Would you be annoyed?

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

I'm still trying to figure out why this would annoy or anger someone in the first place.

If this is rude according to the south, I think I will stay up north were people don't get angry over someone ordering themselves a drink.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

OK, how about replacing "etiquette book" with "basic human decency"? Personally, I have never read an etiquette book in my life, although I do have a sense of the latter. You're welcome.

If that is how YOU look at things, how would that translate into your scenario of "special request" guests? I never said I would accomodate their special requests if it weren't possible, but I certainly wouldn't get ANGRY at them.

You singled me out, so I answered you. No personal vendetta, I answered your question. Yes, we seem to have confilicting ideals. so be it.

alright. well DH has a cousin who's daughter will ONLY eat pizza rolls during any family functions. her daughter refuses to eat anything, even tho when we're at restaurants she'll order from the menu. so my DSIL, last thanksgiving, not only cooked thanksgiving dinner for 40 people, she also had to put off eating HER dinner, because the little one wanted "pizza rolls" and refused to eat anything, so she went and made them.

i'm sorry, but in THAT situation, i think it's rude. the child obviously can eat other things, there's no reason to make someone go out of their way, in that situation, to make her something else. she could have eaten potatoes or a roll or some veggies...SOMETHING instead of making her go and make the kid pizza rolls.

when we came home i told DH "i didn't think that was right" but that was the end of the conversation. i don't think i was "wrong" for saying what i thought to my DH. and i didn't think i was being "rude" to anyone, either. i never said one word to anyone in the family about what i thought.

 

[Scurvy]

The good Southern manners I have learned are that the guests should be welcomed and made to feel comfortable. This is also the rule of proper etiquette. You don't get angry at your guest for asking for something different than what is offered, for many reason.

That's what I've learned, as well. I've also learned that it's rude to make your host feel as though they aren't showing you enough hospitality. I assume that the OP thought she was providing a wide enough array of choices for her guests. She could have only provided her favorite drink and expected everyone to make do with that, but she provided lots of choices instead. I understand that not everyone would have found their favorite drink on that list of choices, but to let your host know that you aren't happy with what they are providing is rude. If you could subtly get a drink that you like better without being obvious about it, that would be completely different. But ordering something else in front of the hosts and other guests was rude, in my opinion. They weren't out in the restaurant but were in a private room, and presumably they weren't given the standand menu to order from. Ordering something other than what the host has provided could be seen as being critical of the host's hospitality. This doesn't include situations where you can't eat or drink something because of allergies, of course. In a case like that guests really need to make the host aware of their dietary restrictions in advance so the host can provide adequate food and drink for them.

 

[Cornhusk]

I think that he did it just to annoy you on your hubbys special night and that is not right

How is ordering another drink ruining someone's "special day"? At least he didn't make a fuss about having another drink. Also, the BIL didn't seem to maliciously annoy the OP but just ordered another drink that he paid. It appears that the OP choose to be annoyed for something that isn't even a big deal, if it were one of the husband or her friends who had chosen to order a different drink I bet she would not have even gave it a second thought but the annoyance was created because it was the BIL who did it.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I'm still trying to figure out why this would annoy or anger someone in the first place.

If this is rude according to the south, I think I will stay up north were people don't get angry over someone ordering themselves a drink.

All I got out of it is that it is "human" to get annoyed or angered by someone.

What I don't get is if they know this will occur, why are they not just choosing to ignore it or make light of it and why they need public validation that they are not overreacting to what appears to be a quite unchangable person.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

Really? He told her this?

I have an evil stepmother--but one thing is for certain....she doesn't do it to anger or annoy people. That's just the unintended result.

no one "admits" to doing things to anger people....obviously. but you know they're doing it JUST to do it. they like to get a rise out of people.

so i'm sure you've gotten ANGRY with your stepmother at times, right?? even over stupid things, just because she annoyed you so much? it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it....it doesn't make you a bad person for getting angry over something stupid. i'm sure you agree with that.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

please. i'm sure you've had people at your house that you weren't THAT fond of and they did things to make you angry.

i'm NOT saying that you've yelled at them or have made them feel uncomfortable. i'm saying that you didn't care for them, they were just there with a friend or a family member of yours, and after they left you mentioned to SOMEONE "ugh, i can't believe they acted like that!"

that's not "inappropriate" or "being a bad host/hostess" that's being human.

I don't invite people I don't like to my house. If someone did something offensive, I would be irritated or angry depending on the degree of the offense. I would not put asking for a special drink on that list.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

i don't think everyone in the world needs therapy over getting angry. you're allowed to be angry.

i don't think the OP said she mentioned it to them DURING dinner, that she was angry about it. she expressed afterwards that she was angry. that happens to me all the time. i'll be out with my DH, someone will do something stupid and i'll tell him later "i can't believe they did that" and then that's it. i don't think it's "inappropriate" afterwards to just be like "wow...that was stupid. whatever."

i think the OP was more VENTING than anything else. there's no need to tell her "OMG YOU SHOULDN'T BE ANGRY WITH THAT!"

we've all gotten angry over stupid things. it happens. it's nothing to feel wrong about.

and i wasn't making a "leap" i was asking a question, as i stated right in that comment. i said "i know it's not the same, i'm just wondering about...." because i was shocked that someone said "no i NEVER get mad at ANYTHING" so i gave a different scenario to see what the response would be.

Read the OP's first post. She specifically asked if she is over reacting and if anyone else would be annoyed at the situation she presented.

99.99% of the responders said, "yes, you are overreacting."

She asked a specific question, she got answers.

 

[Boxley]

alright. well DH has a cousin who's daughter will ONLY eat pizza rolls during any family functions. her daughter refuses to eat anything, even tho when we're at restaurants she'll order from the menu. so my DSIL, last thanksgiving, not only cooked thanksgiving dinner for 40 people, she also had to put off eating HER dinner, because the little one wanted "pizza rolls" and refused to eat anything, so she went and made them.

i'm sorry, but in THAT situation, i think it's rude. the child obviously can eat other things, there's no reason to make someone go out of their way, in that situation, to make her something else. she could have eaten potatoes or a roll or some veggies...SOMETHING instead of making her go and make the kid pizza rolls.

when we came home i told DH "i didn't think that was right" but that was the end of the conversation. i don't think i was "wrong" for saying what i thought to my DH. and i didn't think i was being "rude" to anyone, either. i never said one word to anyone in the family about what i thought.

So what does that have to do with this situation? You are bringing up examples of people ordering food at someone's house, not at a resturant. This situation occured at a resturant where guests come and order food or drinks that requires no labor from the host.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

when we came home i told DH "i didn't think that was right" but that was the end of the conversation. i don't think i was "wrong" for saying what i thought to my DH. and i didn't think i was being "rude" to anyone, either. i never said one word to anyone in the family about what i thought.

But you didn't overreact either.

When it comes to my kiddos--if there is a problem with the meal, I take it upon myself
(after gaining permission!) to make an item that my kid will eat if it is blatantly clear to me that my son will not eat what is presented (at present, just my 3yo--my others eat whatever is presented, but we are working on food with my son).

I haven't been to a thanksgiving though that was a big family gathering and 1 person did ALL the cooking. Everyone pitches in in one way or the other. (Kinda think that was rude of everyone--but I digress!)

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

really? who has a dinner party without knowing who likes what? I think that it is rude for people to expect everyone to like/eat what you are offering to GUESTS. I make sure everyone has an offering they would enjoy. Then again, I guess that's just northern hospitality

Hey, I'm from both-28 years in Detroit, and 24 in SC and GA. The basics are really just common sense and the golden rule, right?

 

[Mickey's Minion]

different strokes for different folks. .

Really? Yet you just told me that I was stupid for ordering a $15.00 glass of wine in a restaurant.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

I don't invite people I don't like to my house. If someone did something offensive, I would be irritated or angry depending on the degree of the offense. I would not put asking for a special drink on that list.

so do you have any siblings?? if so, they never had a boyfriend/girlfriend that they were with that you JUST DIDN'T LIKE but you invited because it was the "nice" thing to do?? *that southern hospitality should shine in this instance*

or maybe a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend that you're not too fond of but you invite them over anyway because that's really the only way you'll be able to see your friend?

i've had friends who have had boyfriends/girlfriends i really didn't care for, but i still invited them over because i knew it would make my friends happy and i thought it would be nice to see my friend.

and sometimes you can't PICK who your brother/sister/whomever in your family ends up with. sometimes you JUST don't like them but there's nothing you can do about it. but you still invite their SO over along with them so you can see them, because i think it would be rude to say "i don't like so-and-so....you can come but leave them at home"

 

[tinkerbell198530]

Hey, I'm from both-28 years in Detroit, and 24 in SC and GA. The basics are really just common sense and the golden rule, right?

No I am trying to do the same thing for my wedding I am going to do it buffet style so I can have a little of everything

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

alright. well DH has a cousin who's daughter will ONLY eat pizza rolls during any family functions. her daughter refuses to eat anything, even tho when we're at restaurants she'll order from the menu. so my DSIL, last thanksgiving, not only cooked thanksgiving dinner for 40 people, she also had to put off eating HER dinner, because the little one wanted "pizza rolls" and refused to eat anything, so she went and made them.

i'm sorry, but in THAT situation, i think it's rude. the child obviously can eat other things, there's no reason to make someone go out of their way, in that situation, to make her something else. she could have eaten potatoes or a roll or some veggies...SOMETHING instead of making her go and make the kid pizza rolls.

And how is this anything like ordering and paying for your own drink? Like I said before the OP was in no way put out or inconvenienced by the BIL actions. A rational human being should not be angered by someone choosing to drink something else.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

no one "admits" to doing things to anger people....obviously. but you know they're doing it JUST to do it. they like to get a rise out of people.
so i'm sure you've gotten ANGRY with your stepmother at times, right?? even over stupid things, just because she annoyed you so much? it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it....it doesn't make you a bad person for getting angry over something stupid. i'm sure you agree with that.

Not everyone though.

And while the answer to whether I get angered by her--yes, I still do--but I have also learned that there are some things that warrant anger (hello death announcement, why did they not tell me!!!!!) and other things that warrant laughing over her blatant disregard for common manners and decency.

But alas--the OP asked if she was overreacting and it seems most are in agreement that she did.

Does it make her a bad person? No, it doesn't.

But you can't change other people, you can only change herself.

This is guaranteed to happen again in the future and she has the choice to be the bigger person and just let it go.

It doesn't mean we haven't gotten mad in the past or wont' get mad in the future--but it seems that each of us have repeat rude offenders in our families and since we cannot change them, the best thing to do is let it go.

OP didn't ask if she was a bad person--she asked if she overreacted. I and others stand by our statements that she overreacted and all of your presented scenarios and hyptotheticals have nothing to do with her situation as presented.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Really? Yet you just told me that I was stupid for ordering a $15.00 glass of wine in a restaurant.

I thougth that was only implied?

 

[Mickey's Minion]

i wanna know who said they weren't speaking to their guests beforehand about what they like??? no one said that.

all i'm saying is, that's how i was raised. someone else said "i was raised to do this." so i replied with how i was raised.

the only time i wouldn't eat something while i was at someone's house is if i was allergic. generally people make things that most people would like to eat like chicken or pasta, anyway.

And now you presume to know what everybody makes for their guests?

I can't remember a dinner party that had chicken and pasta and cheap wine.

Last one I went to was Beef Tenderloin with Bearnaise sauce, quail and other not usual home cooking accompaniments.

The wine served was a Cakebread Cab.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

So what does that have to do with this situation? You are bringing up examples of people ordering food at someone's house, not at a resturant. This situation occured at a resturant where guests come and order food or drinks that requires no labor from the host.

this has been an ongoing part of the conversation thruout the thread. people have brought up both being out at a restaurant AND being at home as a host/hostess.....if you're gonna get angry, get angry at everyone about it, not just me.

But you didn't overreact either.

When it comes to my kiddos--if there is a problem with the meal, I take it upon myself
(after gaining permission!) to make an item that my kid will eat if it is blatantly clear to me that my son will not eat what is presented (at present, just my 3yo--my others eat whatever is presented, but we are working on food with my son).

I haven't been to a thanksgiving though that was a big family gathering and 1 person did ALL the cooking. Everyone pitches in in one way or the other. (Kinda think that was rude of everyone--but I digress!)

now see that's EXACTLY what i thought should have happened! the MOM should have done something beforehand so the hostess wouldn't have to go out of her way to make something else. now that, i can completely agree with you on.

that's how the family is tho. if someone hosts a holiday, they usually make most of the food. that's how they LIKE it tho. because i CONSTANTLY ask what i can bring, and they always say "just yourselves!".....usually i'll bring something anyway like a pie for dessert or a salad or something. but that's just how their family does things.

Really? Yet you just told me that I was stupid for ordering a $15.00 glass of wine in a restaurant.

....point me in the direction of where i called you stupid, please.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

so do you have any siblings?? if so, they never had a boyfriend/girlfriend that they were with that you JUST DIDN'T LIKE but you invited because it was the "nice" thing to do?? *that southern hospitality should shine in this instance*

or maybe a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend that you're not too fond of but you invite them over anyway because that's really the only way you'll be able to see your friend?

i've had friends who have had boyfriends/girlfriends i really didn't care for, but i still invited them over because i knew it would make my friends happy and i thought it would be nice to see my friend.

and sometimes you can't PICK who your brother/sister/whomever in your family ends up with. sometimes you JUST don't like them but there's nothing you can do about it. but you still invite their SO over along with them so you can see them, because i think it would be rude to say "i don't like so-and-so....you can come but leave them at home"

It's all irrelevant.

She's stuck.

She can choose to get over it--

Or choose to try and prove that she is justified to overreact each and every time he gets her goat.