Would you be offended....

[The Mystery Machine]

Has it occured to anyone that perhaps the SIL and her kids really LIKE the casserole the OP makes?

She stated that the SIL and her children HATE the mac & cheese she makes and they only like mac & cheese "from the box".

 

[PlutoLuvr]

Generally I'm not offended when asked to bring something very specific, even to a potluck meal. I always turn to the host/hostess for specific suggestions if they don't tell me something like, "We have chicken and shrimp covered; why don't you do your roast beef for sandwiches?"

I mean, I'd rather poke and prod or just be told what to bring than end up at a party with four different types of mac & cheese on the spread. And if I've made something that rocked the house in the past and was specifically requested to bring that item, I'd feel flattered

With you being a vegi, tho, I would just go straight to the host/hostess, talk to them about the menu, what vegi items will be served that you would be able to enjoy and go from there on what you should bring. I'd ignore the SIL and her requests. If she's aware you don't eat what she asked you to bring and are often limited with options to eat at a meal like this, she's being very inconsiderate, and I wouldn't give it another thought.

If it's honestly a situation where she just loves your dish so much that you don't care for, I'd forward her the recipe and politely explain that your options are often limited on what to eat at something like a potluck, you've spoken with the host/hostess about what's being brought, and "blank" dish is what you're bringing so that you'll be able to enjoy the meal, too.

 

[Disney Doll]

No. I would assume that the hostess had sort of an idea of what she wanted the menu to be, and if people were offering to bring things, she'd be having them bring what she needed to fill out the menu.

But I don't get offended too easily either.

 

[Frantasmic]

Don't pit MIL and SIL against each other. More likely than not, MIL will acquiesce to SIL to keep the peace.

Also, your mac n cheese seems quite popular...in some circles. Don't be surprised if it isn't enjoyed by everyone everywhere. Some people on DH's side of the family may be tired of your "one trick pony" recipe.

Compromise and try something new you haven't tried before but know you will probably enjoy. It never hurts to try out new recipes, especially on guinea pig family members. And your insistance to "not do two dishes" seems kind of passive aggressive: trading two side dishes for a big family dinner isn't too bad of a trade off.

Good luck!

 

[Chattyaholic]

I'm not offended when asked to bring a particular food to a gathering.

We do Christmas Day dinner and I asked my DD to make meatballs, my DS to bring a dessert (any kind) and my DM to bring a few 2-liter bottles of soda. I ask for specifics every year. If they don't like it, THEY can host the next Christmas gathering! But apparently they don't mind being asked to bring a specific thing, because none of them have offered to have dinner at their house the next year.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I only read through page one, so not sure what you decided to do...However, since she wasn't even the hostess, yes, I think she was rude. First of all, she should have called you if she wanted to make a request. And the proper wording would have been, "I really love the broccoli casserole that you used to make. Is there any way you can make that again?" And then you can say that you don't like it. By the way, I'm also vegetarian, would rather go hungry than eat a broccoli casserole, and love homemade mac/cheese. But phrasing it the other way at least wouldn't be in insult, even if it still would be kind of out of line.

Come to my house, bring the mac/cheese! Please, no broccoli, even though most of my family would love it.

 

[mickeysgal]

I don't think she asked for the broccoli casserole because it tastes good. Just by bypassing you and asking your dh makes me think there are deeper issues than a broccoli casserole and homemade mac and cheese.

Good grief - I would think its not about any deep family issues and more simply like DH was the one who answered the phone. Thats what happens here all the time. Regardless of where its held, SIL apprears to be coordinating the menu and I guess I don't see her request as offensive. I've asked my SIL many a time to bring a certain dish - its because we like the dish and not because we're afraid she'll bring another dish that others may not like.

As others have suggested, if you pretend that DH didn't give me the message or make him prepare the dish because technically SIL told him and not the OP, to me, this is passive aggressive and going to cause more grief than its worth. Why get all stirred up over this? Just make both dishes. Certainly they're not going to stop you at the door with a one dish entry limit? Nor, will it cause tongues to wag over bringing something that wasn't assigned to you. SIL probably just doesn't want to ask you to bring two things to over obligate you. Keep it simple and don't look for any hidden meaning in this.

Besides, with all this talk about this special recipe mac and cheese its making me hungry. Can you post the recipe?? It sounds delicious.

 

[FayeW]

Maybe someone else in the family also makes really good mac and cheese, and wanted an opportunity to bring it this year.

OP, if I were you, I would call SIL and ask what the other guests are bringing. Tell her that you don't mind not bring the mac & cheese, but you don't like the broccoli casserole, and is there something else you could bring instead. Remind her that as a vegetarian your choices are limited, and that you just want to make sure there will be something you can eat. It doesn't have to be rude or confrontational, just matter of fact.

 

[azgal81]

Generally I ask the host what I should bring then bring it. I wouldn't be offended if I was told to bring something different then I was originally planning. They know the menu better then I do.

 

[TurboKitty]

Maybe someone else in the family also makes really good mac and cheese, and wanted an opportunity to bring it this year.

OP, if I were you, I would call SIL and ask what the other guests are bringing. Tell her that you don't mind not bring the mac & cheese, but you don't like the broccoli casserole, and is there something else you could bring instead. Remind her that as a vegetarian your choices are limited, and that you just want to make sure there will be something you can eat. It doesn't have to be rude or confrontational, just matter of fact.

I think this is a wonderful idea and much more mature than I am feeling at this stressful time of year! I think this is a good way to go on this.

 

[taximomfor4]

I would just make a phone call. Mention that you were planning on making your special Mac n Cheese, since party-goers seem to fly through it. Mention that Broc n Cheese was in the message given to dh...and that you don't like that. Mention that being a vegetarian, you want to make something you know you will eat so that nobody else has to worry about you, and ask for other ideas besides the broc n cheese. Perhaps nobody has wanted to hurt your feelings, but maybe more people don't like the Mac n Cheese? Or maybe someone else is already doing pasta? maybe they want to make sure some veggie dishes appear too??

Beth

 

[tinkerrn]

SIL called hubby on his cell phone and not at home. I have been sick with the flu and have a sprained foot with nerve damage. I have been having hubby do the grocery shopping. I haven't even done any christmas shopping yet. I usually bake loads of goodies this time of year, giving out at least 50 tins to friends and family. I have been unable to any of this, mainly due to my foot and now with the flu. I just haven't felt like baking/cooking. If I am not at work, I am sitting with my foot propped up and dopped up on cold meds. The thought of actually cooking anything right now just makes me exhausted and sick in my stomach. Hopefully, by Christmas the flu will be over. I told hubby last night that I'd rather make my mac and cheese. He said he'd make the brocolli casserole. He doesn't want to upset his family and 'start an issue'. This is from a man who has never baked/cooked in his life. He thought that he could buy a frozen broccoli casserole somewhere. I don't think Stouffers makes them any more. We'll see come Sunday night if he actually makes the casserole. I am just going to leave it up to him.

His family knows I am a vegetarian, and the only thing I ever find to eat is usually a roll of some type and dessert. They put ham/bacon in everything; the veggies are swimming in bacon grease. I wouldn't mind bringing a healthy dish, like a veggie tray.
They don't eat like that, they eat very artery clogging foods. Mac and chese isn't the healthiest of things, but its a traditional dish that I only make for the holidays. My family has always eaten very healthy and the mac and cheese was a comfort food that we allowed our selves on the holidays.

 

[GoofyBaseballMom26]

I must be missing something in this too. My first thought was also that his family must really enjoy your broccoli casserole and I personally always like it when someone asks specifically for something I cook. I'm always flattered . I would make both and really not think much else about it.

It's not unusual for my family to specify what someone should bring... we do it at work also because some people make really good dishes that we all like. I like it when I don't have to decide and someone else tells me what to bring!

Hope you end up feeling better and enjoy the get together.

 

[reddixie]

I am with the minority in thinking that maybe she meant it as a compliment. She loved the broccoli and cheese casserole and wanted you to make that again. Also if she called your dh's cell maybe it was just to chat. He tells her that you've been sick so instead of bothering you she tells him to tell you. I mean come on why does everything have to be about offending someone. I for one always am told what to bring. I make the mashed potatoes, deviled eggs, greens, 2 desserts, and ham. These are mandatory at all family or friend gatherings. I always add something extra that I like. This year it was a yummy squash casserole. Only 2 people ate it. Ohh well more left overs for me. I am never the host btw. I just supply half the food. They love my cooking lol. So think good thoughts. Merry Christmas.

 

[Tauwillow]

She stated that the SIL and her children HATE the mac & cheese she makes and they only like mac & cheese "from the box".

Precisely, it sounds like they are people with simple tastes, and her "gormet" mac & cheese is for a more sophisticated pallete. The OP has suggested that the broccoli dish is simpler, and it doesnt seem that far a stretch that they LIKED it for that reason.

 

[4greatboys]

No I wouldnt be offended.

 

[FayeW]

She stated that the SIL and her children HATE the mac & cheese she makes and they only like mac & cheese "from the box".

Actually, she said they didn't like it, not that they HATED it.

 

[FayeW]

SIL called hubby on his cell phone and not at home. I have been sick with the flu and have a sprained foot with nerve damage. I have been having hubby do the grocery shopping. I haven't even done any christmas shopping yet. I usually bake loads of goodies this time of year, giving out at least 50 tins to friends and family. I have been unable to any of this, mainly due to my foot and now with the flu. I just haven't felt like baking/cooking. If I am not at work, I am sitting with my foot propped up and dopped up on cold meds. The thought of actually cooking anything right now just makes me exhausted and sick in my stomach. Hopefully, by Christmas the flu will be over. I told hubby last night that I'd rather make my mac and cheese. He said he'd make the brocolli casserole. He doesn't want to upset his family and 'start an issue'. This is from a man who has never baked/cooked in his life. He thought that he could buy a frozen broccoli casserole somewhere. I don't think Stouffers makes them any more. We'll see come Sunday night if he actually makes the casserole. I am just going to leave it up to him.

His family knows I am a vegetarian, and the only thing I ever find to eat is usually a roll of some type and dessert. They put ham/bacon in everything; the veggies are swimming in bacon grease. I wouldn't mind bringing a healthy dish, like a veggie tray.
They don't eat like that, they eat very artery clogging foods. Mac and chese isn't the healthiest of things, but its a traditional dish that I only make for the holidays. My family has always eaten very healthy and the mac and cheese was a comfort food that we allowed our selves on the holidays.

So does this mean that you aren't going to call her and ask if you can bring something else instead?

 

[budbeerlady]

Ah, another fun sister in law holiday moment. I would bring whatever I had in the house to make something. I think it is rude to name the dish to bring. I am usually asked to bring a jello or something for the kids. Cool with me, I bring jello every holiday and no one asks or tells what flavor.

I am anti family at the moment so I would be snarky and bring the mac and cheese. I would explain my family doesnt really like the brocolli casserole so I brought this instead. And being a vegetarian like your self I would bring something I can eat and enjoy since it will be most likely the only thing to eat there. (I have a mother in law who hasnt figured out that being a veggie I dont eat chicken! )

 

[flying_babyb]

Ive got the family tha calls me "screwed- up" cause I wont eat the turkey!