Would you cancel if extended family couldn’t go?

[2Pirates2Princesses]

This is an issue we’ve been dealing with and the feelings of guilt have put me to a point where I am strongly considering cancelling and postponing our Disney trip for a later time. DH and I haven’t shared our upcoming Disney trip plans with extended family. Since our kids have been to WDW twice before (with the exception of our toddler) and enjoy other vacations, they really wouldn’t be crushed if we didn’t go this year. Our first WDW trip 5 years ago was originally supposed to be a big family trip with extended family (our mothers, siblings, and their spouses and kids) but that quickly fell apart because everyone except us couldn’t seem to find a way to save the money to go. Should we just cancel and postpone our plans until DH and I can afford to pay for both grandmas to go to Disney with us?

 

[xlsm]

It's very kind of you to be concerned about hurting the feelings of your extended family, but honestly, these are your vacations and you have every right to go where you want, when you want.

Our financial situation is quite different from the rest of our family, and we get a lot of "You're going AGAIN??" from friends and family. We just don't tell anyone about our trips, really, and they don't ask.

If we felt guilt about the things we get to do that they don't, can't, or just plain won't, we'd never do anything at all, ever. Some of our family members roll our eyes and huff if we go to a FREE museum somewhere, so it's hard for me to even care anymore about how they feel, LOL!!

If taking the grandparents is a true dream of yours, by all means do what you need to do to make that happen. BUT don't let guilt be the deciding factor. Think about what is best for your family overall.

If they resent you, that's a problem on their part, not yours, by the way. They should be proud that you are able to do these things for your children and provide the kids with wonderful family experiences like this.

I genuinely understand the struggle from both sides, because I feel guilty about everything - as the years go by, I'm trying hard to work on that and remember that it's just not healthy to carry all of that around.

Good luck making your decision, I know these feelings can be so tough to wrestle with. Hang in there!

 

[bigbabyblues]

No. Everyone's situation is different, and every family has to make choices for themselves. We don't flaunt our trips, of course.

 

[epsmith921]

I would not cancel. Sorry, but my family's vacations and budget are not really any of anyone else's business. I have extended family that has gone to Disney and doesn't care to go again, some that went with others who were paying, none of that matters. We go and we spend a ton, I admit it. Some of my extended family basically thinks we're nuts. But then some of the vacations they take are just as expensive when you work it out. Basically, we all don't judge each other and it's fine.

If anyone has a problem with how you spend your money, then just don't tell them. Sorry, I know this is the moms you're talking about, but you really can't be responsible for another adult's feelings.

 

[celina14]

I wouldn't let it stop me from taking the vacation that I want to take. Honestly, for us, our family vacations are meant for just my family to get time together. My husband and I both work full time so when I get to take a chunk of time off work I prefer to just spend it with my husband and kids, just us. But I will say, if it was my mom or mother in law and I knew that their dream was going to Disney with their grand kids then I may feel the need to try and help make that happen if possible. But beyond that, I wouldn't feel guilty at all. If my siblings can't take their families to Disney, that's not my fault and it's not my responsibility to make that happen. My husband and I work hard to be able to provide those things for our kids and I'm not letting the fact that they can't/won't ruin it for my kids.

What if you gave your moms an exact timeline and said we are going to Disney on this date, we'd love for you to come with us so you now have X amount of time to save the money. You didn't mention if you were planning on staying on site of off site but what if you rented a house nearby and then lodging would be cheaper and you could all stay together and share the cost (or if you could pay for the house and just have your parents pay for their airfare and food).

I think it's so nice that you're concerned about their feelings but it's also not fair to you and your family to push it off just to make everyone else happy.

 

[Pesky]

You are a very kind person to think of them. Here's what I heard from your post:
* they can't afford to go (for whatever reason -- financial ineptitude when it comes to saving, health crises draining funds, health crises not keeping them physically able to go, etc.)
* you can't afford to pay for them

If you aren't going to pay for them, I don't see why you would or should postpone. The one thing I would make clear with them is that point -- we can't pay for you. We want you to come but we can't pay your way. You can offer help in establishing an automatic savings account or things like that but unless you are willing to foot the bill, I wouldn't plan a trip around their ability to come or not come.

The fact that you have saved your way to these trips is great. Don't let others make you feel bad about it.

 

[PlutoPony]

Does a trip with the extended family HAVE to be to Disney World?
Could you come up with a vacation cheaper / closer to home that everyone could go on and have a good time, make memories, etc.? Rent a house at a lake, go someplace for the weekend, something like that?

If it has to be a trip to Disney, realistically, will your extended family EVER be able to save the $ for DW? It can be a daunting task - tickets alone are a good chunk of change. Be honest here... If the answer is you'll save so they can go with you, is that realistic for you and will you be able to do that in a reasonable time frame? Will you resent them as you're cutting back on things and saving for them to go - and they're doing their usual thing spending their $ on things that seem to be unnecessary frills?

Your family has different priorities in life than your extended family. That's fine and not uncommon. Please recognize this and don't make your family adopt the extended family's financial priorities (by not going to DW or doing other things they can't afford) to avoid guilt or to keep these family members from viewing you with resentment.

 

[jeepnjudy]

I would make my plans and if others can come, great...if not, sorry but I am going to enjoy my vacation with my immediate family. This is how I deal with my extended family. Life is too short not to enjoy vacation!!

 

[2Pirates2Princesses]

I appreciate everyone's feedback. The reason why we didn't tell everyone well in advance and give a timeline for family to save money so that they could join us on this upcoming trip was because that was the scenario the first time we went five years ago and their respective financial situations were actually better then than they are now for various reasons. For that 2011 trip, the talks began in 2009 and everyone was encouraged to book in the fall of 2010 because that was around the time Disney released their free dining promotion for the following year (yes, they released a general public discount a year in advance back then ); but as I explained before it didn't take long for everyone to back out with excuses over money. As far as doing a smaller scale extended family vacation, we've done that before. We pretty much know at this point the only way both grandmas will get to go to WDW is if we (the ones with five kids ) pay the total costs for them to go.

 

[wilkeliza]

I've been to Disney on vacation probably 10 times in my adult life and worked there for a year and a half. My brothers have been on 0 Disney vacations. My mother died never getting to have that dream vacation, once in a life time trip to Disney. I decided a long time ago I was not going to wait for others to get their stuff together to do what I enjoyed. Yes, I hear my family say they wish they could do this and wish they could do that and I listen but at the same time I also say how I originally cut back to be able to afford to go as much as I was. Now it isn't nearly as big as a "splurge" for me but I pointed out to my brother that if he saved the $20-30 a week he spends on cigarettes he would be able to afford a Disney trip in a year or two. There were other things I pointed out he could be doing to save to go as well but he never seems to be able to do it.

 

[roseaster]

We are a family of 7, too, and I know that it can be very costly for big families.

The only way I would postpone would be if I thought by doing so I could use the extra time to save to pay for the grandparents, if that isn't your plan, I would just go as I planned.

We have found that renting a house off-site is much more cost effective with a large family, plus it is great to have the extra room and the private pool. We were able to spend 2 weeks in Florida, and saw things other than WDW for less than what it cost us to stay on site for a week.

 

[bigbabyblues]

For that 2011 trip, the talks began in 2009 and everyone was encouraged to book in the fall of 2010 because that was around the time Disney released their free dining promotion for the following year (yes, they released a general public discount a year in advance back then ); but as I explained before it didn't take long for everyone to back out with excuses over money.

Honestly, this sounds more like they don't want to make saving for the trip a priority. My BIL is like that, they have told us that their son really wants to go to Disney with us, but we would have to pay because they aren't spending their money on it. Um, no.

 

[btk2333]

Honestly, this sounds more like they don't want to make saving for the trip a priority. My BIL is like that, they have told us that their son really wants to go to Disney with us, but we would have to pay because they aren't spending their money on it. Um, no.

your BIL actually said those words to you? That's absurd

 

[bigbabyblues]

your BIL actually said those words to you? That's absurd

Yep. He's a ton of fun.

 

[JustCallMeMommy]

I understand where you are coming from, but I make vacation decisions based on my pocketbook and desires. I have executed a much cheaper vacation to be able to accommodate more of my family, but Disney isn't realistic for every one in my family. I would LOVE to bring my niece with us sometime because she won't get to go otherwise, but her winter/spring school breaks and DD's haven't worked out. However, unlike your BIL, my brother would never ask us to pay for her - I'd have to insist, and, even then, I'm not sure he'd let me.

I have become quieter about my trips. As much as I love to talk about my trips, I feel guilty that we are able to do more vacations. However, I make vacations a priority. DD will be young for such a short time, and I enjoy traveling with her.

 

[DisneyWishes14]

As an immediate family, we travel a lot. We occasionally bring other family members, but, because of financial circumstances, we have had to foot the bill for extended family vacations and we can't do that every time we go somewhere, nor, quite honestly, do we want to. While, for the most part, we've enjoyed our extended family trips, we are much happier traveling in our smaller, immediate family unit. So, when we do travel, we may mention we will be "away" or perhaps mention the area where we are traveling, but I don't tend to share much more than that.

 

[PlutoPony]

We've found there are a lot of things our college aged son would like to have if we're paying for it. But quite often if we mention paying for it himself, it's suddenly not quite as important for him to have. Sounds like a similar scenario in your family......

Just saying....

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Nope, no canceling, no guilt.

And don't assume Disney is as big of a priority for them as it is for you. My nephews have been many, MANY places my daughters have never been. But, they've never been to Disney. It just never became a priority for my sister/BIL.

 

[yeahdisney]

No I would not cancel. Since it is the grandmas it would be tough for me to bill it as a florida trip cause the kids will happily talk about their disney trip when they return, and the grandmas could be felt like you lied to me. So I would say we are going it would cost this much for you to come would you like to go?

My SIL told me before her 50 birthday she would like to go back to disney, I truly believed she,thought I would buy her that as her gift - the whole trip. Not. I told her flights are $49 dollars right now. You should look into it.

 

[Allison]

I don't let other people influence my family vacations and don't care what others think about it.