Judging by the type of gifts that were on the list, I'm guessing that your kids are older, know what "Santa" is all about and really could care less whose name is on the gift.
My kids are 9 (almost 10), 5, and 2. The nine-year old "sort-of" believes in Santa. You are right though, that she probably doesn't care whose name is on the gift.
I think I have figured out why it bothers me though - it's about EFFORT.
MIL has always been the sort of parent and grandparent who would rather spend money than time and effort. I knew my daughter would love a telescope because I've listened to her talk for hours about all the things she's learned in science class, and seen her check out book after book about astronomy from the library. Dd has never even told me that she specifically wants a telescope, but based on what I know of her, she'd love it. The one I got comes with star charts and a log you can keep of everything you've observed and a calendar of what will be visible when. It's really cool.
MIL has had numerous opportunities to find out what my kids are like and what they like. She visits us several times a year, and talks to them on the phone. But she doesn't really pay attention. She's not very observant. She'd rather do what she wants, and drag them along, than focus on what they might enjoy. And sometimes that's fine - the world shouldn't revolve around the kids all the time.
But - come Christmas time, she wants the reward of giving the "perfect" gift without putting forth the effort of paying attention and listening to the child. That's just laziness, and that's what is really annoying me.
My kids' favorite relatives in the whole world are their great-grandparents, who visit us twice a year on their way to their winter home and back. They don't bring presents, they send a small gift at Xmas, but they will sit with a child on their lap for hours and just talk and rock. They play card games and board games and tell stories. No present, no matter how expensive, is better than that.
Still not sure what I'm going to do, but at least I feel better knowing why I am really upset.
That was the last straw for me. When we got home, I explained to DH how I was feeling, that everytime we did something special for our son, that his mom came along and did something better. I don't think she did it to be mean, but it still bothered me all the same. DH understood, and told his mother that we were capable of handling the holiday stuff, and we felt like she was overshadowing our efforts. So she stopped doing that. However, she started buying him toys for no reason at all, and even one day overrode my discipline. Again, DH stepped in. She may be doing things to be nice, but it still is a problem. A child should not be expecting gifts every time he sees his grandmother (which is often), and we just plain old don't have room for all that stuff. No matter what the intentions of in-laws are, the parents should ALWAYS have the final say on their child's life. If that just means deciding what gifts come from Santa, that decision still needs to be respected by the in-laws.
This makes my troubles seem small.
