Would you go to a party without the guest of honor?

[TerriP]

We're having a discussion in my office and I'm curious what all of you would say. One of my co-workers has a daughter graduating this year. Her open house will be held on the same day she is competing in the State track and field finals. So, the graduate and her mom will not be at the open house...they are going to the State finals. Her dad and little sister will be "hosting" the open house.

I am of the opinon that this is...well...I don't know the word for it. But I can tell you I won't be going to an open house for someone who isn't even there. And if I didn't know in advance she wouldn't be there and just found out when I got there, I'd leave...probably taking my gift with me.

This looks like someone is holding an open house to get gifts...not to celebrate the person graduating, doesn't it?? Would you go and, if you would, would you take her a gift?

 

[Cruise04]

I don't think I'd go. Isn't the whole point to see the person that is being "honored" and to get a chance to talk to that person and congratulate them (or whatever the open house is for). That's like having a housewarming party and not being at your own house.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by TerriP
This looks like someone is holding an open house to get gifts...not to celebrate the person graduating, doesn't it?? Would you go and, if you would, would you take her a gift?

BINGO!

This is really, really tacky.

That's like having a bridal shower with no bride!
Or a baby shower with no mom-to-be.

I wouldn't go and I wouldn't give a gift. If the guest of honor can't be bother to be there - why should I?

 

[cinmell]

Originally posted by stinkerbelle
BINGO!

This is really, really tacky.

That's like having a bridal shower with no bride!
Or a baby shower with no mom-to-be.

I wouldn't go and I wouldn't give a gift. If the guest of honor can't be bother to be there - why should I?

I totally agree!!! I've never heard of having a party for someone who won't even be there. Why don't they change the date of the graduation party?

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Years ago, my cousin's DS graduated from high school, and we were invited to the party. We drove roundtrip in one day for the party, from RI to NJ and back. When we arrived, the graduate was there long enough to collect the gifts, and then left for a baseball game, and did not return to the party.

About a month later, we got a pre-printed thank you card, signed by him (just his first name, nothing else), with the envelope addressed by his mother. I was so annoyed.

My advice? Skip the party.

 

[Jiminy102]

I went to a baby shower once where the was no mom to be. Then again Mom to be went into labor about 1/2 hou before the party so we video taped it for her. If you knew in advance however I would not go.

 

[Az Pirates]

Originally posted by cinmell
I totally agree!!! I've never heard of having a party for someone who won't even be there. Why don't they change the date of the graduation party?

I agree. There has to be another day to hold the open house when the guest of honor can actually BE there.

Maybe they are planning on having a picture of the graduate right next to the sign saying leave gifts here.

Tacky!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No way would I go. That is stupid! Never in my life have I heard of such a thing.

 

[TerriP]

Originally posted by cinmell
[B Why don't they change the date of the graduation party? [/B]

I suggested that, but my co-worker (the mom) says they are busy every other weekend around it and just can't change it. Plus, they've sent out invitations already.

I don't know....I just don't feel right about it. Not being able to come to your baby shower because you go into labor is one thing...purposely planning ahead not to be there is another, imho.

Maybe it's just because I've got PMS...but I think it's rude and greedy.

 

[snoopy]

I am of the opinon that this is...well...I don't know the word for it.

I've got a word for it! TACKY!!!

Just when you think you can't be shocked at poor manners anymore, someone comes along with a story like this.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by snoopy


Just when you think you can't be shocked at poor manners anymore, someone comes along with a story like this.

 

[Az Pirates]

Originally posted by TerriP
I suggested that, but my co-worker (the mom) says they are busy every other weekend around it and just can't change it. Plus, they've sent out invitations already.

That makes it even worse. My DD ran track this year. The date for state finals was on the calendar before the season even started. Granted the kids don't know who will qualify that soon... but why schedule an open house and send out invites when you know there may be a conflict?

 

[vald1977]

Well, I think it's rude and greedy too and I don't have PMS, TerriP . I wouldn't attend or send a gift.

 

[TerriP]

Originally posted by Az Pirates
That makes it even worse. My DD ran track this year. The date for state finals was on the calendar before the season even started. Granted the kids don't know who will qualify that soon... but why schedule an open house and send out invites when you know there may be a conflict?

You're right, Az Pirates. My co-worker said a few weeks ago that the open house was the same day as State finals, but it couldn't be avoided. I assumed, at the time, that that meant her daughter wouldn't go to the finals if she made it (she has made it to State finals every year since she was a freshman). Her daughter qualified last night to run two events at the finals and my co-worker came in today saying she made it and won't be at her party!

So, yes, she did know the schedule when she planned the open house.

 

[Ragmop]

Exteremly tacky! They should send out another invitaion cancelling or rescheduling.


Having said that...I *did* once host a baby shower and everyone knew the mother -to-be would not be there! We had a "wrap the gifts" party for someone who had moved away-she was on the phone the whole time with us-it was a fun party-but all the guest knew what sort of party it was going to be.

 

[mickeyboat]

Absolutely tacky in this case, knowing well in advance that the guest of honor would not be there. I would send a card, maybe a monetary gift, but I would not attend the party.

That being said. My baby shower was a shower where there was no mom to be. My water broke the morning of the shower. Iw as 31 1/2 weeks along. Needless to say, I was put on immediate bed rest and admitted to the hospital during the time of my shower. My MIL had no way to notify all the guests before the shower was scheduled. She had purchased all the food, people were coming in from out of town.

My friends from work did not attend the shower, and threw me one once DD#1 was born (she stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks). But the original shower went on without me. They did videotape the festivities, however and it is really funny to watch. They put a picture of me in the baby cradle surrounded by all the gifts, they brought my picture food and punch.

My family brought the gifts to the hospital (I was there for 2 1/2 weeks before DD was born), and I opened a few each day.

I think the guests at the party felt strange being there while I wasn't there but everyone had a good time. If MIL had been given a little more notice, I am sure she would have postponned the shower. She did the best she could under the circumstances.

Denae

 

[stinkerbelle]

OK - excluding ER visits and water breaking...I still think the GOH should make an effort to be at a party if everyone assumes s/he is going to be there!

 

[alabamaalan]

Of course, Johnny didn't attend his own birthday party in Song of the South, but he tried....

Sorry, just watched it this week and it was the first thing I thought of.

 

[katerkat]

Originally posted by TerriP
she has made it to State finals every year since she was a freshman

So she KNEW the schedule and KNEW that the kid had made Finals every year, but STILL scheduled it on the same day? Ridiculous!! I wouldn't go.

 

[Beth76]

The only way I see this situation as acceptable is for a baby/bridal shower where the woman has moved far away and couldn't really attend. But, then guests would know that she wouldn't be there. Then videotape it or have the GOH on the phone (like someone else mentioned).

A HS graduation open house is not a necessary thing to have. If the graduate can not attend, then there should not be a party. I would send a card and nothing else--not even a check. IMO, any graduation party is just a ploy to get gifts. Unless it's strictly for the graduate and his/her friends.