Would you go to a wedding without your spouse or LONG TERM S.O. ?

[disykat]

I've never considered a wedding a date affair and go more for the ceremony than the reception, so yes, I would go. I only go to weddings if I know the people getting married and want to be there for them. Otherwise I would decline the invitation.

 

[MoniqueU]

I have before. My husband works weekends most of the time and so he isn't available to go with me. I don't plan on attending any weddings anytime soon though so I don't think the issue will come up again.

 

[mjkacmom]

For our wedding, we did include "and guest" if we knew the person was in a relationship. However, our venue had a limited amount of room (it was indoor/outdoor, and we had to take into consideration that it might rain), so we didn't include "and guest" for those not in relationships - I would rather invite someone I knew, than have someone bring a person they met the previous week in a bar. We did tell our single friends that if they did enter a relationship before the wedding, let us know, and they would be included.

 

[puffkin]

Even wealthy people have to trim down their guest lists, be it for cost or size of the facility or the wishes of the bride/groom.

I believe that if you were married or engaged your BF should be invited. Since you are neither and more of an acquaintance to the couple I don't see a problem with the invite or you going solo.l

Obviously it was important for the family to have your family there and I would probably just go. You can always leave at an appropriate point during the reception if you get bored, but you might end up having a nice time.

 

[BratTink]

I don't think you are being silly. I HATE going to a wedding without a date. I've been to weddings solo and it sucks!
Why is it rude to ask to bring your SO? Are they aware that you are in a committed relationship? I bet its "if they aren't engaged or married, they can't bring a date". But if they are wealthy I don't think one more plate will break the bank.
And, what does MTE mean?

 

[BellvilleDad]

Yes, I would. No one knows EVERYONE at a wedding except possibly the bride and groom (and even they are going to be meeting people like their future spouse's great aunt Matilda for the first time.) You know your family and the groom's family which is a lot more folks than I've known at some weddings I've attended.

Unfortunately, with costs as high as they are nowadays, sometimes the bride and groom need to cut guests where they can and that means cutting the "and guest" portion of the invitation.

Have they met your BF? Do you and your BF live together or are you just dating? If they've never met him, they may not realize that you're in a serious relationship or feel obliged to invite him.

If it really bothers you, then decline the invitation.

Quoted For Truth ™

 

[mumom95]

I recently got an invite to a very formal wedding in June and I am not sure why this bothers me so much but it does.

Background: I do not know the bride at all, I know the groom’s family because the groom was my brother’s best friend growing up. His mother and my mother are best friends. So they invited the entire family (my mom & dad, my brother & his wife, and...just me).

My invitation was addressed to just me at my address (obviously separate from my parents and brother). It was not addressed to me & guest. This bothers me because I have been dating the same man since late 2006.

I’ve never experienced being invited to a wedding before, ever, where adults were not allowed to bring their long term signifigant other (or even just a date).

I really don’t even want to go without my BF. Is that odd? Aside from the groom’s family and my family, I won’t know anyone there. It’s a formal, night wedding about an hour and a half from my house and I’m just not comfortable getting all dressed up/dolled up and going to a formal wedding without him.

We trust each other, but to be honest, I’d feel weird if he was getting all dressed up and going to something like this without me as well. It just seems…strange.

Is that ridiculous of me?

Would you go to a wedding without your spouse or long term SO?

I do however like the groom and his family. I used to babysit the groom when he was a kid! Hahaha (yeah I feel old!) so I don’t want to “not go” for him & his family. I'd like to be there, just not w/out my SO.

Oh, and also, I will seriously NEVER hear the end of it from my mother if I don’t go since the groom’s mom is her best friend.

I am not going to be rude and “ask” to bring my BF when he was not invited.

I don’t know… am I just being silly?

I guess I'm in the minority here, but I think it is rude that they aren't allowing you to bring a date. I know weddings are getting expensive, but in my opinion, if you are having a wedding and you invite an adult, you either allow them to bring a date or you don't invite them at all.

But let me add, that I don't think there is anything wrong with a person going to a wedding alone. A girlfriend of mine from high school got married a couple of years ago. A few of us went together, without our spouses (although, the spouses were invited) and had a great time. I just think it is rude that they aren't allowing you to bring someone.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I have never gone to a wedding alone. We are both always on the invite.

On should always put and guest on the invite.

You cannot bring the BF, since your invite did not include him. You can send back your regrets and deal with the consequences.

How does your BF feel about not going?

If it was me I would go and enjoy myself.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Might be an oversight. I received an invitation a couple of years ago for my cousin's wedding, just addressed to me. I was dating someone at the time and asked my cousin if I could bring a guest and that I would pay for his meal. She said that the invitation was supposed to include a guest.

 

[luvmy3]

I have gone to a couple weddings without dh, although he was invited. They were friends weddings, I was in one of them but dh was traveling at those times.
Since the invitation wasn't addressed to you and guest then I would think it was rude to ask if your SO could come. They already have a planned amount of people and I'm sure they have already started thinking about their table placements.
If you are not comfortable going without your SO then decline the invite, the groom and family do not need to know your reason.

 

[DisneyWorldOct08]

For our wedding, we did include "and guest" if we knew the person was in a relationship. However, our venue had a limited amount of room (it was indoor/outdoor, and we had to take into consideration that it might rain), so we didn't include "and guest" for those not in relationships - I would rather invite someone I knew, than have someone bring a person they met the previous week in a bar. We did tell our single friends that if they did enter a relationship before the wedding, let us know, and they would be included.

Again, though, we did not meet a week ago. We've been pretty serious since 2006 and the couple getting married does know that (at least the groom does & he has met SO).

Oh well. I'll go, briefly, to appease my mother and give my best wishes to the groom and say hello to his family.

 

[Camicar]

But were you at least invited to bring your spouse or guest?

Not always, for monetary reasons. I have to say, I knew before hand that he wasn't going to be invited, so there was no the shock you had. From my pov, if I didn't know the couple well enough for them to have known I had a committed BF to invite or to pre-explain the lack of 'guest' on the invitation, I wouldn't go. I can see my family any time, I don't need to attend a wedding to do so. That's just how I see it. And I guess I don't see why the level of formality has anything to do with it.

If you feel you have to go for your own family's sake, then I guess you go alone.

 

[DisneyWorldOct08]

I would not even consider asking to bring him. IMO, that's rude.

As for how he feels, lol, he's a guy and there's a game on that night so I'm sure he's not really upset.

I just thought it was odd. I am also of the "you always put and guest for an adult or don't invite them at all" school of thought.

 

[smartestnumber5]

I wouldn't go to this wedding. The fact that SO wasn't invited would make a good excuse. But then, I pretty much dislike weddings anyway so I love living far away from my family--I never have to go to the weddings of extended family members.

Seriously though, I understand not wanting to go without your SO and feeling like he should have been invited. I have no idea how people decide who gets to bring a spouse/SO/guest and who doesn't when inviting people to weddings. Maybe they didn't know you were in a relationship? Or maybe they wouldn't have invited him even if they had known because you're not that close to the bride/groom. Or maybe they have some odd rule where they only invite a S.O. if your relationship has met some arbitrary bar of longevitity/seriousness. I don't understand any of it. I got a wedding invitation from an extended family member when I'd been living with GF for a year and it said invited me and "guest." A friend of mine saw the invitation and said, "Why isn't GF's name on this? You've only been living together a year--who do they think you're going to bring to the wedding?!" I'm really not up on wedding etiquette and think it's all just a bunch of silly rules so I hadn't thought about it. I assume the family members doing the invitations just didn't know GF exists even though we'd been together just as long as the bride and groom. (Which would partly explain why I had no desire to go to the wedding.)

 

[TinkerbellMama]

Under the circumstances, I'd just go without dh. Honestly, though...dh would be THRILLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He hates going to parties for people he doesn't know, especially "boring" ones like weddings, etc. He would be sooooooo very happy to be off the hook, and probably tease me about having to go!!

 

[lillygator]

I really don't see it as OP has to take SO, she wants to.

I know that I really don't want to go to weddings or other events without my DH. We don't get to spend all that much time together and I we have never gone to outings without each other, never really thought about it.


OP - I would decline and I probably wouldn't send a gift if you aren't even friends with them now....

 

[va32h]

I was just really surprised because I've really never been to a wedding where people could not bring a date.

Really? I have. I guess I see a wedding as an occasion for people who know the couple to celebrate with them...not as just another party where people can bring a date (which could be anything from a long term boyfriend to some guy they just met the other night).

The logic behind inviting a spouse, fiance, or long-term S.O. would be that this person would also have (or would be going to have) some sort of personal relationship with the bride or groom.

Perhaps I've just been attending really small weddings.

 

[Nennie]

I'm another one in the minority, but I wouldn't go if my DH wasn't invited. Yes, I know that weddings are expensive, but when I got married I considered that every unmarried adult would likely bring a date, and planned accordingly. Likewise, when I go to a wedding, I understand the cost, and always give a monetary gift to cover the cost of us attending.

Weddings are about celebrating the couple, but also usually include dinner and dancing. Even though the OP's parent's will be there, I imagine she'll feel a little lonely sitting by herself if they decide to take a spin on the dance floor, and she doesn't have anyone to dance with.

I would rather be cut from the guest list altogether, than not be allowed to bring my DH. No flames please! Just my honest opinion!

 

[Mickey&Donald]

I think that it's really, really silly to get upset over something like this. First of all, the OP said she's been dating her BF since late 2006 -- we're not that far into 2008, so it's been going on for a year, year and a half at the most? It's not uncommon for brides and grooms to make cuts based on marital status, either. In fact, I think it's pretty common for only spouses or fiance(e)s to be invited as the guest, not just a boy/girlfriend.

Also, the OP's whole family is being invited. I'm sure the bride and groom thought it would be fine to invite the OP singly as she would be comfortable sitting with her own family.

FYI, I have gone to a number of weddings without my DH -- a couple of times because they were out of state and he had to work or go to school, but a few times because he had no interest in going. Luckily, I'm a pretty independent girl and don't mind going to these things alone or with a friend. Come to think of it, I attended a wedding years ago, when DH and I were just engaged, where his name wasn't on the invitation. I had a guy friend who was also invited, and his fiancee's name wasn't on his invitation. Neither of our SOs were mad -- they hardly knew the bride and groom -- so my guy friend and I went to the wedding together. A couple of people who didn't know us assumed that the ring on my hand meant I was attached to my friend (and we laughed at the thought of that! ), but that was the worst that happened the whole time.

I think it's really important to remember that planning a wedding can be an incredibly stressful time. Everyone is pulling the bride and groom in a thousand directions, and making any number of demands on them. I found that one of the worst parts of planning my wedding was the guest list, and it was hard to make cuts (we had to -- we were young and pretty broke, paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves, not to mention the location only held so many bodies). I really hope the OP and others who are also offended on the OPs behalf will keep this in mind -- not inviting your boyfriend is not a personal slight against you. These people have a lot more than that to worry about right now than whether Miss So-and-So will have anyone to dance with at the reception.

 

[jen-n-greg]

Count me as one who would not be comfortable going without my SO. I know everyone will say this is wrong, but I probably would have RSVP'd for 2, and if it was brought up say I didn't notice it was just addressed to me. I wouldn't want to be sitting alone when everyone else is slow dancing with their SO -- what fun is that. If you can't afford to let your adult guests bring a SO, then don't invite them at all.