would you be hurt/annoyed?

[collegejunkie]

i've seen some other threads asking things like this, so i figured why not. i posted another thread asking how to cheaply go to disney for the holidays (my guess is there isn't, lol).

dbf and i have always gone to disney for 2 weeks for christmastime after finals end at school. this year, i need to be away to do research overseas so i don't have the time and my money is going towards that. i asked dbf if he would like to come with me, as we can stay for free with family and they will take us to see sights and feed us, etc, so the only cost would be the plane ticket, which is cheaper than going to disney. he doesn't want to go see the country my family is from, yet doesn't mind spending the money on going some place else. i'm kind of hurt that he doesn't care about seeing where my family is from, meeting the people i've talked about or anything like that. he just says he isn't interested, but he would want to go see other places besides disney (meaning just go to a beach somewhere, not necessarily anywhere to experience a new culture or whatever). to me, the point is to spend time together so if we can make disney happen before i go, then great, but if we can't, i don't see why he won't come. after saying he wasn't interested, he said it was expensive. it's several hundred dollars less than the trip we were planning for disney, and as i said, most things are covered. so i'm not really sure, but my feelings are hurt because i'm very interested in meeting his family (who also live overseas) and seeing his country and would jump at the chance to go. i understand people are different and have different interests, but i don't understand why he doesn't want to go. i get the same responses every time i ask. am i missing something?

...rant over. worst case scenario, i go alone and just do my research, but i would love for him to come.

 

[cluvsdisney]

Could it be he doesn't want to stay with your family since he hasn't met them yet and you are going to be busy doing your research? I know that would not be my ideal way to spend my vacation. It's nothing against meeting family but I would be uncomfortable at the prospect of being alone with people I don't really know for extended periods of time.

 

[nmmom95]

I understand that you are hurt because he has a chance to meet your family, but like pp said he may be uncomfortable if you are busy, being alone with strangers. I would not really want to spend my vacation going to a country I am not interested in touring to spend time with people I don't really know.

 

[java]

What country is it?

And I agree that he may just feel like it'll be him being odd man out all week with your family. I would be uncomfortable too.

 

[Christine]

At this point, he may not want to meet/be with your family in such a manner.

I'm sure he's probably very interested in *meeting* your family but maybe at a dinner or a picnic or something? That's usually how it's first done--not with a weeks-long stay in their home. I think that's a LOT of pressure for a significant other, at first. Granted, since your family lives overseas, I realize that a "picnic" or dinner is not going to happen.

I would try not to take this too personally. It's probably more a reflection on his comfort and what he can deal with rather than not wanting to be with you and your family.

 

[Swan4Me]

Please share what country.

If it were in England, France-I'd just head to a museum all day
But if he is stuck with stangers all day-that is very uncomfortable-or it may be your country really doesnt interest him?

 

[Ceila]

Is there a language barrier? That could be an issue for him, too. If you are off doing research and he's stuck with people he doesn't know and can't easily communicate with, he might not want to go that route. And, as others have said, even if there isn't a language difference it might still be uncomfortable to be in that position. Maybe you could ask him more specifically what part is bothering him?

 

[Rora]

I can understand where he is coming from (what is going to do with your family all day while you're busy? Awkward...) but I can also understand why you're hurt.

 

[horseshowmom]

Could it be he doesn't want to stay with your family since he hasn't met them yet and you are going to be busy doing your research? I know that would not be my ideal way to spend my vacation. It's nothing against meeting family but I would be uncomfortable at the prospect of being alone with people I don't really know for extended periods of time.

^This.

 

[happygirl]

Okay is DBF dear boyfriend or dear Best friend??


maybe he's shy and doesn't feel comfortable staying with strangers, I know I wouldn't

 

[Hannathy]

How long have you been together? AND

How serious do you believe the relationship is AND how serious does HE think the relationship is?

Is he afraid you will take this as the step before marriage or a serious commitment and he isn't at that level yet ?

Are you from a culture that would take his coming home with you for a week as a prelude to an engagement/marriage?

If this is a serious lengthy relationship and this is the first/best chance to meet your family since they are over seas then yes I would be hurt, angry and confused. As a serious significant other he should want to meet and see where you are from. He doesn't have to like it or them but if he wants to be the significant figure in your life he should want to do this for you (at least once)

The only way I would excuse him is he isn't nearly as committed to this partnership as you are or his presence in your country could be dangerous to him (think a women in many Middle Eastern countries ) Or you are of a different religion/culture and your family could/would be hostile toward him.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

i've seen some other threads asking things like this, so i figured why not. i posted another thread asking how to cheaply go to disney for the holidays (my guess is there isn't, lol).

dbf and i have always gone to disney for 2 weeks for christmastime after finals end at school. this year, i need to be away to do research overseas so i don't have the time and my money is going towards that.

i asked dbf if he would like to come with me, as we can stay for free with family and they will take us to see sights and feed us, etc, so the only cost would be the plane ticket, which is cheaper than going to disney. he doesn't want to go see the country my family is from, yet doesn't mind spending the money on going some place else.

i'm kind of hurt that he doesn't care about seeing where my family is from, meeting the people i've talked about or anything like that.

he just says he isn't interested, but he would want to go see other places besides disney (meaning just go to a beach somewhere, not necessarily anywhere to experience a new culture or whatever).

to me, the point is to spend time together so if we can make disney happen before i go, then great, but if we can't, i don't see why he won't come.

after saying he wasn't interested, he said it was expensive. it's several hundred dollars less than the trip we were planning for disney, and as i said, most things are covered.

so i'm not really sure, but my feelings are hurt because i'm very interested in meeting his family (who also live overseas) and seeing his country and would jump at the chance to go. i understand people are different and have different interests, but i don't understand why he doesn't want to go. i get the same responses every time i ask. am i missing something?

...rant over. worst case scenario, i go alone and just do my research, but i would love for him to come.

Is this a "best friend" and not a "boyfriend"? It sounds like it from your post. Because if this is a boyfriend, you should break up with him if you are thinking you are in a serious relationship.

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

Is this your immediate or extended family? Has he met them before? Is there a language barrier? What are the ages of your family members with whom you'd be staying? Is it an interesting country with things for him to do during the day and in the evenings? What is he supposed to do while you're doing your work each day? Was your WDW trip already planned and did you switch things up on him, substituting a trip that works for you but in which he has no interest for a trip that he was eagerly anticipating?

Cost is not the only arbiter of whether a vacation would be "fun"; in fact, it is one of the least significant determinants, in my opinion. I can think of lots of trips that are less expensive than a trip to WDW that would hold absolutely no interest for me. And honestly, spending time with my wife's family is at the very top of that list. I love my wife more than anything in the world, but I do not enjoy her extended family, and the idea of spending an extended time with them, instead of a trip to WDW, holds no interest for me, even if I was paid for the trip! If my wife asked me to visit, I certainly would do so, and would do so willingly, but the level of implied commitment between a married couple and a dating couple is not the same (also, my wife likes her family less than I do, so it's a very safe offer!).

If none of those reasons check out, perhaps your levels of commitment to each other are not currently on the same plane? Which doesn't mean that he doesn't care for you, but could mean that pushing him into something he doesn't want to do could end badly for you and your relationship.

 

[happygirl]

Is this a "best friend" and not a "boyfriend"? It sounds like it from your post.

I was trying to decide that myself

 

[bgirl29]

I have to agree that it sounds like you have been together for years and I think he should be willing to be uncomfortable for your sake. I would feel hurt too. Will there be places he could visit on his own while you are busy doing research? I would ask for more specific reasons as to why he doesnt want to go. And maybe your levels of commitment are not the same.

 

[Rora]

It sounds like DBF is boyfriend...

 

[let'sgo]

Is this a "best friend" and not a "boyfriend"? It sounds like it from your post. Because if this is a boyfriend, you should break up with him if you are thinking you are in a serious relationship.

I agree with this. If he is a boyfriend and you have been going together for a number of years he should be willing to meet your family. It sounds to me as if he is somewhat self-centered. The trip to visit your family is less expensive than a Disney trip and yet he uses the excuse that it costs too much to visit your family. That's a tip off right there.

 

[mdsoccermom]

If it's a matter of staying with the family, I can see where he is coming from. I personally don't like staying with people - just my personal preference when we travel. I have family in France and Spain and if we were to visit them, we'd stay in a hotel, even though we are more than welcome in their homes.

He may just feel uncomfortable staying with them and then the prospect of spending all day with them while you are working. Maybe you can come to a compromise?

 

[ilovemk76]

i've seen some other threads asking things like this, so i figured why not. i posted another thread asking how to cheaply go to disney for the holidays (my guess is there isn't, lol).

dbf and i have always gone to disney for 2 weeks for christmastime after finals end at school. this year, i need to be away to do research overseas so i don't have the time and my money is going towards that. i asked dbf if he would like to come with me, as we can stay for free with family and they will take us to see sights and feed us, etc, so the only cost would be the plane ticket, which is cheaper than going to disney. he doesn't want to go see the country my family is from, yet doesn't mind spending the money on going some place else. i'm kind of hurt that he doesn't care about seeing where my family is from, meeting the people i've talked about or anything like that. he just says he isn't interested, but he would want to go see other places besides disney (meaning just go to a beach somewhere, not necessarily anywhere to experience a new culture or whatever). to me, the point is to spend time together so if we can make disney happen before i go, then great, but if we can't, i don't see why he won't come. after saying he wasn't interested, he said it was expensive. it's several hundred dollars less than the trip we were planning for disney, and as i said, most things are covered. so i'm not really sure, but my feelings are hurt because i'm very interested in meeting his family (who also live overseas) and seeing his country and would jump at the chance to go. i understand people are different and have different interests, but i don't understand why he doesn't want to go. i get the same responses every time i ask. am i missing something?

...rant over. worst case scenario, i go alone and just do my research, but i would love for him to come.

I would not want to go to a place where I had to stay two weeks with people I have never met while the person I went with was doing research.

 

[Swan4Me]

tickers to come: china this summer and disney for the holidays!

Above is on OP's siggy,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,so I guess its CHINA