Would you be concerned?

[Independent]

That might be a possibilty? I dont think so though this is our third child and we pretty much have everything from the previous two except for clothes as this one is a girl.

If they are like the women in my neighborhood, they could care less if it was the first or tenth baby. ANY excuse to get together and oohh and ahhh over baby stuff Actuallly - forget the baby stuff. Any excuse for a party. And a baby is as good an excuse as any

The only reason I mentioned it was because last year a neighbor's husband asked me to help plan a surprise party for his wife. I was a good friend, but definitley not one of her inner circle of friends. But that is exactly why he asked me - to throw off suspicion. And anybody who would have walked into one of our planning sessions would definitely have thought something was up. We always had big grins and were laughing all the time about how great it was going to be. And we would have definitely acted like we were "caught" if the wife had walked in. But just because we would have felt guilty about perhaps our great surprise being found out.

But as the others have said - trust your gut and talk to your husband.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

This is a red Flag alert. Maybe not on your husband's part but definatley on her part. She was very disrespectful to come to your house without you being there and she clearly knew that you weren't there. If you are toying with this then just ask yourself, what is she doing there without you? Why was she aloof with you at the party? why did she have that kind of reaction when you returned home from the party? why wasn't her husband at the party? how did she act on other occassions while in your husband's company? You may not be concerned about your husband's reactions to her behavior right now, but women have a way of manipulating. You don't want this to keep going because it isn't just you that she is doing this in front of, your nieghbors may be talking too. You need to nip this in the bud. I understand that you don't want a big blow out because you guys do things together, but maybe you could take her aside and tell her that you felt uncomfortable with her being at your home while you are not there. Although i amd sure that you are ready to jump down her throat, you might take a different approach and try being more of a support to her and ask if things are ok at home and offer suggestions that she could use to make her own relationship better. Maybe this is something that will work for you. Good luck!

 

[VirtuallyMe]

Definitely talk to your husband about it... let him know that you are concerned with HER behavior and that yes- hormones may be making it worse but that you wanted to make sure he knew what it looked like to you... "that this woman was flirting with your dh while being standoffish to you"

And like others have said let him know that you love him and didn't feel he was doing anything wrong- but that she was sending out major bad vibes.

And then I'd minimize my (and dh's) exposure to the woman.

I don't think I would confront the women unless it seemed to continue- even with you trying to limit contact with her... in other words she would really have to go on the offensive to flirt with your husband and then I'd step in and tell her to back off.

Oh- and I do expect your husband is completely clueless to her flirty ways- I've found many (mine included) just don't see it... especially if it is the farthest thing from their own feelings.

(((HUGS)))

 

[Cindy's Mom]

I would give my DH a heads up (he's pretty dense about that stuff anyway) BUT....if she kept it up; I would talk to her FOR SURE.

 

[golfgal]

I would also give your DH a heads up since he seems to be obvlivious to it. I wouldn't do it in an accusatory tone but more like "well, Jane seems to have a crush on you, you might want to be careful being alone with her because you never know what she might do to you".

 

[Banshee]

yes that would be a good way of putting it.

 

[magicmato]

I agree with what other posters have said. I personally would mention to my husband what I noticed and ask him to watch out and let her know he is not interested.

If your husband truly is not interested and has YOUR best interests at heart, he can easily put her in her place and tell her to back off. No one, especially a husband, wants to deal with an over-emotional pregnant woman!

 

[Brianne]

I'd mention it. My DH is very dense about this sort of thing---BTDT, but it was with a co-worker years ago. He still laughs about how dense he was about that situation.

As long as you approach it in the right manner (I know you wouldn't go in with both barrels & accuse him of anything!), I'm sure he'd appreciate the heads-up. As for talking to her, I personally wouldn't. I'd just limit the amount of time spent with them in the future & wouldn't leave her alone with him at any point. You never know what she could come back & say, you know?

 

[TishaB]

I'm just guessing here....but I believe your husband is sensing something himself... Notice he did not invite her over or encourge her to stay. Trust your husband he sounds like a very sweet man....just clueless..lol.

 

[Banshee]

You never know what she could come back & say, you know?

Eeek that is a scary thought that never crossed my mind!! What bugs me the most though is how someone can be so insensitive. She knows what has been going on in my life lately and it is like beign kicked when your down.

 

[va32h]

I'm just guessing here....but I believe your husband is sensing something himself... Notice he did not invite her over or encourge her to stay. Trust your husband he sounds like a very sweet man....just clueless..lol.

I think the husband is more than sensing something. The way he cheerfully said goodbye "and be sure to say hi to your hubby.." Sounds like he knew the score and was giving her a hint.

I would say something to your husband - but not in a serious, worrisome way. I would be lighthearted about it, maybe telling him what a desirable man he is, as evidenced by the neighbor throwing herself at him.

You trust your husband - you know nothing is going to happen. Don't let her behavior spoil your marriage.

 

[FreshTressa]

I'd just keep an eye on it and trust your DH. It is not out of hand yet.

Confronting her just makes you look like a jealous freak.

If it continues, I'd mention something to DH and request that he give her the cold shoulder or just not encourage conversations.

 

[Banshee]

No I dont paln on saying anything to her yet. If it continues then yes I am going to say something.I dont want to look like a fool to her and her to think her actions are not noticed.

 

[horseshowmom]

No I dont paln on saying anything to her yet. If it continues then yes I am going to say something.I dont want to look like a fool to her and her to think her actions are not noticed.

Leave her out of it. This is for your husband to handle (mainly by making sure he steers clear of her). No matter what you say, she'll deny it and try to make you look like an insecure clinging wife.

Do as the others have said and tell your husband what you noticed (at both the party and at home). This woman isn't planning a party for you, she's planning a party for your husband. If he didn't catch on, he needs to be made aware of what "might" be her intentions.

My DH was married before. His ex couldn't remember whose bed she was supposed to be in. He was her first husband (she's now had 7 husbands and that doesn't count live-in BF's). After about the 3rd husband, I warned him that she was trying to flirt with him. He, of course, thought that was ridiculous. He thought that right up until some mutual friends told him that she was making the remark that she was going to dump her current husband and go get my DH back. Shortly thereafter, she asked to meet him "to discuss their children". She made it very plain what she wanted, and he wasn't very nice to her ( ). She didn't take it very well.

A friend of mine had an acquaintance who was "very" friendly to the husband (they visited every morning when they dropped their children off at school) but not to her. My friend warned her DH about the woman. He thought she was being silly. He changed his tune when the other woman started suggesting they get together after dropping off the kids.

That woman is trouble (or at least she wants to be which is no fault of your husband's).

 

[RSoxFan]

You could always make a joke out of it with your DH. Kind of like "Oh, you're so handsome all of the neighborhood Desperate Housewives are throwing themselves at you! You'd better watch out." I don't necessarily think he "gets it" just because he mentioned her hubby. That could have just been him being friendly.

 

[disneymom3]

I think the husband is more than sensing something. The way he cheerfully said goodbye "and be sure to say hi to your hubby.." Sounds like he knew the score and was giving her a hint.

I would say something to your husband - but not in a serious, worrisome way. I would be lighthearted about it, maybe telling him what a desirable man he is, as evidenced by the neighbor throwing herself at him.

You trust your husband - you know nothing is going to happen. Don't let her behavior spoil your marriage.

Having been there done that, I will say I agree with this assesment. He is probably feeling a bit uncomfortable but in the way of the dense husband (no offense guys, we love you dearly) figures he is imagining it. DH went through this same thing with a woman in our circle. I knew she had a major crush on him (and she was single!) but he was not catching on. For awhile I said nothing just sort of watched things to see if I was nutso. One night he came home from a meeting that they were both at and said,"I have to talk to you. You are going to think I am nuts, but I think "Jane" has a crush on me." I calmly said, "Yeah, I know." And he looked at me shocked. He ended up saying that he wished I would have said something to him because he would have been putting up clearer signals. I said it wasn't like he was putting up any signals at all. He adores me (if I do say so myself) and it's obvious to anyone who sees us together. He was just being his normal self.

So, if I were to point it out should it happen again, I would say something along the lines of "Looks like so and so is trying to move in on my turf." And then that could segue into a more serious conversation. Actually, looking back on it, I would say something for sure. There were a few times even after he realized she was flirting that he took things she did too lightly. (Like her asking him to teach her how to dance to some song. I let him know after that one that he would not be dancing with anyone but me, his mom or his sister ever again. )As soon as I pointed it out he realized that it was not part of being a nice guy and made sure there was a lot of distance there.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Always trust your gut. I'd sit down with my husband too and talk about it with him.

I am sure your dh knows and talking about it will help you and him. Then minimize contact for awhile. I am sure she will find someone else to latch onto.

 

[RitaZ.]

Leave her out of it. This is for your husband to handle (mainly by making sure he steers clear of her). No matter what you say, she'll deny it and try to make you look like an insecure clinging wife.

I agree.

Men think that they're so sharp and with it when it comes to women and flirting, but the reality is that they're not. Women are very good at dropping hints, men are very bad at interpreting them. In fact, it takes something like this (pretend the computer is a male head) for them to get it.

 

[Sherri]

I would bring it dh's attention (i'm with you my dh would not have a clue if someone was flirting with him or just being friendly) so I think you should tell him what you told us in your original post. Then maybe he can give her the old brush off.

 

[Banshee]

Well, I talked to my DH and no he didn't notice But he did agree with me to not ever be alone with her and he was a little peeved by it (not at me, at her) because he like's her hubby. He reassured me he would never cheat that he loves me and he would never hurt and disgrace me like that or hurt our family. I told him I already knew that, he feel's like I do too!! He said geez why would she even think that I would do something like that? I think I make it pretty clear to everyone that you are my life He also said why would she act like this ever, but especially now with a baby on the way and your dad passing away? I just said I dont know why well, I am just glad he understands how I feel and agree's with me. ( I knew he would) Thanks it was nice to have so many post's that confirmed my feelings, it leads me to believe I am not crazy after all!!