just dating? If they've never met him, they may not realize that you're in a serious relationship or feel obliged to invite him.

If it really bothers you, then decline the invitation.

I agree 100%.

 

[DisneyWorldOct08]

Count me as one who would not be comfortable going without my SO. I know everyone will say this is wrong, but I probably would have RSVP'd for 2, and if it was brought up say I didn't notice it was just addressed to me. I wouldn't want to be sitting alone when everyone else is slow dancing with their SO -- what fun is that. If you can't afford to let your adult guests bring a SO, then don't invite them at all.

"I wouldn't want to be sitting alone when everyone else is slow dancing with their SO "

This is a good point as well. I'm not going to be dancing with other men.
And I don't have any girl friends going to dance in a group.

SO & I are pretty seriously committed to each other. No way would I even consider dancing with another guy at this thing. I'm just going to end up sitting there, bored...

 

[okeydokey]

Last year when my cousin got mrried, my kids weren't invited. It was a weekend away (in Miami). My Mom and I went together and my husband stayed home with the kids. We both wish he could have gone, but understand about the cost of inviting the kids too. We didn't make a big deal out of it to anyone. Would I have enjoyed it more if DH went, well sure, but it wasn't my wedding so it wasn't up to me.

 

[helenabear]

I'd go most likely. I know he is your BF, but some people cannot afford to pay for someone and a SO. Most I know who are under a money crunch do only fiance(e)s and married. Initially my husband (then boyfriend) didn't get invited to a wedding. Then we got engaged and he was invited

 

[NMAmy]

"I wouldn't want to be sitting alone when everyone else is slow dancing with their SO "

This is a good point as well. I'm not going to be dancing with other men.
And I don't have any girl friends going to dance in a group.

SO & I are pretty seriously committed to each other. No way would I even consider dancing with another guy at this thing. I'm just going to end up sitting there, bored...

Really? You wouldn't dance with your father, your brother, the groom, or the groom's father? I had to edit this because in rereading it, it came out snarkier than I'd intended.

It seems as though you're looking for reasons to ensure that you'll have a bad time. If you want to go, go with an open mind and heart. I'm sure it will be much more fun than you're imagining. If you feel resentful about your BF not being invited and you can't get past that, then send your regrets and just deal with your mom.

 

[Kimmumum]

My godchild is getting married in August two hours away and my DH is not going. My kids are invited but I do not believe kids belong at weddings. DH will stay with the kids and I'll go to the wedding with my mom No big deal

 

[Snow_White]

I personally wouldn't go without my husband. I'd just be uncomfortable without him and I gave up on being uncomfortable just for the sake of appearances many moons ago. Mail a present, that's all they really want.

 

[lilyv]

I personally wouldn't go without my husband. I'd just be uncomfortable without him and I gave up on being uncomfortable just for the sake of appearances many moons ago. Mail a present, that's all they really want.

Exactly. I'd do the same.

 

[Stephanie218]

Oh and my Sister (single and dating long term) often gets invited stag- If you are not living together and are just dating it doesn't hold the same "invite worthy" status to the weddings- You know you are commited but how do they?

Totally agree with this. I was married 3 months ago, and have been reading bridal magazines like crazy for a year. Even the magazines suggest now that inviting a guest for everyone single is NOT necessary given increasing costs. You must invite a husband, and fiancee, and bf/gf if they have been living together more than a year or two (is what the magazines have been saying).

 

[justhat]

I've gone to weddings without my husband and he was absolutely thrilled to not have to come! In your case, I'd be a little miffed that they didn't invite your SO only cause it's been nearly 2 years that you've been together, but maybe they couldn't afford to expand the guest list to SOs so they left everyone's off.

 

[Pin Wizard]

I would say it depends how you feel about it. I've gone to weddings solo when friends of mine also went. We had a lot of fun. But in February a coworker got married. I skipped that one.

 

[va32h]

"I wouldn't want to be sitting alone when everyone else is slow dancing with their SO "

This is a good point as well. I'm not going to be dancing with other men.
And I don't have any girl friends going to dance in a group.

SO & I are pretty seriously committed to each other. No way would I even consider dancing with another guy at this thing. I'm just going to end up sitting there, bored...

It's just dancing. Dancing does not equal infidelity. Even at weddings that I've attended with my spouse, we've danced with other people. Even in Victorian times a woman was allowed to dance with other men without having to wear a scarlet letter! That's why they invented dance cards.

 

[Beth76]

There are two questions being answered here. One is "would you attend a wedding alone?" Of course I would, if DH couldn't be there for whatever reason.

The second question is "Would you attend if SO wasn't invited?" No, I wouldn't. I don't care how tight the budget is, all adults should get an "and guest". Especially since it's known that the OP is in a serious long term relationship.

 

[taylor1293]

There are two questions being answered here. One is "would you attend a wedding alone?" Of course I would, if DH couldn't be there for whatever reason.

The second question is "Would you attend if SO wasn't invited?" No, I wouldn't. I don't care how tight the budget is, all adults should get an "and guest". Especially since it's known that the OP is in a serious long term relationship.

I completely agree.

 

[lilyv]

There are two questions being answered here. One is "would you attend a wedding alone?" Of course I would, if DH couldn't be there for whatever reason.

The second question is "Would you attend if SO wasn't invited?" No, I wouldn't. I don't care how tight the budget is, all adults should get an "and guest". Especially since it's known that the OP is in a serious long term relationship.

This is just so obvious to me. I just can't image attempting to evaluate the wedding-worthiness of friend's relationships. When DD gets married, this will be a given. If the event is a little less "posh" because SO's are welcome, so be it.
I'd much rather adjust downward, and be welcoming, than adjust upward and fret about who's relationship has lasted long enough to merit a dinner plate.

 

[StrollPatrolMom]

DH has and will be again in June.

 

[Tinker74]

What they said.

I agree with all of this...You've only been together just over a year...not really long term is it?