Would you be upset if someone "stole" your present idea?

[Planogirl]

Wow, this is a tough situation...hmmmm....

When the package arrives, open it up and see if the telescope has the features you wanted. Is it a cheap 'scope that won't grab the planets in the needed detail or is it a top of the line one from a scientific supply company? Maybe if it is what your DD wants/needs, your DH should call up his mother and tell her you all appreciate her generosity, he opened it because he wanted to check for damage and the 'scope is SO nice that Santa has decided to bring it!

If it's not what your DD wants/needs, your DH calls up his mother, tells her you all appreciate her generosity, but the 'scope is not quite what her beloved g-daughter asked for and does she want him to mail it back so she can return it or wait until she comes for Christmas? And then he can suggest that Grandma get a small gift card for your DD's favorite store and your MIL & DD can go on a "just-them" special shopping trip.

Next year, don't show your problematic MIL any of the Santa gift ideas.

I can't remember...if she is bringing the 'scope with her and you can't check it out beforehand, your DH should call her, do the "appreciate generosity" spiel, tell her he has already bought DD a 'scope and maybe a gift card/shopping trip for MIL & DD would be better, something special, etc.

And, while she may be a pain and rude and inconsiderate and selfish and etc., at least she's alive and she (maybe, sort of ) tried to be nice. It looks like she knows on some level that what she did might not be appropriate, she might be dreading some sort of fireworks from *you*. If your DH heads off any possible unpleasantness and the two of you are nice...you've gained and she will probably think twice about taking over the family's Christmas reins next year.
By the way - my ILs are both dead and I wish I could show them what a wonderful grandaughter they have and how much I love their son.

agnes!

I like this way of handling it. She doesn't deserve it but it will probably keep the peace.

 

[robinb]

If your MIL is anything like my mother, she would have NO CLUE what to get the kids without asking. Did you offer her a list of things your kids wanted? Perhaps she was at a loss of what to get them. Grandparents don't live with the kids and don't know what they like and what they are into. Was it rude? You bet. But it could have been worse ... she could have not told you and you would have two telescopes. Return yours and pick up something else from Santa.

 

[talicskai]

I guess age has mellowed me. When my dd (now 16) was a baby, I can picture being really annoyed, especially if it was my mother in law who did it. But now, if someone gets my boys (now 5) a gift that I aleady got, I look to it as a chance to get them something else on their endless list. I am just happy that someone loves my kids enough to want to get them something.

It's Christmas, and being angry or vindictive isn't what the season is about.

Amen ~ be grateful that she sent them a gift. Christmas is about family, blessings and love.......for your own sake ~ let it go.

Merry Christmas!

 

[Alicnwondrln]

thi is gonna sound soo bad but I would send it back to her
LOL
that is riduclous
if you dont along would she do this just do make you mad?
my MIL but she has no $$ so she doesnt send the kids anything
good luck
id be soooo mad

 

[jenks0718]

I guess age has mellowed me. When my dd (now 16) was a baby, I can picture being really annoyed, especially if it was my mother in law who did it. But now, if someone gets my boys (now 5) a gift that I aleady got, I look to it as a chance to get them something else on their endless list. I am just happy that someone loves my kids enough to want to get them something.

It's Christmas, and being angry or vindictive isn't what the season is about.

I agree with this.

I love my mom and dad so much but they tend to "steal" my gift ideas. I used to get angry about it, but now I am just happy they have grandparents that give a heck about them. I know so many people who's families could care less if the kids get presents or not.

 

[Heather Smith]

I'd be ok with it. My MIL doesn't get my kids anything. NOTHING! If she stole my idea I would be ecstatic. She only buys gifts for her heir apparent and his child.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Anybody who does not think that MIL's can do this just out of selfishness, spite, and competition, well, they do not know my MIL!!!

DS is an only child. The one I dreamed of and planned for many many years... Things like Christmas morning.

Guess who had to get him is first bike???
He has well outgrown that one now, so this year he is getting a bigger better bike... DH was stupid enough to mention the word 'bike' when his parents asked about Christmas ideas.

You can bet that I demanded... yes, demanded, that he go back and tell his parents to NOT get DS a bike. This time, as the mom, I am going to be the one to see my sons eyes lite up when he sees that bike from Santa under OUR tree!!!

Sometimes, things like this really do matter. And, believe me, if the DH is on the parents side, that is NOT good.

If inlaws want to spend all kinds of money, then that is fine... But, it is very obvious that when Grandma and Grandpa's name is on that gift, instead of Santa Claus... well, the selfish motives are very obvious.

If Grandma and Grandpa are truly only interested in seeing that the kids get what they want, then, hey, let them send me a check. Otherwise, they should clear the gift ideas with the parents first, and get the specific brands, model numbers, colors, etc.

To the OP, I would bet good money that the telescope that your MIL is sending is nothing as nice as the one you are buying... I would simply let the kids open their Santa gifts first. Then, later, the gifts from Grandma and Grandpa. Obviously, grandma doesn't care that your DD will be opening a duplicate, and inferior gift. If she did care, sorry, but she should have cleared it with you first.

 

[tiff211]

I'd be ok with it. My MIL doesn't get my kids anything. NOTHING! If she stole my idea I would be ecstatic. She only buys gifts for her heir apparent and his child.

I agree! At least your MIL thinks about your kids. I don't even think mine knows she has another DG. But if I were you, I would probably be miffed when it first came in but I would get over it and just get something else from Santa. I am sure the list is very long of things to choose from!

 

[tiff211]

Anybody who does not think that MIL's can do this just out of selfishness, spite, and competition, well, they do not know my MIL!!!

DS is an only child. The one I dreamed of and planned for many many years... Things like Christmas morning.

Guess who had to get him is first bike???
He has well outgrown that one now, so this year he is getting a bigger better bike... DH was stupid enough to mention the word 'bike' when his parents asked about Christmas ideas.

You can bet that I demanded... yes, demanded, that he go back and tell his parents to NOT get DS a bike. This time, as the mom, I am going to be the one to see my sons eyes lite up when he sees that bike from Santa under OUR tree!!!

Sometimes, things like this really do matter. And, believe me, if the DH is on the parents side, that is NOT good.

If inlaws want to spend all kinds of money, then that is fine... But, it is very obvious that when Grandma and Grandpa's name is on that gift, instead of Santa Claus... well, the selfish motives are very obvious.

If Grandma and Grandpa are truly only interested in seeing that the kids get what they want, then, hey, let them send me a check. Otherwise, they should clear the gift ideas with the parents first, and get the specific brands, model numbers, colors, etc.

To the OP, I would bet good money that the telescope that your MIL is sending is nothing as nice as the one you are buying... I would simply let the kids open their Santa gifts first. Then, later, the gifts from Grandma and Grandpa. Obviously, grandma doesn't care that your DD will be opening a duplicate, and inferior gift. If she did care, sorry, but she should have cleared it with you first.

Hey, I think that's a good idea, also! Santa's gifts are always opened first!!!

 

[ChrisnSteph]

So is this about the look on the child's face and their excitement when they open the gifts they were hoping for, or is it about whose name is on the gift? I just don't get this. I can't believe that some posters are suggesting that you switch the names and so on. That's just spiteful and childish, and not worth causing more tension between you and your inlaws. While I might have been a little irritated at first, just use the money you would have spent on the telescope and buy other Santa list gifts. Judging by the type of gifts that were on the list, I'm guessing that your kids are older, know what "Santa" is all about and really could care less whose name is on the gift. Trust me, consider yourself lucky that you have in laws who are willing to buy nice things for your children, and next year keep your list to yourself so that this doesn't happen again.

 

[Beth76]

I see no reason the OP has to be a doormat just because it's the holidays.

 

[va32h]

Wow! I had no idea this thread would get so many responses! I posted, and went out shopping, and came back to four whole pages. I think that's a record for any thread I've started.

To answer a couple questions -- MIL was here at Thanksgiving, and that's when she saw the list. I didn't show it to her, she found it on my desk when she was logging on to check her email (so she says).

Anyway, the whole time MIL was here, I suggested that she take the kids window shopping, or look through any of the gazillion ads that came in the day-after-Thanksgiving paper for gift ideas. Or just ask them what they want - they aren't shy about telling you!

Knowing MIL as I do, I am pretty sure she wanted to be the one to give the WOW gift, which is why she bought it against my wishes.

I still don't know what I am going to do yet. I am not going to say anything until the package gets here and I see the telescope. Putting Santa's name on it is a definite possibility. MIL always sends more than one gift, so dd would not feel left out.

 

[Planogirl]

I see no reason the OP has to be a doormat just because it's the holidays.

It's not a matter of being a doormat. It's protecting the kids from unpleasant squabbling particular at this time of year. It's a matter of deciding if this battle is worth fighting and then how to go about fighting it.

Besides, there's other ways to make a point. JMHO.

 

[Marseeya]

I do this a lot in real life, too, I have mean ideas but I rarely act on them. I think it out and then I do the more diplomatic thing--but thinking about what I COULD have done just makes me feel better!

DH came up with a mean idea today that we had fun planning, but wouldn't do.

We're mad at MIL (see my post about MIL vent). DH and I were standing around the store today and he said, "I'd like to get my sister a cell phone for Christmas." She's 14. I said, "Well... okay, I guess we could get her a pre-paid plan or something. Why are we getting her a cell phone and not MIL?" He said, "MIL won't let her have a cell phone."



So for the next hour, I schemed and plotted about getting SIL a cell phone for Christmas before realizing that it would probably be too mean to SIL, as I'm sure MIL won't keep up with the minutes for her.

It was fun thinking of getting her kid something as inappropriate as she's gotten my kids over the years though!

 

[Daxx]

I'd be so tempted to return it to the store and buy something else and put Grandma's name on the tag. It'd serve her right for stepping on your toes.

In reality, b/c I am a whimp, I would just put the Santa telescope under the tree. Then, when everything is unwrapped, I'd have him open Grandma's present and tell him he can return that telescope for something else. Then he can say "well, I got a telescope from Santa first".

It would serve grandma right for infringing. She deserves one bajillion lashes w/a wet noodle!

~Daxx's Wife

 

[MI mom of 3]

My MIL did something similar when DS14 was 3. When Matt was asked what he wanted for Christmas he would only answer "Santa's bringing me a Mickey Train" That was it, the only thing he would tell anyone. But I would come along behind him and tell the family that Santa was bringing the train and gave them many other ideas. MIL asked him, of course he said "the Mickey train" So I told her DO NOT buy it. Gave her lots of other ideas, everythings fine...or so I think.

DH's family opens their gifts on Christmas Eve. Matt gets his, opens it and I almost cried I was so angry...yep, it was the Mickey Train. But you know what, Matt handled it better than anyone else. He looked confused, set it aside and didn't look at it or mention it again.

The next morning when he opened his Santa gift he was so excited and couldn't wait to open it. He 'knew' Santa was supposed to bring it.

Of course I spent all of Christmas Eve glaring at MIL who I don't think did it to be mean she is just that clueless.

 

[tiberius]

I would never let my mother do this to my wife, if you do anything your DH needs to be the one who talks to MIL, not you--you don't need to get between the two of them. Maybe MIL was honestly trying to be helpful, maybe she is mean and spiteful, I do not know, but you do, either way he should take the lead.

I thought of several of the ideas posted here already, but please just try to keep the Christmas spirit in mind while you lay down the law (gently, but firmly).

 

[Stitchfans]

Frankly, I think I'd take her name off the gift and put Santa's name on it. I'd email her back and say that it was very kind of her to buy Santa's gift this year.

That was just very rude of her--and yeah, I'd be p.o.'d.

my thoughts exactly

 

[mrsv98]

So is this about the look on the child's face and their excitement when they open the gifts they were hoping for, or is it about whose name is on the gift? I just don't get this. I can't believe that some posters are suggesting that you switch the names and so on. That's just spiteful and childish, and not worth causing more tension between you and your inlaws. While I might have been a little irritated at first, just use the money you would have spent on the telescope and buy other Santa list gifts. Judging by the type of gifts that were on the list, I'm guessing that your kids are older, know what "Santa" is all about and really could care less whose name is on the gift. Trust me, consider yourself lucky that you have in laws who are willing to buy nice things for your children, and next year keep your list to yourself so that this doesn't happen again.

To me, this isn't about wanting to be nice, it is passive-aggression at its finest. As a parent, there are certain things you dream of when you have a child and when you expressly tell someone not to interfere, that should be it. There have been times when my family has given DD too many things and I have garumphed but knowing it was done from love and not meaness, I simply put some things we had purchased away for later. This is different, this is deliberatley trying to one-up a parent. Where does it go from here? Mom says no to ears being pierced but it gets done when DD is with grandma? DD gets a cell phone or something else the parent has forbidden?

Mom and Dad are the "rulers" here and the grandparents need to take their lead from them. JMHO

 

[EthansMom]

My understanding is that telescopes are one place you don't want to go cheap. A good telescope can go into thousands of dollars...easily. In all probability, if MIL got a telescope for cheap, it's a piece of junk. You could pre-open the telescope to find out what kind it is and then do an internet search for reviews. If it's a piece of junk, don't give it to the child.