Would You Foster a Student?

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I am in the unusual position of possibly being a foster home to one of my students. I went through the training two years ago and due to circumstances with the company they hired was never able to complete the home inspection.

I am being looked at as a possible placement for one of my students, and I am really fence sitting on this one. Part of me wants the student to have a home where they know the person. I had a best friend in foster care growing up and saw first hand how horrible some of her placements were. At one point she even had to live at the local juvenile detention center simply because there were no homes available (she had not done anything wrong.) I know it can be even harder to find good homes for kids with special needs. I do not want my student to go through what my friend did. Social sevices is rather enthusiastic about the idea of place my student with somebody known to them.

The other part of me is terrified. It will mean a big change in how I live, and I don't know that the school would allow the student to continue in my class. I tried to talk to my principal about it, but wasn't able to get very far. I'm also concerned for how it will affect my relationship with Aaron. We're both still fairly young and starting out in life.

He and I talked, and he said he needed time to think about it but he doesn't think he would have a problem with it. His older brother was actually adopted through the foster system and was a student at the school his father taught at, of all the ironies.

Thankfully I have time to decide as they still have to do the home inspection and then wait for the next court date. I'm hoping that they will find a good family for my student and this won't be necessary, but I'm not holding out much hope at this point- there just aren't enough families to go around. This situation has really been breaking my heart, and I want to do what is right for my student, but also what is right for me.

Teachers- have you ever been in this situation? What was your response? If you did it, would you do it again?

 

[ilovepcot]

I think it's wonderful that there are people such as yourself that care enough about young people to even entertain the idea. I don't have info on the subject to be able to add anything useful here. Just wanted to say I think highly of you for caring.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Thanks.

 

[horseshowmom]

I can't help you wih the foster child aspect of your question, but if your only concern in the situation is that he happens to be in your class, don't let that stop you.

I live in a rural area and while I was growing up our schools were very small. It was not uncommon for teachers to have their own children in class. You just discuss it with the child and set up some boundaries (at school you are the teacher, and they will be treated like any other student - which is not that big of a deal because that's the way it is now).

If the school insists that the child be moved out of your classroom, I still don't think that's that bad. In his situation, he needs a stable home life more than he needs to be in your classroom. If you're a special help to him, you can reinforce what he needs at home.

Of course, whether you and your husband are ready to be foster parents is a personal issue and only you can decide that. Either way, good luck with your decision!

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Actually, Aaron's my boyfriend. He does not live with me, but we have been discussing marriage and he told me as soon as he gets a teaching job he will propose. I do worry that it will be too much for a young couple starting out, and I told him I wouldn't do it if it would negatively impact our relationship.

The one issue with the school is that if they won't let them be in my class, it means going to a completely different school. I am one of three self contained classrooms in our district that serve this population. We each are at different schools and serve a different middle school. If allowed to stay in the district (I live in a different city) it would mean going to a completely new school, and they have friends in my classroom. I just don't know which would be better, staying in the same school with the same friends but living in a group/agency placement, or living in a home with somebody they know.

 

[HsvTeacher]

If my DH and I needed to be a foster parent to one of our students, we would do it in a heartbeat! We don't have children, so we have plenty of room, plenty of financial resources, and I know we would be able to provide a stable, loving home for a child.

 

[minkydog]

Wow! This is a difficult decision. You raise a lot of very good questions. I'm sensing a strong hesitation on your part, for a lot of good reasons. As you know from working with the special needs population, this child is going to put a tremendous strain on your life. I'm not sure what his disability is, but living with a teen who has learning difficulties is very very different from dealing with him for 7 hours out of your day.

I would suggest you listen to your boyfriend's concerns as well. I'm assuming he has your best interests at heart, therefore before I'd go ahead with this I'd want to get his true,thought out take on the situation.

And lastly, I would be surprised if they allowed this student to remain in your classroom. Moving him to another school will cause him not a little disruption in his life. I would want to consult the child about how this might affect him before I up-ended his life.

You have a lot to think about. Perhaps a trial run over the holidays might be in order, especially if he can't be fostered out in a short amount of time. You sound like you're really concerned for him. But that concern doesn't necessarily mean that you personally need to provide for his care.

Best of luck to you whatever you decide.

 

[quentina]

Yes...my 2 youngest came from the foster care system. They need love and stability asap. It is an amazing thing.....your life will be forever changed!

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

Interesting that you brought this up...

I just found out a bit more about a sibling group at my school (5 year old boy, 4th and 5th grade girls), they live with grandma. She was telling me last week how she is hoping to officially adopt them within the next month...about a year ago, they were in and out of foster care for a few months. My heart broke hearing that the girls were separated from their younger brother, and not always in the best situations. These are the greatest kids...and if I found out that they needed a place to go, I know that my heart would be telling me to take them in.

But...I am close to where you are in life. Out of college about 2 years ago, just got engaged a few weeks ago...we are just getting our house together, just trying to plan and pay for a wedding...so it would be a big disruption in our lives. At the same time...I would think, how could I let them go and and be separated, and maybe end up in not the best situations? It kills me to think of that. Luckily, grandma has them, and it's not something I need to think about. But that situation caused me to think about what you are thinking of now. Can I ask how old the student is? If he's placed with you, are you going to think of adopting him? Is your boyfriend up for adoption if it comes to that? Are you going to get so attached that you don't want him to ever leave? I know it's hard, there are so many questions. Best of luck to you as you figure out what to do. Like someone else said, maybe you can have the child for the holidays, until they can find a more permanent placement.

Good luck, and to you for loving kids!

 

[Luv Bunnies]

This situation just came up in another classroom at the school where I work. An autistic 4 year old was being removed from his home and the teaching assistant in his classroom said she wanted to foster him. She didn't have any paperwork done and he needed to be placed quickly so he went to another family which seems to be working out for him. But those of us who work in special needs preschool had a lot of long talks with the would-be foster mom.

The autistic classroom is very stressful for the staff who work in there. They have some extreme behaviors to deal with and are on their toes all day. My classroom is mild/moderate and, although we have more kids, we generally have easier kids and more time to breathe. I asked the aide if she would be able to do her job all day and then go home with one of the kids. It would be like taking her work home with her. She admitted that it would be difficult since she values her down time at home and needs it to recoup and get ready for the next day. Her kids are grown and out of the house and, although her husband would be supportive if she wanted to foster the child, they are enjoying their time alone.

I remember many of your previous posts about your classroom and how difficult some of your students (and your aide!) can be. You need to determine if you can handle extending your day to include one of your students. Or, would you be better off going home to regain your energy for the next day. You also need to really think through how a child would impact your lifestyle. You can't just pick up and decided to go somewhere (movies, shopping, dinner, etc.). You have to either get a babysitter or take the child with you. It will be a big change and you need to determine if it's something you can take on right now.

Finally, if you foster the child he/she will have 2 changes - a new home and a new school (if they move them out of your class). If another foster family takes the child, he/she will have a new home but will get the consistency of going to your class each day.

I think it's wonderful that you care so much about this child. I think you need to give the situation some long, hard thought and consideration and I'm sure you'll make the right choice for both of you.

 

[minkydog]

Luv Bunnies and Eeyore'sButterfly. God bless you for the work you do. I know it isn't easy. My son Christian is in a SID/PID class and I am constantly amazed at the things they do with him. It's more than a full time job and I'm sure they are glad to go home to their quiet houses at night. You have a hard job and I just wanted to let you know that someone out there recognizes you for it.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

This student is 9 years old. They are not one of my behavior problems, I think they have been in my safe seat all of twice this year, and never for long. Believe me, if it were one of my aggressive students, as much as I love them, I know I could not handle that. The students needs are not severe. There are no physical disabilities.

This particular student I know I could handle. I know it would be a challenge to say the least. I have thought about what would happen if it came to adoption, and would be interested in the possibility. And I do believe that it will come to adoption.

My hope is that they will be able to place the child in a home that is capable in taking care of a child with moderate special needs. One that would be interested in adopting them and loving them. But what if that doesn't happen? I don't know that I could live with myself if I just turned my back and said it wasn't my problem.

 

[KirstenB]

This situation just came up in another classroom at the school where I work. An autistic 4 year old was being removed from his home and the teaching assistant in his classroom said she wanted to foster him. She didn't have any paperwork done and he needed to be placed quickly so he went to another family which seems to be working out for him. But those of us who work in special needs preschool had a lot of long talks with the would-be foster mom.

The autistic classroom is very stressful for the staff who work in there. They have some extreme behaviors to deal with and are on their toes all day. My classroom is mild/moderate and, although we have more kids, we generally have easier kids and more time to breathe. I asked the aide if she would be able to do her job all day and then go home with one of the kids. It would be like taking her work home with her. She admitted that it would be difficult since she values her down time at home and needs it to recoup and get ready for the next day. Her kids are grown and out of the house and, although her husband would be supportive if she wanted to foster the child, they are enjoying their time alone.

I remember many of your previous posts about your classroom and how difficult some of your students (and your aide!) can be. You need to determine if you can handle extending your day to include one of your students. Or, would you be better off going home to regain your energy for the next day. You also need to really think through how a child would impact your lifestyle. You can't just pick up and decided to go somewhere (movies, shopping, dinner, etc.). You have to either get a babysitter or take the child with you. It will be a big change and you need to determine if it's something you can take on right now.

Finally, if you foster the child he/she will have 2 changes - a new home and a new school (if they move them out of your class). If another foster family takes the child, he/she will have a new home but will get the consistency of going to your class each day.

I think it's wonderful that you care so much about this child. I think you need to give the situation some long, hard thought and consideration and I'm sure you'll make the right choice for both of you.

This is a very well-thought out post. Honestly, as the parent of a child with autism, it is the fact that she goes to preschool for a few hours that totally allows me to recharge, and be ready to work with her when she gets home. You guys give everything to these kids, believe me I know. My advice is to be very careful to give yourself enough time to recharge, OP.

 

[minkydog]

This is a very well-thought out post. Honestly, as the parent of a child with autism, it is the fact that she goes to preschool for a few hours that totally allows me to recharge, and be ready to work with her when she gets home. You guys give everything to these kids, believe me I know. My advice is to be very careful to give yourself enough time to recharge, OP.

I second this thought. We depend on that 7 hours a day respite that school provides; holidays and summer vacation are the worst times of year because he's out of his routine and it's ALL on us. I totally understand how some families have to place their loved ones in institutions.We are facing this in the very near future(within the next 4 years, probably.) The load is just too great for one family to bear.

 

[DISNEY1975]

My boys go to (actually one just graduated) a private High School. Each year, a group of students come over from Korea to study at the school. The entire school has 400 students. I know of 3, and there could be more, teachers who have some of the students staying at their homes. It was not an issue at all among the other students.

The difference between you and them is that the teachers I know of are all older and have finished raising/about to finsh raising their own children. It is a huge commitment to do this. Its not just providing a meal and a place to sleep. These teachers have full time jobs, and I also see them at sporting events, taking to Dr/dentist, extra curricular activities etc..

Also, isnt there a time limit on how long you can keep the child in your home? Would it be difficult for you to reliquish the child to another family and still see the child every day at school? Are you a well liked teacher? Would the other kids make fun of him for him staying with you? Im not trying to be offensive, but kids are funny and can not like a teacher for the strangest (dumbest) reasons. My son doesnt like his history teacher because the class is boring! It has nothing to do with the teacher and I tell him that all the time. If you dont like history, it can be boring, but its not the teachers fault. Years ago, I heard my son and a group of friends making fun of an English teacher. They said when she writes on the chalk board, she has flab under her arms that jiggles. When I finally met the teacher at an open house, I saw that the poor woman was about 72 years old! Did the kids want her to be toned and buff? She was the sweetest person I ever met. I questioned my son about it and he said "Nobody likes her".

I understand your compassion completely, but seriously think of every possibility and make your own decision. None of us here on this board know you as well as you know yourself. Whatever the outcome, I wish you the best of luck.