Would you be upset?

[DisneyMom81]

I apologize.

What word would you use for a man that does not want to help his sick wife and sick children?

What word would you use for a man that gets angry and says "Are you happy now!?" when he has to leave his "precious game" to tend to his wife and children?

What word would you for a man that "does this all of the time"?

Again, I apologize. Your husband seems like a dedicated, loving, mature and wonderful man. How is that

Pretty insulting...

Go find the thread about saying, "I don't mean to be mean, but..."

I'm so sorry I ever found this site. Some people really need to find their "filter"

 

[Ilike2Lurk]

Pretty insulting...

Go find the thread about saying, "I don't mean to be mean, but..."

Nah. I'd rather not. I am what I am. I tell it like it is. I don't apologize for telling the TRUTH. I don't EVER preface what I am saying with "I don't mean to be mean, but...". I am not being mean. I am giving my opinion. Why would you post about something so cruel and only expect sunshine in response?

This woman actually said that she knows she ranks low on "her husband's list of importance". He makes her feel like she doesn't matter. She really does not matter to him. He got ANGRY that he had to leave the boys to be with her while she was sick

Perhaps "loser" was an uneducated and harsh word. Again, I apologize. He is not a good husband or father, though. I am sure the OP knows that.

Then she defends him Bad cycle. She won't demand change. She will now make excuses for him.

The children will be the ones to suffer. They will be surrounded by this until she demands change. Their mother will be unhappy and their father will resent the fact that he has to leave his fun time to be with his family. She said it "happens all the time". When will she stop it?

Sad.

 

[mickeyboat]

Well I see both sides here.

Your DH is not a loser, a little insensitive, maybe, but not a loser. You were sick, but obviously not flat on your back as you were able to DIS. Your DH might have thought it was nothing more than a cold and thought you would be able to handle it. He might have also thought you might be feeling better, hence the phone call.

You didn't make it clear to your DH exactly what you needed. Yes, it may seem like you shouldn't have to, but you do. This is a lesson for you - to make sure this doesn't happen again, don't leave any doubt.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

 

[Ilike2Lurk]

Your DH is not a loser, a little insensitive, maybe....

A little? He SNAPPED at her when he realized he had to choose her over his buddies. And he does this “all of the time”.

How does that line up with “little insensitive”

He treats her badly. She says she ranks low on his scale of important things. That is a “little insensitive”?

Do people just have low standards in a marriage these days? Am I the only one is a relationship where I am made to feel loved and cared for all of the time (and vice versa)?


Come on DISers. I can't be the only one who finds this unacceptable.

 

[DisneyMom81]

Nah. I'd rather not. I am what I am. I tell it like it is. I don't apologize for telling the TRUTH. I don't EVER preface what I am saying with "I don't mean to be mean, but...". I am not being mean. I am giving my opinion. Why would you post about something so cruel and only expect sunshine in response?

This woman actually said that she knows she ranks low on "her husband's list of importance". He makes her feel like she doesn't matter. She really does not matter to him. He got ANGRY that he had to leave the boys to be with her while she was sick

Perhaps "loser" was an uneducated and harsh word. Again, I apologize. He is not a good husband or father, though. I am sure the OP knows that.

Then she defends him Bad cycle. She won't demand change. She will now make excuses for him.

The children will be the ones to suffer. They will be surrounded by this until she demands change. Their mother will be unhappy and their father will resent the fact that he has to leave his fun time to be with his family. She said it "happens all the time". When will she stop it?

Sad.

You are so out of line, its almost funny. You say "I am what I am" meaning your going to say whatever you want, and not really care what others think. Well heres what I think of you.

You are a sad, unhappy little "person" who sits behind a computer looking for people to attack in order to "boost" youself. I feel badly for you. I have already reported you (twice infact) for your rude and scarcastic comments, and asked for this thread to be closed. Not because I can't handle the comments, or because people aren't agreeing with me 100%, but because of your rude and totaly uncalled for additude. I hope you seek the help you need.

 

[Ilike2Lurk]

You are so out of line, its almost funny.

I did nothing but repeat everything you said

You are a sad, unhappy little "person" who sits behind a computer looking for people to attack in order to "boost" youself..

I am quite happy, thankyouverymuch I did not attack you. In fact, I believe I stood up for you

. I hope you seek the help you need.

Help? Why would I need help? You know that you need help and I am somewhat glad you are frustrated with me. It may open your eyes once the dust settles. You can't live loke this. You said it yourself--He treats you like this ALL THE TIME. Time to change that! You can do it!

You may not like my to-the-point delivery, but I am in no way, shape or form attacking you

 

[ckay87]

I'm admittedly no fan of this Lurk person, but it does seem that you are on the same side, OP. You started a thread to complain about your husband and Lurk agrees. Lurk, I would just suggest you get a thesaurasus and find some adjectives to replace "loser." I reserve the use of that term for things far more serious than a clueless husband.

 

[Ilike2Lurk]

Lurk, I would just suggest you get a thesaurasus and find some adjectives to replace "loser." I reserve the use of that term for things far more serious than a clueless husband.

I agree and have aplogized for using the classless, uneducated word "loser". There are better words.

I am on the OPs side. I am offended that her husband would have such ill feelings towards her. I went back and looked at what I said, and I honsetly do NOT think I attacked the OP? I was defending her on the bolded points (per her posts):

I'm in a damned if you do damned if you don't place here. He knows how sick I am, and that the kids are getting it to. He left this morning, and I had no problem with it. He knew he had said (before anyone was sick) that he had no desire to play the second set of games, and would be leaving, but now all of the sudden, he wants to play them. He called for me to tell him what to do, and I refused to do that - hes an adult and he can make his own decisions. I told him to do whatever he wants, and made an excuse to get off the phone. He called back about a minute later to say "happy now, I'm coming home." I said to him that I had told him that I didn't care, and do whatever you wanted, and he said to me that he KNOWS when I say that it means come home
So now I'm sick, and upset. Not only because he couldn't care less that myself and at least one of our kids is sick, but now because its MY fault that he HAD to leave his precious game. I know darn well that I would never go to a sporting event or mall or whatever if I knew everyone in my home was sick. And its not like he just got there - hes been out of the house playing for over 3 hours. Oh well, I have nothing else, I guess I really know where I/we rank on his list of importance.

ETA - My little ones are 2 & 4

Thanks so much for your post. Just adding a few things - being home sick is one thing, being home sick with sick kids is another!!!! LOL
Second, DH KNOWS he should have come home. He does this all the time. I'm not being a witch or ogar, or anything. I had no problem with him going out for the first set of games (which took 3 hours) but wanting to play another set, to me, its just to much. JMO

ETA--Sorry for my insane activity on the boards today I am under the weather myself and home sick from work. The OP's posts really hit home, as I could never imagine my DH treating me like hers did while she was feeling like this And with sick children to take care of on top of it I haven't moved from the bed and wonder what we did before laptops


OP--Don't be mad at me. Once again, I am on your side.

 

[Jennasis]

Thanks so much for your post. Just adding a few things - being home sick is one thing, being home sick with sick kids is another!!!! LOL
Second, DH KNOWS he should have come home. He does this all the time. I'm not being a witch or ogar, or anything. I had no problem with him going out for the first set of games (which took 3 hours) but wanting to play another set, to me, its just to much. JMO

Here's where you state your DH "does this all the time".

You are so out of line, its almost funny. You say "I am what I am" meaning your going to say whatever you want, and not really care what others think. Well heres what I think of you.

You are a sad, unhappy little "person" who sits behind a computer looking for people to attack in order to "boost" youself. I feel badly for you. I have already reported you (twice infact) for your rude and scarcastic comments, and asked for this thread to be closed. Not because I can't handle the comments, or because people aren't agreeing with me 100%, but because of your rude and totaly uncalled for additude. I hope you seek the help you need.

You aren't fooling anyone. If you get this thread closed, it is PRECISELY because you don't like what you are hearing, particularly from someone who is on your side, condemning your husbands actions.

I did nothing but repeat everything you said



I am quite happy, thankyouverymuch I did not attack you. In fact, I believe I stood up for you




Help? Why would I need help? You know that you need help and I am somewhat glad you are frustrated with me. It may open your eyes once the dust settles. You can't live loke this. You said it yourself--He treats you like this ALL THE TIME. Time to change that! You can do it!

You may not like my to-the-point delivery, but I am in no way, shape or form attacking you

I'm admittedly no fan of this Lurk person, but it does seem that you are on the same side, OP. You started a thread to complain about your husband and Lurk agrees. Lurk, I would just suggest you get a thesaurasus and find some adjectives to replace "loser." I reserve the use of that term for things far more serious than a clueless husband.

OP, lurk is standing up for you. YOU are defending your husbands behavior now. What a bizarre turn.

 

[dismom2]

It is great that everyone can say that their DH's are real men, wouldn't do that, or are not losers. Analyzing yourself or your husbands must make you feel great against our "losers".

However the fact remains the OP's DH did do that and she needs to know how to handle a husband like that.

Since my dh would have done something like that when the kids were little, yes, he was a "loser"....you have to tell him to "come home".

Now after almost 19yrs of marriage DH is not that way but let me tell you in the beginning of our marriage my dh was not a "real man" and could act like a loser.

Some of us come from humble beginnings.

I think only one poster (not me) called the OP's husband a loser. I replied to that person, but only was replying to the part where they said all men are not like that---because my DH is not like that. It doesn't make me feel great to analyze my DH against hers..... not in the way you are insinuating. Yes, I am glad my DH isn't insensitive when I am sick. I've been married even longer than you, and my DH is not perfect in every way, nor am I, or my kids. And we have had to work hard to be together as many years as we have---just like you.

 

[RadioNate]

I agree and have aplogized for using the classless, uneducated word "loser". There are better words.

I am on the OPs side. I am offended that her husband would have such ill feelings towards her. I went back and looked at what I said, and I honsetly do NOT think I attacked the OP? I was defending her on the bolded points (per her posts):







ETA--Sorry for my insane activity on the boards today I am under the weather myself and home sick from work. The OP's posts really hit home, as I could never imagine my DH treating me like hers did while she was feeling like this And with sick children to take care of on top of it I haven't moved from the bed and wonder what we did before laptops


OP--Don't be mad at me. Once again, I am on your side.

You were less than nice to the OP by insinuating that her DH is an uncaring loser and that she somehow allowed him to be that way. You insinuated that her DH doesn't care about her or respect her and is a selfish boor. How is that being nice to the OP.

I don't think you 'attacked' her. But telling someone that their loser of a DH is selfish and treats them with no respect isn't exactly nice.

Listen OP - I do think you are game playing with the "do whatever, I don't care" when you DO care but I also get where you'd be annoyed that your DH even called about the 2nd set of games. He WAS insensitive and a little selfish. I don't necessarily think he meant to be but he was.

As for the CB - people tell you what they think. And you might not like it.

 

[Ilike2Lurk]

But telling someone that their loser of a DH is selfish and treats them with no respect isn't exactly nice.

She said the EXACT same thing about her husband in her posts He does NOT treat her with respect. Why should we tip toe around it?

He knows how sick I am, and that the kids are getting it to.

He called back about a minute later to say "happy now, I'm coming home."

So now I'm sick, and upset. Not only because he couldn't care less that myself and at least one of our kids is sick, but now because its MY fault that he HAD to leave his precious game.

I guess I really know where I/we rank on his list of importance.

He does this all the time

 

[dismom2]

Here's where you state your DH "does this all the time".




You aren't fooling anyone. If you get this thread closed, it is PRECISELY because you don't like what you are hearing, particularly from someone who is on your side, condemning your husbands actions.







OP, lurk is standing up for you. YOU are defending your husbands behavior now. What a bizarre turn.[/QUOTE]


I agree--- a bizarre turn, for sure.
OP: If you are OK with your husbands behavior, don't complain about it then. He'll never change as long as you condone it. Talk about mixed signals. Several people were defending you, but now you are insulted and insulting one of the people who defended you. Now I'm more clear on why your DH called you....maybe he really didn't know how you felt, if this is any indication.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

Unless he is mentally impaired, her DH knew good and well he needed to get his rear end back to the house and help out. But did he do that? No, he called home and pestered her like a little boy asking his mommy if he can play with the kids down the street for just a teeeeeeeeeeny bit longer.....and probably had his bottom lip sticking out when he asked it. He wanted her to be the mommy and either give him a "get out of jail free" card or turn her into the big bad wolf by forcing her to ask him to PLEASE come home and help out.

I would have never asked him to "please" come home. More likely I would have said, "I cannot even believe you have the nerve to ask me if you can stay longer. I'm at home sick as a dog, one of the kids is getting sicker by the minute and YOU want to stay out and play. I would think any responsible husband and father would KNOW what he needed to do, but here you are calling and asking. I'm not your mama and you don't need to ask my permission to stay, but I am your wife and you will have to live with the consequences if you chose to stay and play instead of doing your job as a husband and father. You'd better think long and hard about what you do next." CLICK.

I don't believe in being passive aggressive or beating around the bush. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. Then again, my husband would never have left me and DD at home in the first place, had we been sick. It would have never crossed his mind to be so selfish. Thank God.

Don't let him turn you into the mean old mommy. Make it plain that he's an adult and he needs to act like one. Whatever decision he makes, he lives with the fallout. That's life.

You couldn't have said it better. This is not the way that adults should be communicating. It's very high school. A grown man should not be calling home and asking for permission. A responsible husband/father would not have gone in the first place never mind even thinking of staying out longer with his friends.
This is a communication issue that you both are going to have to work on or it is going to lead to a volatile future.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Sorry OP - you married a boy not a MAN.

He is acting very selfish - and you are letting him.

He needs to be your partner - not another kid. He should grow up - honestly to leave a wife home sick to go play!!!

 

[believe]

Unless my kids were at an age where they wouldn't ask me one question my DH would not leave me while I am sick. When I am that sick he knows I need total quiet and sleep to get better. Even if my kids were old enough and he went to the first game he would never call to ask to play another. My kids and I are important to my DH and he wants to care for us, even if that just means sitting around in case I need him.

 

[sbell111]

I can't imagine why he is asking to stay out. Is he 8?

He should have just sent a text which explained that he is going to play in a second game.

Let's face it, sometimes we get sick and still have to live our life. Adults can make it for a few hours without someone taking care of us.

ETA: I posted my reply after reading the OP, but before reading the rest of the thread. I have now read the rest of the thread. I still agree with what I posted, but I sure wish that I had those few minutes back.

 

[Serena]

She was home, sick, alone, with 2 young children. He told her he would play one game and come home.

He didn't. He called asking permission to do exactly what he said he would not do, like she was his mom. And then tried to make her feel guilty about it.

If he was hoping she was feeling better, he could have called and asked how she was feeling. He didn't.



OP, I think I understand your reaction to the posts. With my sister, I can say what I want, but no one else is allowed to.

But the posts here are not wrong just because you don't want to hear them. You did ask how we would feel and we answered. I am sorry we upset you.

 

[okeydokey]

I can't imagine why he is asking to stay out. Is he 8?

He should have just sent a text which explained that he is going to play in a second game.

Let's face it, sometimes we get sick and still have to live our life. Adults can make it for a few hours without someone taking care of us.

ETA: I posted my reply after reading the OP, but before reading the rest of the thread. I have now read the rest of the thread. I still agree with what I posted, but I sure wish that I had those few minutes back.

I don't think she needed someone to take care of her, but to take care of her 2 and 4 year olds (one of whom was also sick) so that she could take care of herself.

 

[manning]

I'm in a damned if you do damned if you don't place here. He knows how sick I am, and that the kids are getting it to. He left this morning, and I had no problem with it. He knew he had said (before anyone was sick) that he had no desire to play the second set of games, and would be leaving, but now all of the sudden, he wants to play them. He called for me to tell him what to do, and I refused to do that - hes an adult and he can make his own decisions. I told him to do whatever he wants, and made an excuse to get off the phone. He called back about a minute later to say "happy now, I'm coming home." I said to him that I had told him that I didn't care, and do whatever you wanted, and he said to me that he KNOWS when I say that it means come home
So now I'm sick, and upset. Not only because he couldn't care less that myself and at least one of our kids is sick, but now because its MY fault that he HAD to leave his precious game. I know darn well that I would never go to a sporting event or mall or whatever if I knew everyone in my home was sick. And its not like he just got there - hes been out of the house playing for over 3 hours. Oh well, I have nothing else, I guess I really know where I/we rank on his list of importance.

ETA - My little ones are 2 & 4

Sounds like husband needs some sensitivity training.


Message to husband. You are now married with responsibilities to family.

I would cancel everything to be home to take care of my wife. There are priorities in life.