Would You Get Involved In A Neighbor Problem?

[Wish Upon A Star]

I don’t know if I’ll be asked or not, but my neighbor had her husband removed from the house last week without warning. She claimed he was physically and verbally abusive to her and the kids and put a restraining order on him and his parents where as they cannot come 150 feet of the home or her and the kids. After the cop watched him leave, she returned home about a half hour later with a few people and had them change all the locks on the house.

I’m kind of taken aback by the whole incident because if anyone has been verbally abusive to those kids, its her. I have heard her screaming at her kids on several occasions (I think because she cannot control them). I have never heard him raise his voice. He works a full-time job and she’s a stay at home mother. He leaves for work everyday and she does nothing with those kids, she doesn’t even go out to get the mail. When he gets back from work he gets the mail, he takes the kids out for a bike ride and she just takes off like she’s in need of a break.

I don’t like getting involved in things like that, its just that is what I have witnessed since they have moved into our neighborhood (October 2001). Even my own kids have heard her scream at her kids while they are waiting for the bus or we have the windows open. I’m afraid I’m going to be asked for information since I live across the street, but I’m kind of nervous to get involved.

Any advice?

 

[Christine]

I doubt you'll get asked anything at all but, if you do, I would just tell the truth. If you do get "asked" it would probably be under a subpeona, so you will kind of have to do it anyway. I can't imagine any other reason that you would get dragged into it.

 

[My2Cinderellas]

I think I'd try to stay out of this one.

If you knew her allegations were true, having witnessed an incident in person or such, then sure, offer her the support and great advice you give out here.

since this is not the case, and it sounds like it could get messy, I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole.

as always, those poor kids. Regardless of what did or did not happen, they are in for a rough time. If her claims are true, I'm sorry they had to go through that. If they are not true, then what a horrible character assassination, and I'll bet she tries to poison the kids against him. Either way, I don't see this one staying civil for the sake of the kids.

 

[DawnCt1]

I wouldn't lie for him...or HER. Tell the truth. Restraining orders are sometimes used by either spouse to get leverage in a situation. You certainly don't want to be part of something that is fraudulent and on the other hand, you wouldn't want to obstruct someone seeking a restraining order who really needed one. MYOB is the best order of the day.

 

[azgal81]

I wouldn't go out of my way to tell the cops what has been happening but if they asked me then I would tell them the truth.

 

[lulugirl]

If you are questioned by the authorities be honest, otherwise mind your own business.

 

[MagicalMom]

I doubt they will ask and I wouldn't go offer any information. You never know what could be going on. If he really is abusive she may not even be "allowed" to go out to check the mail. Sometimes, as sad & unbelievable as it sounds, abuse can breed abuse. Her yelling at the kids may just be a cycle of the abuse that they have all been experiencing in the house. Abused women don't just sit there & shut up, they often take it out on the wrong person.

I know you mentioned that you don't hear him yelling, but he could still be threatening. Whispering a threat of giving a "look" can be more terrifying than yelling.

You just never know.

 

[mickeyboat]

I agree with the rest. Stay out of it unless you are asked. I doubt you will be asked, but if you are, tell the truth - just what you have seen and heard. Do not place blame or make judgments, that is not your job.

Denae

 

[ducklite]

1. If you really believe she is being abusive to the kids, call CPS and make a report.

2. Otherwise MYOB because it will only come back to bite you in the butt if you put your two cents in--unless you are subpoenaed of course. In that case answer questions honestly but don't offer more than is asked.

Anne

 

[storzo]

Domestic disputes are one of the most, if not the most, volatile and dangerous situations. I would stay out of it unless confronted by police or subpoena.

That said, if you truly feel she is verbally or otherwise abusing the children and you worry about their welfare you can make an anonymous complaint to Children's Services.

 

[DisInsider]

I can't stand neighbors. I also know many people who feel the same ways. I hate how neighbors feel the need to get involved in your personal business. I was having a moving sale last year and my neighbors, many of whom I had never met were acting all friendly, and asking plenty of nosy, personal questions like, "Why are you moving?", "How much did you get for your house?", Yada, Yada, Yada. I just wish people would mind their own business. I am a very public person at work, but a very private person at home.

I would stay out of my neighbor's business and hope that they would stay out of mine as well.

 

[Pam]

No - I try to stay out of my neighbor's business -- unless they ask for my assistance.

 

[JKanownik]

It would be best to stay out of this in my opinion.

 

[wilderness01]

I would totally stay out of it. My friend is involved in a domestic abuse relationship. Her SO looks like a choir boy when really he is the abuser. Looks can be deceiving, so really unless ordered by a court of law, I would mind my own business and don't pass judgement on something you could be way off base on.

 

[mickeyfan2]

If the husband asks for your input, then tell the truth.