Would you go to a party without the guest of honor?

[solotraveler]

I agree-- Tacky and frankly kind of bizzare!!! Are she really THAT busy that she couldn't hold this thing another weekend or even during a weeknight?!

I can MAYBE understand if she has laid out a lot of money for catering, rentals, etc. and can't get it back--- but that's a BIG maybe.

(For those of you who had no idea what these things were, I sympathize-- I had no idea until I moved here either. Back home, graduation parties were pretty much just small deals limited to family and close family friends. Every "Open House" I have been invited to here has been a HUGE affairs with enormous spreads of food and guestlists-- hence why I bring up the money issue).

If you do attend, I certainly wouldn't be bringing a gift-- after all, the recpient is not there to receive it!

Solotraveler

 

[RitaZ.]

LOL

Has the mom let all the OTHER guests know that they won't be present at the "open house"? I wonder how many folks will show up...

 

[TerriP]

Nope, she hasn't let anyone else know becaue she doesn't see anything wrong with having a graduation party without the graduate.

I know that she is making the food herself and having it in her barn, so there shouldn't be a lot of rental fees or any catering fees. She did, however, rent a port-a-potty because she doesn't want people "trape-sing (HOW do you spell that???) through her house to use the bathroom". She got snotty with me when I pointed out that she completely redecorated her home for this party (new interior paint, new carpet, new kitchen flooring, and all new furniture) but won't let anyone trapse through her house to see it!!

OK...you've all convinced me. I'm not PMSing here...she is tacky. Thank you for your assistance!

 

[Ragmop]

Terri....here's a suggestion...print out this thread and leave it on her desk!

 

[zurgswife]

Originally posted by Ragmop
Terri....here's a suggestion...print out this thread and leave it on her desk!

and I agree TACKY!!!!!!

 

[BibbidyBobbidyBoo]

I would not attend a graduation party where the person graduating wasn't there.
They should schedule this for a time that he/she can be there... it makes no sense to have a party when the guest of honor isn't there... unless it was planned before they realized she wouldn't be able to make it during that time and for some reason couldn't reschedule it?

I wouldn't go though. I'd just make arrangements to meet up with the graduate later on and congratulate her (w/gift also) then.

 

[RitaZ.]

I know that she is making the food herself and having it in her barn, so there shouldn't be a lot of rental fees or any catering fees. She did, however, rent a port-a-potty because she doesn't want people "trape-sing (HOW do you spell that???) through her house to use the bathroom". She got snotty with me when I pointed out that she completely redecorated her home for this party (new interior paint, new carpet, new kitchen flooring, and all new furniture) but won't let anyone trapse through her house to see it!!

Based on this description, it sounds like it's going to be one heck of a FUN party!!!! Nothing like going to a party where the guest of honor isn't present, the guests will eat in a barn and have unlimited use of a port-a-potty! I'm sorry, but I'm ROTFL!!!!

Oh boy, the "uninformed" guests are in for a fun "open house"!

 

[debster812]

You know what bothers me even more than the tackiness of a party in honor of someone who will not even be there?

The fact that the graduate has qualified for the State Finals, and one (or both) of her parents will NOT be there to see her run. Especially for her senior year. That's just very sad to me.

But, hey, I know I would be clamoring for an invitation, where I would not be allowed to 'traipse' in the house to go potty.

 

[Beth76]

Originally posted by debster812
You know what bothers me even more than the tackiness of a party in honor of someone who will not even be there?

The fact that the graduate has qualified for the State Finals, and one (or both) of her parents will NOT be there to see her run. Especially for her senior year. That's just very sad to me.

Well SOMEONE has to be home to collect the gifts.

You can bet your *ahem* that I would NOT use a port-a-potty at someone's home/barn/whatever.

I think you should print off this thread and leave it on her desk. Is there anyway you can do that anonymously?

 

[C.Ann]

Doesn't happen often, but I'm speechless!!

Graduation party (planned months in advance) with no "graduate" (because she's at the State finals - which was also known in advance) with invitations being extended to "co-workers" (and anyone else they can sucker in) with food being served in the barn - and a port-a-potty????????????????????

These would be my thoughts:

Not a close friend or relative? I would not be attending nor would I feel obligated to give a gift..

Close friend or relative but absent from the party? I would not attend nor would I feel obligated to give a gift..

Food being served in the barn? Well - that would depend.. Are there animals that live in there? If so, I would not be attending nor would I feel obligated to give a gift..

Port-a-potty so guests won't be traipsing through the home of the hostess and graduate who aren't even going to be there????...................................................

I won't use a port-a-potty ANYWHERE.. Quite frankly, I would rather "do my business" out behind the barn or down in the lower forty before I would use one of those stinky things.. Ewww..
Definitely no attendance and no gift.......................

What on earth was she thinking?????????

 

[klmklm]

Two options here:

1. Attend the party, eat all the food, be loud and obnoxious, but when they ask for your gift, say the gift "had a prior commitment"

2. Attend the track meet instead.

 

[TerriP]

Oh my gosh...some of you are making me *literally* laugh out loud!

There are no animals in the barn, thank goodness...it's a pole barn (where they normally store vehicles that aren't in season ~ Harley Davidsons and a sports car).

I wish there was a way to politely suggest that her plans might upset/insult guests, but this woman is ULTRA sensitive and I know it would explode. I have learned with her before to keep my comments, no matter how well intended, to myself. I know that, personally, I'd want to know if I had a really stupid idea that was insulting, but she would not take input ~ no matter how delicate ~ well at all.

Thanks again for all your comments...some of which really made me giggle.

 

[Mimi Q]

I went to a baby shower once without the mom-to-be, but she had a medical issue come up and couldn't attend. I knew she wasn't going to be able to attend. Her husband stood in for her and it was fun to watch him open the gifts and hang out with the girls.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by TerriP


I know that she is making the food herself and having it in her barn, so there shouldn't be a lot of rental fees or any catering fees. She did, however, rent a port-a-potty because she doesn't want people "trape-sing" through her house to use the bathroom".

SAY WHAT? This is more than tacky, this lady is a few eggs short of a dozen.

Originally posted by klmklm Attend the track meet instead.

 

[kilee]

I think this should just be rescheduled.


However, I was 1 of 3 people that hosted a baby shower, that the mom-to-be couldn't come to. The situation was my cousin who was living in Alabama w/ no family (had only been there a year). Anyhow, she was SUPPOSED to come back home to NY for 2 weeks at the start of her 7th month. So we planned a baby shower for then. Only, 2 days before she was supposed to come back, she began having problems that put her on bedrest. So, she couldn't travel. We decided to have the shower anyhow-- since she wasn't going to make it now at all before the birth. We taped the whole thing and her mom took the tape and all the gifts. Everyone knew she wasn't coming, but still came anyway. I guess these circumstances were alittle extenuating though.

 

[kilee]

I knew a guy who found out a few weeks before graduation that he wasn't going to graduate. He had to go to summer school. His mom held his grad party, as scheduled. Which meant it was BEFORE he graduated. Very odd......

Just wanted to add I know someone who did this too!!! One of mom's closest friends daughter didn't graduate due to some miserable grades. Only the held the party anyhow and didn't tell anyone!!! She ended up going to summer school and got her diploma then.

My mom has another friend (she needs new friends). Who has 3 kids. Anyhow, 2 of them both got married at the courthouse for various reasons. Then they got "married" again later. The first one did it 4 yrs and 2 kids later. Only they had the HUGE wedding, bridal shower, engagement party. All of it-- and they had been married for 4 yrs already!! Then her son is having a huge wedding this summer, even though he's been legally married 1 yr already. They just had the bridal shower and they're planning the bachelor party. I think this is totally tacky!

 

[Beth76]

Originally posted by kilee
My mom has another friend (she needs new friends). Who has 3 kids. Anyhow, 2 of them both got married at the courthouse for various reasons. Then they got "married" again later. The first one did it 4 yrs and 2 kids later. Only they had the HUGE wedding, bridal shower, engagement party. All of it-- and they had been married for 4 yrs already!! Then her son is having a huge wedding this summer, even though he's been legally married 1 yr already. They just had the bridal shower and they're planning the bachelor party. I think this is totally tacky!

That is soooo BAD!!!!! I think that wins for "Tackiest Wedding"

To the OP, who cares if this woman is overly sensitive???!!! Even sensitive people can use a good kick in the pants every now and then.

 

[alabamaalan]

Originally posted by TerriP
There are no animals in the barn, thank goodness...it's a pole barn

Will the hostess do a pole dance?

Even then, it wouldn't be enough to drag me to the house of someone so incredibly rude that they would obviously have a "present gathering" event without allowing people into the house to use the bathroom.

Down here, the only time I hear "open house" is for one for sale or around Christmas when people open their homes to all friends to drop in and out.

They are usually packed, but it's good friends, food, and the bathrooms are inside and free

 

[katerkat]

Originally posted by kilee
My mom has another friend (she needs new friends). Who has 3 kids. Anyhow, 2 of them both got married at the courthouse for various reasons. Then they got "married" again later. The first one did it 4 yrs and 2 kids later. Only they had the HUGE wedding, bridal shower, engagement party. All of it-- and they had been married for 4 yrs already!! Then her son is having a huge wedding this summer, even though he's been legally married 1 yr already. They just had the bridal shower and they're planning the bachelor party. I think this is totally tacky!

I don't know - I know of several people who got married (quietly) early because of the military, then had their big wedding when the spouse's deployment ended, or they had moved to the new base, or whatever. (There's tons more benefits being married to your military SO - first of all, being contacted if something happens!) I don't begrudge them for making that decision - or having their big "real" wedding. But most of the time, they keep it very quiet.

But yours, that's a little tacky. I wouldn't go all out and do the whole bridal showers and whatnot. Just to have that nice elegant wedding they've always wanted - that's not tacky.

 

[JenBlaze]

Originally posted by stinkerbelle
BINGO!

This is really, really tacky.

That's like having a bridal shower with no bride!
Or a baby shower with no mom-to-be.

I've had this situation before.

When I was 8 mos pregnant with DD #2, my DH's family decided to throw me a baby shower.

(Just for background, it was his cousin that did it. Ever since DH's grandmother, who was the "leader" of the family, died, the different women of the family have been fighting for her spot as matriarch. The baby shower was DH's cousin's attempt at "Hey look, I can throw a party and run things!")

It was 4 hours away, so we got in the car and went, and within 30 minutes got stuck in traffic that was so bad that it took us 2 hours to go 5 miles. THEN we got stuck in one of the worst storms I've ever seen, and for our safety, we had to turn around and go back. There was no way we could get there.

It broke my heart. I hadn't had a baby shower before, and I was so excited.

They all lived in the same town, and someone suggested just putting everything away until tomorrow, when we WOULD be able to make it - and DH's cousin said that she refused. They had my baby shower without me. Opened the gifts and the whole nine yards.

His family STILL considers me rude for not showing up.