This story is true and it is about me. I didn't say that earlier because I wanted honest open opinions and was afraid someone might "hold back" for fear of hurting my feelings.
This is practically ancient history now but I heard of it happening to someone else recently so it sparked memories which is why I brought it up. It happened in 2000.
I was pregnant with our twins at the time. It was a hard pregnancy on me and I was in and out of the hospital in the beginning. Add that to taking care of a 3 and 5 yr. old and I guess I wasn't really available the way I normally would be. I think that played a huge part in this developing friendship.
Did I have trust issues? I didn't think so but maybe I did. I never told him who he could and couldn't have lunch with. He had lunch with other women and men and it was a non-issue.
I did tell him that I did not like her because she was a flirt and I'd witnessed her flirting first hand with the DH of a good friend. But I never forbid him to have lunch with her. Probably because it was never an issue, the thought just never occured to me.
When he finally did tell me about their lunches I was mad and hurt. Hurt that he felt he couldn't confide in me. And mad at his hiding it and continuing them even though in his words it felt "wrong". Of course I had to turn the mirror on myself and ask what had I done to give him the impression that he had to hide things from me. He was afraid I'd raise holy hell when I found out and to be honest he was right. Pregnant with twins? All those hormones? Talk about needing to duck!
After finding out I told him he was not to have anything to do with her anymore. I wouldn't even say her name. I refered to her as "it". As in "Did you talk to it today?" After about 2 days of this and some soul searching, I told him "If you ever lie or keep something from me again it's over. But I do trust you. And it's up to you if you want to be her friend." I even went as far as to talk to her. We had a long conversation and I told her everything. She confided in me that she didn't get why alot of the wives didn't like her, so I told her. She appreciated my honesty and while I can't say we are best friends, we reached an understanding. DH did stop having lunches with her by his own choice.
It's been five years and we are very happy. So to those of you who felt the relationship could be saved...your right. I trust him but will never take our marriage for granted. It takes work, love, trust, fun, etc. I met my DH when we were 13. We started dating at 16. Married 5 years later and are still together today. Sometimes it takes a wake-up call like this one to make you take a good look at yourself and your relationship. We've only grown closer. And I know he never would have done anything physical.
So, was this an "affair"?.... we still debate over that!
